Beautiful Lie [to Believe in] | 23/24 | AoixRuki
Title: Beautiful Lie [to Believe in]
Chapter: 23/24
Author: akichuu
Fandom: the GazettE
Pairing: AoixRuki, RukixAoi, UruhaxRuki
Rating: R
Genre: AU (highschool), angst
Warnings: Yaoi, (slight) pedophilia, incestuous relationship, domestic abuse, possible violence. Not comfortable with those issues? Save yourselves and DON'T read this. I'm serious.
Disclaimer: Title is taken from 30 Seconds to Mars's song, Beautiful Lie. the GazettE belongs to themselves and, yes, the Almighty PSC. I, well I own this story. It's fiction, meaning IT'S NOT REAL and I'm making no profit from it (except my 15 minutes of fame). Yes, mind that.
Beta: None this time.
Summary: He was an outcast, an unwanted child that was thrown away, even by his own family. He was taught by life not to trust anyone, especially those who came to him offering the thing called 'love'. 'Love' was just a small part of his dream, and dreams, as far as he knew, weren't real and could never be real.
In this case, Shiroyama Yuu was definitely not an exception.
Comment: Just one more obstacle left to deal with.
Beautiful Lie [to Believe in]
Chapter 23
I went straight into the bedroom once we got home, and plopped myself down onto the bed.
I felt so tired, so drained both physically and emotionally, that it was hard to believe that it was only 10 a.m. now. The clock on the nightstand couldn’t possibly be lying despite me feeling like at least 12 hours had passed since I woke up this morning. It seemed like so many things had happened in such a short time, when in fact I had only gone through two conversations today; one with the Headmaster, and the other with Uruha. Those two conversations-or should I say arguments?-had made me feel like I had been in a death-defying rollercoaster ride where every turn was sharp, every slope was steep, leaving me feeling sick and out of breath at the end of the ride.
I closed my eyes and the world whirled into a dizzying darkness. Thoughts were swirling crazily inside my head; I just didn’t know how I should sort them all into order. First there was the fact that I had gotten, not just me, but also Yuu expelled from school. What was I supposed to do now? I was now a dropout, and Yuu was jobless. How were we going to live from now on? Looking for a job around here seemed a little risky now that we had gotten our scandal known to public. Should we move out of town? But where should we go?
And second, there was Uruha. I had hurt him really bad, and the worst part was I couldn’t simply apologize and expect him to forgive me, not this time. The look on his face when I left him told me that it might take a long time before he could ever forgive me, let alone forget what I had done to him. I honestly wished it didn’t have to come to this. Hurting Uruha had never been one of my intentions; I loved him, I truly did, even though it might not be the kind of love he had expected from me. If I could have my way, I would never have done anything that could possibly hurt Uruha. I would never have left him with any bad feelings. But who was I to expect that anything in my life would go my way?
But what could I do now? In the end it didn’t matter how much I cared for Uruha; everything that had happened was meant to happen. It wasn’t easy and it sure as hell was painful, but I couldn’t have done anything to save Uruha’s feelings without damaging his future. I had to accept it and prayed that this was for the best.
The sound of footsteps dragged me out of my miserable thought; Yuu was approaching, and soon I felt the bed dip when he sat down next to me. The touch of his hand on my forehead and the sound of his voice made my heart skip a beat.
“I am not going to ask you what you’ve done or why. All I want to know is, are you sure about this?”
I didn’t have to question what Yuu meant with ‘this’; I knew exactly what he meant. ‘This’ was the choice I had taken. ‘This’ was my decision of leaving everything behind, and taking what could possibly be the greatest risk I had ever had to take in my entire life.
‘This’ was me choosing Yuu over Uruha-me finally submitting to my own feelings.
It’s no longer the time to be making up lies. I’ve come to the point where there’s nothing left to say but the truth-the truth that might have always been there all along, waiting for me to gather up my wits.
I opened my eyes and raised my hand to his cheek. He leaned a little into my touch; his skin felt warm in my palm. It was difficult to imagine that someone else would fit so perfectly in my hold like Yuu did.
In the end, it becomes so obvious what my choice is-what it always has been.
“I’m sure,” I answered Yuu’s question while looking straight into his eyes. I took a deep breath and whispered, “I love you, Yuu.”
The echo of my own confession reverberated in my head, but against my earlier judgment, it felt good. The feeling was close to having a very heavy burden lifted off my chest; liberating, freeing. It was as if breathing was suddenly ten times easier.
Yuu looked shocked-I didn’t blame him if he was. He was staring at me as if I had lost my mind and said the craziest thing he had ever heard of. In a way, I probably had. Not so long ago I wouldn’t have even considered telling anyone, let alone Yuu, that I loved them. It was such an unfamiliar concept, love; I’m not sure if I would ever grasp the true meaning of it, but at the moment I could no longer deny that there was something more-something immense in the way Yuu made me feel deep inside.
All air was suddenly knocked out of my chest when Yuu grabbed me and kissed me hard. I had no chance to protest-I didn’t want to, not now when all I wanted was to be as close as possible with him, to let him posses me and take me completely. My fingers were clutching desperately onto his shirt while he pushed me down to the bed, our lips hardly ever parted with each other.
Yes Yuu, you are the one I truly need, the one I’ll trust my life with. It’s probably no coincidence that you showed up in my life and turned my world upside down. However fucked up things had been in the beginning, however unclear our path is from this point on, I don’t want to look back. I want to walk forward and live every single second with you.
I love you.
A breathy moan left my throat when Yuu slid his hands under my shirt and brushed his lips against my neck. I raised my hands toward his collar with the intention of unbuttoning his shirt, but I halted abruptly the moment Yuu moved one of his knees between my legs.
“You’ll regret this,” Yuu murmured into my ear before he licked my earlobe, drawing another moan from me.
“Maybe I will,” I replied, my voice trembling. “Maybe someday later I’ll find that this is all a mistake. I don’t know what the future will bring and, frankly, I don’t give a fuck. What matters to me is now, and right now I just want to be with you… I love you. Oh God, Yuu I love you.”
