Dear Diary~ [Page 37 - Kangin]
[Page 37 - ...Kangin] ....ROTFLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!! XD *gets stabbed with the Random Blade of Camelot*
Dear Diaries,
YOU. GUYS. WOULD. BE. DEAD. RIGHT. NOW. IF. LEETEUK. DID. NOT. EXIST.
What’s wrong with you guys?!?!?! Yeah, I found your stupid diaries lying around while I was looking for the phonebook so I could call a fricking repairman. And I’m raping every single one of them until all five of you realize how IDIOTIC you all are.
And don’t feel special, because this same message will be written in the other four’s Moron Novels as well. YES. I’m mad enough to rape all your books repeatedly, wholly and equally. Now the equality ends here as I rape you all individually in the form of little personal notes I’ve kindly left you. That’s right. MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Jaejoong’s Diary
QUIT. MOPING.
Just because everyone hates you gives you no reason to act like a woman shadow creature floating on the walls, crying over her dead husband. Oh, but that’s the sad, twisted part of it because you are a MAN. Be one for once in your life! Could you at least act like a MAN shadow creature?!
Quit batting those “beautiful” girly eyes of yours like the world will crumble around you and do me a favor: Grow some balls! Also, quit calling me gramps or I will reach inside your pants and pull your hidden man balls in your fricking love-hole from the inside out.
Oh, and I saw the little present you left me next to our piano. I know it was you because I saw you get the apple juice from the fridge. Your clever little present on that picture Leeteuk took of me a year ago looks like somebody peed on it now. I do not appreciate being peed on, Jaejoong.
Yeah, sure, you can blame me for not helping you guys out in your relationship problems (I’ve had to hear Kibum gripe about it the whole time, not to mention everyone else’s psychotic complaints about life when Leeteuk isn’t home and I’m pathetic enough to answer the phone.) but you are not little girls! Figure it out yourselves! You guys are friends. F.R.E… Okay, so I don’t know how to spell “friends” in English, but you know what I mean.
Instead of sitting back and letting Yoochun (Who is an idiot by the way. You only brought your suffering onto yourself by not fighting back) and Changmin (Seriously, man. Just shove food down his throat and he’ll love you again.) push you around, you should have stood up and defended yourself like a MAN.
Yeah, you were stupid. But listen to this mind-blowing bit of information: YOU’RE ALL STUPID.
Kiss and make up already. Quit bothering me with your problems! I can only take so much with random things like Donghae asking me for a used condom happening on a daily basis. I’m going…out of…my……mind. So, don’t take it as an offense that I kicked you all out. It’s best for society.
Junsu’s Diary
You stay out of my kitchen, kid, or I will take the remote control that Yunho used to murder my TV and shove it down your throat.
Quit complaining to me that Changmin complains too much. Just shut up. You. Do. Talk. Too. Much. Live with it. I did for three days.
And YES. YES, YES, YES, Kim Junsu, I AM DATING LEETEUK. There. I finally said it, so you guys can try to degrade my manliness for all I care, but I’m secure enough to know that with what’s been going on, I am still and will always be 70 million times the man you all will ever be. So quit giving me those questioning looks when I go to bed at night in the same room as Leeteuk which just happens to only have one bed. I’ll admit it to the fricking blue sky: I HAPPILY POUND THE BEHIND OF A MAN NAMED LEETEUK EVERY SINGLE NIGHT SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME AND I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK ANYMORE.
I know you thought it, so now you know I know you know that I know you know. Understood?
Yoochun’s Diary
Please take notes so you can remember every detail about what I’m about to tell you. You are an idiot.
Changmin’s Diary
Quit talking to yourself. You look crazy.
If you want to talk to someone, talk to Jaejoong. He’s a fricking GREAT listener. So quit mumbling by yourself in the corner about how MY house is too cold and how Junsu won’t quit talking (Because he never will. So deal.) and how Yoochun won’t quit EYE RAPING you by groping the dolphin boy right in front of you. All of you are giving me multiple migraines.
Also. Quit. Eating. Out of. My fridge. You greedy animal. You.
That is another reason why I kicked you guys out. YOU, son, are eating me out of my own house. I don’t know how Jaejoong can stand living in the same house as you cooking all the time and refilling the refrigerator every darn minute, you’re emo eating has got to stop. Eat some grass for all I care. Just stay away from my food.
And that does NOT give you license to say I’m gaining weight. I’m not. So quit thinking it. Forgive Jaejoong, already. Who cares if he cheated on you? He’s Jaejoong. He’s a retard. Plus, there was alcohol involved if I’ve been informed correctly and I know alcohol. Boy, do I know alcohol… That stuff is fun, kid. And the havoc you wreak while you’re on the stuff should not be taken against the user who wants to use it.
Don’t refuse it. Abuse it.
And you didn't see Hankyung crying and mumbling and terrorizing other people when Heechul made out with Sungmin. And Siwon. Be like your responsible hyungs, Changmin. Join the fun or something.
Jaejoong gets drunk and accidentally (Mind you, I wrote “accidentally.”) makes out with another guy? Then get drunk yourself and rape him back. You’ll both have fun in the end.
