Now and Again (21/??)
Title: Now and Again
Author: alissablue
Rating: PG-13/R, will be NC-17 eventually.
Characters/Pairings: Luke/Reid, Noah, other Oakdale characters and an OC here or there.
Category: Fix it-fic, AU
Summary: “If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences.”- W.I. Thomas
Warnings: Angsty Angst, some mindfuckery
Disclaimer: Do not own. Wish I did, though. I could make them do all sorts of kinky stuff.
A/N: Keywords for this fic are ‘patience’ and ‘payoff’. Title credit goes to my epically awesome beta slayerkitty, who deserves a round of applause for sitting through my long rants, freak outs, smut-related giggles and posting hesitation.
A/N: Me + comments is like... Reid + Sandwiches<3.
Prologue / 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 / 19 / 20 /
Chapter 21: I see you’ve decided to rejoin the land of the living
Two days after Noah’s surgery, Luke walked through the halls of Memorial. The past two days had been relatively uneventful, as he’d divided his time between the foundation, Grimaldi Shipping and Noah’s room, talking to Noah about various things as he remained in his sedated slumber. Dr. Channing had dropped by a few times, checking Noah’s vitals and the day before, he’d told Luke that Noah could wake up any minute now.
And Luke was happy about that.
He wanted Noah to wake up and be okay and for all of this to finally be over. But he also felt like something wasn’t quite right about the whole thing. And even though Dr. Channing had done a great job and Luke trusted him with Noah’s care, the thought wouldn’t leave him alone. It seemed determined to stick to his brain like superglue along with the mantra of ReidReidReid that still echoed in his mind.
But despite spending so much time at Memorial, he hadn’t seen the man in question. Luke had hoped to see him and talk to him and perhaps find out if Reid had decided to stay in town, but he hadn’t run into him at all and he’d found himself missing him.
In the past two days, Luke had learned what it was like to miss him. He'd learned that missing Reid was a constant, lingering fact of life, clinging to him like the fabric of his clothes or salty drops of sweat he couldn't wipe off his back and he’d found out that missing Reid wasn't unlike the dull ache in his chest he felt whenever he was ripped out of a dream.
But, despite the fact that missing Reid felt quite similar to that dull ache, he’d also learned that missing Reid was worse. Much, much worse.
'Heartache' seemed too weak to describe it, how the after-effects, the liquor less hangover caused by meeting Reid and touching him and feeling the thirst relentlessly teasing his nerve endings, had made Luke miss Reid as though he's had him in his life forever. The version in his dreams, the life-sized cardboard cutout and image he'd constructed himself felt like the bad spin-off to the original, the sidekick to the superhero, the simple drawer to the walk-in closet and the fall from grace after finding nirvana.
And despite spending so much time at Memorial, he hadn’t seen the man in question. Luke had hoped to see him and talk to him and perhaps find out if the surgeon had decided to stay in town, but he hadn’t run into him at all and there was a thought in the back of his mind, a fear he didn't want to vocalize, that meeting Reid had really only been a promise -face saving, bound to be ripped away- and it all had slipped through his fingers, right when he'd found him. That Reid had left, unimpressed and unaffected.
He didn’t even know what he wanted from Reid, if he really wanted anything from him at all. He knew he couldn’t just tell Reid about the dreams and about the ache he’d felt for months now, but he also knew that there was something there. That there was something between them that had latched on to him, maybe even the both of them and that he had to try and find out what that was.
And, as fate would have it, Luke saw the man in his dreams right across the hall, just as he was on his way home from seeing Noah.
Reid was looking over a patient’s chart, leaned over the chart as if it carried the answers to all his questions and the sight made Luke smile. Reid looked so focused, so wrapped up in whatever he was doing and the sight of the surgeon at work just felt right to Luke, like the most natural thing in the world.
“Dr. Oliver.”
Reid heard his voice and practically jumped. He could hear the sneakers, the steps Luke took as he approached him and he turned around just as Luke’s steps came to a halt.
