GL - Movie Night - Part 70
Title: Movie Night
Author: critic2000
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Rating: PG-13 to start, for violence (non-sexual) and language. I am not any kind of a medical expert so if there are some glaring errors, please forgive me.
Disclaimer: I don’t own the Guiding Light characters, they belong to CBS and Proctor and Gamble.
Summary: This is set in the spring of 2009. I’ve taking some liberties with the storyline, mainly Natalia never slept with Frank, hence no engagement etc. So our girls have been just continuing forward raising Emma and getting closer to each other though they are still technically just friends, but that will change… This is a hurt/comfort story so they are headed on a rough ride.
Author’s Note: This is my first fan fiction so please be gentle. This would not have been possible if not for the persistent nudging and awesome editing of my beta/great friend croftlara. Comments are welcome.
( Part 1 ) ( Parts 2 & 3 ) ( Part 4 ) ( Parts 5 & 6 ) ( Part 7 ) ( Part 8 ) ( Part 9 ) ( Part 10 ) ( Part 11 ) ( Part 12 ) ( Part 13 ) ( Parts 14 & 15 ) ( Part 16 ) ( Part 17 ) ( Part 18 ) ( Part 19 ) ( Part 20 ) ( Part 21 ) ( Part 22 ) ( Part 23 ) ( Part 24 ) ( Part 25 ) ( Part 26 ) ( Part 27 ) ( Part 28 ) ( Part 29 ) ( Part 30 ) ( Part 31 ) ( Part 32 ) ( Part 33 ) ( Chapter 34 ) ( Part 35 ) ( Part 36 ) ( Part 37 ) ( Part 38 ) ( Part 39 ) ( Part 40 ) ( Part 41 ) ( Part 42 ) ( Part 43 ) ( Part 44 ) ( Part 45 ) ( Part 46 ) ( Part 47 ) ( Part 48 ) ( Part 49 ) ( Part 50 ) ( Chapter51)( Chapter52) ( Part 53 ) ( Chapter 54 ) ( Part 55 )( Part 56 )( Part 57 ) ( Part 58 ) ( Part 59 ) ( Part 60 A )( Part 60 B ) ( Part 61 ) ( Part 62 ) ( Part 63 )(Part 64 ) Part 65 A )( Part 65 B ) ( Part 66 )( Part 67 ) ( Part 68 A )( Part 68 B ) ( Part 69 )
Chapter 70
Olivia was awake, she knew it, but her eyes weren’t quite open yet. The body attached to her side was clearly that of her daughter’s, she would know the feel and the scent of her baby anywhere. She closed her arms around Emma and kissed the top of her head. The night came back in a flood of memories that nearly took Olivia’s breath away. I knew I never should have brought you back here, what was I thinking? Olivia could only berate herself, it was like it had confirmed her worst fears.
Emma stirred beside her. “Mommy?” The sleepy voice asked.
“I’m here baby.” Olivia looked down into sleep infused eyes. “Are you okay?”
“I had a bad dream.” Emma snuggled in closer, her tiny body shivering against the memory.
“I know baby. But you’re okay and safe now. Do you want to talk about it?”
“Where’s Natalia?” Emma sat up and looked around.
Olivia followed suit and looked around as well, “I guess she went into her own bed. Do you want to go find her?”
Emma nodded.
Hand in hand the pair walked down the hallway to master bedroom. Sure enough an outline on the bed could be seen in the dim light of pre-dawn.
“Come on.” Olivia encouraged and lifted Emma onto the bed next to Natalia. Emma immediately cuddled up to the sleeping Latina, who instinctively put her arm around the child.
Olivia slid in next to Emma and took a glance at the clock. It was barely five am. Oh this is going to be another long day.
No matter how hard she tried, Olivia just couldn’t fall back to sleep. It hadn’t taken long for Emma’s breathing to deepen but the same couldn’t be said for her. Negative thoughts and feelings burned through her mind and she fought the urge to pick Emma up and run away from this house and this town forever.
She then looked over at Natalia. Taking Emma away, separating her from you, no that wouldn’t do either of us any good. Olivia rubbed her hand over her face. Just gotta figure something else out.
The next time she glanced at the clock it was closer to seven. It was a school day but she had no intention of making Emma go to school after the night before. Olivia figured the least she could do was make breakfast for everyone though.