What do you think I did when I caught Leeteuk sitting a little too close to Boom? Alcohol is the way to go, trust me. (Oh, yeah, if Junsu didn’t already tell you this from what I wrote in his diary, I LOVE LEETEUK. Got it? No more questions.)
Yunho’s Diary
… Once again, I’ll repeat this a fifth time just for you, Jung Yunho: YOU. WOULD. BE. DEAD. RIGHT. NOW. IF. LEETEUK. DID. NOT. EXIST.
Do…..NOT…ever……come near any of my expensive belongings ever again.
You and Donghae are now both on the “Do not touch” list. Congratulations. Yunho. I thought you were one of us, man. I thought you had a couple of serious contenders in those jeans of yours. But I guess you’re just like the rest of them. YOU ALSO HAVE NO BALLS.
Seriously. When I found out that you and Jaejoong were an item, I thought maybe I had hope to finally come out with Leeteuk. Of course, I found out after Jaejoong totally pulled a fast one on you with Changmin. But you confirmed my fears, my friend: Once you come out… Okay, so I don’t have a cool saying to go with that, but you know what I’m trying to say. Way to go.
You let Jaejoong out of your hands AND you watched your precious puppy get kicked and run over by two IDIOTS. Dude, you control all four of them. All you had to say was, “Guys, cut it out.” And those two would have gotten over it within minutes.
And with that rift between Jaejoong and Changmin, you could have swept that blabbering, random, overly feminine mess of a man into your arms and been off on your way. Nooo. You had to be all depressed about it. A real man would have gotten back what was his in less than heartbeat. Because do you know what letting go of the one you love means? It means you’re single. You know what being single means? No. Sex.
Only if it's just you and your hand, but come on. Have some dignity. Your testosterone should have sent off warning signals that you weren’t going to be getting any from anybody in a while when you agreed to break it off with Jaejoong.
You let him go too easy. That’s lame. Very lame. Fight, you pansy. Why don’t you just throw TV remote controls at other people to keep them away from your Jaejoong and destroy them instead?
Oh, and in case I haven’t told you yet: YOU’RE ALL CRAZY.
Just don’t talk to me anymore! Not until I get my well-deserved vacation alone with Leeteuk and take a break from all of you psychos. And how dare you just walk out of the room when Yesung said I was gaining weight. I’m not. Why me?
Anyway, have a good time finding a new place to stay while I fix the TV me and Leeteuk used to watched porn on together. Hope you guys had fun reading this because I don’t want to leave you thinking the joy is all mine.
~The angry Kang
Turn the page~ Page 36 - Jaejoong || Page 38 - Yunho
Dear Diaries,
YOU. GUYS. WOULD. BE. DEAD. RIGHT. NOW. IF. LEETEUK. DID. NOT. EXIST.
What’s wrong with you guys?!?!?! Yeah, I found your stupid diaries lying around while I was looking for the phonebook so I could call a fricking repairman. And I’m raping every single one of them until all five of you realize how IDIOTIC you all are.
And don’t feel special, because this same message will be written in the other four’s Moron Novels as well. YES. I’m mad enough to rape all your books repeatedly, wholly and equally. Now the equality ends here as I rape you all individually in the form of little personal notes I’ve kindly left you. That’s right. MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Jaejoong’s Diary
QUIT. MOPING.
Just because everyone hates you gives you no reason to act like a woman shadow creature floating on the walls, crying over her dead husband. Oh, but that’s the sad, twisted part of it because you are a MAN. Be one for once in your life! Could you at least act like a MAN shadow creature?!
Quit batting those “beautiful” girly eyes of yours like the world will crumble around you and do me a favor: Grow some balls! Also, quit calling me gramps or I will reach inside your pants and pull your hidden man balls in your fricking love-hole from the inside out.
Oh, and I saw the little present you left me next to our piano. I know it was you because I saw you get the apple juice from the fridge. Your clever little present on that picture Leeteuk took of me a year ago looks like somebody peed on it now. I do not appreciate being peed on, Jaejoong.
Yeah, sure, you can blame me for not helping you guys out in your relationship problems (I’ve had to hear Kibum gripe about it the whole time, not to mention everyone else’s psychotic complaints about life when Leeteuk isn’t home and I’m pathetic enough to answer the phone.) but you are not little girls! Figure it out yourselves! You guys are friends. F.R.E… Okay, so I don’t know how to spell “friends” in English, but you know what I mean.
Instead of sitting back and letting Yoochun (Who is an idiot by the way. You only brought your suffering onto yourself by not fighting back) and Changmin (Seriously, man. Just shove food down his throat and he’ll love you again.) push you around, you should have stood up and defended yourself like a MAN.
Yeah, you were stupid. But listen to this mind-blowing bit of information: YOU’RE ALL STUPID.
Kiss and make up already. Quit bothering me with your problems! I can only take so much with random things like Donghae asking me for a used condom happening on a daily basis. I’m going…out of…my……mind. So, don’t take it as an offense that I kicked you all out. It’s best for society.
