Now and Again (29/??)
Title: Now and Again
Author: alissablue
Rating: PG-13/R, will be NC-17 eventually.
Characters/Pairings: Luke/Reid, Noah, other Oakdale characters and an OC here or there.
Category: Fix it-fic, AU
Summary: “If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences.”- W.I. Thomas
Warnings: Angsty Angst, some mindfuckery
Disclaimer: Do not own. Wish I did, though. I could make them do all sorts of kinky stuff.
A/N: Keywords for this fic are ‘patience’ and ‘payoff’. Title credit goes to my epically awesome beta slayerkitty, who deserves a round of applause for sitting through my long rants, freak outs, smut-related giggles and posting hesitation.
A/N: Me + comments is like... Reid + Sandwiches<3.
Prologue / 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 / 19 / 20 /
21 / 22 / 23 / 24 / 25 / 26 / 27 / 28 /
Chapter 29: Looks like Uncle Reid has his ‘grumpy hat’ on today
When he walked out of his bedroom and into the living room, Katie greeted him with a blinding smile he thought had to be illegal in some foreign countries. Jacob, sitting in his high chair, squealed and excitedly hit the small table in front of him with his chubby little fists. Reid ruffled Jacob’s hair, as he walked past them into the kitchen and set the coffee maker, but he didn’t say a word and just glared at Katie.
Twenty minutes earlier, when his alarm clock had gone off at 8 am, he’d already been up for five hours, twenty minutes and thirteen seconds. After waking up from his dream, feeling sick to his stomach and unable to grasp any of it, he hadn’t been able to fall back asleep again and he’d spent most of that time trying to keep his heavy, shallow breathing and pounding heart rate under control, as one panic attack after another crept up on him.
Five hours later, what he’d seen in his dream still repeated itself over and over again, haunting him whenever he closed his eyes and disrupting his vision wherever he looked.
“Are you gonna tell me what happened last night or am I gonna have to drag it out of you with my female powers of seduction?”
“Last night?” The first thing he thought of was Luke, of course -Luke had a habit of popping up as the answer to every question, from “What could cure Alzheimer’s disease?” to “Do you like carrots?” - , but instead of thinking of the awesome Luke-related things he could have thought of -Kissing Luke, getting semi-hard while kissing Luke and having his arms around Luke-, his mind chose the one thing he didn’t want to think about ever again.
Leaving Luke.
He’d dreamed of dying, of taking his last breath, of shutting his eyes and hearing Luke plead for him to stay. And, worst of all, he’d felt it. He’d felt the gut wrenching pain in his strained and torn muscles and broken bones, hurting more by the second and he’d tasted his own coppery blood on Luke’s lips and Luke’s salty tear drops on his cheek, as he kissed him as if it would be the last time. Luke’s breath and his lips and his tongue had been an odd mixture of coffee and blood and the second he’d realized that wasn’t right, not right at all, he’d woken up unable to breathe with Luke’s words ringing in his ears.
“I love you, you love me. You said you did.”
And Reid didn’t know what to make of that.
I love you, you love me.
Did he? He certainly wasn’t planning on falling in love with Luke. He knew he was attracted to him, crazily attracted, cosmically drawn to him and lustfully drooling over him and whatnot. He couldn’t see him, think about him or generally be within a hundred mile radius from Luke without wanting to devour him right then and there and Reid knew that, despite his own reservations and the paralyzing fear, he still missed Luke when he wasn’t around. Heck, he missed Luke when he was around.
But love? He knew of Luke’s soft lips on his, of the science behind the flutters in his abdomen, of the feelings and hunger he couldn’t grasp and of the way he bounced his hand against his thigh in an attempt not to touch him, but he didn’t know of love.
Love seemed like such a foreign concept, as if it was a language he’d never learned or a secret society he’d never wanted or been allowed to join. He didn’t do love and he didn’t do relationships. But Luke… There was a part of him that wanted to do Luke. That part wanted to take him, all of him, explore every inch, break it down into countless pieces of a dirty blond puzzle and spend decades solving it, knowing it’d be the death of him
Those who are about to die, salute you.
But what a way to go.
The rest of him, the logical part cooperating with any organ that wasn’t his aching heart, the rest was on the other end of the spectrum, taking into account every word from his dream, the circumstances, the pain he’d felt and the blood he’d tasted. He knew what it had meant, seeing the light and gate to freedom as Luke hovered over him. Except that ‘freedom’ had meant death -his death- and leaving Luke-his Luke- and other than the pain he’d felt, he’d also felt the ache for Luke increased tenfold. I love you, you love me. You said you did.
