Well, here I am in life. Funny how the romantic days of writing in a physical journal are over. Who will find the countless pages of my personal thoughts, 200 years in the future, when they can all be erased with a click of the "deactivate" button on my account. All my thoughts - all the frailty and depression and heartbreak and rare happy moments ( Read more... )

I'm so depressed today. For so many reasons. I feel ugly and unlovable, for one. And then I had to tell Mike today that I can't attend the intensive this year, even though he offered me financial assistance - I can't even afford the plane trip out there. It's the first year I'm not going, and I benefitted so much last time. I cried when I wrote the ( Read more... )

Ugh. I'm so depressed today. It's likely a combination of paying $7.5k this week (6k in taxes and 1.5k in rent plus deposit), having my future landlady be incredibly rude for no reason (shocking not just me but also the guy whose room I'm moving into), working 50+ hours a week in a highly stressful position (plus other clients), staying at my ( Read more... )

Am I the only one who doesn't have it together? I should rephrase that, since I had friends like Angelica who definitely didn't have it together, but they were so self-obsessed that they couldn't reciprocate my support. I'm not looking for a support group, I just feel that I'm a huge pain in the ass to all of the people in my life because they all ( Read more... )

I don't think I've lost weight, yet. How long has it been? I guess since Saturday. I need to be more patient, though I'd have liked to see the beginnings of a change today. Maybe it's the bag of carrots I've been eating for a snack, or breakfast. I never used to eat breakfast. How could carrots be making me gain weight, though. Well, the one thing ( Read more... )

I just cried watching "How I Met Your Mother." I've never seen that show until a couple days ago. I'm in love with Ted. It's awful ( Read more... )

My plans for New Years just fell though. It looks like I'll be spending this year alone. That's life, I guess. I'll try to make something of it.

I told Katrina about Sasan, David, and Jason today. It just kind of came out. I don't know why. She handled it really well. Why am I always so worried about other people when I talk about how I was raped. ( Read more... )

 I'm having trouble dealing with this heartache I feel. I feel stupid to be going through this again and again with John; I loathe myself for being so stupid as to not give up, so stubborn and loyal. I think about the good times more than the bad ones. I want so badly to believe he'll change and revert to that man he was in December and January who ( Read more... )