Yuu looked at me with a glare that was almost condescending, as if he was scolding me, telling me that I was doing something fatally wrong. But the next second he was all over me again; his mouth devouring me endlessly, his hands touching my skin. The warmth of his body felt so good, I couldn’t get enough of him as he kept pressing against me relentlessly. He was making me feel like I was drowning in a fathomless ocean of emotions; I was asphyxiating, but at the same time I wanted to drown even deeper and never resurface. I was floating underwater, losing my comprehension of where was up and where was down. But I knew I was safe in here, wrapped inside Yuu’s arms, knowing he wouldn’t let me go and stray off somewhere far.
This is where I belong. How stupid of me for not realizing this any sooner.
“Yuu…” I moaned. My fingers curled between Yuu’s soft, dark locks of hair while the tension was building up, burning inside my body. His hands were under my shirt, smoothing over my skin; his lips and tongue were drawing random patterns on my neck. He was whispering bittersweet words to me, words that went straight into my heart and melted every last bit of my self-restraint.
“You’re going to be the death of me Takanori, I swear,” Yuu groaned, grinding his hips deliciously against me. “I love you.”
Something warm flooded my insides, filling me with a sensation I wasn’t familiar with. Was this love? Was this how it felt like? It was amazing. It made me think I could jump off the rooftop of a fifteen story building without fearing I would hurt myself. It made me believe that none of the difficulties I had faced in my life actually mattered, because at the end of the day I knew Yuu would be there to help me mend my wounds and forget my pain.
“I-”
The sound of harsh banging on the front door stopped me from finishing my sentence. I froze, forgetting what I had intended to say to Yuu. An unwelcomed foreboding came over me; it felt like déjà vu, this fear that was slowly creeping up my spine. I had been so familiar with it that I could almost see the figure I hated the most walking through Yuu’s door and barging into the bedroom.
He’s here.
I didn’t know why I was so certain, but I knew I was right.
Yuu got up from the bed exiting the bedroom in a flash. I chanced to take a glance at him, and by the infuriated look on his face, I could tell that he too knew who was banging on the door. I slid off the bed, fixing my clothes absentmindedly and followed Yuu to the living room. He was already unlocking front door when I got there, and once the door swung open, my heart stopped beating.
“God damn you!”
Dad’s hideous roar echoed throughout the apartment, and just like an enraged beast he charged into the entrance, his large hand clutching on Yuu’s collar. An unpredictably fast punch landed on Yuu’s cheek before Yuu could say anything. The sound of Dad’s fist colliding with Yuu’s cheekbone made me feel sick; that must have hurt really bad.
I rushed toward them with the intention to break the fight; I didn’t want Dad to get another swing at Yuu. Based on experience, I knew just how painful Dad’s punches could be. Yuu would end up with bruises all over his face if they kept at it.
“Stop!” I tugged at Yuu’s arm and tried to pull him back, but I wasn’t quick enough to prevent Dad’s fist from smashing against Yuu’s stomach. Yuu and I collapsed onto the floor; Yuu was retching in my arms, one of his hands was holding his stomach.
“And you… you ungrateful bastard.” Dad loomed over us, hatred clearly written on his face. “I took care of you, fed you, let you live in my house and paid for your school, and now look at what you’ve done.”
I gasped when all of a sudden Dad’s hand seized my neck. His strength was shocking, overwhelming; with extreme ease he pulled me away from Yuu and got me up on my feet. He was soon making me gasping for breath with his tight grip around my neck. I was clawing futilely at his hand trying to free myself from him, but nothing I did seemed to affect him at all. And then he clenched his other hand into a tight fist aiming a deadly blow at my face. I cringed, averted my face and waited for the blow, but it never came.
“Don’t even think about it.”
Yuu’s voice startled me; I opened my eyes and caught the sight of him grabbing Dad by the arm. They staggered to the side, Dad’s grip faltered from my throat. Struggling to regain my breath, I kept my eyes on Yuu and Dad, worrying for the worst.
Dad was a big, strongly built man. Compared to him, Yuu was much skinnier. It would have been easy for Dad to break Yuu’s arm, but to my surprise somehow Yuu managed to gain some control and push Dad further away from me. Soon, the two of them became a complicated tangle of hands and feet, but I could hear Dad’s pained growl among the sounds of clothes rustling and fists colliding. They broke apart after Dad kneed Yuu on the stomach, forcing Yuu to back away.
I heaved my feet toward them, but Yuu stopped me short. He grabbed me with his left hand, and pushed me behind him. I could see that he was trying to shield me from Dad-a stupid thing to do, but I understood it was his attempt to prevent me from getting hurt.
“God damn you both,” Dad growled. “How dare you make a fool of me? I received a call in the middle of work from the Headmaster, telling me that he had just expelled you. I thought it was a joke, but unfortunately that wasn’t the worst part. He then told me the reason why he had to kick you out of school. I couldn’t believe it-how was it possible, something so… so disgusting-and with you, of all people!”
Dad’s finger was pointed at Yuu. I thought that if he had been standing a couple of feet closer, he would have successfully poked Yuu’s eye out with that finger.
“I should have known you would only bring trouble when you returned,” Dad hissed, eyes glaring daggers toward Yuu. “I should have known you haven’t changed-you with your abnormal tendencies. First it was with that kid in college, and now… now him, and in the school where I had graduated from nonetheless! Have you any idea how humiliated I felt when the Headmaster spoke to me?”
My nerves tensed to their limit as a reaction to Dad reaching out toward Yuu again, but Yuu was quick this time to dodge Dad’s attack. That only seemed to infuriate Dad even further, and he launched another attempt at Yuu, which succeeded, but when he tried to punch Yuu in the face, Yuu blocked his hand and pushed him backward.
“Nobody makes a fool of me!” Dad shouted, arms reaching out again toward Yuu. Yuu only had time to push me back before Dad’s fist hit his jaw. I felt as if my guts were being wrenched right out of my stomach at the sound of Yuu groaning in pain.
