Now and Again (22/??)
Title: Now and Again
Author: alissablue
Rating: PG-13/R, will be NC-17 eventually.
Characters/Pairings: Luke/Reid, Noah, other Oakdale characters and an OC here or there.
Category: Fix it-fic, AU
Summary: “If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences.”- W.I. Thomas
Warnings: Angsty Angst, some mindfuckery
Disclaimer: Do not own. Wish I did, though. I could make them do all sorts of kinky stuff.
A/N: Keywords for this fic are ‘patience’ and ‘payoff’. Title credit goes to my epically awesome beta slayerkitty, who deserves a round of applause for sitting through my long rants, freak outs, smut-related giggles and posting hesitation.
A/N: Me + comments is like... Reid + Sandwiches<3.
Prologue / 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 / 19 / 20 / 21 /
Chapter 22: I’ve found a better toy to play with
“So, what’s the first thing you want to do, now that you can see again?”
Dr. Channing had left the room after examining Noah, saying his goodbyes, as his flight was the next day, but Luke was still there, unwavering in his persistent need to take care of him. He was sitting on the chair next to Noah’s bed with his shoes comfortably propped on the sheets, as they joked around a bit, Noah more relaxed than he’d seen him in months.
“I don’t know, I just… Seeing you again is enough for now. None of this could have happened without you.”
“I don’t know, I’m thinking Dr. Channing had something to do with it, too.”
“I know, but you… Thank you, Luke.” Noah reached out for him and grabbed his hand, intertwining their fingers and smiling at the sight. “All those months, the darkness, not being able to see you… I know I haven’t been the best boyfriend- friend, lately, but now that I can see again- I think I can forgive you and I want to work on us again.”
“Noah…”
“I miss you.” He said, caressing Luke’s palm, tracing the lines as though he was still trying to refocus his senses, matching what he felt on his fingertips with the sight he’d regained. “So much,” He added after a long pause. “And I know you just want to be friends right now-”
“Not just right now.”
“What- I know you said your feelings have changed, but still- We have so much history, Luke… And we could have an amazing future. You and me, in L.A., you as a writer, me as a filmmaker, just like we always wanted.”
“L.A.?”
“Yeah… Nothing’s stopping me, now that I can see again.”
“No, I guess not… But I can’t move to L.A., my family’s here.”
“Just think about it, okay?”
“Noah…”
“Have you heard from Alison?”, Noah asked quickly, changing the subject before Luke could say anything else or leave. Luke sighed and removed his feet from Noah’s bed, but he didn’t make a move to get up. “I’d love to see her, find out what color her hair is this week.”
********
William Channing had been in Oakdale for seventeen days. For the past seventeen days, he’d enjoyed exquisite room service at the Lakeview Hotel - courtesy of Luke Snyder -, a daily sandwich-fix from that diner with the guy in the ugly and much too colorful shirts and, most importantly, for the past seventeen days, William Channing had actually felt like a surgeon again.
While he had had a few patients in Dallas, none of them had been particularly exciting, despite what he’d tried to convince Reid Oliver of and, truthfully, going to Oakdale and signing off his patients for a few weeks had been no trouble at all, despite him telling Luke Snyder that he couldn’t just drop everything at his beck and call.
And Noah Mayer’s case had reminded him of the thrill of high-profile cases, something he’d almost forgotten about since those younger, hotshot surgeons started staking their claim in the surgical food chain at Parkland Memorial. He’d performed a surgery most surgeons dreamed of, singlehandedly and successfully, and he was looking forward to the prospect of returning to Dallas tomorrow, where he could finally make that surgical comeback. This time without having Reid fucking Oliver to worry about. I am surgeon, hear me roar.
“Ah, William Channing, savior of all mankind, there you are.” Reid fucking Oliver came up from behind him and when Channing turned around, Oliver pretended to take off his imaginary hat, before taking a dramatic bow and smirking the smirk William always wanted to wipe off immediately.
“Yes, for he makes the dumb to speak, the deaf to hear, the lame to walk and the blind to see.” Channing narrowed his eyes and a growl escaped from the back of his throat.
“Quit it, Oliver.” It was as though Oliver rolled his eyes on command, almost doing so every time William dared to do so much as take a breath.“You just can’t stand the fact that I wouldn’t let you play with my scalpel.”
“Oh, but I’ve found a better toy to play with, as I’m sure you’ve heard. That neurological wing, the-”
“Luke Snyder, perhaps? His toys?” He raised one eyebrow suggestively and Reid genuinely looked taken aback for a second, his jaw clenching at the sound of Luke’s name. William had seen Oliver in the presence of Luke Snyder twice on the day of Noah’s surgery and once again two days after that and he’d never seen him so thrown of his game and focused on another human being than himself.
“Yes, Oliver, you and Mr. Snyder could both use a lesson in subtlety, by the way-”
“What are you still doing here anyway, William? Noah Mayer should be awake by now. Don’t you think it’s about time for you to hop onboard that plane and scramble?”
“And miss this? The great- brilliant Dr. Reid Oliver growing half hard at the sight of a hot, young and doe eyed blond? Never thought I’d see the day anyone would get to you like that.”
“For fu- Jealous that you’re not the wind beneath my wings anymore?”
“Please.” He held out his hand and gestured to his still trained physique. “Like you wouldn’t be all over this, if I were gay.”
“Gay or not, I could have easily had you bent over my desk the day we met.”