Junsu’s Diary
You stay out of my kitchen, kid, or I will take the remote control that Yunho used to murder my TV and shove it down your throat.
Quit complaining to me that Changmin complains too much. Just shut up. You. Do. Talk. Too. Much. Live with it. I did for three days.
And YES. YES, YES, YES, Kim Junsu, I AM DATING LEETEUK. There. I finally said it, so you guys can try to degrade my manliness for all I care, but I’m secure enough to know that with what’s been going on, I am still and will always be 70 million times the man you all will ever be. So quit giving me those questioning looks when I go to bed at night in the same room as Leeteuk which just happens to only have one bed. I’ll admit it to the fricking blue sky: I HAPPILY POUND THE BEHIND OF A MAN NAMED LEETEUK EVERY SINGLE NIGHT SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME AND I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK ANYMORE.
I know you thought it, so now you know I know you know that I know you know. Understood?
Yoochun’s Diary
Please take notes so you can remember every detail about what I’m about to tell you. You are an idiot.
Changmin’s Diary
Quit talking to yourself. You look crazy.
If you want to talk to someone, talk to Jaejoong. He’s a fricking GREAT listener. So quit mumbling by yourself in the corner about how MY house is too cold and how Junsu won’t quit talking (Because he never will. So deal.) and how Yoochun won’t quit EYE RAPING you by groping the dolphin boy right in front of you. All of you are giving me multiple migraines.
Also. Quit. Eating. Out of. My fridge. You greedy animal. You.
That is another reason why I kicked you guys out. YOU, son, are eating me out of my own house. I don’t know how Jaejoong can stand living in the same house as you cooking all the time and refilling the refrigerator every darn minute, you’re emo eating has got to stop. Eat some grass for all I care. Just stay away from my food.
And that does NOT give you license to say I’m gaining weight. I’m not. So quit thinking it. Forgive Jaejoong, already. Who cares if he cheated on you? He’s Jaejoong. He’s a retard. Plus, there was alcohol involved if I’ve been informed correctly and I know alcohol. Boy, do I know alcohol… That stuff is fun, kid. And the havoc you wreak while you’re on the stuff should not be taken against the user who wants to use it.
Don’t refuse it. Abuse it.
And you didn't see Hankyung crying and mumbling and terrorizing other people when Heechul made out with Sungmin. And Siwon. Be like your responsible hyungs, Changmin. Join the fun or something.
Jaejoong gets drunk and accidentally (Mind you, I wrote “accidentally.”) makes out with another guy? Then get drunk yourself and rape him back. You’ll both have fun in the end.
What do you think I did when I caught Leeteuk sitting a little too close to Boom? Alcohol is the way to go, trust me. (Oh, yeah, if Junsu didn’t already tell you this from what I wrote in his diary, I LOVE LEETEUK. Got it? No more questions.)
Yunho’s Diary
… Once again, I’ll repeat this a fifth time just for you, Jung Yunho: YOU. WOULD. BE. DEAD. RIGHT. NOW. IF. LEETEUK. DID. NOT. EXIST.
Do…..NOT…ever……come near any of my expensive belongings ever again.
You and Donghae are now both on the “Do not touch” list. Congratulations. Yunho. I thought you were one of us, man. I thought you had a couple of serious contenders in those jeans of yours. But I guess you’re just like the rest of them. YOU ALSO HAVE NO BALLS.
Seriously. When I found out that you and Jaejoong were an item, I thought maybe I had hope to finally come out with Leeteuk. Of course, I found out after Jaejoong totally pulled a fast one on you with Changmin. But you confirmed my fears, my friend: Once you come out… Okay, so I don’t have a cool saying to go with that, but you know what I’m trying to say. Way to go.
You let Jaejoong out of your hands AND you watched your precious puppy get kicked and run over by two IDIOTS. Dude, you control all four of them. All you had to say was, “Guys, cut it out.” And those two would have gotten over it within minutes.
And with that rift between Jaejoong and Changmin, you could have swept that blabbering, random, overly feminine mess of a man into your arms and been off on your way. Nooo. You had to be all depressed about it. A real man would have gotten back what was his in less than heartbeat. Because do you know what letting go of the one you love means? It means you’re single. You know what being single means? No. Sex.
Only if it's just you and your hand, but come on. Have some dignity. Your testosterone should have sent off warning signals that you weren’t going to be getting any from anybody in a while when you agreed to break it off with Jaejoong.
You let him go too easy. That’s lame. Very lame. Fight, you pansy. Why don’t you just throw TV remote controls at other people to keep them away from your Jaejoong and destroy them instead?
Oh, and in case I haven’t told you yet: YOU’RE ALL CRAZY.
Just don’t talk to me anymore! Not until I get my well-deserved vacation alone with Leeteuk and take a break from all of you psychos. And how dare you just walk out of the room when Yesung said I was gaining weight. I’m not. Why me?
Anyway, have a good time finding a new place to stay while I fix the TV me and Leeteuk used to watched porn on together. Hope you guys had fun reading this because I don’t want to leave you thinking the joy is all mine.
~The angry Kang
Turn the page~ Page 36 - Jaejoong || Page 38 - Yunho