“Stop!” I screamed in vain. If this kept on going Yuu would be injured even worse. I could already see the bruise on his cheekbone turning an ugly shade of purple. “Stop it, please!”
But of course my screaming fell on deaf ears. Dad didn’t even pay any attention to me; he was too angry to listen to any sort of reasoning I could possibly come up with. Without waiting for Yuu to gather himself up, he was already preparing another blow. I was about to pull Yuu aside when all of a sudden Dad tumbled backward.
None of us had noticed when Yutaka walked in through the still wide-open front door, but he was here now and was struggling to pull Dad away from Yuu.
I had never been so thankful to see my brother. I had no idea why he was here, but he was being a big help by restraining Dad and keeping him away from Yuu. And while he was trying to restrain Dad, I toppled onto the floor, pushed back by Yuu’s weight.
From where I was sitting, I was staring disbelievingly at Yutaka. It was actually the first time that I had ever seen him do anything remotely offensive toward Dad. For as long as I had known him, he had never said anything bad against Dad. He had always done whatever Dad had wanted him to do. He was Dad’s golden boy, his pride and joy, and the future heir of Matsumoto family.
“Let me go-how dare-Yutaka what are you doing here!?”
Dad looked furious but also confused to find Yutaka here. He fought to get himself free from Yutaka’s clutch, but quite impressively, Yutaka held on.
“I was on my way home but before I got there, I saw your car speeding down the street. Out of curiosity, I followed you. And thank goodness I did,” Yutaka explained through gritted teeth. “You have to stop this, Dad. Let them be.”
“Let them be? Are you out of your mind?!” Dad seethed heatedly. “Do you even know what they’ve done, these two scumbags?”
“Yes, I know,” Yutaka answered calmly. “I’ve always known.”
Dad looked over his shoulder to glare at Yutaka. He probably couldn’t believe what he had just heard. “You know? You know and you never told me?! How dare you!”
“I didn’t-” Yutaka tightened his hold when Dad tried to pull himself away again. “I didn’t say anything because I knew you’d react this way. I didn’t want you to find out because I knew you’d end up hurting people-again.”
From the tone of Yutaka’s voice I could tell that he was talking about Mom. I remembered her, how helpless she had looked when I had gone to see her at the hospital, and I remembered who had been the main cause of her misery as well as ours. I couldn’t help it when anger began to rage inside of me, replacing the initial fear that had emerged since Dad arrived.
None of this would happen if it wasn’t for you, Dad. If you could just place yourself in my position and see what you’ve done to everyone, you wouldn’t go around blaming people the way you are doing now.
“What the hell are you talking about? Yutaka let go of me right now!”
With one harsh tug, Dad managed to wrench himself away from Yutaka’s hold. I flinched, half expecting him to continue his assault toward Yuu, but to my surprise he turned around and confronted Yutaka instead. I had to give Yutaka some credit for not backing down even under Dad’s vicious glare.
“You have to stop destroying people’s lives, Dad,” Yutaka said. “Haven’t you hurt us enough?”
“Hurt you? Are you out of your mind!? Everything I’ve done to this point is for your sake!”
“No it’s not!” Yutaka lashed out. “It’s never been for my sake or for anyone else’s but your own!”
I gaped in shock, unconsciously gripping Yuu’s shoulders, staring in amazement at Yutaka. The look he had on his face was fierce, the blaze in his eyes was bright, and he had his fists ready by his sides as if he was ready to pounce anytime soon.
“Stop being so stubborn, Dad!” Yutaka continued; his voice hardening. “We could have been happy if you hadn’t been so selfishly trying to make us do what you wanted us to do. Mom, Takanori, and even me-you’ve made us all victims of your blind obsession, your vision of a perfect future. I had a dream once. I thought I would be able to reach it, be happy with the future I planned for myself, but you took that away from me. You threw away every chance we had to being an actually happy family.”
“Are you talking about that past mistake of yours? That girl you were with during college? Because if you are then I’m telling you, it was for the best. You had no future with that girl!”
“But I loved her! I loved her so much, and I wanted to marry her!” Yutaka shouted. His eyes flashed dangerously, but I could see tears in them as well. “You didn’t even consider my feelings before you threw her out of my life-her and her baby-my baby! You’ve got the blood of an innocent soul on your hands, all for the sake of your egotistical demands. How can you not feel bad about that?”
“What-what are you talking about? I don’t-” Dad flushed; I couldn’t tell if the look on his face was confusion or guilt.
Yutaka banged the nearest wall with his right hand. From the sound of it, it must have hurt, but instead of yelping in pain, he looked even more furious than ever. I admit it was the first time in my life that I actually felt intimidated by Yutaka; this was a side of him that I had never seen before.
“Don’t act like you know nothing about it!” Yutaka’s voice rang through the apartment. “She had to abort the baby because you wouldn’t let her be with me! She’s been holding her grudge for all these years, and now she’s returned. Did you think all this chaos was started all by itself?”
I saw Dad’s face turning pale. He would be too dense if he hadn’t begun realizing just how big of a part he had played in setting off all this shit. He said I had made a fool of him, but considering just who had driven Mitsui Aki out of her reasonable mind, who was to blame now?
“I didn’t know it until Takanori told me that she had gone to the same school as he did,” Yutaka continued. “It was no coincidence. She’s there to ruin his life-our lives, and obviously she has succeeded. But she wouldn’t have even thought of doing all this if you hadn’t destroyed her life in the first place!”
By now tears were already streaming down Yutaka’s face. The sight broke my heart, but I knew this was necessary for both Yutaka and Dad-Yutaka to get the burden out of his chest, and Dad to understand exactly what he had done to all of us.
“Is this hard to believe, Dad? I’m sorry to have to break the news to you, but it’s all fact,” Yutaka scoffed. “You always think that your ways were perfect-that by taking control of every aspect in our lives you would make us happy. Open your eyes and see, Dad; no one’s happy now, not even yourself. And Mom-” Yutaka had to hold back a sob at the mention of Mom, “-did you even know I had to rush her to the hospital last night?”
