This may be the clearest my skin has ever been. I feel like not writing that will jinx it because it'll mean I'm not secure in it enough to believe it's permanent. I've cut out dairy (except for butter), bad oils, sugar, and grains. I drink my apple cider vinegar every day and use it as a toner, and I use herbs a couple of times a week. At this ( Read more... )

I don't know whether to love or hate that part of myself that is still, and probably always will be, in love with John. I guess my job is to just accept it. My friend sent me music to listen to this morning. It's Emancipator, the music John and I always listened to during late nights. It's not my friend's fault: he didn't know. Funny, because some ( Read more... )

I guess I'm in shock still. I haven't heard from John since yesterday, when he texted me something like, "I hope you have a nice day. I love you." and I responded "I love you, too." He didn't try to reach me yesterday. I feel like it's halfway an admittance of his problem because he wrote that yesterday, after I'd made a pretty gigantic accusation ( Read more... )

After talking to Quinn and Josh at length about John, I think I need to break up with John. Whether or not he has a drug problem, my birthday (and so many other times identical to it, of course) should have been the last straw. Josh said John was almost aggressive toward him that evening-AND Robin. Josh brought up some other times when John has ( Read more... )

I'm 98% sure John is doing drugs. Also, he's thinks he didn't do anything wrong by me on my birthday, and he doesn't think Sergio did anything wrong. John doesn't want to be well. If he really thought I was worth it, he would at least be reasonable. He doesn't get it, and I don't want to be associated with drugs anymore. I haven't taken/done ( Read more... )

I don't want to spend another year of my life doing this with John. What's wrong with me that I vacillate so much on this topic of being with him. I wish I could just get him out of my life. He makes everything about him and, basically, full of drama. All I wanted was to be happy yesterday.

I haven't slept at all, and I went home at 1:15. I can't ( Read more... )