Now and Again (6/??)
Title: Now and Again
Author: alissablue
Rating: PG-13/R, will be NC-17 eventually.
Characters/Pairings: Luke/Reid, Noah, other Oakdale characters and an OC here or there.
Category: Fix it-fic, AU
Summary: “If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences.”- W.I. Thomas
Warnings: Angsty Angst, some mindfuckery
Disclaimer: Do not own. Wish I did, though. I could make them do all sorts of kinky stuff.
A/N: Keywords for this fic are ‘patience’ and ‘payoff’. I have been working on this since... September(?) and I've finally written enough chapters to start posting. Title credit goes to my epically awesome beta slayerkitty, who deserves a round of applause for sitting through my long rants, freak outs, smut-related giggles and posting hesitation.
A/N: Me + comments is like... Reid + Sandwiches<3.
Prologue / 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 /
Chapter 6: Sweet little Annie
He felt his breath on the back of his neck and every breath gave a sting as if it was yet another vague reminder of how he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. How this was not where he was supposed to be.
Not with who he was supposed to be.
“The ‘who’ in his life was a ‘what’ and that ‘what’ was surgery”, he told himself.
Not That. Not That. Not That.
Not. That.
Him?
That.
“As soon as I get the ‘what’ back in my life, I’ll be fine”, he said.
********
“And, Dr. Oliver, what happened after you released Annie from the hospital on December 24th?”
Mr. Judd’s attorney, a hotshot lawyer who Reid figured had only recently passed the bar exam, walked back and forth across the conference room table and Reid followed his pace with his eyes, waiting for him to stop, which he eventually did.
At just the right moment, when Annie’s name escaped from his lips, he locked eyes with Reid, staring at him pointedly, his light green eyes giving nothing away, unreadable and blank to Reid, as the young man waited for his answer. They had been going over Annie’s medical history for the past two hours and Reid was exhausted from repeatedly going over the events that had led to her death. His dark blue chair had stopped being comfortable since at least an hour ago and he was soundlessly tapping a tune on the table he’d heard on the radio earlier that morning.
Annie’s parents, Martha and Dennis, - married for fifteen years, hav- had one kid, two dogs, a Labrador, Charlie, and a golden retriever, Claire, and three new guinea pigs, like on Annie’s drawing - had asked to be present during the hearing and whenever Reid wasn’t focusing on the Mr. Judd’s pretentious dickhead of a lawyer, he could see Annie’s mom in the corner of his eye, wiping away her tears and solemnly trying to keep it together. Mr. Judd’s expression was cold -determined to punish the bastard he felt took away his daughter-, as he glared at Reid, never taking his eyes off of him and barely moving an inch in the two hours he had been sitting there.
“She got to spend Christmas with her parents... New year’s Eve with her grandparents and her 6th birthday in early January… And the patient- she- Annie died on March 3rd.”
“Why did you release her, when you knew she’d only become increasingly ill if she went home?”
“I released her for a few days late December, because she was still well enough to spend a few days at home. And, like I already told you five minutes ago and an hour before that, there was nothing else I could do. The treatment wasn’t working anymore and she wouldn’t have been able to handle yet another round of chemo.”
“Wasn’t it also your duty to keep taking care of her until her death? Not to give up and send her home, like a lamb to be slaughtered?”
Reid winced at the comparison -sweet, little Annie - and glanced at Martha Judd, knowing she had done the same. Dennis put his left arm on her shoulder, as he ran his right hand fingers through her hair, whispering something that caused more tears to fall down her beautiful face, a face so similar to Annie’s.
Reid remembered every detail of the little girl’s face, the only patient who hadn’t looked at him like he was the grim reaper. He knew Annie would have been the spitting image of her mother - long, wavy auburn hair, the greenest eyes he’d ever seen and an oh so bright smile that scrunched up her nose-, if only he had been able to save her. If only he had been good enough, better, anything to save that little girl. Anything to give them their daughter back.
“I did- I did take care of her. I did everything I could. I practically lived at the Judd’s house, I was there for all her treatments and I was there on the day she died… And I told her parents that she had terminal cancer a year before. But they wanted nothing more than to take her home for Christmas and her birthday and, yes, I allowed it. Look, mister…”
“Mr. Lawson, Dr. Oliver.”