I looked at Dad. There was shock written on his face. Was he really unaware that Mom had been admitted to the hospital? It was unbelievable how ignorant he could be most of the times.
“Yes, you heard me right Dad,” Yutaka said. “She’s in the hospital right now, thanks to you. She’s…”
Yutaka was starting to lose his composure. It was amazing that he had gotten so much out; I bet that must have taken a big toll. So much emotion had been poured out into the open today; the tension was so thick I was almost suffocated.
“Just… just stop it, Dad,” Yutaka sighed after a while, wiping tear tracks off his face. “Stop hurting other people. Stop thinking you’re always right, because you’re not. You’ve made mistakes too, mistakes that you need to pay for yourself. Things can’t always go your way; that’s not how life goes.” Yutaka paused for a moment, frowning. “With the way you treated us, I sometimes think you’ve never actually cared about us-about any of us.”
“I care about you, Yutaka!” Dad argued.
“Do you? Because I sure as hell don’t think you do,” Yutaka cut off rather cruelly. “You did it, Dad. Not Mitsui Aki, not Mom, not Takanori and not Yuu; it’s you who has wiped out every single chance we have to becoming a nice, normal family. You’ve ruined my life. You’ve ruined everything.”
Yutaka suddenly turned toward Yuu and me. It shocked me, because I had been sitting on the side all the while, feeling like I was a spectator and the whole scene belonged to Yutaka and Dad.
“I’m sorry that you had to go through all these problems because of Mitsui,” he spoke to us. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t fix things up before it was too late. You didn’t deserve to suffer because of someone else’s fault-mine or Mom’s.”
I didn’t know what made this more nerve-racking, Yutaka’s words or the look on his face. It brought me the thought of everything that had happened, and where it had taken us to. I wonder how it would have been if I had been Dad’s biological son; if Dad had been more relenting, and if Yutaka had been able to marry Mitsui. I wonder if I would have been happy. Would I have come to know Yuu at all? Or if I had, would I have even considered getting involved in this kind of scandal with Yuu? Would I have learned what hardship meant, and would I have become the person that I was now?
And then, almost like a reminder, I felt Yuu’s presence in my arms; his breathing, the scent of his hair, the warmth of his body. Instantly I realized I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“It’s meant to be,” I said. “Everything happened for a reason. I’ve long accepted that.”
Yutaka looked at me. I knew he could guess what my choice was; I believe it was obvious to his eyes.
“You should be happy, Takanori,” he said afterward. “You and Yuu. After all this… you deserve a better life.”
“So do you,” I agreed. “So do you, Yutaka.”
Yutaka smiled faintly and nodded. With that, he turned his attention back to Dad, who had oddly become so quiet after Yutaka’s unpredicted outburst. Yutaka’s voice steeled once again when he spoke next.
“You still have the chance to redeem yourself Dad. The question is will you take it?”
Dad was quiet for a moment. His face was dark; I couldn’t quite read his emotions, but I could tell he was shocked to have to face Yutaka, the son he put so much pride on, turning against him. And then, without so much as a word or one single look at my way, he walked briskly toward the door.
Yutaka sighed. “What can I possibly do to get through his thick skull and get some sense in it…?”
“It’ll take some time and effort,” I said. “But I think you’ve said enough for a starter.”
Slowly I stood up from the floor, making sure I wasn’t making any harsh movement that might do any damage to Yuu. Yuu swayed a little in my hold, but to my relief he looked positively alright despite the punches he had taken from Dad.
“Are you going to be okay?” Yutaka asked Yuu.
“Just a couple of bruises, no problem.”
Yutaka nodded. “Well, I better get going. I need to make sure Dad’s not up to anything bad,” he said. Pausing for a second, he looked at us curiously. “What are you planning for now? I’m guessing the school has found out…”
I spared a glance toward Yuu, and somehow I knew that whatever happened after this, I would be okay because he would be there with me. Turning back to Yutaka, I answered, “We’ll think of something. Don’t worry.”
“Okay,” Yutaka said. “Just… let me know about everything. And in case you need anything, anything at all, all you need is call.”
“Of course,” I smiled. “Who else can I count on but you, brother?”
Yutaka walked over and hugged me tightly-well, as tight as he could with me still trying to support Yuu’s weight. He didn’t seem like he was ever going to let go, but before I could make any comment, he released me. I could see him smiling, but there was some kind of sadness in his expression that unavoidably made my heart ache.
“Take care, Takanori,” he said, and with that, he left the apartment.
I was staring at the door for a while even though Yutaka had left, somehow knowing I wouldn’t be seeing him again for quite some time.
~ TO BE CONTINUED ~
A/N:Oh yes. That was tense. I rarely write an argument scene on such an intense emotional basis like this, so forgive me if it turned out a bit... dense? Anyway. It's coming to an end. It's been a long, long ride, hasn't it (not to mention my tendency to update so rarely XD)? One more chapter to go, and PROBABLY that one extra I mentioned (I'm not sure what it's supposed to be yet XDD). Curious as to how Takanori's future is going to turn out? Please wait up for the last chapter!
And about this chapter not being beta-ed, apparently my beta is really busy lately... I didn't have the heart to bother her too often... orz
And sorry that I haven't been writing much lately! I've been... um... distracted by a new OTP. XDDDD if you've been following my tweets then you'll understand. And um... maybe my LJ icon too, if you know who those two are. XDDD
Well then. The afterword is becoming too long. Okay, I'll stop here. See you in the next chapter! :D
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[ Chapter 01 ] [ Chapter 02 ] [ Chapter 03 ] [ Chapter 04 ] [ Chapter 05 ] [ Chapter 06 ] [ Chapter 07-a ] [ Chapter 07-b ] [ Chapter 08 ] [ Chapter 09 ] [ Chapter 10 ] [ Chapter 11 ] [ Chapter 12 ] [ Chapter 13 ] [ Chapter 14 ] [ Chapter 15 ] [ Chapter 16 ] [ Chapter 17 ] [ Chapter 18 ] [ Chapter 19 ] [ Chapter 20 ] [ Chapter 21 ] [ Chapter 22 ]
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Chapter: 23/24
Author: akichuu
Fandom: the GazettE
Pairing: AoixRuki, RukixAoi, UruhaxRuki
Rating: R
Genre: AU (highschool), angst
Warnings: Yaoi, (slight) pedophilia, incestuous relationship, domestic abuse, possible violence. Not comfortable with those issues? Save yourselves and DON'T read this. I'm serious.