With some reluctance for leaving the warm bed but knowing sleep had truly eluded her Olivia climbed out of bed and shuffled down the stairs deciding to make the ol’ standby, eggs and bacon. Nothing like the smell of bacon in the house. Unconsciously she hoped it might give Emma a sense of peace, something she was used to.
As Olivia cooked, she allowed her tired mind to wander back to the night before. Mentally she kicked herself for somehow not foreseeing Emma’s breakdown. It wasn’t logical but being a mother meant doing everything in your power to protect your child against pain and when it couldn’t be prevented, to do everything possible to make it better. Olivia made a mental note to call Dr. Bourdreau’s office and see if they could squeeze Emma in for an emergency appointment today, because, Olivia conceded, sometimes being a mother also meant trusting another to help your child when you just don’t know how.
The bacon was nearly finished when she heard the footsteps pound down the stairs. When Natalia and Emma walked into the kitchen the table was set, coffee was on and the toast popped.
“Morning sleepyheads, ready for breakfast?” Olivia asked.
“Yes please.” Emma said as she jumped into her seat.
“Honey you didn’t have to.” Natalia offered as she walked over to kiss Olivia good morning.
“I was up.”
The dark circles around her eyes were a dead giveaway.
Natalia leaned closer, “You can have a nap later.”
Olivia only grinned and asked Natalia to sit.
Breakfast was a quiet affair; nobody wanted to bring up the night before until finally Emma asked, “Is the bus picking me up here?”
“What honey?” Natalia asked.
“For school.” Emma looked at Olivia, “Does the bus driver know to pick me up here again?”
“Oh baby, no and I thought you could stay home again today.”
“No…” Emma whined, “it’s show and tell day, Derek is bringing in his puppy. Why can’t I go?”
“Jellybean, I just thought after last night you might be tired or need to talk.”
“I don’t wanna talk, I wanna go to school.” Emma crossed her arms over her chest and pouted.
Olivia looked over at Natalia for suggestions.
Natalia turned to face Emma, “You really want to just go to school today?”
“Yes,” came the pitiful reply.
Natalia looked back up to Olivia, “There’s your answer.”
“Okay.” Olivia finished the last of her coffee. “Well you might be late, it’s almost eight. Finish up your breakfast then we’ll get dressed and drive you in.”
“Yay!”
“Okay, eat up.” Olivia instructed then looked over to Natalia, “Do you mind being on lunch making duty?”
“Not at all.” She looked to Emma, “How about one of Rafe’s super secret sandwiches?”
“It’s not Wednesday.” Emma whispered.
“We can keep that between us, okay?”
“Okay.” Emma smiled and lifted a fork full of eggs.
***
Forever a race to get out the door, the little family had dressed, brushed teeth and hair, grabbed lunches and ran out to the car only fifteen minutes late. Sitting at her desk outside of Olivia’s office, Natalia reflected that wasn’t too bad considering the night they’d had and the start to the day. After they dropped Emma off, she and Olivia had come straight to work. Olivia’s first call was to Dr. Boudreau’s office. Gratefully, she was available later in the day so at least they might be able to get Emma to talk about how she was feeling.
Neither woman really had their head in the game today. Natalia double booked the reception hall again and Olivia let the flower guy get off with only minimal damage to his bottom line. Even the staff noticed something wasn’t right. The boss seemed distracted which was never good because you couldn’t predict when it was coming. And sure enough Chef Pierre had it coming and got it good when he yelled at his kitchen staff yet again. Olivia just happened to be down in the financial office when Sandra, one of the sous-chefs happened by in tears.
A brief explanation later, she found the Chef had called her donkey.
“Oh don’t worry about him Sandra, he’s just been watching too much of that Chef Ramsey fella on TV who likes to swear and call people stupid things. You go get freshened up, I’ll deal with it.”
The young sous-chef sniffled off toward the locker room while Olivia stalked into the kitchen. Olivia had been looking for someone she could really let fly on, she was tired, she felt just sick to her stomach over the night before and she knew Chef Pierre could take whatever she dished out.
She didn’t think she could make him cry though. That was new. Apparently, he didn’t appreciate being called mean things either. As a result, he took the rest of the day off and Olivia grinned all the way back to her office.
