Now and Again (18/??)
Title: Now and Again
Author: alissablue
Rating: PG-13/R, will be NC-17 eventually.
Characters/Pairings: Luke/Reid, Noah, other Oakdale characters and an OC here or there.
Category: Fix it-fic, AU
Summary: “If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences.”- W.I. Thomas
Warnings: Angsty Angst, some mindfuckery
Disclaimer: Do not own. Wish I did, though. I could make them do all sorts of kinky stuff.
A/N: Keywords for this fic are ‘patience’ and ‘payoff’. Title credit goes to my epically awesome beta slayerkitty, who deserves a round of applause for sitting through my long rants, freak outs, smut-related giggles and posting hesitation.
A/N: Me + comments is like... Reid + Sandwiches<3.
Prologue / 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 /
Chapter 18: You remember Dr. Oliver, don’t you?
It was too much and he had to look away.
Reid was pretty sure not looking away would be the death of him. It was too strong, like there was something much too primal or seductive about it to ever trust it and raw, animalistic as though the sight of the blond alone would be enough expose him through and through, break, hammer and scratch down every molecule with no future plans to rebuild him.
His heart pounded in his chest, his flesh positively throbbed and the muscles, limbs and bones that were supposed to give him the support to stand, fucking ached as though they were on the verge of collapsing and about to crumble.
But Reid Oliver didn’t collapse, nor crumble.
And still, he ached for what was in front of him, offered to him on a dirty blond platter as if it was the solution to every mathematical problem he’d never been able to solve or an answer to the silent prayers he’d never believed would be heard. But he couldn’t give into it, couldn’t succumb -and fuck, he simply refused to lose himself in it- to whatever it had been that had hit him like a freight train when he’d met the chocolate brown eyes of the young man.
It just felt too right for him to handle, too right to be part of, or all of the damn truth he’d been looking for since January. Six months and seven days and nine hours.
Notrightnotrightnotright?
So, so right
********
Reid.
There was nothing like it, nothing at all. Absolutely nothing he’d ever encountered in his life had even come close to it, this face-saving, world altering promise -because it had to be a promise, something bound to be ripped away from him- that shook him to the core and oozed from his pores and his veins and his flesh, muscles, skin or bones, trying to escape the fabric that enveloped his body.
No, I don’t.
I can’t, I can’t.
And I won’t
Luke simply refused to believe it.
But he breathed and blinked, once, twice and again and again and again and then, he was left with no choice but to do just that, believe. He - Reid. Reid. Reid.- was still there, so close, so near, right here, right in front of him, right there, within such close proximity that Luke would only need a step or two to reach out and touch him and feel him, all of him, everything, his hands, his jaw, his skin, his chest and-
It was all he could think about.
Luke had found himself staring at the man in his dreams and everything else had faded away, had fallen away into an existence of nullity or infinity or something else that wouldn’t register.
None of it mattered.
Reid.
The auburn haired guy whose image hadn’t left him alone for the past six months, seven days, nine goddamn hours, was there and he was real.
His eyes were bluer, so much bluer and much more vivid than he remembered, piercing through him with more intensity than he could recall. But was it that, something he actually remembered? A memory of a life he wasn’t even aware of? Had they met before, shared an experience that would explain the wave of emotions that seemed to be bursting through the surface of his self-consciousness, that would explain the feelings -memories, Luke- that appeared to hit him like a ton of bricks?
Reid.
********
“Nurse Holmes… Noah…” Channing cleared his throat and chuckled, attempting to cover up the heated exchange he’d just shared with Reid Oliver. Their conversation should have taken place behind closed doors, he knew that, he and Oliver both had, but it had escalated too quickly for either of them to focus on anything else but beating the other, getting the satisfaction of watching the other squirm in defeat. He glanced at Oliver, who seemed to have forgotten all about their exchange, as he looked as though he’d just seen a ghost. He patted Oliver’s back to snap him out of it and the movement startled Reid, who shot him a glare and narrowed his eyes.
“You remember Dr. Oliver, don’t you?”
“Right- Dr. Oliver, from Texas!”
“That’s right.” Reid found his voice and took a few steps toward Noah, avoiding the penetrating stare of the blond in the corner of his eye that gave him chills and goose bumps that didn’t go away. “Nice to see you again, Mr. Mayer.”
“Looks like I’ll be able to say the same thing soon.” Noah held out his hand, unsure of where to expect Reid’s and gave a slight smile when he felt Reid’s warm palm in his own hand.
“You- you met- you met him in Dallas?”, Luke stammered, his voice coming out of nowhere and he himself not even realizing the words came from him, until the three men and the nurse turned to face him. His eyes stayed on Reid, glued to his form, following every subtle movement from the way his hand lightly bounced on his thigh, to the way his eyes appeared to keep searching for and finding Luke’s, only to look away.
“Yes- Oh, Dr. Oliver, this is Luke Snyder.”
********
He couldn’t not acknowledge the presence of that guy anymore.
Reid again glanced at the blond next to Noah, who was still looking at him with his mouth slightly hanging open - those lips, fuck, those lips- and Reid wondered if he had stopped breathing. He took a step toward the guy, who noticed and cleared his throat, looking visibly rattled and a little flushed.
The blond gave him a shy smile, looked down at his shoes for a second, ducked his head and then looked back up again through his dark eyelashes, holding his stare like barely anyone ever did and Reid felt every bit of it coursing through him, felt his heart thump harder and harder and so much louder, in his ears, in his fingers, in his throat, in each and every inch of skin, drowning out everything else.
