Now and Again (41/??)
Title: Now and Again
Author: alissablue
Rating: PG-13 up to NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Luke/Reid, Noah, other Oakdale characters and an OC here or there.
Category: Fix it-fic, AU
Summary: “If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences.”- W.I. Thomas
Warnings: Angsty Angst, some mindfuckery
Disclaimer: Do not own. Wish I did, though. I could make them do all sorts of kinky stuff.
A/N: Keywords for this fic are ‘patience’ and ‘payoff’. Title credit goes to my epically awesome beta slayerkitty, who deserves a round of applause for sitting through my long rants, freak outs, smut-related giggles and posting hesitation.
Prologue / 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 / 19 / 20 /
21 / 22 / 23 / 24 / 25 / 26 / 27 / 28 / 29 / 30 / 31 / 32 / 33 / 34 / 35 / 36 / 37 / 38 / 39 / 40 /
Chapter 41: We can have a normal first date, right?
Luke tried to breathe.
He tried to remember that he had to, that breathing was important and a matter of life or death, but he couldn’t focus. Everything was a blur and the ache was present to a degree that it almost felt good, as if it belonged there and was a part of him as much as taking a breath was. For a moment, it was as though the world had slowed down considerably, as if time all of the sudden held no meaning and as if sound had ceased to exist. His heart was pounding relentlessly in his dry throat and his ears were blocked and every part of him was numbed by the form of tunnel vision he’d developed in the last minute. In the last minute or hour or day, or maybe since meeting Reid. Maybe forever.
Reid, Reid, Reid.
Reid. Pale, soft skin and hard, smooth muscles and lines and contours and curves. Luke’s fingers, his hands and limbs, itched so much it was almost unbearable. His brown eyes lingered on the trail of auburn hair on Reid’s lower abdomen, leading into the waistband of his dark pair of jeans. He felt the desire to kiss Reid’s hipbones, suck on the skin and lick it until Reid was a quivering mess underneath him.
When he finally looked back up at Reid again, he noticed a glint of amusement in Reid’s eyes and Luke realized Reid had caught every second of his staring. He felt his face turning a deep crimson, but he didn’t look away. He stared back at Reid, hard, not backing down for one second. For some reason, he needed Reid to know, to get it and realize what he was doing. As if he was committing a crime by being there, by standing there in front of Luke, and he deserved a long sentence for even thinking of distracting Luke from his process of consideration.
A piercing cry cut through the silence, and it made Katie spring up from the couch. “That’s Jacob, I better go get him.”, she said. She looked from Luke to Reid and back, awaiting some kind of acknowledgment, and she left the room, shaking her head and muttering something about men, after receiving none.
Luke stood up as soon as Katie had left the room, approaching Reid until there was little space between them. His eyes darted down to Reid’s throat, his long neck and his bobbing Adam’s apple, as Reid swallowed. Luke resisted the urge to reach out and indulge in the sight in front of him. Reid was right there, so close, fucking close enough to caress and stroke, and teasing Luke’s eyes and fingers and cock, and Luke couldn’t fucking focus.
“You look hot,” Reid said with a smirk. “Tasty.”, he added in a low voice, his eyes briefly darting down to Luke’s lips. Luke licked his lips as if tasting Reid on them, and ducked his head, which made Reid grin.
“What’s with the buttons?” Luke grasped both ends of Reid’s shirt. Reid looked down at where Luke’s hands met his shirt, and at his own twitching right hand against his leg.
Reid shrugged. “No idea. They must be broken, ‘cause my hands are perfect.”
“Can I…?” Luke asked, tugging slightly on the ends of Reid’s shirt, as he held the fabric between his fingers.
“Go ahead. I’ve given up on comprehending my fingers today.”
Luke snorted, looking up at Reid through his eyelashes. “Clearly.” Luke said, as he started working on Reid’s buttons and Reid flashed him a smile which vanished just as quickly as it had appeared.