Disclaimer: Title is taken from 30 Seconds to Mars's song, Beautiful Lie. the GazettE belongs to themselves and, yes, the Almighty PSC. I, well I own this story. It's fiction, meaning IT'S NOT REAL and I'm making no profit from it (except my 15 minutes of fame). Yes, mind that.
Beta: None this time.
Summary: He was an outcast, an unwanted child that was thrown away, even by his own family. He was taught by life not to trust anyone, especially those who came to him offering the thing called 'love'. 'Love' was just a small part of his dream, and dreams, as far as he knew, weren't real and could never be real.
In this case, Shiroyama Yuu was definitely not an exception.
Comment: Just one more obstacle left to deal with.
Beautiful Lie [to Believe in]
Chapter 23
I went straight into the bedroom once we got home, and plopped myself down onto the bed.
I felt so tired, so drained both physically and emotionally, that it was hard to believe that it was only 10 a.m. now. The clock on the nightstand couldn’t possibly be lying despite me feeling like at least 12 hours had passed since I woke up this morning. It seemed like so many things had happened in such a short time, when in fact I had only gone through two conversations today; one with the Headmaster, and the other with Uruha. Those two conversations-or should I say arguments?-had made me feel like I had been in a death-defying rollercoaster ride where every turn was sharp, every slope was steep, leaving me feeling sick and out of breath at the end of the ride.
I closed my eyes and the world whirled into a dizzying darkness. Thoughts were swirling crazily inside my head; I just didn’t know how I should sort them all into order. First there was the fact that I had gotten, not just me, but also Yuu expelled from school. What was I supposed to do now? I was now a dropout, and Yuu was jobless. How were we going to live from now on? Looking for a job around here seemed a little risky now that we had gotten our scandal known to public. Should we move out of town? But where should we go?
And second, there was Uruha. I had hurt him really bad, and the worst part was I couldn’t simply apologize and expect him to forgive me, not this time. The look on his face when I left him told me that it might take a long time before he could ever forgive me, let alone forget what I had done to him. I honestly wished it didn’t have to come to this. Hurting Uruha had never been one of my intentions; I loved him, I truly did, even though it might not be the kind of love he had expected from me. If I could have my way, I would never have done anything that could possibly hurt Uruha. I would never have left him with any bad feelings. But who was I to expect that anything in my life would go my way?
But what could I do now? In the end it didn’t matter how much I cared for Uruha; everything that had happened was meant to happen. It wasn’t easy and it sure as hell was painful, but I couldn’t have done anything to save Uruha’s feelings without damaging his future. I had to accept it and prayed that this was for the best.
The sound of footsteps dragged me out of my miserable thought; Yuu was approaching, and soon I felt the bed dip when he sat down next to me. The touch of his hand on my forehead and the sound of his voice made my heart skip a beat.
“I am not going to ask you what you’ve done or why. All I want to know is, are you sure about this?”
I didn’t have to question what Yuu meant with ‘this’; I knew exactly what he meant. ‘This’ was the choice I had taken. ‘This’ was my decision of leaving everything behind, and taking what could possibly be the greatest risk I had ever had to take in my entire life.
‘This’ was me choosing Yuu over Uruha-me finally submitting to my own feelings.
It’s no longer the time to be making up lies. I’ve come to the point where there’s nothing left to say but the truth-the truth that might have always been there all along, waiting for me to gather up my wits.
I opened my eyes and raised my hand to his cheek. He leaned a little into my touch; his skin felt warm in my palm. It was difficult to imagine that someone else would fit so perfectly in my hold like Yuu did.
In the end, it becomes so obvious what my choice is-what it always has been.
“I’m sure,” I answered Yuu’s question while looking straight into his eyes. I took a deep breath and whispered, “I love you, Yuu.”
The echo of my own confession reverberated in my head, but against my earlier judgment, it felt good. The feeling was close to having a very heavy burden lifted off my chest; liberating, freeing. It was as if breathing was suddenly ten times easier.
Yuu looked shocked-I didn’t blame him if he was. He was staring at me as if I had lost my mind and said the craziest thing he had ever heard of. In a way, I probably had. Not so long ago I wouldn’t have even considered telling anyone, let alone Yuu, that I loved them. It was such an unfamiliar concept, love; I’m not sure if I would ever grasp the true meaning of it, but at the moment I could no longer deny that there was something more-something immense in the way Yuu made me feel deep inside.
All air was suddenly knocked out of my chest when Yuu grabbed me and kissed me hard. I had no chance to protest-I didn’t want to, not now when all I wanted was to be as close as possible with him, to let him posses me and take me completely. My fingers were clutching desperately onto his shirt while he pushed me down to the bed, our lips hardly ever parted with each other.
Yes Yuu, you are the one I truly need, the one I’ll trust my life with. It’s probably no coincidence that you showed up in my life and turned my world upside down. However fucked up things had been in the beginning, however unclear our path is from this point on, I don’t want to look back. I want to walk forward and live every single second with you.
I love you.
A breathy moan left my throat when Yuu slid his hands under my shirt and brushed his lips against my neck. I raised my hands toward his collar with the intention of unbuttoning his shirt, but I halted abruptly the moment Yuu moved one of his knees between my legs.
“You’ll regret this,” Yuu murmured into my ear before he licked my earlobe, drawing another moan from me.
“Maybe I will,” I replied, my voice trembling. “Maybe someday later I’ll find that this is all a mistake. I don’t know what the future will bring and, frankly, I don’t give a fuck. What matters to me is now, and right now I just want to be with you… I love you. Oh God, Yuu I love you.”