Reid knew very well what it had meant. Opening the floodgates, allowing himself to love Luke… Loving Luke could and would lead to leaving Luke and losing Luke and the thought alone… He wasn’t willing to invest so much, put his heart on his sleeve, cut it out and give it to Luke, only to get so little in return. The rest of him knew that would be the death of him.
He shouldn’t take the risk.
He couldn’t.
And he wouldn’t.
“Hello? Earth to Reid Oliver? Have we got a problem, Houston?” He snapped out of it right in time to see her waving her hands in front of his face, standing eerily close to him like Luke usually would. Reid rolled his eyes at her and let out a displeased sound. Jacob did the same and Katie quickly turned around to tend to her son.
“Look, I didn’t wake up the kid, alright? So back off. You think he’s a light sleeper, but that kid can sleep through anything. I just- this dream and Luke- And I couldn’t fall back asleep, that’s all. Nothing a massive dose of caffeine won’t fix. It’s fine, I’m fine.”
“Geez, doc… Wait- What kind of dream? How was Luke involved?” Katie scooped up a spoon full of pear flavored baby food and brought it to Jacob’s mouth and as he eagerly munched on his fruity breakfast, Katie wiggled her eyebrows and grinned.
Reid narrowed his eyes at her and gave her a look she was sure could kill and after his initial reaction, he just shook his head and sighed, looking as unsettled and un-Reid-like as she’d seen him so far.
“Okay…” She drawled out the ‘okay’. “Jacob, looks like Uncle Reid has his ‘grumpy hat’ on today.” Katie pointedly returned Reid’s glare, as Jacob reached out to try to grab the jar of baby food just out of his reach. “I was actually talking about your trip to the farm last night. Did you find Luke? I bet he was very happy to see you.”
“It wasn’t a social call, Katie. I had to tell him that Noah Mayer almost died yesterday.”
Her face fell, all traces of amusement gone. “Oh my God, is he alright? How did Luke take it?”
“Yes, he’ll be fine… And Luke got upset and blamed himself. Mr. Mayer collapses- completely unrelated to anything Luke could ever do- and the first thing he does is blame himself, because he thinks he should have noticed...” The coffee maker made that horrid squeaky sound it usually did when his morning coffee was done and he poured himself a decent amount of black liquid. “Please, buy me a medal when I figure that one out.”
“Like I told you, Luke would be able to find a way to blame himself for global warming... What did you do when he blamed himself for Noah’s accident?”
“I… I called him out on it. And then he had to go and… hug me.” He shrugged and took a sip of his coffee and Katie looked at him as though she didn’t believe a word he’d said. Jacob’s expression matched his mother’s.
“Oh, really? Luke just felt the sudden urge to hug you?”
“Well, he’s obviously a hugger, Katie.”
“Obviously.” She rolled her eyes in a way that was usually distinctly his and Reid almost smirked at that. He’d taught her well. “Please, Dr. Oliver, you can’t fool me. Something tells me you couldn’t stand seeing young Mr. Snyder so upset and those feelings you’re so keen on denying took over, resulting in said hug. Am I close?”
Too much, too close.
“No, not at all.”
********
“Good morning, sleeping beauty!”
Luke walked into the kitchen, still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and he was met by the sight of Abigail closing the oven and the mouthwatering smell of baked bread, muffins and cookies. She took off Emma’s oven mittens and matching apron.
“You sleep okay?”
“Kind of. What are you doing?”
“Just doing a little baking, before I leave tomorrow. The kids are still asleep and I remember how much you all loved waking up to freshly baked goods when you were little. Can’t promise they’ll be as delicious as Emma’s, but I figured it’s worth a try. Aaron and Carolyn went out to the bakery just in case, though.”
“It’s nice to see Aaron so happy after all that happened with Alison.” Abigail nodded in agreement and smiled. “And speaking of happy couples, did dad and Molly arrive safely?”
“They’re in their hotel room as we speak.” Abigail stayed quiet for a while, frowning at him seriously and studying him, before smirking at him and allowing an amused twinkle in her blue eyes to take over. “So, that was Reid, huh?”
Luke couldn’t help but smile. “Yes, that was Reid.”
“He didn’t stay very long. Was everything okay?”
“No, not really… Uh, well, Reid came by to tell me that Noah- He collapsed at Java yesterday and Reid had to perform surgery on him.”
“So your new guy is now your old guy’s surgeon?”
“I guess you could… put it that way.”
“Is Noah okay? Are you going to go see him?”
“Reid said he’ll be fine. He really saved Noah’s life. As to whether or not I’m going to see him… I don’t know. I asked Reid if I could, but, honestly, I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.” She tilted her head a little and stared at him with a concerned look on her face, as Luke went on. “The last time I saw Noah, we had a fight and we both said horrible things to each other. And I don’t know if he’d even want me there, after everything I said. He needed to hear those things and I don’t regret it, but…”
“I think he could use people who care about him, whether you’re on good terms right now or not. I know Reid said he’ll be fine, but wouldn’t you regret it if- God forbid, something happened and the last time you saw him, you had a fight?”
