GL - Movie Night - Part 66
Title: Movie Night
Author: critic2000
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Rating: PG-13 to start, for violence (non-sexual) and language. I am not any kind of a medical expert so if there are some glaring errors, please forgive me.
Disclaimer: I don’t own the Guiding Light characters, they belong to CBS and Proctor and Gamble.
Summary: This is set in the spring of 2009. I’ve taking some liberties with the storyline, mainly Natalia never slept with Frank, hence no engagement etc. So our girls have been just continuing forward raising Emma and getting closer to each other though they are still technically just friends, but that will change… This is a hurt/comfort story so they are headed on a rough ride.
Author’s Note: This is my first fan fiction so please be gentle. This would not have been possible if not for the persistent nudging and awesome editing of my beta/great friend croftlara. Comments are welcome.
( Part 1 ) ( Parts 2 & 3 ) ( Part 4 ) ( Parts 5 & 6 ) ( Part 7 ) ( Part 8 ) ( Part 9 ) ( Part 10 ) ( Part 11 ) ( Part 12 ) ( Part 13 ) ( Parts 14 & 15 ) ( Part 16 ) ( Part 17 ) ( Part 18 ) ( Part 19 ) ( Part 20 ) ( Part 21 ) ( Part 22 ) ( Part 23 ) ( Part 24 ) ( Part 25 ) ( Part 26 ) ( Part 27 ) ( Part 28 ) ( Part 29 ) ( Part 30 ) ( Part 31 ) ( Part 32 ) ( Part 33 ) ( Chapter 34 ) ( Part 35 ) ( Part 36 ) ( Part 37 ) ( Part 38 ) ( Part 39 ) ( Part 40 ) ( Part 41 ) ( Part 42 ) ( Part 43 ) ( Part 44 ) ( Part 45 ) ( Part 46 ) ( Part 47 ) ( Part 48 ) ( Part 49 ) ( Part 50 ) ( Chapter51)( Chapter52) ( Part 53 ) ( Chapter 54 ) ( Part 55 )( Part 56 )( Part 57 ) ( Part 58 ) ( Part 59 ) ( Part 60 A )( Part 60 B ) ( Part 61 ) ( Part 62 ) ( Part 63 )(Part 64 ) Part 65 A )( Part 65 B )
Chapter 66
Natalia sat huddled on the floor, her knees tightly pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. Her body rocked back and forth in cadence with the quiet sobs that escaped.
“Natalia.” Olivia whispered to herself, her hands coming up to cover her mouth as she was momentarily rooted in place. She had seen Natalia cry, had seen her fall apart but never before had Natalia appeared so broken, sitting curled into herself wracked with sobs. Olivia wanted to pick Natalia up into her strong arms and make all the hurt go away. Shaking her head Olivia sprang into action, rushing to the pathetic looking creature she loved with all of her heart.
Olivia fell to her knees in front of her at the same time reaching out to hold the younger woman, “Natalia, sweetheart? It’s okay, I’m here.”
Natalia jerked back at the touch, unfolding from her coiled position on the floor.
“Honey, it’s okay.” Olivia held up her hands to the startled woman. “I want to help.”
“No, no, no, no…” Natalia stood and backed away shaking her head. “Don’t touch me please.” Natalia looked around the room as though she was trying to find an escape.
Olivia slowly eased to her feet, the pain in her head faded into the background as she focused on the skittish woman in front of her, “I’m not going to hurt you. I love you Natalia.”
Natalia’s breath caught at the words, her face held an expression of confusion. “You couldn’t.” She turned away as the words were said as though she were ashamed.
“Couldn’t?” Olivia questioned, bewildered by Natalia’s choice of words. She slowly approached Natalia, not wanting to scare her this time as she quietly asked, “What do you mean, ‘couldn’t’? I do love you, with all…”
Natalia spun around toward Olivia, fresh tears tracking down her cheeks. She shook her head and spat, “How could you love a murderer?”
“Natalia? I don’t…” Olivia was confused. Exactly how hard did I hit my head? I feel like I’ve come in in the middle of the movie. “I don’t understand Natalia.”
The younger woman’s face became hard as she glanced toward the couch. Reva may have purchased new furniture but to Natalia she still saw their bloody couch with Brian’s dead body resting on it. “I killed him… I murdered him.” Natalia’s right hand came up to cover her mouth as a sob escaped. “I’ve got his blood on my hands.” She quickly extended her hands and stared at them as though they were covered in blood.
“No,” Olivia took Natalia’s hands in hers. She knew she needed to tread lightly over the subject, she had no idea Natalia considered herself a murderer. Damn it Natalia, why couldn’t you ever talk about this? “You saved us. You’re a hero.”