Yuu looked at me with a glare that was almost condescending, as if he was scolding me, telling me that I was doing something fatally wrong. But the next second he was all over me again; his mouth devouring me endlessly, his hands touching my skin. The warmth of his body felt so good, I couldn’t get enough of him as he kept pressing against me relentlessly. He was making me feel like I was drowning in a fathomless ocean of emotions; I was asphyxiating, but at the same time I wanted to drown even deeper and never resurface. I was floating underwater, losing my comprehension of where was up and where was down. But I knew I was safe in here, wrapped inside Yuu’s arms, knowing he wouldn’t let me go and stray off somewhere far.
This is where I belong. How stupid of me for not realizing this any sooner.
“Yuu…” I moaned. My fingers curled between Yuu’s soft, dark locks of hair while the tension was building up, burning inside my body. His hands were under my shirt, smoothing over my skin; his lips and tongue were drawing random patterns on my neck. He was whispering bittersweet words to me, words that went straight into my heart and melted every last bit of my self-restraint.
“You’re going to be the death of me Takanori, I swear,” Yuu groaned, grinding his hips deliciously against me. “I love you.”
Something warm flooded my insides, filling me with a sensation I wasn’t familiar with. Was this love? Was this how it felt like? It was amazing. It made me think I could jump off the rooftop of a fifteen story building without fearing I would hurt myself. It made me believe that none of the difficulties I had faced in my life actually mattered, because at the end of the day I knew Yuu would be there to help me mend my wounds and forget my pain.
“I-”
The sound of harsh banging on the front door stopped me from finishing my sentence. I froze, forgetting what I had intended to say to Yuu. An unwelcomed foreboding came over me; it felt like déjà vu, this fear that was slowly creeping up my spine. I had been so familiar with it that I could almost see the figure I hated the most walking through Yuu’s door and barging into the bedroom.
He’s here.
I didn’t know why I was so certain, but I knew I was right.
Yuu got up from the bed exiting the bedroom in a flash. I chanced to take a glance at him, and by the infuriated look on his face, I could tell that he too knew who was banging on the door. I slid off the bed, fixing my clothes absentmindedly and followed Yuu to the living room. He was already unlocking front door when I got there, and once the door swung open, my heart stopped beating.
“God damn you!”
Dad’s hideous roar echoed throughout the apartment, and just like an enraged beast he charged into the entrance, his large hand clutching on Yuu’s collar. An unpredictably fast punch landed on Yuu’s cheek before Yuu could say anything. The sound of Dad’s fist colliding with Yuu’s cheekbone made me feel sick; that must have hurt really bad.
I rushed toward them with the intention to break the fight; I didn’t want Dad to get another swing at Yuu. Based on experience, I knew just how painful Dad’s punches could be. Yuu would end up with bruises all over his face if they kept at it.
“Stop!” I tugged at Yuu’s arm and tried to pull him back, but I wasn’t quick enough to prevent Dad’s fist from smashing against Yuu’s stomach. Yuu and I collapsed onto the floor; Yuu was retching in my arms, one of his hands was holding his stomach.
“And you… you ungrateful bastard.” Dad loomed over us, hatred clearly written on his face. “I took care of you, fed you, let you live in my house and paid for your school, and now look at what you’ve done.”
I gasped when all of a sudden Dad’s hand seized my neck. His strength was shocking, overwhelming; with extreme ease he pulled me away from Yuu and got me up on my feet. He was soon making me gasping for breath with his tight grip around my neck. I was clawing futilely at his hand trying to free myself from him, but nothing I did seemed to affect him at all. And then he clenched his other hand into a tight fist aiming a deadly blow at my face. I cringed, averted my face and waited for the blow, but it never came.
“Don’t even think about it.”
Yuu’s voice startled me; I opened my eyes and caught the sight of him grabbing Dad by the arm. They staggered to the side, Dad’s grip faltered from my throat. Struggling to regain my breath, I kept my eyes on Yuu and Dad, worrying for the worst.
Dad was a big, strongly built man. Compared to him, Yuu was much skinnier. It would have been easy for Dad to break Yuu’s arm, but to my surprise somehow Yuu managed to gain some control and push Dad further away from me. Soon, the two of them became a complicated tangle of hands and feet, but I could hear Dad’s pained growl among the sounds of clothes rustling and fists colliding. They broke apart after Dad kneed Yuu on the stomach, forcing Yuu to back away.
I heaved my feet toward them, but Yuu stopped me short. He grabbed me with his left hand, and pushed me behind him. I could see that he was trying to shield me from Dad-a stupid thing to do, but I understood it was his attempt to prevent me from getting hurt.
“God damn you both,” Dad growled. “How dare you make a fool of me? I received a call in the middle of work from the Headmaster, telling me that he had just expelled you. I thought it was a joke, but unfortunately that wasn’t the worst part. He then told me the reason why he had to kick you out of school. I couldn’t believe it-how was it possible, something so… so disgusting-and with you, of all people!”
Dad’s finger was pointed at Yuu. I thought that if he had been standing a couple of feet closer, he would have successfully poked Yuu’s eye out with that finger.
“I should have known you would only bring trouble when you returned,” Dad hissed, eyes glaring daggers toward Yuu. “I should have known you haven’t changed-you with your abnormal tendencies. First it was with that kid in college, and now… now him, and in the school where I had graduated from nonetheless! Have you any idea how humiliated I felt when the Headmaster spoke to me?”
My nerves tensed to their limit as a reaction to Dad reaching out toward Yuu again, but Yuu was quick this time to dodge Dad’s attack. That only seemed to infuriate Dad even further, and he launched another attempt at Yuu, which succeeded, but when he tried to punch Yuu in the face, Yuu blocked his hand and pushed him backward.
“Nobody makes a fool of me!” Dad shouted, arms reaching out again toward Yuu. Yuu only had time to push me back before Dad’s fist hit his jaw. I felt as if my guts were being wrenched right out of my stomach at the sound of Yuu groaning in pain.
“Stop!” I screamed in vain. If this kept on going Yuu would be injured even worse. I could already see the bruise on his cheekbone turning an ugly shade of purple. “Stop it, please!”
