GL - Movie Night - Part 58
Title: Movie Night
Author: critic2000
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Rating: PG-13 to start, for violence (non-sexual) and language. I am not any kind of a medical expert so if there are some glaring errors, please forgive me.
Disclaimer: I don’t own the Guiding Light characters, they belong to CBS and Proctor and Gamble.
Summary: This is set in the spring of 2009. I’ve taking some liberties with the storyline, mainly Natalia never slept with Frank, hence no engagement etc. So our girls have been just continuing forward raising Emma and getting closer to each other though they are still technically just friends, but that will change… This is a hurt/comfort story so they are headed on a rough ride.
Author’s Note: This is my first fan fiction so please be gentle. This would not have been possible if not for the persistent nudging and awesome editing of my beta/great friend croftlara. Comments are welcome.
( Part 1 ) ( Parts 2 & 3 ) ( Part 4 ) ( Parts 5 & 6 ) ( Part 7 ) ( Part 8 ) ( Part 9 ) ( Part 10 ) ( Part 11 ) ( Part 12 ) ( Part 13 ) ( Parts 14 & 15 ) ( Part 16 ) ( Part 17 ) ( Part 18 ) ( Part 19 ) ( Part 20 ) ( Part 21 ) ( Part 22 ) ( Part 23 ) ( Part 24 ) ( Part 25 ) ( Part 26 ) ( Part 27 ) ( Part 28 ) ( Part 29 ) ( Part 30 ) ( Part 31 ) ( Part 32 ) ( Part 33 ) ( Chapter 34 ) ( Part 35 ) ( Part 36 ) ( Part 37 ) ( Part 38 ) ( Part 39 ) ( Part 40 ) ( Part 41 ) ( Part 42 ) ( Part 43 ) ( Part 44 ) ( Part 45 ) ( Part 46 ) ( Part 47 ) ( Part 48 ) ( Part 49 ) ( Part 50 ) ( Chapter51)( Chapter52) ( Part 53 ) ( Chapter 54 ) ( Part 55 )( Part 56 )( Part 57 )
Chapter 58
“Ah, the pony issue…” Olivia sighed as she took Emma’s hands.
Natalia moved to stand in front of Olivia and their daughter.
“There’s not going to be a pony honey.” Olivia stated.
“Aww mom!” Emma whined. “But…”
“No ‘buts’, we just wouldn’t be able to take care of a pony, it’s not realistic.” Olivia countered then looked over at Natalia who added, “It wouldn’t be fair to the pony sweetie.”
Emma thought about that, “I would want the pony to be happy…”
Olivia stroked her hair, “Of course you would… now maybe if you want to take riding lessons, we could look into that.”
Emma perked up and looking between her mothers asked, “Really? I could learn how to ride a horse?”
Wide-eyed Natalia looked at Olivia, a look that meant, ‘We need to talk about this.’
Olivia nodded toward Natalia and addressed Emma, “Jellybean why don’t you go and take your things into your room then when you come back you can tell us what you and your daddy did today.”
“Okay.” Emma hopped off the bed and scurried away to her bedroom with her things.
When she was out of earshot Olivia looked up at Natalia standing with her hands on her hips, a concerned expression on her face, “Okay, what?”
“You want her to ride a horse? Is that safe? She’s so little.”
Olivia stood and put her arms around Natalia who responded in kind, completing the embrace. “It’s safe, lots of girls her age learn how to ride, it’s not like they start them out on an unbroken mustang ya know.”
Natalia sighed, “I’m just concerned that she could get hurt.”
Hurt? What you don’t trust my judgment now? Well why don’t we talk about protecting the things I love eh Natalia? Oh that’s right, we don’t do we, or rather you don’t. It’s like I invited those men into our house to hold us at gunpoint. Olivia stepped back out of Natalia’s arms, “Do you think I would put her in harm’s way?”
“No!” Natalia retreated a few steps, distance growing between them.
“I would never let her get hurt if I could help it. Don’t you know that by now?” Give me some credit Natalia, I don’t gamble with my daughter’s safety, I farmed her out to Jane’s for days to protect her, I will always protect her.