Whenever Luke’s fingers came near Reid’s chest, Reid’s stomach muscles contracted, as if he couldn’t handle the anticipation. It felt like new territory, something new to discover about Luke, and about this thing they were doing. Like he was standing on the edge of a skyscraper once again, getting ready for a freefall. But it also felt intimate and right and homey, as if doing this every morning wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.
Reid kept his eyes on Luke’s hands, studying them intensely as he felt Luke’s warm fingertips on his skin a couple of times, carefully, as though Luke’s fingertips sought him out unconsciously. As though they couldn’t resist gently testing the waters, touching him and crossing the lines and breaking the rules he’d made for himself.
“Your hands, though…” Reid started to say, as he saw the focused look in Luke’s eyes, as if doing this was his only mission in life. “Yours are decent, but they aren’t so steady. You shouldn’t become a surgeon.”
Luke raised his eyebrows. “Thanks, I guess? I’ll cross it off my bucket list.” For a short while, his fingertips hovered over the second to last button. Then, deciding to leave the shirt partially unbuttoned, his hands moved up to Reid’s collar. He fixed it, absentmindedly brushing it with his hands a few times, before tugging on the edges and pulling Reid closer. Luke pressed a hard kiss on Reid’s lips, breaking it just as Reid began to respond, and Luke flashed him a grin as he pulled back. “All done,” Luke said, as Reid shook his head in mock disagreement. “What’s for dinner?”
“Well, Mr. Snyder, Your Highness, there’s food in the oven, enchiladas, and the candles-”
“Candles?”
“Yeah, I figured you’d be into that, the sentimental stuff. So there’s that, and the pricey bottle of sparkling crap I bought us.”
Luke suddenly let go of Reid completely, worry etched across his face. “Reid, I… I don’t drink. I probably should have told you that.” Luke looked away from him, stepping back as if he needed distance to breathe and speak and even think. He ran his hands through his hair, missing his longer locks for a moment. “I’m sorry you went through all that trouble, but-”
“It’s non-alcoholic sparkling water crap. By the looks of that scar on your side, I take it you’re not much of a drinker.”
“You saw it?” Luke asked, surprised. He couldn’t remember ever telling Reid about his medical history. He’d thought that mentioning the amount of times he’d spent lying in a hospital bed, would be more suited for when they knew more about each other. When he was sure he wouldn’t scare Reid off by dumping his entire emotional and medical baggage -baggage the size of Texas¬- on him. When he’d convinced Reid that he wasn’t just damaged goods, that he was worth it, all those troubles, and the drama, and all the things he knew he made Reid feel.
“Yes, and I felt it. I’m a doctor, Luke, I can recognize a transplant scar from a mile away. Look- I am not going to force you to talk about it if you don’t want to, but-”
“I do-”
“But when you do choose to tell me, I won’t look at you any differently. Got it?”
Luke nodded. Breathing became easier for him, less shallow and more like it was supposed to be. He realized he’d needed to hear it from Reid himself, that it didn’t matter, that his growing love was unconditional. He knew what he felt for Reid -or at the very least, he was pretty sure he knew where his feelings were headed-, but this dance they were doing, this thing between them, it was still fragile and uncertain and only now on the verge of real stability.
And he wasn’t used to this. He’d been under the impression for the past three years -perhaps, his entire life- that he knew what it was like to have that in your life, the stability and reassurance and love that wasn’t about who he was trying to be, but about who he really was. While falling out of love with Noah had made him reconsider whatever he’d thought he knew, standing right here with Reid… It was different. Reid was different.
Luke stared at him for a moment, trying to stop a smile from forming on his face. “Dr. Oliver, you are a sap.” He saw Reid rolling his eyes, and then resisting to smile as well. “Yes, okay, I know- I trust you. But not tonight. I want tonight to be fun and uneventful and peaceful and just about us.”
Reid smirked. “Us? We’re an us?”
