Dear Diary~ [Page 56 - Yoochun]
Title: Dear Diary~
Author: k_chan!
Disclaimer: ....Yep....it's disclaimed...xD
Parts: [56/??] I mean...there's not much plot so I'll probably just go with it. xDD
Pairings: So far Yoosu...Yunjae...Jaemin...Jaesu...Jaechun...Jaechul...xDDD
Genre: crack....with a tiny smidgeon of angst in the middle. o.o *runs*
Rating: PG/PG-13
Summary: A collection of journal entries from the boys of DBSK. Let's get inside their heads. ^.~
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Yoochun's Diary~
Dear Diary,
Just got back from downstairs. Playing DDR with the kids from downstairs. Man, that Taeming is a DDR demon. It was good cardio but I don't know how it will help the muscles I'm trying to develop. But I bet if I keep trying, I'll defeat Changmin and his budding triceps.
YOU WILL NOT WIN, MIN!!
Speaking of Changmin...
He's a jerk.
...
Well, he is!
How dare he be all young and innocent and deny me my sex life with Junsu's butt.
HOW DARE HE, I SAY?!
So, I've devised a plan.
Yesh...
I was sitting in my room eating celery (They'll give me jaw muscles!) and thinking about Junsu and ignoring Jaejoong who kept banging on my door and begging me to help him convince Yunho to buy him a hairclip he found online, when I had a thought.
What do I like about Junsu?
So I composited a list in my head of all the things I like about Junsu.
It took a while. Actually, I stayed in my room thinking about it until waaaay past dinner.
Anyway, after I organized my head (Yunho keeps saying that it's impossible for me to do this, but I'M SMART. Most people just refuse to recognize my cognitive powerz~) I thought, if I can fall so hard for a guy like this, then why can't I give a guy like that to Changmin?
Of course, I'm am not letting Changmin borrow Junsu. Junsu is too good for him, anyway. I'd sooner let Changmin borrow Junsu when the sky falls down into the ocean and the grass turns purple, grows legs and starts walking and cows line up at the nearest Starbucks for vanilla lattes and the stars, which now compose the entire sky eternally because the original blue sky is now in the ocean, turn chocolate brown like Junsu's eyes and twinkle like spotlights in Hollywood.
...Okay, I think I'll just spend another thirty minutes thinking about Junsu's eyes.
...
Okay, I should stop now. That was more than thirty minutes.
What was I talking about?
Junsu's eyes?
No, no...
JERKMIN!
Anyway, if Changmin had a guy as great and fun and wonderful and sparkly and squishy and happy and great and perfect and fulfilling as Junsu (but not--no NEVER the actual Junsu) then Changmin would be happy and have lots of sexy time with the guy and Yunho wouldn't feel guilty anymore about the maknae's tainted eyes and he'll burn the Law.
Actually, I'll let Jaejoong boil the Law and I'll eat it if it means Yunho will NEVER come up with a rule like that EVER again...
Naw...actually...I'll just sneak it into Changmin's soup. He'd eat it. That'd be more fun.
Anyway, anyway, Operation Mission Molest the Small Tall Manchild That Is Changmin The Maknae of my House of the Rising Sun so That He May Snag and Snog a Male of His My Choice for His Own Lovin' so That I May Have as Many Helpings of Duckbutt Pie as I Like is underway.
Speed dating.
And he'll never know.
Heh heh...
But first, I'd have to trick Changmin into speed dating. And this is how I'll do it:
First I'll tell him that Yunho has died.
Then he'll freak out and cry and stuff.
And then while his eyes are all blurry with tears, I'll throw pepper and KY jelly in his eyes to seal the deal. Trust me. KY jelly in your eyes is not fun. No matter how gentle and slick the stuff may seem when spread all over Junsu's--
CRAP. That violates the Law! What happened to freedom of speech??? I can't even envision Junsu's nakedness in the privacy of my own Diary??? I hate you, Law.
