77 Living in hope
Word Soap: As The World Keeps Turning
Author: SYLnl
Title: #77 Living in hope
Rating: PG13
Summary: “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.” - Albert Einstein
Big Thanks To: ltklo, for brushing up my grammar
Previously on As The World Keeps Turning:
#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 #10 #11 #12 #13 #14 #15 #16 #17 #18 #19 #20
#21 #22 #23 #24 #25 #26 #27 #28 #29 #30 #31 #32 #33 #34 #35 #36 #37 #38 #39 #40 #41 #42 #43 #44 #45 #46 #47 #48 #49 #50 #51 #52 #53 #54 #55 #56 #57 #58 #59 #60 #61 #62 #63 #64 #65 #66 #67 #68 #69 #70 #71 #72 #73 #74 #75 #76
He had watched some TV, he had tried to read a book, but basically he was just too tired to do anything. So after a shower - alone, no fun at all - he had dropped himself in bed. It had felt a little strange to see Luke leave that evening, all dressed up, but his relief had been even bigger. Relief that Luke hadn’t tried to change Reid’s mind about staying home and relief that Luke hadn’t ignored his own wish to spend some time with Casey.
He felt his body slowly relaxing and the warmth of the covers made him drowsy. He welcomed the upcoming slumber and didn’t even try to fight it. He fell asleep with a content smile on his face.
As quiet as possible, Luke made his way to the bedroom. His jaw hurt from all the laughter. What a night. Casey had been as crazy as ever and his personal view on Carbondale life had been simply hilarious. Luke almost chuckled out loud, thinking about it. Yeah, this had been a good night.
He walked into the room and smiled when he saw Reid’s sleeping face. It had been great going out, but it was also great coming home. He tiptoed to Reid’s bedside lamp and when he turned it off, he felt long fingers on his arm.
“Hey,” Reid was obviously still on the edge of unconsciousness and Luke softly kissed him.
“Hey. Go back to sleep.”
Reid nodded slowly. “Had fun?”
Luke softly stroke Reid’s cheek. “I did.”
He undressed within seconds and moaned a little when his body touched the cold bedding. When he saw Reid moving up to him, he gave him fair warning.
“I’m cold…”
Reid’s voice was still soft and sleepy. “Come here.”
Luke didn’t protest and their embrace made him smile and warm. He could feel Reid’s fingers softly sliding over his ring finger. Luke wasn’t sure if he should welcome this tender gesture or be worried about it. Especially because Reid started doing that after the whole ring incident. Did Reid need confirmation the ring was still there?
It made him move even closer to his doctor and he nestled up against the bare chest. Reid responded with a soft moan.
“Too cold?” Luke whispered and Reid opened one eye.
“You? You’re too hot,” he snorted and they both chuckled.
“I never imagined that would even be in your vocabulary…too hot.”
“It is when I really want to sleep some more…” Reid groaned, while his hand found it's way to Luke’s thigh.
“You know what…” Luke cupped Reid’s cheek. “How about you just lay back and relax…” his softly kissed Reid’s lips, “…letting me do all the work…” his lips left a trace of kisses on his way down, “and let me blow…” he gave Reid a wicked grin, “off some steam…”
Reid didn’t answer in words, but his body was doing the talking and Luke enjoyed his power, the tugging fingers in his hair and their shivering bodies. He quickly took some items from his nightstand and smiled when he looked at Reid. His eyes were closed, his body relaxed. Trusting. There was that word again.
While his tongue found some spots that made Reid make approving throaty sounds, Luke lost himself in an overwhelming sense of knowing. No new revelations. No light bulb moments. No choir of angels above his head. It was more like a strong powerful bolt in his spine. Reid was trustworthy. Reid was not Noah. Not Damian. Not Holden. Not Kevin. Reid was trustworthy. And when Luke finally made his way up to Reid’s face again, Reid was also very satisfied. And so was he.
When Luke woke up, the bed was empty. When he pulled Reid’s pillow to his chest, he noticed the condom wrapper that fell off. He frowned. Why was the wrapper on Reid’s pillow? He grabbed it and then laughed when he spotted the xxx R. on the plastic packing.
Yep, Dr. Reid Oliver was definitely more romantic than he thought he was. Luke grinned. Although this loving gesture would not be shared with his grandmother.
He stretched, felt incredible lazy and decided to enjoy that. He had cleared his schedule to give his body the rest it required and it gave him a sense of freedom. He had the whole day ahead of him. Okay. Not quite. He hugged Reid’s pillow and inhaled his scent. It was pretty late, actually. His stomach reminded him of his promise to Reid to take better care of himself, so he forced himself out of bed, strolled into the kitchen, made himself a bowl of cereal and found his way back to the bedroom. Yes. Lazy was pretty good.
His phone woke him up again and his groggy response made the female voice sound worried.
