My period makes me so glum. I just want to curl up and cry. Last night, I freaked out about my weight; tonight, I just really have been scared about living with my mother again and, from there, my future ( Read more... )

I can't believe how alone I feel. It's not even that Valentine's Day is just one of those majorly exclusive holidays that make you feel like shit by pointing out something you've been so sensitive about-it's that I don't feel close to anyone. I don't share this emotional connection that I so crave with anyone out here. It leaves me feeling so sad. ( Read more... )

This past weekend was surprisingly fantastic. John's parents were so kind and welcoming and hospitable toward me. I owe them a huge thank you note. John and I got along really well, and the trip brought us much closer. We had a talk in the airport about being both more proactive and healthy (meaning, mostly, cutting way back on the drinking). We ( Read more... )

I'm trying not to be upset that I'd gained so much weight before the wedding. All of the pictures of me look terrible, even if it's just to me-I haven't been that weight in years, and now there are a zillion pictures of me with a full chin, stomach, and hips and meaty arms, and they'll be had for the rest of my life, with people framing them and ( Read more... )

I don't think I've lost weight, yet. How long has it been? I guess since Saturday. I need to be more patient, though I'd have liked to see the beginnings of a change today. Maybe it's the bag of carrots I've been eating for a snack, or breakfast. I never used to eat breakfast. How could carrots be making me gain weight, though. Well, the one thing ( Read more... )

I may be going out with an Irish guy with an Irish accent. He's the guy Rehana wanted to set me up with, and I didn't get back to her because I had to get over last week's whole situation. We'll see how that pans out. But I just read the facebook thing that Rehana sent me from her friend who's trying to set me up with him, and I don't know what I ( Read more... )

I can't even imagine being a parent-my parents. They love me so much and miss me and want me there with them, yet they want me to be wherever it makes me happiest. I don't know if I'm that big of a person. I really don't. The amount of love that's between my parents and I is unquantifiable. It's amazing. We've had our ups and downs and huge upsets ( Read more... )

I'm exhausted with the world. I'm tired today. I don't want anything except to be left alone. Unfortunately, I can't have that. I have a full day: work, gym with Alex, and going to see Angelica's band play at midnight on the LES.

Fuck my life. I can't even get a nap. I need to write tomorrow, too. At least I went to sleep at 8:30 last night.

I'm in an interesting place right now, psychically. Frank hasn't written to me since he said he liked my singing him Happy Birthday. I hope he's just busy, but I do feel rejected. John keeps telling me how much he loves me and wants to see me and how much he's changed and wants to show me and so on. I have a bunch of friends that I've been seeing ( Read more... )