Anyway, by this time, Changmin will be crying mostly because of the pepper and KY jelly. And while he's temporarily blinded, I'll lead him down the hall saying that I'm going to take him to the doctor to fix his eyes and get the autopsy report on Yunho's body.
Now he'll be crying about the pepper and KY jelly and dead Yunho again (Who is not actually dead. It's just all part of the genius plan. Oh yeah.)
But instead of taking him to the doctor, I'll take him to Jaejoong's closet (Because he is the second best dressed man in the house, uh-huh.) and force him into Jaejoong's nice clothes while he's blinded.
It's not called taking advantage of a man in trauma. It's called helping a friend~
So after Changmin is all dressed nice and stuff, I'll console him of his pain and take him to the mall where I've got several fine men just waiting to be wooed. Who are those men, you may ask? Well, I just called them all to meet me and Changmin at the mall tomorrow and they're all based on the criteria and perfection that Junsu holds within his awesome personality and supple body.
Even when I die, I will never forget Junsu's butt. It's so perfect and round and ahhhhh... And therefore, I must match this lovable aspect of Junsu with someone who can match with Changmin on the same level.
Yesung's big head.
It's endearing.
After Changmin is done wooing Yesung with his sexy damsel in distress tears of pain, I'll move him on to the next bachelor.
I believe in the beginning, the bond of friendship between Junsu and I was held together by one sweet, precious thing.
Junsu's laugh.
Of course, no laugh like Junsu's will ever exist on the earth in a throat other than Junsu's. So I had to find something similar.
Leeteuk.
His seven octave screechy laugh is sure to play a sexy melody on Changmin's heartstrings. And possibly play him to bed for sexy time.
I'm sure Kangin won't mind if Changmin borrows him. Whatever. After Changmin has sexy time, he's no longer my responsibility. Other than hyung and dongsaeng.
Cuz he will always and forevah be my dongsaeng. My dongsaeng that I get to play with and feed and steal food from and squish and corrupt and love and stuff. Yeah~
Anyway, the next one will be Kyuhyun.
Why?
...I dunno.
They're about the same height. Seems like a good enough reason to hook them up. Me and Junsu are about the same height and we have no problems kissing each other. Plus, the sex positions that I found on the internet and convinced Junsu to try out also work quite pleasantly.
At least Changmin will have his pick of men once he's had a taste of all I've got lined up for him. All he has to do is choose one like a perfect chocolate turtle in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.
Only, Willy Wonka is awesome, so the chocolate turtle would be, like, a live, dancing turtle and stuff and then it would Dance Dance Revolution-attack Changmin's nose before he devours it in its last fight for life. Yeah.
And then I'll somehow lead Changmin on to his final potential soulmate...
Tablo.
Who cares if he's like 29? Changmin's not picky. Maybe he likes older men. He went out with Jaejoong for all of four seconds.
Anyway, Junsu is a musical genius and so is Tablo. I'm sure Changmin will fall deeply in love with Tablo's deep perception and sensitivity towards the music of life~ And stuff like that.
Yeah! Perfect plan!
No, no.
Awesome plan.
You know why? Cuz I'm awesome. Screw Yunho all around the world if he doesn't think so. Cuz I am. I am awesome.
Anyway, gotta get some sleep for meh big planz tomorrow.
But before I do...
SIMS 3 TIME.
Okay, when I last visited this game, I had Changmin fishing in the neighbor's lake. But the neighbor also just happens to be a body builder. And the neighbor just also happens to be perpetually grumpy. And the neighbor also happens to be Kangin. Let's see what happens~
~Agent Nuhcooy
Turn the page~ Page 55 - Jaejoong || Page 57 - Changmin
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....
Yes....I....AM....BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >8D
With a new layout and more crack and everything~ ;D
I've finished the Mission Min arc and will update either every day or every two days. Depending on my schedule. I should start studying now....>.>
Anyway...Dear Diary~......ISH BACK!!!!!!! Let's see what happens.
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