“Oh God!” Natalia cried pulling her hands back as she rolled her eyes, “A hero? Really? Olivia I shot somebody, he’s dead because of me!” She paced the room and began muttering while shaking her head, “You don’t understand, you don’t…”
Olivia pleaded. “Then help me understand.”
The distraught Latina glanced over at Olivia and opened her mouth to speak when she noticed a red substance on Olivia’s ear then tracked it down to her shoulder where it had seeped into the older woman’s top. “Are you bleeding?” Before she realized it, Natalia was moving toward Olivia her hand outstretched to touch the side of her head. “You are! Why didn’t you tell me?” The realization that Olivia was injured pulled Natalia from her trance.
“It’s nothing.” Olivia said as she unconsciously lifted her hand and pressed it to the throbbing injury.
Natalia stepped in front of Olivia and laid her hand over Olivia’s while she sighed. “Sure it’s not… Come with me.” Natalia took Olivia’s free hand and lead her to the kitchen.
“Sit down.”
“No, I’m fine. I’d rather we continue to talk about you.”
Natalia sighed, “There’ll be plenty of time for that later. Now sit.” Natalia pushed on Olivia’s shoulder insisting she sit down in a chair.
Recognizing Natalia’s no nonsense tone Olivia allowed herself to be sat at the table. “Fine, patch me up.” Don’t think you’re going to get out of this conversation.
“Thank you.”
Natalia instinctively reached for a tea towel, surprised to find it there as she remembered she had brought them into the living room that night. She took a moment to actually look around the kitchen. It stood silent like a tomb, its contents preserved in time. Empty ice cube containers sat on the counter next the sink presumably having been ‘cleaned’ up by one of their friends. The tea towels had been replaced, no other reminders of that night remained. Even the flowers on the table had been refreshed with new ones. It felt eerie and stark, it didn’t feel like home to Natalia, it seemed wrong and that made her sad.
Natalia wet the towel, lowered her head and said, “I don’t think we have any ice cubes.”
Olivia’s head rose in realization, she reached out for Natalia needing the connection as much for herself as the younger woman, “Come here.” Olivia leaned over and pulled one of other chairs out and over next to her and patted the seat. When Natalia sat down, Olivia took the towel from her and held her hand.
“Your head.”
“My head is fine, really. I’m far more worried about you.”
Natalia shook her head, “No. I don’t want to… I don’t want to do this.”
She tried to stand but Olivia held her hand firmly. Uncertain if she should just dive right in with the questions, Olivia felt this might be her best opportunity to have Natalia open up even though it would be painful. “Why did you call yourself a murderer?”
Natalia pulled her hand back as if burned and breathed the words, “Because I am.”
“It was self-defense Natalia, it’s not murder. We can call Frank, he’ll explain the difference to you.”
Natalia scoffed. She had been living with this moniker since it happened; rolling around in her mind, she was a murderer. Without Olivia holding her to her seat, she stood, wrapped her arms around herself and paced over to the window. “I know what I am Olivia, I know what I…” Natalia looked through the window even through the rain she could see headlights. “Have you left the car running?”
Shit “Yeah I guess I did, I’ll go.”
Olivia went to stand while Natalia marched toward the door.
“Wait!” Olivia called after her. Natalia continued out the door toward the driveway so Olivia quickly followed.
The thunder continued to roll in the sky while rain pounded down soaking the women as they ran to the car. Lightening could be seen to the east, the storm was moving away but it wasn’t over yet.
Natalia made it to the car with Olivia on her heels.
“Natalia let me.” Olivia begged but Natalia leaned into the driver’s side to reach the ignition and turn off the car. She saw the blood. It may have been washed off the window of the open door but it remained on the steering wheel and the seat.
Natalia stumbled back. Blood… more blood. “You said you were okay!” She turned toward Olivia and accused, “You said it was nothing!”
“It is nothing but a scratch and a headache. I promise Natalia, I’m okay.” Olivia approached the upset woman with caution. “Let’s go back inside okay?” Olivia put her hand on Natalia’s back to urge her back toward the house.
Natalia turned and desperately grabbed Olivia’s arms, squeezing, “I won’t lose you Olivia, I can’t.”
“Honey, I’m fine.” Lose me? “Come on.” Olivia encouraged.
Shaking her head, Natalia let go and stepped away from Olivia, “They hurt you.”
She’s still in that night. “They did but I’m okay. And so are you.”
An impossibly bright flash of lightening momentarily stunned the women as the thunder from it crashed instantly. The lightening strike was close, too close for Olivia.
“Let’s go.” Olivia reached into the car for her purse, slammed the door then grabbed Natalia’s elbow to guide her inside but the Latina tried to pull away.
“Just leave me alone!”
Olivia forced out a calming breath to keep herself under control. Between the weather and Natalia’s obstinate behaviour she was growing frustrated, “I’m sorry Natalia but I happen to love you so I’m not going anywhere, not without you.”