“Yeah, us, I think we are. I mean, I- I like you, and you like me-”
“What gave it away?”
“Your impeccable wit and charm, of course. But I think we’ve established that we like each other and want to spend time together.”
Reid nodded, stepping closer to Luke, until they were as close to each other as before. “And you know how we can do that?”, he asked, placing his hands on Luke’s hips and pulling him even closer. Luke inhaled sharply in anticipation.
“Show me.”
“Like this.” Reid said quietly, before leaning in to meet Luke’s lips. He kissed him chastely, pulling back before Luke realized it, and then Reid leaned in again, kissing Luke’s jaw line twice. “And this.” Luke laughed. “And especially, this.” Reid murmured against Luke’s skin with a smile, before kissing Luke’s neck.
Luke swallowed thickly, as his laugh died in his throat and a whimper escaped from his lips that nearly drove Reid crazy. Luke felt a stirring in his stomach, a thirst slowly spreading and taking over him, as he leaned his head to the side a bit, giving Reid more access, and Reid did things with his mouth that made Luke’s knees buckle. He gripped Reid’s upper arms tightly to steady himself, as Reid started sucking on the sensitive skin, moving from the spot below Luke’s ear to the crook of Luke’s neck. And, just as Luke thought he couldn’t take it anymore without doing the very things that would mean the end of his considering, he heard a noise behind him.
It was a high pitched squeal, that broke them apart. Luke turned around, startled, and was about to speak up, when Katie interrupted him. “Oh, don’t mind me. Just keep on going.” Katie grinned, as she put a sleeping Jacob in his stroller.
“Would be a lot easier if you weren’t here.” Reid said, glaring at her.
“Point taken. Well, I’m out of here. For a while. A long, long while. Could be all night. So, you guys have fun. Do everything I would do. Don’t hold back, you know?” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, smirking at Reid who was rolling his eyes. Luke looked embarrassed, looking anywhere but at Katie. “I’m not going to be home for hours and hours, so-”
“Would you just go, Katie?!”
********
“This is so good, Reid. So good. You’re so good at this.” Luke groaned, the sound bordering on obscene, and it made Reid’s dick twitch. Much like every other sound Luke had made so far. And the frustrating thing was that Luke didn’t even realize it. Luke seemed oblivious to the effect he was having on Reid, how it had made Reid incredibly on edge, and how Reid felt as though he was one throaty sound away from bending Luke over the table. “I didn’t expect you to be such a great cook.”
Reid cleared his throat, as if to clear his mind of all the thoughts of Luke that were distracting him. “I’m not. In fact, this is the only thing I know how to make, besides a sandwich. That’s why I’m so good at it.” He winked, and it made Luke bite his bottom lip in an attempt to keep his face from breaking out in a grin. “Over the years, I’ve perfected the art of ordering takeout food and microwavable dinners.”
“That’s just wrong. Horrifying. My grandmother would be appalled.”
“The rich lady on the hospital board?”
“No, that’s Lucinda. I mean the other one, Emma. She owns the Snyder farm, where you came to visit me that one time. She makes the best pies ever, and there’s no one like her. And, on top of that, she’s also an amazing cook. I think she’d love you.”
“Why’s that?”
Luke laughed. “You’re about to fill up your plate for the third time! But, uh, why enchiladas?”
“It was my favorite dish as a kid. My mom was the best at it, hers were perfect.” Reid said, taking a sip from his drink. Luke took a bite out of his enchilada, moaning in delight yet again, and Reid nearly choked on his drink because of it. “Could you pass the sauce?”, Reid asked, not knowing what to say.
“Do you remember a lot about your parents?” Luke asked, as he passed the bottle of hot sauce. Their fingers brushed as Reid took the bottle, and Reid gave him a long look, before looking away. “I’m sorry- It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it. I’m overstepping my boundaries, aren’t I? I am. We can talk about something else or-”
“No, it’s fine, Luke. They died a very long time ago. And I remember the basic things, like what they looked like, my mom’s smile and my dad’s suits. But I was really young when they died, so I don’t remember everything I’d want to remember.”
