Things are hitting me harder today. My breakup is hitting me harder today - I think it's just having seen Doron as moving on with his life and feeling the intensity of how cold he was after so much. And then in missing John and having that experience the other night where I ate some THC gummy worms and did an in-depth mental walkthrough of the ( Read more... )

Ugh. I'm so depressed today. It's likely a combination of paying $7.5k this week (6k in taxes and 1.5k in rent plus deposit), having my future landlady be incredibly rude for no reason (shocking not just me but also the guy whose room I'm moving into), working 50+ hours a week in a highly stressful position (plus other clients), staying at my ( Read more... )

It's about 5:30a. All I can do is think of John. I love him still. I wish I could get him out of my head. I'm not even lonely ( Read more... )

Whatever that title means ( Read more... )

I realized I seldom write when things are good. I guess it's because negative feelings have always seemed heavier and in need of an outlet ( Read more... )

Maybe I only had a glimpse into what it was like to not think about breakups because we got into a fight that started with his telling me he'd be leaving for home at 6:15, and we'd go to the gym then have dinner together, then texting me at 6:45 and saying he'd be coming home soon, after he bought some textbooks, to calling me at 7 to tell me he ( Read more... )

I'm not hormonal or deluded or anything else I want to blame this on ( Read more... )

I figured I should journal about this, even if I have to be quick about it - I need to work more productively and have been doing a terrible job ( Read more... )

Well, it's been an extremely fucking crazy week. I'm not really sure where to begin, so I'll just make a list ( Read more... )

I feel so angry. I'm just so angry. I can't stand to be around my mother. I hate her as a mother. I've never dealt with this before, and I've always coped because I know I'd be the one to get tossed out of the family if I expressed how I feel about her. How she's traumatized me in so many ways, how being compared to her makes me want to scream ( Read more... )