Thank you, Facebook. I now understand what gaslighting means and that I've been in two incredibly abusive relationships now. Funny how I need a term to verify for me that something was abusive that I knew was abusive ( Read more... )

I'm not doing so well after yesterday's therapy. Doron was far less supportive than usual after I told him a lot of vulnerable stuff that I came across during therapy. I think he just didn't know what to say or do and reacted by not saying anything, which is a big no-no for dealing with me and my issues (it's how my father reacted when I told him ( Read more... )

I feel so angry. I'm just so angry. I can't stand to be around my mother. I hate her as a mother. I've never dealt with this before, and I've always coped because I know I'd be the one to get tossed out of the family if I expressed how I feel about her. How she's traumatized me in so many ways, how being compared to her makes me want to scream ( Read more... )

Connecticut shooting today. 27 killed, children killed. And then I read David's Facebook status response, that he has as much compassion for the murderers as for the children. Sorry if this offends anyone, and I love David, but I've gotta say, FUCK HIM for saying that. Jesus Fucking Christ. I can't accept that fucking shit. Has he never heard of a ( Read more... )

After talking to Quinn and Josh at length about John, I think I need to break up with John. Whether or not he has a drug problem, my birthday (and so many other times identical to it, of course) should have been the last straw. Josh said John was almost aggressive toward him that evening-AND Robin. Josh brought up some other times when John has ( Read more... )

So, I'm going to go through this first moleskin now and remove all the pages that pertain to John. To make myself feel better and to stop myself from becoming sentimental, I'm going to make a list in here of the things I find in the moleskin that pertain to him, because I guarantee you there will be few, if any, things listed that he did for me. I' ( Read more... )

I want someone that it's easy to be with, who takes care of me when I cry instead of makes me cry. I want someone who's sensitive and who doesn't use the excuse, "I'm an asshole." John told me the other day that I have more reasons to hate him than to love him. He's right; I do. I'll fall out of love with him eventually. I may already be well on my ( Read more... )

I'm so confused as to how I feel about John. I've been trying to sort it out, and my feeling seem to change from day to day ( Read more... )

I'm fairly horrible today. Maybe a 1-2. I tried to sleep on the office floor last night, next to the heater, so I didn't have to sleep in the same bed as John ( Read more... )