But of course my screaming fell on deaf ears. Dad didn’t even pay any attention to me; he was too angry to listen to any sort of reasoning I could possibly come up with. Without waiting for Yuu to gather himself up, he was already preparing another blow. I was about to pull Yuu aside when all of a sudden Dad tumbled backward.
None of us had noticed when Yutaka walked in through the still wide-open front door, but he was here now and was struggling to pull Dad away from Yuu.
I had never been so thankful to see my brother. I had no idea why he was here, but he was being a big help by restraining Dad and keeping him away from Yuu. And while he was trying to restrain Dad, I toppled onto the floor, pushed back by Yuu’s weight.
From where I was sitting, I was staring disbelievingly at Yutaka. It was actually the first time that I had ever seen him do anything remotely offensive toward Dad. For as long as I had known him, he had never said anything bad against Dad. He had always done whatever Dad had wanted him to do. He was Dad’s golden boy, his pride and joy, and the future heir of Matsumoto family.
“Let me go-how dare-Yutaka what are you doing here!?”
Dad looked furious but also confused to find Yutaka here. He fought to get himself free from Yutaka’s clutch, but quite impressively, Yutaka held on.
“I was on my way home but before I got there, I saw your car speeding down the street. Out of curiosity, I followed you. And thank goodness I did,” Yutaka explained through gritted teeth. “You have to stop this, Dad. Let them be.”
“Let them be? Are you out of your mind?!” Dad seethed heatedly. “Do you even know what they’ve done, these two scumbags?”
“Yes, I know,” Yutaka answered calmly. “I’ve always known.”
Dad looked over his shoulder to glare at Yutaka. He probably couldn’t believe what he had just heard. “You know? You know and you never told me?! How dare you!”
“I didn’t-” Yutaka tightened his hold when Dad tried to pull himself away again. “I didn’t say anything because I knew you’d react this way. I didn’t want you to find out because I knew you’d end up hurting people-again.”
From the tone of Yutaka’s voice I could tell that he was talking about Mom. I remembered her, how helpless she had looked when I had gone to see her at the hospital, and I remembered who had been the main cause of her misery as well as ours. I couldn’t help it when anger began to rage inside of me, replacing the initial fear that had emerged since Dad arrived.
None of this would happen if it wasn’t for you, Dad. If you could just place yourself in my position and see what you’ve done to everyone, you wouldn’t go around blaming people the way you are doing now.
“What the hell are you talking about? Yutaka let go of me right now!”
With one harsh tug, Dad managed to wrench himself away from Yutaka’s hold. I flinched, half expecting him to continue his assault toward Yuu, but to my surprise he turned around and confronted Yutaka instead. I had to give Yutaka some credit for not backing down even under Dad’s vicious glare.
“You have to stop destroying people’s lives, Dad,” Yutaka said. “Haven’t you hurt us enough?”
“Hurt you? Are you out of your mind!? Everything I’ve done to this point is for your sake!”
“No it’s not!” Yutaka lashed out. “It’s never been for my sake or for anyone else’s but your own!”
I gaped in shock, unconsciously gripping Yuu’s shoulders, staring in amazement at Yutaka. The look he had on his face was fierce, the blaze in his eyes was bright, and he had his fists ready by his sides as if he was ready to pounce anytime soon.
“Stop being so stubborn, Dad!” Yutaka continued; his voice hardening. “We could have been happy if you hadn’t been so selfishly trying to make us do what you wanted us to do. Mom, Takanori, and even me-you’ve made us all victims of your blind obsession, your vision of a perfect future. I had a dream once. I thought I would be able to reach it, be happy with the future I planned for myself, but you took that away from me. You threw away every chance we had to being an actually happy family.”
“Are you talking about that past mistake of yours? That girl you were with during college? Because if you are then I’m telling you, it was for the best. You had no future with that girl!”
“But I loved her! I loved her so much, and I wanted to marry her!” Yutaka shouted. His eyes flashed dangerously, but I could see tears in them as well. “You didn’t even consider my feelings before you threw her out of my life-her and her baby-my baby! You’ve got the blood of an innocent soul on your hands, all for the sake of your egotistical demands. How can you not feel bad about that?”
“What-what are you talking about? I don’t-” Dad flushed; I couldn’t tell if the look on his face was confusion or guilt.
Yutaka banged the nearest wall with his right hand. From the sound of it, it must have hurt, but instead of yelping in pain, he looked even more furious than ever. I admit it was the first time in my life that I actually felt intimidated by Yutaka; this was a side of him that I had never seen before.
“Don’t act like you know nothing about it!” Yutaka’s voice rang through the apartment. “She had to abort the baby because you wouldn’t let her be with me! She’s been holding her grudge for all these years, and now she’s returned. Did you think all this chaos was started all by itself?”
I saw Dad’s face turning pale. He would be too dense if he hadn’t begun realizing just how big of a part he had played in setting off all this shit. He said I had made a fool of him, but considering just who had driven Mitsui Aki out of her reasonable mind, who was to blame now?
“I didn’t know it until Takanori told me that she had gone to the same school as he did,” Yutaka continued. “It was no coincidence. She’s there to ruin his life-our lives, and obviously she has succeeded. But she wouldn’t have even thought of doing all this if you hadn’t destroyed her life in the first place!”
By now tears were already streaming down Yutaka’s face. The sight broke my heart, but I knew this was necessary for both Yutaka and Dad-Yutaka to get the burden out of his chest, and Dad to understand exactly what he had done to all of us.
“Is this hard to believe, Dad? I’m sorry to have to break the news to you, but it’s all fact,” Yutaka scoffed. “You always think that your ways were perfect-that by taking control of every aspect in our lives you would make us happy. Open your eyes and see, Dad; no one’s happy now, not even yourself. And Mom-” Yutaka had to hold back a sob at the mention of Mom, “-did you even know I had to rush her to the hospital last night?”