“Right, whatever your name may be, I did not kill Annie Judd. The cancer did. I’ve got the facts and figures to back it up and if you’re still not convinced of that after hearing me go on and on for the past few hours, then I don’t know what the hell it will take for you to get it through your thick-”
“Dr. Oliver.” Oh, for fuck’s sake.
“Fine. I have nothing more to say. We’ve gone over this a bazillion times and every time, we end up here: I did not kill Annie. And, however fun this might be, you questioning my every move, when I’ve done nothing wrong here, I’d still like to be reinstated. Every minute you waste with your outrageous accusations, is a minute I could spend doing something useful, unlike anything you do in your expensive Armani suit and tie. We’re done here.”
Reid stood up out of his chair, the sound of the scraping chair echoing through the space and with Reid, so did Dave Summers, his own attorney. Dave quickly walked over to him, put his hand on Reid’s shoulder and shook his head no. Reid glared at him and opened his mouth to speak, but Dave put up his hand and mouthed something Reid couldn’t quite make out. Reid swallowed and asked him to repeat the words he wasn’t sure he had heard and when Dave said it again, Reid’s heart fluttered a little despite himself and the words repeated themselves like a mantra.
Don’t be an ass. Don’t be an ass. Don’t be an ass.
Reid sighed, looked down at his fidgeting hands and then turned to face Dennis Judd, who had also gotten out of chair at some point. He was still glaring at Reid with narrowed eyes darkened in anger, his hands clenched into fists.
“Mr. Judd… I cared a lot about your daughter. She had a nice smile, brave, like she- she knew that we were worried for her. She wanted us to know that it was gonna be all right... I was the one that was causing her pain, cutting into her skull, sticking her with needles, ordering chemo, but she always lit up when I walked in the room. And I miss that smile…” The words seemed to get to Mr. Judd and his expression softened a little. “I miss Annie and I’m sure the world misses her too. And I’m sorry she died, but it wasn’t my fault.”
********
“Hello? Is this Dr. Reid Oliver?”
“Yeah, yes, this is- this is Dr. Reid Oliver.”
“Good afternoon, Doctor. I’m calling on behalf of Dr. Vasko.”
“Is he too busy drinking himself into a stupor again to call me himself?”
“Excuse me?”
“Sorry, go on.”
“Dr. Vasko is in surgery, Dr. Oliver. I’m just calling to let you know that you’re reinstated and can resume your doctoral duties, effective immediately.”
“Really? That’s wonderful, thank you.”
“But, Dr. Oliver, I do have to add that they’re going to keep the investigation open.”
“Why’s that?”
“It’s most probably just a precaution. If anything comes up, you’ll be the first to know, of course.”
“Of course. Thank you for calling.”
“No problem. Congratulations, doctor.”
Reid had worked his entire life to become a doctor. Not just any doctor, but the best one out there. From the minute he’d made his first incision all those years ago, he had known that he never wanted a day to go by without having his hands in someone’s skull. He could honestly say that it was more than just a career to him; it was his life and he needed his work, to experience those highs and lows every day. He needed it like his lungs needed oxygen and his stomach needed sandwiches and it had come to a point where he didn’t know how and didn’t want to know how to live without it anymore.
So why wasn’t he deliriously excited, screaming it from the rooftops at the top of his lungs? Why didn’t he find a release for those pent up feelings of tension he’d experienced since his license had been revoked? If this was truly the one and only thing he loved in his life and had just gotten it back, then why did this sudden feeling of heartache, this sharp faint pain in the pit of stomach strike him yet again.
Yes, Reid Oliver was still missing something in his life and he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what it was.
NEXT
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A/N: 1) Luke will be back next time and (I think) this is the last chapter that doesn't have both of them in it. 2) Next up is Dallas, yay =). But I wanted Reid to get his license back and for him to be slightly less delusional, before Luke made his way to Dallas. He'll still be a little delusional, though, but he'll get some help with that in an upcoming chapter. 3) I have a huge paper to write this week, so I might only be able to update once, around Tuesday or Wednesday. But if that's the case, I'll update three or four times in the following week, to make up for this one.