“Hi”, Luke said breathlessly, smiling and Reid’s unwillingly felt the corners of his mouth twitch as though he could barely contain a smile himself.
“Mr. Snyder.” It seemed to take forever for him to return the greeting, but it finally escaped from him as he released a deep breath. Luke was standing no more than two feet away from him and as his heart thumped, the rhythm of his beats loud and overbearing, the hunger he felt whenever he thought of him remained just underneath the layers of his skin like an itch he couldn’t scratch.
“It’s Luke, you don’t need to call me Mr. Snyder.” Luke softly spoke and then ducked his head and Reid’s eyes slid over Luke’s body from head to toe, as he couldn’t help but do whenever he saw him - he was only human, after all, a red blooded male with needs, damn it- and like every other time he’d done that, everything about him, each and every inch of skin Reid’s blue eyes devoured and ravished in the back of his mind, captivated him to a degree he couldn’t define.
“No...”, Reid said, a little too quickly and he cleared his throat. “No… Mr. Snyder’s fine.” Luke looked up again, his brown eyes finding Reid's blues, right before Reid looked away and at first, Reid thought he’d imagined the flash of hurt on Luke’s face at his refusal, but it had lingered for a moment too long. And he immediately wanted to make it go away, stitch it up and fix it, however small the wound his reaction had caused had been, because that look on Luke's face definitely didn't belong there. But he couldn’t.
“How’s Mr. Mayer?”, Reid asked instead. He really couldn't. He couldn’t cave, not even a little, knowing far too well that he’d drown in Luke Snyder if he let him in. He’d spent the past two days eating less than he’d had in years, taking one cold shower after another and not allowing himself to do anything to find relief for his pulsating flesh that hardened and throbbed so much it hurt whenever he allowed himself to think about Luke for a moment too long.
“He’s getting there. Dr. Channing told me he should wake up any minute now.”
“That’s good. He seems like a decent guy.”
“Yeah, he is.” They stood there, avoiding each other's gaze, while still quietly sneaking glances at each other as though they were trying to capture and recapture all the images or snapshots of each other they hadn’t been able to acquire in the past two days and maybe longer before that and it probably should have been uncomfortable or weird, but it wasn’t at all.
Reid felt like the biggest sap and idiot in the world and the science nerd guy he’d once been, seemed to make a grand comeback now that he standing in front of the gorgeous brown eyed young man. He never really liked that feeling, feeling like the alter ego he’d left behind in the constant awkwardness of high school.
“But I should get going... Check out if my interns are still screwing up, which they probably are. They can’t seem to get their heads out of their asses long enough to follow a simple order. And while I usually enjoy the arousing combination of heads and asses…” Reid paused and smirked and Luke looked down, knowing he was starting to blush furiously. Reid noticed and, while he immediately cursed himself inwardly for even thinking it, he thought it was adorable. “I’m afraid this isn’t one of those times.”
“I- I didn’t mean to get in your way like that, Re- Dr. Oliver. I just wanted… I’ll let you get to whatever you needed to do and-”
“If you’d gotten in my way, I would have told you. What did you want, Mr. Snyder?”
“I was just wondering if you… Are you planning on staying in town? Because I- I think you should- for the hospital.” Luke’s gaze dropped to the floor again, as he spoke. His right hand fingers scratched the back of his neck, as though he was nervous, knowing he was possibly crossing a line here, but still feeling the need to get an answer and just know. He had to know if he had time, if they had the time to explore whatever it was between them that made his insides want to scream and howl and cry out.
“Dr. Hughes is still looking for a replacement for the neuro wing and he was going to ask Dr. Channing, but I don’t think he’s sticking around… I think Bob Hughes would appreciate it, if you stayed. For the hospital’s benefit, of course.”
“Of course, for Memorial. And you?” Reid’s voice sounded smooth and low and deep, but his heartbeat was racing, pounding in his chest as if it was looking for a way out of it. Luke’s head snapped up and he looked straight into Reid’s eyes.