“Okay, what’s up?” Natalia asked as she watched Olivia stride down the hall.
“Chef Pierre… Not such a big tough shit after all.”
“What did you do?” Natalia’s curiosity was peaked.
“Give it a few minutes; the rumours will make it up here.” Olivia winked and disappeared into her office, utterly pleased with herself for the first time in days.
***
“Mommy!” Emma squealed when she saw her mother’s car out front of the school. While all of her friends headed for the bus she got to drive home with her mommy and Natalia.
Feeling very pleased with herself she climbed into the backseat of the white Nissan.
“How was your day honey?” Natalia asked as she looked back and watched Emma buckle up.
“It was awesome! Derek’s puppy, ‘Spot’, though I don’t know why he called him that, he doesn’t have any spots on him, pooped in the middle of the floor during show and tell!”
“Oh that’s lovely.” Olivia tried not to smile.
“It was so funny, you don’t even know.”
“Poor Mrs. Jennings.” Natalia offered.
“Yeah, she wasn’t very happy about it. She had to help clean it up.”
Olivia looked over at Natalia, “Why is it, pooping and farting incidences always makes for the best days in a kid’s life?”
Natalia only shrugged. “Rafe was the same way.”
“Can we go for ice cream mommy?”
“Well we can but first we’re going to see Dr. Boudreau.”
A tiny sigh could be heard from the backseat.
“You liked her, remember?” Olivia asked hoping to encourage Emma.
“Em, are you okay?” Natalia asked when the child didn’t respond.
“Do I have to?”
“Well your mommy and I think it would be good to see her today.”
“It was just a bad dream.”
“Well, we think it would be good for you to talk to her again.”
Olivia sat quietly behind the wheel and headed toward the hospital, she was glad she made the decision to take Emma today, for some reason she didn’t seem to either want to see it as real or couldn’t.
***
After she had taken a minute to speak to the child’s mother, Dr Boudreau asked Olivia to come into the office this time and join the session. If Emma wasn’t sure it really happened, she might need Olivia to remind her.
“So Emma, you had a bad dream last night?”
Emma looked between her mother and the nice doctor and quietly answered, “Yes.”
“Can you tell me what the dream was about?”
“I don’t want to.”
“You don’t need to be afraid, you’re safe here.”
“I know.”
“What happened when you went to get ready for bed last night?”
Emma knew this tactic for what it was, she was no fool. But that also meant she was smart enough to realize the longer she didn’t just answer the questions the longer she was going to have to sit here. She didn’t really understand why she was here at all, she just didn’t remember going to bed. “I was going to watch Hannah Montana with mommy and Natalia but mommy wanted me to get ready for bed first. So I put on my jammies then went to brush my teeth.”
“Okay, what happened next?”
“I fell asleep.”
“You fell asleep? Before or after you brushed your teeth?”
“After.”
“Where did you fall asleep?”
“I don’t know.” Came Emma’s quick reply.
“Do you know what you were thinking before you fell asleep?”
Emma shrugged, “I don’t know.”
“Will you try? Tell me everything you did until you woke up.”
“I wanted to watch my show so I ran upstairs and I put on some pajamas. I left my dirty clothes out because I was going to put them in my dirty clothes pile before I went to bed. Then Phoebe, my teddy bear, and I went into the bathroom, I went to the bathroom…” Emma said shyly, “then I turned on the water and picked up my tooth brush. The next thing I knew I woke up and mommy was in my bed.”
“What did you dream?”
“I… I don’t like to talk about it.” Emma lowered her head and picked at an invisible thread on her jeans.
Olivia put her hand over Emma’s and squeezed. She was fighting her protective instinct to just tell Emma she should just forget all about the bad dream then take her baby for ice cream and pretend it never happened.
“I know you don’t but your mommy and I are both here to keep you safe.”
Emma spoke quietly, “The bad man pulled me by my ducky pajamas and threw me then Natalia put me in the bathroom and told me to flush the toilet and run the water and then she left me there. I heard lots of noises and I hid under mommy’s bed and cried and kicked bad people who were trying to hurt me. Then I woke up really early this morning. It was a very bad dream.”