“I can’t be what you want me to be Olivia!” Why don’t you get it?
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Things were growing more and more confusing, Olivia needed to sit Natalia down and discuss what was going on in her head. “Come inside, we’ll talk.”
“I know what I am! Just go!”
Another flash of lightening, another crash of thunder, the wind picked up and bent the trees in the distance.
“Hey!” Olivia yelled over the sound of the wind, rain and thunder, “I’m not going to stand out here in a fucking hurricane and argue with you. Get in the house, now!” She grasped Natalia’s hand in a firm grip and pulled the younger woman back toward the house.
Exasperation mixed with confusion over Natalia’s cryptic comments and the situation as a whole had finally pushed Olivia right to the edge by the time they had reached the front entrance. Olivia shoved Natalia into the living room and slammed the door.
Natalia stumbled but caught herself before she fell, rounding on Olivia she shouted, “Hey! What do you think you’re doing?”
“Taking care of you since you don’t seem to want to take care of yourself!”
“Well that’s the pot calling the kettle…”
While it was true the roles had been reversed it only meant Olivia knew exactly what buttons to press, the same one Natalia pressed in her, “Do you want to get sick? Don’t you think Rafe wants his mother healthy?”
Natalia rushed to within an inch of Olivia and spat, “I told you to leave me alone.”
Olivia stood shocked at the anger Natalia was displaying, before she could respond Natalia moved away from her. She was furious; Natalia had every right to have her break down like the rest of them but outside in the middle of a thunderstorm was too dangerous a setting for it. And screaming in her face was unsettling to say the least. She took a moment to catch her breath and calm down while Natalia stood staring at the stairs.
They were soaked through and the chill from the cool spring air made Natalia visibly shiver.
Finally having gained some control over her aggravation Olivia suggested, “Let’s go upstairs and get changed okay? I don’t want either of us getting sick.”
Despite her shaking, Natalia shook her head and answered, “I’m fine.” She hadn’t even realized she was cold and wet. The sight of the stairs had her mesmerized as the night looped through her mind.
“No actually you are most definitely not fine.” Olivia dropped her purse on the coffee table then took Natalia’s hand once again and finding little resistance pulled the younger woman toward the stairs intending to go up to their rooms to change.
Oh fuck. No, not now. Olivia could feel the panic set it as they reached the bottom step. She looked up the expanse of stairs and even though the woman was standing next to her healthy and for the most part safe, she still saw Natalia on the step, bleeding out and nearly dying in her arms.
With her free hand Olivia pinched the bridge of her nose. I have no time for this. I will do it for you, just like that night. She glanced toward Natalia whose expression was one of curiosity as she looked at her, clearly trying to understand what the older woman was doing.
“Olivia?” Natalia asked in a quiet voice, “Are you okay?”
Before Natalia could ask again Olivia pressed forward, the first step felt like she had been punched in the stomach but she continued to pull Natalia up the stairs and each step got easier until they reached the top. She turned back and looked down the stairs. “I beat you!” She whispered to the silent staircase and allowed a little smile but was soon pulled out of her celebration when she felt the hand she held shake. Back on course, Olivia headed for Natalia’s bedroom. “Just about there Natalia, we’ll get you warmed up.”
Olivia lead Natalia into her bedroom, “Take off your clothes, I’ll go get some towels and we can get warm okay?”
She didn’t wait for a response before she quickly went into the hallway to get some towels from the linen closet. When she returned Natalia still stood in the room fully clothed.
“Oh Natalia, come on. You’re freezing.” Olivia resolved to do it the hard way and put the towels down on the bed before taking hold of the bottom of Natalia’s shirt. She peeled the soaking article of clothing from her, she could feel Natalia’s skin as she inadvertently grazed the younger woman’s body, she felt as cold as ice. “Honey, it’s going to be okay, I just need you to stay with me, help me.”
Natalia’s response came in the form of hot tears leaking from her eyes and the staggered breathing through quiet sobs. The emotion was overwhelming. She was incapable of putting it into words so she simply cried.
“No baby, it’s okay. I’m here.” Olivia’s heart broke at Natalia’s obvious pain. She wrapped a towel around Natalia’s body then bent to pull off her pants and shoes. “Honey, lift your leg for me.”
Thankfully Natalia responded and helped Olivia take off the rest of her clothes.
“You’re cold too.” Natalia’s sad voice finally spoke as the sobs eased.
“I am.” Olivia agreed then undressed quickly and pulled a towel around herself as she had done for Natalia. “Honey why don’t you just sit here a minute, I’m going to get us some warm clothes.” She eased Natalia onto the bed then ran off to her bedroom for a sweatshirt and sweatpants quickly throwing them on along with underwear and socks before she raced back to Natalia’s room and dug out a matching outfit for her friend.