“You must be Mr. Snyder.” -You’re not all that, Mr. Snyder.-
Reid shook his hand, determined, strong and steady and the touch sent a slight shiver down his spine, triggered an overwhelming hurt, a flash of pain that left him as quickly as it had come. The guy - Luke. Luke. Luke.- nodded and, although Reid tried to let go to make it stop, the guy wouldn’t let him and didn’t release his grip, lightly squeezing his hand and never taking his eyes off Reid.
“Yeah… Dr. Oliver, was it?” -You know, Dr. Oliver, you are a real killer romantic.-
Reid looked down at their still joined hands and swallowed, before looking back into the blonds’ eyes. Reid let out a sharp breath, opening his mouth to speak, but his mouth felt dry and no words came out. He took a step back, forcing himself to actually let go of the guy’s hand and then forcing himself to look away.
It was too much, he felt too much. Too much of everything he couldn’t explain and didn’t understand. It all felt unsettling, almost wretchedly, as though he was drowning in something, the blonds’ hand pulling him in until whatever he wanted to get away from filled his nostrils, his throat and finally, his lungs.
And it felt too much like something that only added to the disentanglement he’d felt for so long, or perhaps made it completely fade away, he couldn’t tell, couldn’t distinguish what made sense and what didn’t in the now existing blur of his thoughts and words and feelings and heartbeats.
He couldn’t remember the last time anything had terrified him like Luke Snyder.
********
Luke couldn’t stop.
For the life of him, he couldn’t stop.
No, I don’t.
I can’t. I can’t.
And I won’t.
Luke couldn’t stop looking at him, taking in every detail, every ounce of him, afraid he’d forget like he’d done before. He felt like a child possessed, following his object of affection, the obsession that consumed him through the widened eyes of an innocent little boy. Moments earlier, only moments ago, Reid had caught him, had noticed the way Luke couldn’t help but look at him and after that, he’d felt Reid’s hand in his own and he hadn’t been willing to let go, not at first.
He had liked the exquisite feeling of Reid’s palm against his own, the tenderness he hadn’t expected -but perhaps should have- balancing out the roughness of his grip and he relished in it so much, maybe a little too much, finally getting real confirmation that he wasn’t completely out of his mind and in need of a straightjacket and a padded cell next to his aunt’s.
But Reid had let go.
********
Noah’s hand reached out and found his jacket and he tugged it gently as he spoke, as though he sensed Luke needed something to escape from his silence.
“Luke, Dr. Oliver’s actually one of the surgeons Dr. Shepherd recommended and-”
“Shepherd? That quack was your doctor?” Reid focused on Noah and only Noah and, basically, anything but Luke, Luke and Luke. “And Dr. Channing-” He didn’t even have to look at Channing, to feel the daggers shot at him and the warning look on his face. “Even I have to admit William over here is a step up from that.”
Channing rolled his eyes and held out his hands in front of him, as though he was cursing the gods above. “You’re too kind, Oliver.”
“I try.”
“Dr. Channing…” The nurse, who was still standing behind Noah’s wheelchair, awkwardly leaning on the balls of her feet, lightly swaying back and forth, had finally decided to speak up and her face reddened when she noticed both Dr. Oliver and Dr. Channing turning to face her and staring her down. “I- I, uh, I think- I think we should get Noah ready for the surgery.”
“Well, get to it then, nurse.”, Channing stated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“Noah, are you ready?”
“Yeah...” Noah found Luke’s hand and held on to it tightly, a movement which didn’t go unnoticed by Reid. Luke looked at Reid, who immediately looked away again, before looking down at the man he used to love more than anything. “Luke?”
“I’ll be right here.”
“Good. Dr. Channing, can I-”
He never got to finish his sentence, as the sound of Reid’s beeper roamed through the tension-filled hall instead, cutting through it like a switchblade. Reid cursed and checked the small piece of equipment, reading the code that told him he was needed elsewhere.
“I have to go. Mr. Mayer, good luck with your surgery. Mr. Snyder…” Luke nodded, understanding what Reid couldn’t seem to tell him or maybe didn’t even know himself. But they accepted it, ending the exchange of so much more than words, more than handshakes and locked eyes with something left unspoken. “Dr. Channing, I’d like to talk to you for a minute.” Reid gripped the older man’s upper arm and William complied, following Reid until they were out of earshot.
“What do you want, Oliver?”
“I want you to remember what I said, about Noah Mayer’s surgery. The blood vessels… And his optic nerve. You might think you’ve got everything covered, everything you saw on the scans, but you don’t and-”
“Why do you even care?”
“I don’t. But-”
“You just have to play the hero, don’t you?”
“Just-” He looked over Channing’s shoulder and saw Noah talking to Luke, the latter smiling at something Mr. Mayer told him. “Remember what I said.”
Channing glared at him, as Reid walked away, ordering himself over and over again not to look back, to just keep walking and not glance back at the blond who had just uprooted everything and broken down the walls of his apparently false sense of security.
NEXT
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A/N: 1) Soooo... What'd you think? Should I run and hide and avoid the bricks? I know they didn't really talk, but they'll do that very, very soon^^. 2) Originally, my outline said that this story was going to be about 25 chapters long... Well, I just finished the draft of chapter 26 yesterday and nope, not going to happen. Chapter 26 is not even close to the end. If this story is the alphabet, then chapter 26 is the letter M or something XD. 3) Unfortunately, this is the point where I have to slow down a bit. I have loads of studying to do for my exams next week and a paper to write (which means that I'll just be frantically refreshing my friend page as a way to procrastinate, but whatevs...), so I don't know how many updates there will be this week or next. But after next week, we'll go back to regular updates.
Thanks for reading!