Now and Again (5/??)
Title: Now and Again
Author: alissablue
Rating: PG-13/R, will be NC-17 eventually.
Characters/Pairings: Luke/Reid, Noah, other Oakdale characters and an OC here or there.
Category: Fix it-fic, AU
Summary: “If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences.”- W.I. Thomas
Warnings: Angsty Angst, some mindfuckery
Disclaimer: Do not own. Wish I did, though. I could make them do all sorts of kinky stuff.
A/N: Keywords for this fic are ‘patience’ and ‘payoff’. I have been working on this since... September(?) and I've finally written enough chapters to start posting. Title credit goes to my epically awesome beta slayerkitty, who deserves a round of applause for sitting through my long rants, freak outs, smut-related giggles and posting hesitation.
A/N: Me + comments is like... Reid + Sandwiches<3.
Prologue / 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 /
Chapter 5: Good luck with that, Mr. Snyder
The week before Dallas dragged on and on, as Luke tried to make all the necessary arrangements for the trip. He made sure Grimaldi Shipping and his foundation could go a few days, maybe even a few weeks without him, made sure his private jet would be up and running, dealt with Noah’s insurance and called Bob Hughes to tell him about the trip.
Luke had found out through Lucinda, who was on the hospital board, that the Head of Neurology was going to retire and Bob needed a replacement for the Neurological Wing. Wanting to return a favor to Bob -Bob had helped him out, when Damian’s supposed “body” had been found in February - Luke told the appreciative doctor all about Dr. Channing and grateful, Bob thanked him and told him he would definitely remember Luke’s recommendation and look into things, when the time came for the replacement.
********
In Dallas, Reid impatiently awaited his hearing.
Restless night after night, he stirred under the covers, stared at the ceiling and counted the stars. Every morning he would wake up at five, like clockwork, after a mere three to four hours of sleep, drink gallons and gallons of caramel lattés, with whipped cream and an extra shot - so many that even he needed a break after three days - and go over everything for his hearing.
He had gone over it over and over again, despite his photographic memory and he knew every single letter, syllable and word, from the first to the last, by heart. And still, he felt like it wasn’t enough. Not enough to get reinstated, not enough for Annie and not enough to convince himself that he hadn’t failed her, even if he had done everything right.
********
With two days to go, Luke called the hotel they were going to be staying in to confirm his reservation.
June 30th. July? June.
Room with a good view. Sixth floor? Excellent.
Two people. Snyder, Mayer. S-n-y-d-e-r. Snyder.
Two to three weeks.
Credit card. Visa.
No mini bar.
When the lady on the other end of the phone asked him whether he wanted two single beds or one double bed, the rate and volume at which the word ‘single’ came out, nearly made him choke on his tea, as it took both Luke and the hotel receptionist by surprise.
Luke opened and closed his mouth a few times, but no words came out to explain his sudden panicked outburst. He nervously laughed it off, all the while coughing and trying to catch his breath and after that, he mumbled something about having to hang up and hoping she had all the information she needed. She pretended to ignore his nervous outburst of, for lack of a better term, word vomit and he pretended not to notice the woman’s amused tone, when she confirmed the reservation.
He hung up the phone and ran his fingers through the strands of his dirty blond hair, shaking his head as he did. It had been small and insignificant, just a simple word, and it didn’t have to mean anything, right? He was just… looking out for Noah, who probably needed his own bed, because Luke stirred a lot in his sleep.
That was it.
It had absolutely nothing to do with-
Yes, that had to be it.
********
Alex Chambers
Third case. Elijah Hopkins, 23, missed the bleeding in his occipital lobe, should have ordered more scans, should have noticed the internal bleeding much sooner.
It was the night before his hearing and Reid, yet again, couldn’t fall asleep despite his many attempts. On a break from his usual drink, he’d tried tea with honey, watched three boring talk shows, lay on his bed and recited all the bones in the human body and did 100 sit-ups, hoping to exhaust himself until he just collapsed and fell into a deep slumber.
Sixth case. Diane Jameson, 47, three kids, Lucy, 20, Sean, 16 and Ellie, 11. Too much damage, should have been more aggressive to give her more time.