“We’re going to put these on then how about we have a little fire downstairs?” Olivia approached the despondent figure on the edge of the bed. “Would you like that? To warm up by a fire?” She didn’t really expect a response but it still worried her when none came. Come on Natalia this isn’t you. You’re freaking me out a bit here.
With effort Olivia managed to dress Natalia then rubbed her arms to add warmth. “That’s better now isn’t it?”
Natalia just sat on the edge of the bed while Olivia put her socks on. She didn’t want to be like this but coming back to the house it all just was too much. All of those feelings and thoughts she had been having overwhelmed her at once and it was more than she could cope with. She had been aware of Olivia removing her clothes, even tried to help but it was like she was in a fog and couldn’t find her way out. She recognized Olivia’s voice, tried to comply but it was all she could do fight the demons insistent on pulling her back to that night.
Olivia’s voice was coming through again. Go where?
Natalia could feel herself being pulled once more, they were at the top of the stairs. The demons made her look, they made her turn her head and see it happening all again. “No, no, no…” Natalia tried to pull away from Olivia, she wanted to run back to the safety of her bedroom.
Olivia turned to Natalia, “What is it? What’s wrong?” She noticed where Natalia’s eyes were transfixed. “You’re seeing it aren’t you? You’re seeing me fight with Danny, you’re seeing yourself shoot Brian.” She hated being so blunt but Natalia was in crisis and she had only recently learned you have to face it to get through it. Olivia was no professional but desperate times called for desperate measures and she needed Natalia to open up and start releasing some obviously pent up emotions. Like a splinter she intended to poke, prod and squeeze out every bit of the offending sliver of pain.
“I can’t. I don’t want to.” Natalia tried to pull her eyes away. “Go away, go away.” In her mind she saw it and felt it, all of it, the emotions and the weight of the gun in her hand. She ‘pulled the trigger’, her finger reflexively moving as though she were firing a gun as it all came flooding back.
Olivia could see it, she watched Natalia shoot that man but she could not imagine what Natalia was feeling.
Without warning Natalia’s knees gave away, Olivia caught her before she fell down the stairs and eased her down onto the top step, holding her as the wracking sobs came.
“Hold on Natalia, it’s going to be ok.” The words came back as did the memory. “Hold on Natalia, it’s going to be ok. Don’t try to speak, conserve your energy.”
“Jesus.” The oxygen was suddenly sucked out of Olivia’s lungs as she battled with her own demons. Holding Natalia just a few steps lower, the blood was Natalia’s that night but the pain was the same. I’ve got to let myself feel this. Gotta get through it.Olivia fought the pull of the emotional abyss she was careening toward and desperately reached out for something solid to tether herself to. She grasped Natalia’s face with both of her hands and looked directly into her eyes. “You’re here… you’re here and you’re safe Natalia. Right? You’re okay?”
Confused, watery eyes reflected back an agony of emotion.
“Tell me!” Olivia cried, “God just tell me you’re okay, I need to know!”
Natalia’s brain tried to make sense of what she was hearing in the distance. Olivia’s eyes were wide, she could now feel the pounding of her heart, she was frantic. What did she want?
The darkening abyss was closing in, Olivia thought she could see blood on Natalia’s chest. Shaking Natalia in desperation Olivia begged, “Please Natalia, help me.”
“I’m here, I’m safe… I’m okay Olivia.” The effort to pull herself from her own nightmare was exhausting but Natalia was free of the suppressive grief that held her down beneath the surface of her own ocean of pain.
Olivia grabbed the figurative lifeline and held on until her practical mind caught up to her emotions and she realized it was just a memory and in reality Natalia was truly here and physically okay.
“Thank you.” Dropping her hands to her lap, Olivia released a cry, “Oh God. Thank you…”
Natalia merely looked up at Olivia uncertain about what to do next but knowing Olivia needed something. Natalia pulled her into a hug and continued to whisper reassurances into her ear, “I’m okay Olivia. I’m safe now. It’s over.”
Olivia accepted the comfort for several minutes until she breathed deeply and sat up and looked directly into brown eyes, “No more, okay? I know you’re fine. I know it, I just have to stop letting it come back… God, I’m so tired of going through this in my head…” Olivia chuckled humorlessly to herself, “Obviously not just in my head.” With shaky legs, Olivia stood up onto the step and helped Natalia stand, looking directly into her brown eyes she insisted, “We need to really face this Natalia. Or we can never move back here with Emma. She can’t see us fall apart like this.”
“I’m afraid.” Unable to meet Olivia’s eyes, Natalia glanced down, her voice sounding like a scared child’s, frightened to look under her bed for fear the monsters will get her.
“Me too.” Olivia admitted then started down the stairs. “Come on. Let’s have ourselves a little fire and talk.”
***
To Be Continued...