“Olivia, stop! I’m not saying that, I just asked… I’m worried.”
Unable to tamp down on her growing frustration Olivia snarked, “Well it’s nice to get some insight into how you’re feeling for once Natalia but I know how to take care of my kid! What kind of a mother do you think I am?”
The words stung Natalia like a slap, ‘my kid’. Unable to speak she stepped away and turned her back on Olivia to hide the tears filling her eyes.
Needing to really vent, Olivia continued her assault, “Don’t tell me about being a parent Natalia, your kid’s in prison.” The moment the words were out Olivia prayed she could take them back.
Natalia’s body stood rigid, unmoving, Olivia couldn’t even tell if she was breathing until her head fell forward and it became obvious she was sobbing.
Oh God. Cautiously Olivia stepped up behind the sobbing Latina and reached her hands out just shy of touching slumped shoulders. “I didn’t mean that.” Olivia whispered, “It just came out, I was hurt… Natalia please look at me.”
She waited until Natalia wiped her eyes and turned to continue, the sorrow on her friend’s face just about Olivia’s undoing. Looking into red-rimmed eyes re-filling with tears Olivia took Natalia’s hands and said, “Emma’s the one thing I’ve done right in my life… the one thing. Questioning my judgment brought up so many insecurities... I got defensive… I never should have said either of those things.” Squeezing Natalia’s hands she furrowed her brow and asked, “You know I see Emma as yours too, right?”
Not trusting herself to speak Natalia nodded quickly and cleared her throat, still fighting tears.
Now for the harder apology. “I was lashing out Natalia, I didn’t mean to imply you’re a bad mother or that Rafe is a bad kid… I know you’re a great mother and I know Rafe’s situation was an unfortunate accident…” Natalia looked at her with so much pain showing on her face.
Aggravated with herself and the whole situation, Olivia stepped back, balling her fists. When she spoke her index fingers pointed up toward Natalia, “No, don’t… you put on that pouty face… Natalia… I made a mistake, it was an innocent slip don’t act all hurt.”
Furrowing her brow Natalia was shocked at Olivia’s attitude, her voice calm and quiet, “You did hurt me.” Where is this coming from? Why are you so angry all of a sudden?
“You should know how I feel by now.” Olivia turned and starting to walk toward Emma’s room. Get a grip Olivia, she’s not telling you you’re a bad mother you don’t need to attack her.
“Wait a minute!” Natalia snapped as she grabbed Olivia’s arm to stop her. “What’s wrong? Why are you going off on me all of a sudden?”
Olivia took a deep breath to keep herself from pulling away, looking down she responded, “I don’t know… I feel like we got interrupted when Emma came in and… I was getting upset at the time. I guess I just let it bleed into this conversation. I’m sorry.”
Natalia turned Olivia so that they were facing each other and admitted. “We did get interrupted and I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“That’s just it Natalia, you don’t mean to but you’re holding back and that does upset me.”
“What do you think I’m holding back exactly?” Natalia questioned.
“I don’t know! That’s why I’m upset. You won’t fucking tell me! You’ve hardly said a word about what you’re feeling and I’m so goddamned tired of it. You act like you’re just fine, well what does that make me? The hot fucking mess?”
Natalia shook her head and backed up, “Ya know what? That’s uncalled for! Yelling and swearing at me, that’s just great. You think I want to have a good long heart to heart with you about my feelings? Well that’s not very inviting thank you.” Natalia walked toward the door, “I’m going for a walk.”
“Where are you going to go?” Olivia marched up behind her concern evident behind her anger, “You’re exhausted. You can’t just leave and go for a walk alone.”
“Watch me!” Natalia yelled as she grabbed her keycard from the nightstand and stormed from the room leaving Olivia fuming beside the bed a litany of whispered curses escaping her lips.
“Mommy?”
Olivia spun around to see her daughter’s confused face looking back at her from the doorway to the child’s bedroom.
Shit.