“I know, but… I told Noah it hurt too much to have him in my life and I still feel that way. And that’s not suddenly going to change. I’m finally letting go of him, after three years I’m learning to stand on my own, without him. But it’s hard, because I’m still stuck.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s just- Reid said something last night. He said Noah’s accident wasn’t my fault and even if I’m not convinced of that, no one’s ever… Noah never once told me that.” Luke released a shaky breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding, as he uttered words and concerns he’d never said out loud. “And I feel like I can’t let go, really move on, until I hear that from him.”
“So you want an apology?”
“I want an acknowledgement. I want to get to know Reid without Noah’s hold over me.”
“So that’s how Reid fits into all of this?”
The previous day had been an emotional rollercoaster, only adding substance and thickness to the layers of concern and guilt and infatuation he’d already had. Just as he’d been on his way to getting there, to that point where he could believe Noah’s accident really wasn’t his fault, Reid had stopped by -He was even more taken with Reid than the day before, feeling Reid all around him. It’s Reid’s, Reid’s heart. - and it had all come tumbling down once again.
Two steps forward, one step back.
“Reid’s been on my mind since January, before he even came into my life. And if it hadn’t been for Reid and all that, I probably would have gotten back together with Noah at some point.”
“What are you saying?”
“I guess what I’m trying to say here, is that I’ve accused Noah of pushing me away over and over again, all the time, but maybe I did that, too. By being so caught up in Reid and developing feelings for him.”
“Oh, Luke… No, that doesn’t sound like you at all. I know I haven’t really been around, but I know you. You wouldn’t treat anyone like that, you wouldn’t push away anyone you cared about. You wouldn’t.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“Well, I do.” Abigail moved closer to him and proceeded to cover his hand with her own. “Look, Luke, I don’t know Noah, but- even if it was just for five seconds- I did meet Reid. And Luke, God, I- I saw the way you were looking at each other and I honestly have no idea how you could ever think that that’s a bad thing.”
“It’s not, I know that, I do. I’m not gonna apologize for the way Reid makes me feel.”
“Good. Does Noah know about any of this, or about Reid?”
“No, I haven’t told him anything. I wouldn’t know what to tell him.”
“The truth?” A beeping sound startled the both of them and Abigail grinned at him with a grin that could match his own on a good day. She walked - almost skipped- to the oven, put on her oven mittens and before she opened the oven, she looked back at him and winked.
“Think about it while trying my chocolate chip cookies.”
********
“Ah, yes, I get that, but- as I’m sure you’ve heard by now- Dr. Reid Oliver will be running that neurological wing and as you know, his reputation as one of the most brilliant neurosurgeons in the country precedes him. It would only be in your best interest and- I’m aware of that… Recession, depression, the current economic climate, yes, I’ve heard it all. But this- I can assure you that this would only work out in your favor… Yes, of course, I understand. No, thank you.”
If Bob Hughes was a man who cursed, the deep, long sigh he uttered after the phone call would have been followed by ten profanities. At least. Eight days ago, Reid Oliver had barged into his office and told Bob that he was staying in town and taking the job and he’d mentioned something about a horse and a three-day feast as he rolled his eyes.
And as excited as Bob was about it, about the opportunities having Dr. Oliver on staff would bring and about what it could mean for Memorial, Reid Oliver staying in town also meant that that neurological wing had to somehow get built.
He’d called a dozen possible investors and they’d all said the same thing, starting with ‘recession’, ending with ‘no’ and uttering a vast amount of bullshit in between. It was the last thing Bob wanted to do in his last year as Chief of Staff at Memorial - Any day now, he had to name his successor and Susan Stewart and Dr. Schiller were both outstanding candidates, but as time went on, Bob found it increasingly difficult to decide-, but here he was, calling one potential investor after another and getting shot down over and over again.
And he was tired; he’d been tired for years.
Tired from years and years of bureaucracy, filled with paperwork and paperwork and, yes, more paperwork, but his current quest, the mission soon to be deemed impossible, the search for good investors, was proving to be even more exhaustive than any job application, health care form, insurance claim or patient’s chart. Finding a rich investor was like trying to find Pandora’s box - Hope was inside this box-, a needle in a haystack or perhaps a black swan in a world of white and he was running out of options.
So, Bob Hughes needed an investor, needed to find the beans to his neurological beanstalk, or, in other words, he needed a big pile of cold hard cash and he needed a lot of it.
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