“Were you close to them?”
“I suppose. But they weren’t warm people, not in the traditional sense, so I guess it wore off on me.”
“What?!” Luke dropped his knife and fork, gasping dramatically. “You’re not all warm and fuzzy? Hadn’t noticed.” Luke said, trying to keep a straight face. Reid narrowed his eyes at him. “You’re not so bad.” Luke’s big, brown eyes bore into Reid as he continued.
“I’m a jerk.”
“Not to me. Alright, not now, anyways. And not to Katie. You should hear her talk about you, she adores you.”
Reid shrugged. “Yeah, well, what’s not to love, right?” He held Luke’s gaze for a moment, and Luke exhaled a shaky breath.
“Exactly.”
********
“Reid? What do you do for fun?” Luke asked hesitantly, as Reid sat down next to him on the couch. They were about to watch a movie, an action movie Reid had picked out for the occasion.
Reid had been diverting his attention from his main goal -to make it through the date without attacking Reid- all night. Luke wanted a normal date, something normal to hold onto to really get to know Reid, but the desire to screw that and screw Reid instead, was overwhelming. He’d caught Reid staring at him intensely several times, the hunger coursing through him more than apparent, and it made him wonder if Reid was somehow doing it on purpose, driving him crazy with small touches and glances.
Even now, Reid sat so close to him, close enough that Luke could feel the heat radiating off his body. Luke’s heart thumped rapidly in his chest, as if it was trying to thump its way out. Although he wasn’t as nervous as he had been before the date, he still felt like he was about to burst. Luke turned to face Reid, who was looking at him with a look Luke wasn’t sure he wanted to think about, and he sneaked a quick glance at Reid’s lips and jaw, before looking Reid straight in the eye.
“Fun?”
“Yes, you know, fun- in your free time?”
Reid licked his lips. “In my free time? I… work. And then I work some more.”
“You’ve never had time off from work? No vacations?”
“I went to France once, for a medical conference. And there was the time I got suspended from work, earlier this year. I had more than enough time on my hands then. But even then I spent more time at the hospital than at home.”
Luke’s brow furrowed. “You were suspended? Why?”
“The father of one of my former patients decided to sue me. So I wasn’t allowed to practice medicine for several months. I’d just gotten reinstated when you came to Parkland Memorial.”
“That must have been hard for you.”
“It was. I don’t know who I am, if I’m not a doctor. It’s more than just a job, it’s everything.” Luke could feel the passion and determination behind Reid’s words. Yet, he wanted to tell Reid that, to him, Reid was more than a doctor. Reid was a puzzle he was desperate to solve and a novel just waiting to be written. Reid was a man with amazing clear, blue eyes who argued with him and touched him and kissed him so intensely and fiercely and fearlessly, that it made Luke dizzy and weak and aroused and empowered all at once. And without his job, Reid would still be that to Luke.
But Luke refrained from doing so, from telling Reid. Instead, he reached out and cupped Reid’s cheek, brushing his thumb past his cheekbone. Reid leaned into the touch as if he understood. “Almost everything, anyway.”, Reid continued.
“But what about your personal life?”
“Up until coming here, I didn’t have much of a personal life. Now, there’s Katie and the kid, among other things.” Luke smiled. “And you, what do you do for fun?”
“I hang out with my friends, or I write or read. And I like watching movies. Noah wants to be a filmmaker one day, so we always went to the theatre. He’d sit there for hours, taking notes and whatnot.”
“How long were you two together?”
“Three years, on and off. Mostly off, though. I can’t even remember how many times we broke up.”
Reid chuckled. “Ah, yes, Katie mentioned something about psycho twins.”