I looked at Dad. There was shock written on his face. Was he really unaware that Mom had been admitted to the hospital? It was unbelievable how ignorant he could be most of the times.
“Yes, you heard me right Dad,” Yutaka said. “She’s in the hospital right now, thanks to you. She’s…”
Yutaka was starting to lose his composure. It was amazing that he had gotten so much out; I bet that must have taken a big toll. So much emotion had been poured out into the open today; the tension was so thick I was almost suffocated.
“Just… just stop it, Dad,” Yutaka sighed after a while, wiping tear tracks off his face. “Stop hurting other people. Stop thinking you’re always right, because you’re not. You’ve made mistakes too, mistakes that you need to pay for yourself. Things can’t always go your way; that’s not how life goes.” Yutaka paused for a moment, frowning. “With the way you treated us, I sometimes think you’ve never actually cared about us-about any of us.”
“I care about you, Yutaka!” Dad argued.
“Do you? Because I sure as hell don’t think you do,” Yutaka cut off rather cruelly. “You did it, Dad. Not Mitsui Aki, not Mom, not Takanori and not Yuu; it’s you who has wiped out every single chance we have to becoming a nice, normal family. You’ve ruined my life. You’ve ruined everything.”
Yutaka suddenly turned toward Yuu and me. It shocked me, because I had been sitting on the side all the while, feeling like I was a spectator and the whole scene belonged to Yutaka and Dad.
“I’m sorry that you had to go through all these problems because of Mitsui,” he spoke to us. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t fix things up before it was too late. You didn’t deserve to suffer because of someone else’s fault-mine or Mom’s.”
I didn’t know what made this more nerve-racking, Yutaka’s words or the look on his face. It brought me the thought of everything that had happened, and where it had taken us to. I wonder how it would have been if I had been Dad’s biological son; if Dad had been more relenting, and if Yutaka had been able to marry Mitsui. I wonder if I would have been happy. Would I have come to know Yuu at all? Or if I had, would I have even considered getting involved in this kind of scandal with Yuu? Would I have learned what hardship meant, and would I have become the person that I was now?
And then, almost like a reminder, I felt Yuu’s presence in my arms; his breathing, the scent of his hair, the warmth of his body. Instantly I realized I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“It’s meant to be,” I said. “Everything happened for a reason. I’ve long accepted that.”
Yutaka looked at me. I knew he could guess what my choice was; I believe it was obvious to his eyes.
“You should be happy, Takanori,” he said afterward. “You and Yuu. After all this… you deserve a better life.”
“So do you,” I agreed. “So do you, Yutaka.”
Yutaka smiled faintly and nodded. With that, he turned his attention back to Dad, who had oddly become so quiet after Yutaka’s unpredicted outburst. Yutaka’s voice steeled once again when he spoke next.
“You still have the chance to redeem yourself Dad. The question is will you take it?”
Dad was quiet for a moment. His face was dark; I couldn’t quite read his emotions, but I could tell he was shocked to have to face Yutaka, the son he put so much pride on, turning against him. And then, without so much as a word or one single look at my way, he walked briskly toward the door.
Yutaka sighed. “What can I possibly do to get through his thick skull and get some sense in it…?”
“It’ll take some time and effort,” I said. “But I think you’ve said enough for a starter.”
Slowly I stood up from the floor, making sure I wasn’t making any harsh movement that might do any damage to Yuu. Yuu swayed a little in my hold, but to my relief he looked positively alright despite the punches he had taken from Dad.
“Are you going to be okay?” Yutaka asked Yuu.
“Just a couple of bruises, no problem.”
Yutaka nodded. “Well, I better get going. I need to make sure Dad’s not up to anything bad,” he said. Pausing for a second, he looked at us curiously. “What are you planning for now? I’m guessing the school has found out…”
I spared a glance toward Yuu, and somehow I knew that whatever happened after this, I would be okay because he would be there with me. Turning back to Yutaka, I answered, “We’ll think of something. Don’t worry.”
“Okay,” Yutaka said. “Just… let me know about everything. And in case you need anything, anything at all, all you need is call.”
“Of course,” I smiled. “Who else can I count on but you, brother?”
Yutaka walked over and hugged me tightly-well, as tight as he could with me still trying to support Yuu’s weight. He didn’t seem like he was ever going to let go, but before I could make any comment, he released me. I could see him smiling, but there was some kind of sadness in his expression that unavoidably made my heart ache.
“Take care, Takanori,” he said, and with that, he left the apartment.
I was staring at the door for a while even though Yutaka had left, somehow knowing I wouldn’t be seeing him again for quite some time.
~ TO BE CONTINUED ~
A/N:Oh yes. That was tense. I rarely write an argument scene on such an intense emotional basis like this, so forgive me if it turned out a bit... dense? Anyway. It's coming to an end. It's been a long, long ride, hasn't it (not to mention my tendency to update so rarely XD)? One more chapter to go, and PROBABLY that one extra I mentioned (I'm not sure what it's supposed to be yet XDD). Curious as to how Takanori's future is going to turn out? Please wait up for the last chapter!
And about this chapter not being beta-ed, apparently my beta is really busy lately... I didn't have the heart to bother her too often... orz
And sorry that I haven't been writing much lately! I've been... um... distracted by a new OTP. XDDDD if you've been following my tweets then you'll understand. And um... maybe my LJ icon too, if you know who those two are. XDDD
Well then. The afterword is becoming too long. Okay, I'll stop here. See you in the next chapter! :D
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[ Chapter 01 ] [ Chapter 02 ] [ Chapter 03 ] [ Chapter 04 ] [ Chapter 05 ] [ Chapter 06 ] [ Chapter 07-a ] [ Chapter 07-b ] [ Chapter 08 ] [ Chapter 09 ] [ Chapter 10 ] [ Chapter 11 ] [ Chapter 12 ] [ Chapter 13 ] [ Chapter 14 ] [ Chapter 15 ] [ Chapter 16 ] [ Chapter 17 ] [ Chapter 18 ] [ Chapter 19 ] [ Chapter 20 ] [ Chapter 21 ] [ Chapter 22 ]
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