***
Natalia leaned against the wall outside their room and rested her head trying to calm herself. Running away isn’t going to help Natalia. You were ready to tell her before, what changed? Um… maybe the fact that she just got so angry? Or maybe because I’m not as ready to talk about it as I thought I was. I’m not even sure if that’s for her benefit or mine at this point. Not wanting to think about it any more Natalia walked toward the elevator with no particular destination in mind, she just needed to go somewhere, anywhere, as long as it was away from here.
***
“Mommy what were you and Natalia yelling about? Where is she?”
I don’t know… I’d go after her but I can’t leave you… God, I’m screwing this up already. “Baby, it’s okay, we were just having a little…” Olivia shook her head to dispel any residual frustration.
“Fight?” Emma finished for her.
“Discussion.” Olivia corrected while mentally sighing, fight.
“It sounded like a fight.” Emma said sadly. I don’t like hearing you yelling at Natalia.
Olivia filled the space between her and Emma, knelt and took the child’s face in her hands. The last thing she wanted was for Emma to be disturbed any more. “You know that sometimes grown ups raise their voices when they talk to each other.”
Emma nodded and knowingly said, “Fight. You yell at your people all the time here mommy but why were you mad at Natalia? She’s not working today.”
“No, you’re right it wasn’t ‘work’ yelling.” But thanks for showing me I need to watch myself with my employees around you. “Just… grown up stuff.” Olivia hoped the explanation would be enough.
***
Natalia wanted to avoid hotel guests so she took the elevator down to a floor she knew very well. The doors opened to a gray empty hallway not nearly decorated lavishly like the rest of the hotel. She exited the elevator and the doors closed behind her. To the right was the maid supervisor’s office and next to it the locker room she used to go into everyday to prepare for her shift. As she headed for it now she heard a commotion from the direction of the kitchen so she turned and walked quickly toward it. The sounds of several angry voices, one with a distinct French accent, spilled out into the hallway. She entered the kitchen to find their new head chef, Pierre, apparently fending off two sous chefs, three porters and a dishwasher.
“Hey!” Natalia yelled over the cacophony of voices, “What’s going on here?” When nobody paid any attention to her she picked up two metal pot lids and banged them. The room fell silent; when they all turned toward her she put the lids down and asked in a calm voice, “Who wants to tell me what’s going on?”
All of the people involved started yelling again so she tried another tactic and whistled to quiet them. “One at a time, please.” Pointing at the porter closest to her she asked, “Okay you, tell me what’s going on?”
The young porter looked at the chef then back to Natalia, “Chef Pierre thinks someone was messing with his knives.”
“No, someone dulled my blades on purpose!” The knife waved wildly in his hand as he yelled, “I will not work under these conditions.”
The porter growled, “He’s gonna accidentally kill somebody with that knife Ms. Rivera.”
Natalia patted the porter’s shoulder, “No, he’s not, he knows how to control a knife.” Natalia walked up to the large, arrogant chef and faced him. “It would be helpful if you’d put the knife down then we can talk this through.”
A battle of wills ensued, Natalia with her kind, gentle smile and calm demeanor while Chef Pierre huffed and puffed and swore in French until he gave in and lowered the knife.
Natalia turned toward the group and said, “See? Full control of the knife. Now if you would…”
A large clang behind her made Natalia jump, she turned around quickly and found the knife on the floor and the chef clutching his finger, blood pouring from the injured digit. I guess I was wrong. “Oh my God, are you alright?” Natalia covered the chef’s hand with hers and urged him toward the sink. “Come on, let’s get that under some cold water and see how bad it is.”
When Chef Pierre let go of his finger blood gushed from the gaping wound. He immediately grew pale and started to shake. Only Natalia’s quick actions prevented him from hitting the ground when he fainted, despite the pull on her incision site as she guided him to the floor. “Call 911!” Natalia called back toward the gawking kitchen staff as she pulled a towel from the counter, wrapped it around his bloody finger and lifted his arm into the air. Sure, I’ll just go for a walk and clear my head…
***
“You and Natalia fight a lot.” Emma observed.