Olivia shifted in her seat as sadness and anger welled up within and threatened to burst free. She barely restrained herself from jumping up and kicking the hell out of the wall. She wanted to hurt something or somebody, she wanted to steal the pain from her daughter and destroy it as though it was something she could physically touch. She was tired of it, she hated it and wanted the world to stop spinning for just one second so she could hold the pain down and beat it to death.
Dr. Boudreau saw a myriad of emotion cross Olivia’s face. The unshed tears and sadness she saw there while Emma spoke switched easily to barely contained anger. She knew she would need to have Olivia deal with those emotions during her own session, but at this moment her focus was on Emma. “Yes Emma, it sounds very bad… very scary.”
***
Natalia paced in the waiting room like an expectant father in the 1950’s. The receptionist invited her to sit several times but it didn’t take, every time she sat she would get right back up.
Absently, she rubbed a sore spot on her arm, when she pulled back her sleeve she realized it was a scratch mark. Natalia had noticed when she got dressed there were several marks she got last night when Emma was upset. Poor thing. I hope this helps.
Suddenly, the door opened. “Natalia!” Emma ran to the Latina and clung to her.
Dr. Boudreau stood in the doorway and told Natalia that Olivia would be only a few more moments if she wouldn’t mind waiting.
So Natalia sat with Emma on her knee and let the child recount the puppy story to her heart’s content.
***
“Does she actually see it as a dream?” Olivia asked.
“I think she does. It sounds like all of those cues from the pajamas with the ducks to the running water to the plan to watch a show with you and Natalia; well it just pushed her too far. It wasn’t one thing, it was a combination of everything. Her mind’s way to protect her from the memories was to effectively shut down.”
Dr. Boudreau watched Olivia nod as she seemed to consider what she had been told. “Now… how are you?”
“Oh, “ Olivia waved her hand dismissively, “you know me, I’m fine.”
“Sure you are.” Who do you think you’re fooling?
“Alright,” Olivia conceded, “it was terrible, we didn’t know what to do.”
“From what you told me you handled it as best you could.” The doctor switched directions taking Olivia slightly off guard, “I’m worried about you too Olivia. I watched you as Emma talked.”
“Oh great…” Olivia stood and headed for the door secretly worried Natalia may have told her about her own breakdown which she wasn’t prepared to explore, “My session’s next week. This is about Emma.”
“Hey,” Dr. Boudreau called after her, “you and Emma… your emotions… they aren’t mutually exclusive, you know. You were sad when she spoke but you got angry.”
Her words stopped Olivia, though she didn’t turn back to face her.
“Everything you’re feeling is perfectly valid but remember, how you express it… that affects Emma.”
Olivia took a calming breath and turned back to the doctor, “I know that.”
“Do you? She needs you to understand and reassure her, not blow up in front of her.”
Olivia felt the sting of the doctors warning. If she were honest she could admit her emotions boiled close to the surface but she refused to entertain any thought she would ever let Emma see the barely contained rage she held for the hurt those men caused.
Olivia needed to get back on track and get the spotlight off herself, “Just tell me one thing, do I take her back there tonight? Ever?”
“Olivia,” Dr. Boudreau leaned forward, “the memory is there, whether she experiences it at the farmhouse or some place else, it’s still there and it’s going to come out. There are no easy answers or steps to be skipped you all have to go through it and face it. That includes Emma; I really don’t think shielding her from the farmhouse is going to help her move on. It’ll come out eventually. And honestly, sooner is better than later after it’s done its damage.”
Olivia sighed and swiped away a tear. “I just don’t want her to hurt any more.”
The emotion with which Olivia said the words caught Dr. Boudreau off guard, she had to swallow a lump in her throat before she could respond. “Of course you don’t but she’s going to no matter what you do. We just have to guide her through it. This incident may not be the last, there will be dreams and scary moments but you and Natalia will be there to face it with her.”
***
“I don’t know Emma, I’m not sure your mother is ready for a dog.”
“Everybody needs a puppy Natalia. They’re good friends to have.” Emma added for support to her argument.
“We’ll see okay.” Hoping that would end the discussion for now Natalia was about to change the topic when the door opened and a sad looking Olivia strolled out.
“Ice cream mommy? You promised.”
“I did, didn’t it? Well then ice cream it is.”
They said their goodbyes to the doctor and left the office for the hospital hallway. Natalia stole a moment and leaned over to Olivia to ask if she was okay.