“Oh, don’t remind me! There was always something weird like that going on. But it was my first relationship, so I thought that was normal. I thought we were meant to be together forever and- God, what am I doing? You don’t want to hear all of this.” Luke paused, casting his eyes downward as a blush started creeping up on his cheeks. “That’s nice, Luke, talk about your ex on a date.”, Luke said to himself.
“I don’t mind. He’s out of the picture, isn’t he? Unless you’re planning on joining him to L.A. next week?”
“No, definitely not. But it’s not right. What matters, is that I was wrong. We weren’t right for each other at all… And what about you?”
“Me? I’ve had a few relationships, some guys here or there, but nothing that lasted all that long. I, uh, don’t do serious.”
“Ever?” Luke asked.
“You’re the exception.” Reid sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He then snatched the remote out of Luke’s hands, and pressed ‘play’, before putting it down on the table and linking their hands together. “Now watch the movie, Snyder.”
*******
Luke was about to scream. He hadn’t had a coherent thought in what seemed like forever, and Reid wasn’t making it any better. No, the last thing Reid was doing right now, was cooperating. Luke’s brain said one thing, and everything else -his hands and heart and his hardening cock-, said another. And Reid, currently on top of him and feeling Luke’s growing hardness pressing into his thigh, had decided to listen to everything else.
Luke had no idea how they’d ended up like this. One minute they’d been watching the movie, arguing about the main character, and the next, he’d started sucking on Reid’s bottom lip. He ran his hands through Reid’s curls, tugging them lightly, as he felt Reid’s lips and tongue and teeth in the crook of his neck, and as his hands sneaked underneath Luke’s shirt. He shivered when Reid’s thumb brushed past his scar, past the sensitive skin on his side.
“Reid….” Luke groaned, as he gently pushed Reid back. Reid sat a bit straighter, but he kept his hands on Luke’s stomach, tracing the muscles on Luke’s abdomen. “What are we doing?”
“Let’s call it encouragement.” Reid smirked, leaning back down to kiss Luke again.
“But- The-” Reid kissed him, hard, using the moment to swipe his tongue across Luke’s bottom lip, and deepen the kiss. Luke gave in to him for a moment, faltering for just a second too long, before breaking the kiss with a gasp. “The movie!”
Reid glanced at the screen, before continuing to kiss Luke’s jaw and neck. “See that guy?,” Reid muttered between kisses. “He’ll turn out to be the bad guy. And the girl? She’s hot for him. She wants it bad. Kind of like me right now. But she’ll end up with the good guy instead, because she’s an idiot. The end.”
“Reid, God-” Luke let out a moan. “Stop- Reid.” He gently pushed Reid back again, grabbing Reid’s face with both of his hands to make him focus. “I still want to watch the movie, okay? I want… A first date. A normal first date. Nothing about all of this- about us, is normal. But, we can have a normal first date, right? We talk, flirt and eat, and you walk me to the door and kiss me goodnight.”
Reid gave him a long look, reaching out to smooth Luke’s eyebrows with his thumb. He leaned back in and kissed him softly. “Yeah, we could do that, I guess, give ‘normal’ a try.”
********
The movie lasted 130 minutes. It took 50 minutes for Luke to fall asleep, as Reid’s head rested on Luke’s chest, and as Luke’s heartbeat thumped a steady rhythm in Reid’s ear. Reid didn’t even notice it, how the sound soothed him, how the ache he usually felt changed and expanded and increased, the more time he spent in Luke’s arms like that. He didn’t notice when Luke’s fingers ceased to play with his hair, or when Luke’s breathing changed. He didn’t notice, because it took Reid even less time, 40 minutes to be exact, to fall asleep himself.
Yet, when Luke woke up another 60 minutes later, Reid wasn’t there.
NEXT
********
A/N: 1) First date isn't over by a long shot, I promise. It'll be anything but normal. 2) I've been busy with RL and the Big Bang etc., so I apologize for taking so long. But the next chapter is about 90% done (and so far, it's very very long!), so I'm hoping to post that one next week. I'm off to bed, so goodnight!