“Not as much as we used to…” Olivia quirked her mouth before continuing when all sense of humour seemed to be lost on her perceptive child, “Okay, we just have different opinions sometimes. You know how sometimes you want to go out and play without your coat on but it’s really cold so I tell you to put your coat on and you feel frustrated and yell at me because you wanted to do things your own way? It’s kind of like that, we each have our own way and sometimes it’s hard to get the other person to see it. Does that make any sense?”
“I don’t like it when you fight.” Emma looked down and picked at her shirt.
“I don’t either baby.” Olivia put her arm around Emma. “But Natalia and I… we’re always going to fight to some degree just like you and I will and you and Natalia will. But it doesn’t mean we don’t love each other.”
“Is Natalia coming back?” Emma asked forlornly.
Olivia’s heart rose to her throat. “Yes! Of course she is baby.” Please let it be sooner than later. “You, Natalia and I, we’re a family and disagreements happen but it doesn’t make us any less of a family.”
Emma thought about this, so many times in her young life had she seen fighting do just that, break up her family just when she thought she had one. She lowered her head and sniffed.
“Emma?” Olivia lifted Emma’s chin so she could look into her eyes before she gently asked, “What are you thinking?”
“I remember Bill, I liked him and I thought he was going to live with us… he left.” Emma accused with a shrug.
Firmly Olivia reassured Emma, “Natalia is not Bill.” I’m so sorry for teaching you people leave. Fighting back tears she continued, “Natalia is your other mommy, we all live together and we’re a family. I can’t promise you it will never ever change but Natalia will forever be your other mommy no matter what because she loves you so very much.”
Emma really wanted to believe what her mother was telling her and young enough to still trust her completely she let go of her fears for now and threw her arms around Olivia. “I love her too. I want us to always be a family.”
“I know baby. Me too.”
The door opened and Emma perked up and pulled away from Olivia, “Natalia!” She squealed as she ran toward Natalia who raised her hands and said, “No,” to stop the child’s progress as she didn’t want Emma to come near her while she had blood covering her clothes.
Emma skidded to a stop inches from Natalia, horror written on her face. “Natalia?” Though she had washed her hands before coming back to the room, Natalia notice some remnants of blood in her fingernails and quickly shoved her hands into her pockets to hide them from Emma.
Natalia glanced toward a very pale looking Olivia who seemed frozen in place for what seemed like forever. When she recovered Olivia pulled in behind Emma, “Go to your room and close your door.”
“But mommy, Natalia…”
“Now!” Olivia called out to Emma, barely stopping herself from telling her to call 911.
“It’s not mine, it’s not mine!” Natalia assured as Emma began to cry and scurried off to her room.
Unconsciously Olivia ran to Natalia pulling off her shirt along the way. With the shirt wadded up in her shaking hands she closed the gap, raised her arms and proceeded to hold it against the blood stain.
Confused and very aware of the pressure against her chest Natalia asked, “Olivia what are you doing?”
“I won’t lose you Natalia. I’m here; it’s going to be okay.” Lost now in her fear, Olivia began repeating, “I have to help her… I have to help her…”
“Oh my God, Olivia…” Natalia calmly put her hands over Olivia’s trembling ones and realized with startling clarity her friend was reliving that moment of two weeks ago, “You won’t lose me, you saved me.”
Olivia was in a panic, she couldn’t hear Natalia, all she could see was blood as she continued to apply pressure to an injury that wasn’t there, “It’ll be okay Natalia, stay with me. Help me, God, please, somebody help me…”
In an effort to prove she didn’t require help, Natalia tore open her own shirt, “Look… Olivia, look at me! The blood… it’s just on my shirt it’s not on my body, I’m not hurt. It’s not mine. Olivia look at me sweetheart, I’m not hurt! Please, I’m okay but you’re hurting me.”
“But…” Olivia’s eyes instantly filled with tears as she looked over the Latina’s body. I’m hurting her? What am I doing…?
Natalia was finally able to take a full step back away from Olivia’s clawing hands and completely removed her stained shirt to drop it on the floor. She then stepped toward Olivia and put her hands on either side of her face, “Your wonderful French chef sliced his finger almost clear off, he’s on his way to the hospital, that blood is his. He passed out, I caught him.”