Sarah Hutchinson
But none of it had worked, so here he was, sitting in his office, pictures of all the patients he had lost over the years sprawled out on his desk, with Annie’s picture in the middle. He started at the top, from left to right, top to bottom, going over every single case and methodically, he told himself what he had done wrong and what he should have done better.
Leah Maguire
Case fourteen. Annie Judd, 6, should ha- should’ve been better. I should have been better.
********
Luke took in his surroundings, recognizing the space he was in as one of Memorial Hospital’s on call rooms. The auburn haired guy who just wouldn’t leave him alone, was standing barely a mere few inches away from him, staring at him, looking right through him with his piercing blue eyes. Luke could feel the warmth of the guy’s breaths on his lips, his exhalations rapid and short, as if the guy was too affected by Luke to retain any sense of control.
His gaze was intense and powerful and too damn alluring and Luke couldn’t help but return it, almost afraid of what would happen if he looked away. The guy swallowed hard, his eyes darting from Luke’s brown eyes to his lips and back again, as Luke took a deep breath. The words came out before he knew it, as though they were rehearsed, scripted and he’d heard them all before. Said them all before.
“Well, we’re trying to work things out.” -Who did what now? Work what out?- Luke closed his eyes, shook his head and when he opened his eyes again, he caught the guy scanning every line, every part and detail of his face. He looked hurt at Luke’s words and when Luke moved closer, he pulled back and Luke felt the ache of it in his gut.
“Good luck with that, Mr. Snyder.”
“Don’t call me that.” -Mr. Snyder is my father, my name is Luke.-
As the other man tried to walk away from him, Luke stepped in front of him, stopping him in his tracks. The guy looked tired, frustrated with Luke, so tired of the situation they seemed to be in and Luke felt the sudden urge to pull him closer and make him understand something he didn’t even understand himself. But why? Why did he want that? Why did the thought of the guy leaving him hurt so much? Why did he feel all the things he felt for the man in front of him?
“What do you want, from me? Tell me… You want me to pretend that nothing happened between us? That’s not the way I work. And we both know that’s not true.”
His hand felt soft and loving and real and the touch went through every fiber of Luke, before he felt the sensation in the pit of his stomach. The auburn haired man softened his expression and stepped forward, almost completely closing the distance between them. He saw the guy’s piercing blue eyes staring at his lips and back into his eyes, as if he needed permission.
Luke gave him a slight nod and as the guy moved in, Luke felt himself slipping away, pulling away from him. He tried to stop it, tried to stay with him, but he couldn’t and the next thing he saw was the off-white ceiling of his bedroom and the faded lines of paint brush strokes. He coughed and coughed, panicked and frightened, trying to catch his breath and trying to stop the tears from flowing for a reason he couldn’t give himself.
********
He was standing in his kitchen, putting on his dark blue tie and calming his nerves. Reid was even more agitated than usual and a little jittery from the four cups of coffee he’d had to drink since he’d woken up after three hours of sleep in his office. He had woken up with his head on his desk, a sore throat and an aching back at five in the morning, a full six hours before his hearing.
As much as he wanted to get reinstated and get back to the operating room, where he belonged, he couldn’t shake the feeling that the ache he’d felt since his suspension - since way before that, if he was honest with himself - wouldn’t just go away if he got his license back and the one thing he loved most. The thought of still feeling that disentanglement from his self, his form, his soul and the prospect of still feeling that disconnection with his life and himself, as he was apparently missing something that would fix it, terrified him more than he was willing to admit.
Reid looked over his apartment one last time and made sure he had everything he needed to get through the hearing.
Keys.
Phone.
Wallet.
Annie’s file.
He turned off the lights and closed the door behind him.
Today was going to be a long day.
NEXT
********
A/N: Oh, Reid... Oh, Luke...
So, the next chapter will be about Reid's court hearing. The drawing of dogs and guinea pigs is actually mentioned next chapter, but that blink-or-you'll-miss-it-mention is not what I was referring to in my last author's note... The Dallas-chapters start the chapter after that and I'm so excited about it, because Dallas sets everything in motion for the rest of the fic.
Thanks for reading, I very much appreciate it. =)