“I’m alright; we can talk about it later.”
“Okay… are we going to The Beacon or the farmhouse?”
“We’re going home.”
***
Dinner had been uneventful thankfully; Emma had some homework so Olivia sat with her at the kitchen table and helped while Natalia cleaned the dishes.
Instead of TV they opted for a game and then put Emma to bed together.
After checking on the child a half dozen times, Natalia finally had to practically drag Olivia out of the bedroom to let her sleep.
Finally, downstairs, the women sat on the couch together, each with their own reading material; for Olivia it was expense reports while Natalia opted for something a little lighter in the form of a romance novel.
Two pages in Natalia noticed Olivia roll her shoulder, four pages in Olivia reached up and rubbed it. “What’s wrong with your shoulder?”
“Huh?” Olivia looked up from her report.
“You keep touching your shoulder. You did it a bunch of times at the office today too.”
“Oh.” Olivia lifted her arm as if realizing for the first time there was an issue. “It’s a little sore, I guess.”
“From what?” The words were barely out of Natalia’s mouth when it hit her. “You hurt yourself lifting that bed didn’t you?”
“Natalia I’m fine.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Before Olivia could respond, Natalia took the report from Olivia’s hands and put it next to her own book on the coffee table. She maneuvered in behind Olivia and began to massage it lightly.
“Mmm… maybe I should have said something sooner.” Olivia closed her eyes and reveled in the therapeutic massage her partner was giving her. “Now do my back.”
“Does your back hurt too?” Natalia worried.
“Well, no.” Olivia smiled, “I just love a backrub.”
Natalia playfully swatted Olivia on the arm, “I’m trying to make you feel better.”
“Oh believe me!” Olivia enthused, “It’ll make me feel better.”
Natalia indulged the older woman for a moment or two.
“Okay, you’re done.” Natalia smacked Olivia on the back and put the report in her hand then shifted to her spot on the couch with her own book.
“Awww…” Olivia pouted.
“Oh you’re fine.” Natalia responded with a wink then opened her book.
Olivia continued to pout, she was okay. The muscle in her shoulder did ache slightly but with everything else going on during the day she really did only barely notice it. But that little massage was nice. Natalia gives a good massage… I’ll have to remember that.
Natalia noticed a little grin out of her peripheral vision, “What are you grinning about?”
“Oh nothing.” Olivia said dismissively as she lifted her report and continued to work.
***
A short time later Olivia found herself unable to sit still. Finally, the curiosity got the better of her and she stood and turned toward the stairs.
Olivia made a move to turn back and go up to her room again.
“No, Olivia let her sleep.” Natalia’s eyes didn’t leave the book, she had expected this at some point.
“I told you, Felicia said the dreams might happen again.”
Now Natalia put the book down onto her lap, “Yes you said that they might happen again, it doesn’t mean it will tonight or that we have to sleep in her bed every night.”
“I just want to be there, is that so wrong?”
“And when do you get to sleep Olivia? Hmmm?”
Knowing Natalia was right, Olivia plopped down onto the couch again. “So what do you suggest?”
Natalia sat down next to Olivia and took her hand. “I have a few ideas.” She lifted the hand and kissed it. Lowered it again then leveraged herself up to kiss Olivia’s ear.
“You’re sweet.”
“I’m sweet? That’s it?”
“Well yeah, you’re trying to distract me.”
“No Olivia, I’m loving you.”
Olivia thought about that for a beat, “You mean this isn’t just some clever way to keep me out of Emma’s bed?”
“I was hoping you’d come into mine instead?” Natalia asked shyly.
Olivia found Natalia’s blush endearing. “Well you are sweet.”
“So come to bed with me.”
Olivia’s heart skipped a beat while other areas on her body warmed. She wanted to… oh she wanted to. “Natalia… I can’t…” What am I saying?
“Are you serious?”
“Natalia, my baby is upset.” And my loins are quivering but Emma is my priority.
“Your baby is sleeping.”
Frustrated on many levels, Olivia lashed out, “What? You can’t wait another day? Miss Virtue and Goodness?”
“Olivia…” Natalia was rendered speechless.
“God, I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’m saying.”
“You’re tired, and worried, I just wanted to offer some comfort and love.”