“It’s not your blood.” Olivia stated more to herself than to Natalia. She reached out with unsteady hands, her fingers caressing over the Latina’s skin, spellbound at first by its smooth and unblemished surface then fascinated as it gently puckered into goose bumps that followed the path of her inspection.
Natalia shook her head, “No, it’s not.”
Suddenly self-conscious Olivia exhaled, “I’m…” Pulling away to regroup and reclaim her hold on reality she walked over to the closet and pulled out a new shirt, her other having been stained by her disturbing attempt to mop away ‘Natalia’s’ blood. She shuddered as she discarded the soiled article and felt only a tiny bit guilty that she was glad it was her chef’s blood. Her conscience pricked her, clearing her throat she asked, “How’s Pierre?”
“A little embarrassed.”
Olivia shook her head and put on the new shirt, taking a minute to steady her nerves. So am I. Olivia took a look back toward the bar while unconsciously licking her lips. God, a drink would be good about now. “I’m sorry I freaked out a little there.”
“It’s okay. You want to go check on Emma while I’ll go clean up and change clothes?”
“Yeah.” Olivia responded then walked to Emma’s room and slowly opened the door.
Oh my God… Natalia paced for a moment blowing out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding as she tried to settle herself before she went to the bathroom to wash the blood from her hands. Olivia… You were in that moment again weren’t you? When I was shot... And Emma, why did Emma have to see that?
***
Trying to calm down Olivia went into Emma’s room but didn’t immediately see her. “Emma?” She heard sniffles come from under the bed. Olivia dropped to the floor and peaked under the end of the blanket hanging from the bed. Oh dear God. Emma was curled in a ball under the bed crying. “Honey, come out from under the bed, everything is okay.”
Emma hesitated.
Olivia reached under to touch her daughter, “Honey please, come out.”
Emma shuffled out from under the bed and right into Olivia’s arms. Sitting with her back against the bed Olivia held Emma and tried to calm her though she herself was far from calm.
Emma hiccupped, “What’s wrong with Natalia? Did somebody shoot her again?”
Not her blood, it’s not her blood. “No, sweetie no, the chef cut his finger and Natalia helped him, she’s fine.”
Emma sniffled and wiped her eyes. “I got scared. I thought it was like before.”
“Me too Jellybean.” Olivia confessed, “Come see her, you can give her a hug now and see that she’s okay. Is that alright?”
Emma nodded so Olivia kissed her little girl’s forehead and helped Emma off the floor. Hand in hand they left the bedroom and found Natalia putting on Olivia’s beacon t-shirt. She was now clean and had on her pajama bottoms. The instant she saw Emma she opened her arms and let the little girl run into them.
Hugging the girl to her body Natalia looked over Emma’s head at a teary-eyed Olivia.
Emma looked up, “Natalia are you okay?”
“Yes sweetheart, chef just cut himself but he’ll be fine.”
“Why did you have all that blood on you? I thought you were shot again.”
“I helped chef and got his blood on me.” Natalia took the girl’s face in her hands as she knelt down in front of her, “I’m not hurt, not any more.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.” Standing up with her hand on Emma’s shoulder she hoped to change the subject to something happier, Natalia asked, “So what have you and your mommy been up to? Playing games? Drawing?”
Emma excitedly answered, “Talking about you.”
“About me?” Natalia dreaded where this could be going, surely Emma heard their arguing, who knows what questions the bright child had been asking so she was completely surprised when Emma responded.
“Mommy says you’re always going to be my other mommy forever.”
Natalia smiled toward Olivia before responding, “Well she’s right.” Natalia bent down and kissed Emma’s forehead. “I will love you forever and ever.”
A knock at the door startled Natalia for the second time in a short period, I’m going to have to start worrying about my heart if people keep scaring me, “That must be your chocolate milk. I almost forgot about that.” She opened the door and admitted the porter who rushed inside with a tray holding a covered glass of milk.
As he put the glass on the table he apologized, “I’m so sorry for the delay Ms. Spencer, there was some trouble in the kitchen. But fortunately Ms. Rivera came along. I know that doesn’t excuse the delay, it won’t happen again.”