“Are you still not feeling well?”
“I’m okay, mom. I was out with Casey, last night, and it got kinda late.”
“With Casey? Reid didn’t go?”
“We’re not joined at the hip,” Luke sighed.
Lily bit her lip. Somehow she lost the capability to communicate with her own son.
“I wasn’t criticizing, Luke. I was just surprised. As I was yesterday and that’s why I’m calling.”
Ah yes, the gift had arrived. Luke forgot about that.
“Of course we appreciate the gesture and the gift, but we don’t know what we did to deserve it.”
“Yeah, Reid had to explain that one to me too,” Luke answered calmly, leaving no doubt about the initiator.
“This was Reid’s idea?”
“Sending the gifts was my idea, putting you two on the list was Reid’s.”
“I don’t get it…” Lily’s voice sounded thrown.
“Reid feels gratitude towards the both of you for giving me life.”
Luke listened while Lily passed his words on to someone else and then he heard Damian’s voice on the background.
“That’s very Reid.”
Luke smiled. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing after all, Damian living with Lily. He knew his father respected Reid, so who knows… maybe he could convince his mother to give Reid the benefit of the doubt.
“Did you hear,” Lily asked Luke, “Damian thinks it’s very Reid.”
“I heard. And I agree. What do you think?”
“I don’t know what to think, to be honest. You two are so intense… It scares me. I’m afraid you will get hurt beyond repair.”
“The sad part is, mom… I’m recently discovering how damaged I already am. But Reid had nothing to do with that. The damage had been done before he ever came to Oakdale.”
“What do you mean?” Lily’s whisper suggested she knew what was coming.
“The way you, Holden and Damian have been interacting my whole life, has given me a distorted view on life, on love and on commitment.”
“I see,” Lily felt cornered. She knew she set some bad examples. Hell, Dr. Michaels made sure she faced her mistakes one by one. But admitting that…
“I’m not passing blame,” Luke continued. “But I do want you to realize that Reid is not responsible for my current insecurities. If anything, Reid is my biggest cheerleader.”
For a minute he saw Reid jumping around with multicolored pompoms and grinned.
“I know,” Lily replied to Luke’s surprise. “I really do know. I acknowledge his love for you, Luke. But he…” she took a deep breath, “he’s so superior.”
“He is,” Luke smiled. “That’s one of the reasons he will be Chief of Staff soon. He has this natural superiority that make nurses walk twice as fast and doctors do that little extra. He’s a leader, yes, but not a dictator. He never ever told me what to do. He shares his opinions, but my decisions are my own. He treats me like a equal adult, even when I behave like a five year old.”
Lily chuckled. “Funny you say that, because that’s exactly how I feel around him. Like a five year old.”
“I know,” Luke teased, “but is that Reid’s fault or is that your own lack of self-esteem?”
“Ouch. You could take over for Dr. Michaels.”
“Not really, I’m seeing her too.”
“You do? She never mentioned that.”
“I’m glad,” Luke smiled, “because it wouldn’t have been her place to tell.”
“You’re right, of course,” Lily sounded worried, “But are you okay?”
“I’m going to be,” Luke sounded calm. “But as I said before…I’ve become aware that I have a distorted view on life, on love and on commitment. But mostly I have a distorted view of myself. Whenever Reid is pointing out my good qualities - and for your information, he does that a lot - somehow I feel this immediate need to trivialize them. So I need some help with that and Dr. Michaels is the best I know.”
“Yes, she is,” Lily agreed. “She is painfully direct, but that’s what I need.”
“Is it helping?”
“Yes, it is. She helps me to make sense of everything, without judgment. But still, it’s hard to admit to the mistakes. So sometimes it takes a while before I’m willing to acknowledge my responsibility. But we’re getting there.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” Luke meant every word of it. He would love to have a normal, loving, relationship with his mother.
“Did you make plans for Thanksgiving?”
“Yes, Reid and I will be on the farm,” Luke felt for his mother. She always loved Thanksgiving in Emma’s kitchen.
“I’m glad,” Lily sounded sincere. “So this will be Reid’s first Snyder Holiday...”
Luke laughed. “Yep. His inauguration.”
“I’m sorry I’ll miss that,” Lily said softly, “But everybody already loves Reid, so I’m sure it will be a great day.”
“Yeah, it will be. It will be strange without you.”
“Thanks for saying that. I’m glad Damian is here. We’ll have a celebration of our own. Thanks to you and Reid we will not starve to death.” Lily chuckled.
“I’m happy to hear that,” Luke teased. “I hope you’ll both have a special day.”
“Thank you, Luke. You too. Both of you. And please send Reid our love and gratitude.”
Luke felt a warm glow in his chest. “Thanks, mom. I will.”
After putting his phone on his bedside table, he leaned back and put his hands behind his head. For the first time in a long time he felt hope.