Luke didn’t know how or when it had happened, but the two feet between them had become far less. He felt the flutters in his stomach, the endorphins coursing through him and twisting and turning his insides at Reid's close proximity. The ground seemed wobbly and unsteady, but Luke figured it had more to do with him, with the thirst and the spark that were seeping through again, clawing at him so much he wanted to scream, than with the surface he was standing on. Then, reacting simply to the sound of Reid’s voice, the sound being all he needed to hear, Luke slightly nodded, ignoring the faint blush on his cheeks, as his brown eyes darted from Reid’s blue eyes to his lips and back again.
“Would you appreciate it? For the smile it would bring to the old man’s face?”
“I would, definitely.” For all the confidence Reid had just had, it seemed like none at all the moment Luke’s eyes started to puncture his skin. His muscles contracted, as though he literally felt Luke's eyes on his skin and he immediately crossed his arms over his chest as an instinctive gut reaction to build some kind of wall or mask to hide behind or create a physical barrier that would be strong enough to serve as a wall that Luke wouldn’t be able to break down.
“There’s a lot more to Oakdale than meets the eye and you might miss that if you don’t stick around- stay a while longer.”
“Oakdale’s more than just the home of the world’s most unappealing grilled cheese sandwich? Good thing I already talked to Dr. Hughes, then.” Reid muttered.
“You did? You’re staying?”
“Yes, indefinitely.”
“So there’s time-” Luke stopped himself mid-sentence, catching himself before he could let out a stream of words that could send Reid running for the hills.
“For what?”
All of it, everything.
“Nothing… I’m glad you’re staying… For Memorial.” Luke’s face broke out in a blinding smile, effortlessly breaking down the very wall Reid had just built.
“So, I guess I’ll see you around, Dr. Oliver.”
“Seems that way. Bye, Mr. Snyder.”
“Bye.”
His eyes stayed on the back of Luke’s head, on the tangled mess of dirty blond hair that made his fingers itch in anticipation, until Luke turned the corner. Looking around to see if there was anyone else around and not seeing anyone, he smiled to himself and hoped nobody noticed.
William Channing did.
********
The world had been black for months now, for what had seemed like forever. He’d felt incomplete, like less of a man and more out of control with his life than he’d ever felt. He’d pushed away the man he loved over and over again, perhaps in an attempt to punish him, but that was all in the past and it would be different this time.
The first thing Noah saw when he opened his eyes three days after his surgery, was the face of a man he didn’t recognize. The sight was still a little blurry, but the nurse had told him that it would take some time before he regained his sight fully.
The man didn’t look up from his notepad at first, but simply kept scribbling down notes. He figured it was a doctor, judging by the white coat and the stethoscope and he came to the conclusion that it had to be William Channing. When Dr. Channing noticed that he was looking at him, he smiled and Noah smiled back, only one side of his mouth tilting upwards.
“Mr. Mayer, I see you’ve decided to rejoin the land of the living.” Dr. Channing grabbed his penlight and started to examine him, when the door opened and the blond he’d missed the sight of came walking through the door.
Luke’s eyes widened when he caught Noah looking at him, awake and aware of his presence and his face broke out into a big, warm Snyder-like smile. Despite his smile, Luke looked older and more exhausted and, frankly, not like the Luke he remembered. The Luke he’d fallen in love with.
“What are you standing around for? Get over here, Luke. I want to see you.”
“You can really see me… God, I’m so glad you’re awake.” Luke walked over to him, to the side where Dr. Channing wasn’t standing and Noah grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers and Luke let him. Channing glanced at their adjoined hands and raised his eyebrow at Luke knowingly, but Luke looked away.
William had overheard a dozen conversations between the two men, most of them filled with resentment and anger on Mr. Mayer’s part and guilt and sadness on Mr. Snyder’s part and William had come to the conclusion that one didn’t need to be a genius to see that it was anything but healthy.
“How do you feel?”
“Like a former blind man… And like the man you fell in love with.”
The look on Luke’s face told him otherwise.
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