Olivia looked from Natalia to the porter, “That’s fine, Natalia explained what happened. Have you had any news about Chef Pierre?”
“Nothing yet.” The porter looked over at Natalia with stars in his eyes, “I must say Ms. Rivera was incredible, she took control during the fight then helped chef. She was… incredible.”
“You said that already,” Olivia mumbled and looked at Natalia who, as usual, seemed oblivious to the way John was looking at her. She dismissed the porter, “Thank you John, that’ll be all.” ‘Took control during the fight’? Natalia what the hell were you thinking?
Olivia smiled and looked at Emma, “Why don’t you take your milk into the other room?”
“You’re not going to fight again are you?
“No baby, I just want to talk to Natalia for a minute, it’ll be fine.” I just need to have a little conversation with your other mommy about dangerous situations and how the hell to stay away from them!
“Okay mommy.” Happy again, Emma trotted off to her bedroom with her glass of milk in hand.
Olivia watched until Emma was in her room with the door closed, ““Well I can see you’ve earned John’s respect, what exactly happened?”
“It was a spat between Pierre and the sous chefs…two porters and Steve the dishwasher… there was yelling, swearing… knives, obviously...”
“Knives? Explain how knives got involved.” Olivia tried to maintain her voice though she couldn’t help the slight tremor it held.
“Pierre was holding off the other staff with a knife, something about believing people were dulling his blades, the knife just slipped.” Natalia brushed off her kitchen adventure for more important things, “What was that with Emma?”
“No changing the subject. You walked into a situation where a knife was involved?” The edge in Olivia’s voice was as sharp as Pierre’s knife.
Natalia reached out to touch Olivia who backed away as though she had been burned. “Olivia. I didn’t think he was actually threatening them with a knife, he’s a chef, he knows how to handle it.”
“Until he almost cut his finger off right?”
“I know you’re concerned,” Natalia advanced on Olivia believing contact could calm her friend. “It just slipped.”
“You have a responsibility Natalia.” Olivia’s voice rose.
“And I was acting on that responsibility.”
“No! Not to ‘The Beacon’. To me, to Emma, to Rafe. You walked into a dangerous situation…”
“Stop it! Olivia, you’d have done the same. I know where your thoughts are right now, I know it but I had to, if I thought it was that dangerous I’d have called security first.”
“You just don’t think sometimes Natalia, do you? Just like the invasion, you thought helping them might help, guess what? It didn’t.” It was out before Olivia realized she said it. She couldn’t take it back so she just closed her eyes and waited.
Momentarily stunned Natalia stood with her mouth open until her brain re-aligned, “Woah, Olivia, what?”
“I…” Olivia scrubbed her face with her hands and turned her back on Natalia trying to buy time to figure out what to say. She took a deep breath and turned back to Natalia with her hands stuff in her pockets, “You helped them Natalia and it upset me that you did after I’d refused.” Olivia tried to keep her voice even, she didn’t intend for this to come up right now.
Natalia’s heart was pounding in her chest, she was thrown off by the statement, “I… Olivia… I only did what I thought was best, I was afraid. I couldn’t just let him die, even with everything, it’s just not who I am.”
“Reva and I talked about that and I understand… I really do…even if I can’t agree with it but it still felt like you didn’t trust me.”
You talked about me with Reva? But no, you couldn’t talk to me. “It’s not about trusting you Olivia.” Natalia could feel her ire rise she wasn’t accustomed to having to defend her actions especially when it came to defending her family. “You didn’t want to help that’s fine, I wanted to get out of the situation peacefully so I was determined to do anything I could. God you’re a hypocrite! You’re upset with me for diffusing a situation with our chef and yet jumping in a potentially dangerous situation is exactly what you wanted to do that night. You’d have taken them both on at once if you could have wouldn’t you?”
“That’s not the…”
“Wouldn’t you?” Natalia interrupted. “I was trying to find a better way in both situations. I’m sorry if I don’t handle things exactly how you want me to.”