“I know… I just can’t.”
“Fine.” Natalia couldn’t help but feel rejected, “You know where to find me if you change your mind. Just don’t bother Emma, let her sleep.”
Natalia stood, turned on her heel and walked off toward the stairs leaving Olivia sitting alone in the living room.
Frustrated with herself, Olivia stood and paced. She had upset Natalia, she was brooding over Emma. It was too much, it had finally become too much. I need a drink. God I need a drink.
Olivia stalked into the kitchen and pulled out a half filled bottle of Grey Goose. She hadn’t had a drink in what seemed like weeks.
The bottle felt solid and heavy in her hand. The weight comforted her and she tested the feel of it. Her old friend.
She looked closely at the design and label on the bottle, her mind blank, it was all about the bottle.
Olivia tipped it to the left then back to the right and watched the clear liquid slosh back and forth inside. It looked like water. Could have been water until she unscrewed the cap, put the plastic on the counter, and sniffed the opening at the neck of the bottle. A tinge of antiseptic fire reached her nostrils and burned. Oh God. It felt right. The feel, the sight and the scent…
She unconsciously licked her lips. It would be so easy. It would take away the pain.
Out of her corner of her eye she noticed a container. For the moment the bottle was forgotten. She looked closely at it, knew it to be filed with delicious cookies. Cookies her daughter and partner made together.
Her free hand came up to her face and she pinched the bridge of her nose while her eyes closed and the war began.
She paced the kitchen, bottle in hand, wanting so badly to take a drink to quiet the images she was seeing in her mind: blood, her daughter in ducky pj’s hiding under her bed, Natalia gun in hand… It was too much…
Breathing hard, she finally stopped in front of the fridge, pressing her hand against the appliance and leaning her weight against it to help her stand. Oh God, I can’t take this any more. She needed the images to stop, begged them to stop.
Putting the bottle to her lips, she tipped it back but before the burning liquid could touch those full lips her eyes opened and she saw it. The picture from New Year’s Eve, just sitting there on the fridge held on by an inconspicuous little magnet. Emma, Natalia and herself… celebrating. Natalia had come home early from Towers and woken them just before midnight. She pulled the picture from the fridge ignoring the magnet and letting it drop to the floor.
Olivia moved over to the table, bottle in one hand, picture in the other and sat in a chair. She looked between them both, her eyes finally settling on the picture.
She thought of her daughter upstairs, what if she needed her? She thought of the amazing woman in her bed, whom she had actually turned down.
God, what am I doing?
Olivia looked closely again at the bottle.
Olivia was desperate. God, are you there? Time for one of our sensitive chats I think. My kid God… Please help her, I can’t apparently. I keep her at the Beacon, it’s wrong, I bring her back here, it’s wrong. I just don’t know what to do!
Olivia shook her head in frustration.
And Natalia? I’m going to screw that up aren’t I? I’m sitting down here instead of making love to her upstairs because I just don’t know what to do.
But you! You can fix it and you don’t! You can take it away, so do it! Why won’t you do it?
Olivia sniffled and begged. What do you want from me to help my kid? I’ll give you anything. Olivia hung her head and allowed tears to fall.
“Are you even listening to me?” She called out pathetically then waited.
No answer came.
“Fuck this.” Olivia tipped her head back and squeezed her eyes shut. Again she felt the weight of the bottle in her hand and the heaviness of her heart. Once more she brought it to her lips but couldn’t do it. “Oh what?” There was a screaming in her head, don’t do it. “But I want it… I need it.” I need it to take it all away. Fuck! Her mind cried. Images of her daughter and Natalia went through her head again but this time they were playing at the pond and feeding the ducks, they were eating cookies and playing games. She remembered the picture she still held and focused on it. “What am I doing? What is wrong with me?”
Olivia angrily stood pushing back the chair, toppling it and letting it crash to the floor. She marched over to the sink and dumped the contents then dropped the bottle in after it. She watched until most of the alcohol had seeped down the drain and shook her head to clear her mind of the desire for a taste. She held up the picture, looked at it one last time before placing it reverently on the counter, then ran to the stairs taking them two at a time. Before she knew it she was at the entrance to Natalia’s bedroom… to her bedroom. She squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath. “Okay… Here we go.”
***
... To Be Continued ...