“Like Nelson and his secretary?” Reid snorted and couldn’t help but chuckle and Channing respectively couldn’t help but join him. On the first day Dr. Nelson’s secretary, Cassie, had come to work for their chief, Reid and William - trading insults on their way to Dr. Nelson’s office- had caught the young woman in a rather compromising position with their head of neurology. And to this day, it was still one of the only things Reid and Channing could joke about, without glares and groans and eye rolls.
“Well, I can’t say that it’s been a pleasure, William.” Reid held out his hand and William shook it. He wasn’t ever going to like his former colleague, but he’d always enjoyed riling him up until he could see the smoke coming out of his ears like a cartoon figure.
“Best not to dwell on it and pretend we were ever buddies, right?”
“Exactly. Have a safe trip tomorrow, Dr. Channing.”
“Will do.” William nodded at Reid and started walking away, but right before he turned the corner, he turned around and narrowed his eyes at Oliver, who raised his eyebrows in surprise, before smirking in delight.
“Can’t stay away from me, can you, William?”
“Dr. Oliver…” He sighed as though what he was about to say was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do. “I encourage you not to be an ass when it comes to Mr. Snyder. I haven’t got the slightest clue what the guy could possibly see in you, but he looks at you like I haven’t seen him look at Mr. Mayer and you’d be an idiot to throw that away.”
With that, William left, leaving Reid to realize that he'd never been rendered speechless as often as in the past two weeks.
********
“Is something wrong?”
As Luke sat there, his mind drifting farther and farther away, his former love still went on and on about everything ranging from what he’d missed seeing in the past few months to all the things he wanted to do now that he had his sight back.
It felt good to see Noah happy again, excited and without the resentment Luke usually heard in his tone of voice and that gave Luke a tiny glimmer of hope, like some sort of window of opportunity. Because after all that had happened, Luke had still wanted to try to be friends. And Noah had seemed okay with that right before the surgery and earlier, he’d seemed okay with dropping the subject and letting it go.
Until a little later, of course. Even after Luke had made it clear earlier that he didn’t want to be more than just friends, Noah was still not so subtly trying to reel Luke in. He was uttering no less than a hundred words per minute and about half of the things Noah talked about involved Luke somehow, his ideas of what their future would look like and it was more than obvious that Noah definitely didn’t mean their future as strictly bosom buddies.
“Luke? Is something wrong?”
Luke blinked once, twice, a few more times, realizing that Noah had stopped talking and that he’d sighed loudly without even being aware of it. Noah squinted at him and he seemed a little annoyed that Luke apparently wasn’t really paying attention.
“I just- I just realized something….”
“What? That I’ve got my sight back? Because I think we pretty much covered that.”
“Do you ever even hear me at all?”
“What do you mean? That’s ridiculous- Of course I do.”
“No, no, I don’t think you do. Because I distinctively remember telling you I don’t want to get back together- more than once- but now you’re talking as though…” Luke stopped right there, right in the middle of it, not even sure if he could say what it sounded like without opening a can of worms the size of Texas.
“I know what you said, Luke, I was there. But you know what? We’ve been here before and we’ve always gotten back together.”
“It’s different this time.” Luke ran his hands through his hair, the lengthy strands of dirty blond hair roaming through his knuckles. His mind drifted back to Reid, the dreams and the way being around Reid made him feel. The way he felt alive, aware of every molecule he consisted of, only to be stripped of that now, ripped out of it and drained from the remnants now that he was back in Noah’s orbit. He didn’t even feel half the things he felt with Reid, when he was around Noah.
“So, what- You’re done now? You paid your debt to society, stayed long enough for you not to feel guilty anymore and now you’re just gonna throw me away like that? That’s nice, guess there’s more Grimaldi in you than I initially thought.”
“I’m starting to think there’s more Winston Mayer in you than I initially thought…” Luke regretted his words immediately, but refused to take them back, as Noah needed to hear it. They both knew there was some truth to it, in the way Noah’s words sometimes hurt like bullets from a rifle, even if Noah had tried hard to distance himself from the colonel. “Look, Noah, I told you- I’m sorry about the accident, I feel horrible about that. And, no, I’m not in love with you anymore, but I would like for us to be friends.”
“Regaining my sight has made me see things a whole lot more clearly now and- I can’t just be your friend, Luke. I can’t be around you without wanting more. If you want to be my friend, you can go be my friend somewhere else.”
Luke laughed, not even knowing why or where it came from, but he felt insane and delirious and, mostly, good, so good, as the metaphorical light bulb above his head lit up and the eureka in neon lights appeared in the back of his mind. “You only want me on your terms, don’t you?”
“Come on, wha-”
“You only want me when you get to decide what and when and where and how and I loved you, so I didn’t see that- Or I did, but I ignored it- I thought that relationships were supposed to be like this… Relationships- Friendships aren’t supposed to hurt like this. I can’t put myself through it again and to be honest, I simply refuse to.”
“You’re overreacting.”
“Don’t. Don’t patronize me. If having you in my life means that you keep pushing and pulling and hurting me, stringing me along like a wooden puppet… Then I don’t even want you in my life anymore.” He stood up and walked toward the door, grabbing the handle and he was so close, this close to the damn door right in front of him, when Noah opened his mouth.
“What happened to the guy I fell in love with?”
“He grew up and realized he deserves better. Bye, Noah.”
NEXT
********
A/N: 1) Don't throw Noah's going away party just yet... 2) Yes, Luke/Reid next chapter, one of my favorite chapters so far. Also, up next, we've got Molden's wedding day on August 3rd, which will be about six(?) chapters (It's a really really long day XD). August 3rd is mostly a very good day. 3) Next update will be on Friday or Saturday, depending on how much I'll be able to write this week. Thanks so much for reading<3!