I just had such an amazing voice lesson. Apparently my French has much improved, and my voice is drastically improving. I’m so excited about it and happy ( Read more... )

Holy fucking shit. Anetta is flying me out to New York from the 8th-13th. I can't even believe this. She misses me and wants me to sit out on her patio with her and drink wine. Me. She misses me and so is going to fly me out and now I can go to a day of my intensive. She misses me. Someone misses me this much. I'm overwhelmed and happy and on the ( Read more... )

I'm so depressed today. For so many reasons. I feel ugly and unlovable, for one. And then I had to tell Mike today that I can't attend the intensive this year, even though he offered me financial assistance - I can't even afford the plane trip out there. It's the first year I'm not going, and I benefitted so much last time. I cried when I wrote the ( Read more... )

I'm not doing so well after yesterday's therapy. Doron was far less supportive than usual after I told him a lot of vulnerable stuff that I came across during therapy. I think he just didn't know what to say or do and reacted by not saying anything, which is a big no-no for dealing with me and my issues (it's how my father reacted when I told him ( Read more... )

Well, it's been an extremely fucking crazy week. I'm not really sure where to begin, so I'll just make a list ( Read more... )

I know my period is coming, so I'm going to blame my suicidal thoughts on that. Now that I've moved back to Boulder (and I say the word "moved" loosely because I'm sleeping in my parents closet and don't have an actual place of my own), I've recognized that I'm unhappy everywhere. I don't know how to recapture happiness, and I'm past feeling ( Read more... )

I slept through the night for the first time in months. I've been meditating and doing yoga, both of which have seemed to really help me get a grip on myself ( Read more... )

Play ( Read more... )

I can't believe how alone I feel. It's not even that Valentine's Day is just one of those majorly exclusive holidays that make you feel like shit by pointing out something you've been so sensitive about-it's that I don't feel close to anyone. I don't share this emotional connection that I so crave with anyone out here. It leaves me feeling so sad. ( Read more... )

I just disabled the OKCupid account. I'm going to look at that as an experiment, I think. It's good to know so many random guys were interested in me, however I don't think the site is anything but a source of exhaustion for me. I don't know how to find a normal person in real life, but I suppose it'll either happen or it won't. I'm tired. I don't ( Read more... )