“He threw Emma across the room.” Olivia spat, barely holding the contents of her stomach down.
“You think I don’t know that? You think I don’t see that in my nightmares Olivia? You don’t think I worry that I could have done something differently? I did what I could at the time. I’m sorry if it’s not how you would have done it.” Natalia shook her head and continued in a rush, “You asked me if I’m somehow immune to what happened? No I’m not, not in the least. I hurt too I just can’t let it run my life, I have to move on. “
“And that’s what I’m doing? Letting it run my life?” Olivia asked.
“It’s how you’re dealing with it.” Natalia noticed the hurt look cross Olivia’s face so she added, “I’m not criticizing you Olivia.”
“Really? Because, you seem to know what’s best, for me, for my daughter, my hotel employees… “
“Olivia stop! What is going on? Where is this frustration and anger toward me coming from?”
“I need you Natalia! I need you here and alive and a gun or a knife, it’s the same God damn thing, you put yourself in situations you don’t need to be in!”
Natalia’s forehead creased and the look in her eyes softened, she approached Olivia ready to hug her but Olivia stepped back defending herself, “No Natalia, you don’t get to wash this away with a hug and a ‘but I’m fine’, that’s not enough this time. “
“What do you need from me Olivia? Because I am fine, I didn’t get hurt.”
“I don’t know.” Olivia answered honestly. “I never used to get this scared, now I’m scared all the time.”
“Let me hold you please.” Natalia begged.
Olivia’s head fell forward toward her chest to try and hide the tears now forming. Natalia didn’t wait for an invitation, she pulled Olivia into her arms and held her tightly. After a moment Olivia hugged back and they held each other while Natalia murmured words of love and comfort. When they pulled apart Natalia wiped the left over tears from Olivia’s cheeks before resting her hands on Olivia’s shoulders. “Can I ask you something?”
Olivia nodded.
“Was something wrong with Emma earlier?”
Olivia sighed emotionally exhausted, “She heard us fighting and was concerned you might leave. It seems that’s what she’s learned from me, fighting leads to important people leaving.” We’re going to need to talk to her again after this argument too because I’m sure she will have heard it all.
With a sympathetic look Natalia reached up to touch Olivia’s cheek but she turned.
“No, that’s my fault, I own that but I tried to explain you’re here for the long haul. And if something happens down the road where we don’t live together anymore you’ll still be in her life as her other mommy because you love her. I do want you here Natalia forever, I need you to take care of yourself like you take good care of me and Emma.”
“Thank you.” Natalia responded quietly. “I promise I will.”
Olivia turned back and rested her hands on either side of Natalia’s face, “What I said earlier about Rafe and Emma… I really didn’t mean it. It’s not how I feel and I’m sorry for yelling at you.”
“What were we fighting about earlier? Natalia tried to lighten the mood before she squeezed her eyes shut which happened to be right before she felt soft lips press against her own. She unconsciously responded and lost herself in the kiss. When it broke she opened her eyes. “I over-reacted…”
“No, you didn’t. I said something I shouldn’t have, I’m so sorry I hurt you.”
Natalia took Olivia’s hands and held them while she responded honestly, “Yeah you did. I’d die for that kid. In my heart she’s mine too. It kills me that she’s hurting.”
“I know that… I do. I was just being defensive. I’ve never really had to share her with someone else, I’m not used to having someone else’s opinion matter very much when it comes to Emma.”
“Honesty tends to come out in the heat of the moment, and I was afraid maybe it was how you really felt because if you do then I want to know…. I need to know. I just…” Natalia stopped speaking unable to continue.
“No! That’s not how I feel, I promise.”
“Okay. I believe you.” Natalia said and smiled. “I guess I just needed some re-assurance but I’m sorry too. By the way, Olivia, you’ve done a lot more right than just Emma, though I agree she’s the best of what you’ve done.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“You hired me, didn’t you?” Natalia said with a knowing grin.
“Yeah I suppose I did do that right.” Olivia opened her arms and Natalia took a step into the offered embrace, each knowing all hadn’t been resolved yet but they were one step closer.
To Be Continued...