Beautiful Lie [to Believe in] | 02/?? | AoixRuki, UruhaxRuki
Title: Beautiful Lie [to Believe in]
Chapter: 2/??
Author: akichuu
Fandom: the GazettE
Pairing: AoixRuki, RukixAoi, UruhaxRuki, possibly more to come
Theme: 017: Filth in the Beauty - the GazettE @ 50stories
Rating: R, NC-17
Genre: AU (highschool), angst, smut
Warning: Yaoi, (slight) pedophilia, incestuous relationship, domestic abuse, possible violence. Not comfortable with those issues? Save yourselves and DON'T read this. I'm serious. And as always, there might possibly be grammatical errors and/or typos.
Disclaimer: Title is taken from 30 Seconds to Mars's song, Beautiful Lie. the GazettE belongs to themselves and, yes, the Almighty PSC. I, well I own this story. It's fiction, meaning IT'S NOT REAL and I'm making no profit from it (except my 15 minutes of fame). Yes, mind that.
Summary: He was an outcast, an unwanted child that was thrown away, even by his own family. He was taught by life not to trust anyone, especially those who came to him offering the thing called 'love'. 'Love' was just a small part of his dream, and dreams, as far as he knew, weren't real and could never be real.
In this case, Shiroyama Yuu was definitely not an exception.
Comment: Now the second chapter is upped, finally, and I'm currently working on the third (the Indonesian version). There's a small... well, maybe not so small detail I reveal about Takanori and Yuu in this chapter, so you better read carefully :D Enjoy! And, you know something, your comments activate my brain like nothing else does!
Beautiful Lie [to Believe in]
Chapter 02
The color of the skies had faded into a dark, gloomy blue that was spattered with countless red blots. Through the window, I could see stars as white dots on the wide, unfathomable surface of the skies. What time was it, I wondered? It might be somewhere over 6 p.m., judging from how dark it had become outside. Everything had tuned into this eerie silence. It was as if the usually crowded, noisy world had shrunken into nothing but this small, dark room, the room that only I and Shiroyama inhabited, the room in which both of us were trying to complete each other’s existence. There were only our voices and the ticking sounds that the clock that hung somewhere inside the room.
"Ah…"
The moan I made sounded so loud although it hadn’t been more than just a whisper, slipping through my throat. I could almost hear it echoing, whirling in a typhoon like movement all around the room. Along with Yuu’s breath-which I could also feel, aside from hear, warm against my skin-the both of us were making an ensemble with melodies that only us could interpret. The world out there became mute, silent, at least to our ears. Everything else was frozen except the two of us.
Our skins were touching, pressing against each other. I could feel the roughness and the coldness of the floor’s surface underneath my back, and how slippery it had become now with the sweat coming from my body. It was hard to give a damn about it, though, about how I might scrape my back against the hard floor, let alone to be bothered by it. All of my senses were quite occupied with the sensations that rose and burst all over my body, with the feeling of Yuu’s lips and tongue that were busy slithering upon every inch of my skin, drawing an invisible painting on me. I was so focused to the heat of Yuu’s body that burned my cells. My hands were clutching onto Yuu’s shoulder and back as hard as I could. I felt as if I was going to vaporize, vanish… or to be dragged back toward the real world if I wasn’t holding on tightly. No, I didn’t want to go back there, back to where I was nothing more than a forgotten shadow.
But forget all that. For now, I really didn’t want to think about anything, not even about how wrong this situation was. Yes, wrong. I knew the whole thing was wrong; wrong because I had let Yuu touch me again, wrong because I hadn’t said a word to refuse him. Wrong because, for all honesty, I enjoyed every moment when our physiques became one; wrong because I wanted Yuu to touch me and to taint me, to fill me up with a part of his body. This was the only way I could be satisfied about myself, because in this kind of moment I knew someone else needed me, despite it for all the immoral purposes one could ever think of. And for this reason exactly, I could never stay away from Yuu, no matter how strongly I had intended to do so.
All of the bad things I had been thinking died away when suddenly Yuu snapped his hips, hard. With this movement, he hit something inside my body once, twice, and then many times over, while I lay there underneath his undulating body, moaning without restraint. My visions became blurry; Yuu’s face was vague but I still managed to catch the light coming from his eyes. It was difficult to focus on anything but those two glowing eyes, also the sounds of damp skins rubbing against each other, and the pleasure that kept building up along with the movements of Yuu’s body that became even faster, more out of control. Yuu’s fingers dug into the skin of my thigh (which I knew would leave marks that stayed for a while); his breathing was becoming more erratic, heavier, quicker.
And finally, the second that we both had been struggling to reach came; the second in which the earth skidded to a sudden stop, pausing its rotation and left us several empty moments that we could enjoy together. I felt my entire body tensing, my vertebrae contracting and my voice calling out Yuu’s name, loud. It was almost like a dream. All that was left inside my head was the remaining of a big explosion that had blasted everything to smithereens, including my reasonable thoughts. Yuu’s voice strummed out right after me, vibrating in my ears. He tensed as well; a rigid form of warm, wet body above mine. His lips that were stuck on mine moved slowly, whispering rude curses that he combined with my name.
And lastly, Yuu kissed me. This would end our episode for today. I didn’t understand why, but as I came to this realization, Yuu’s kiss suddenly felt bitter in my mouth.
===
It was inevitably a little difficult to adjust the way I walk to the slight pain I felt in the rear part of my body. It wasn’t so bad, really. And I’d kind of gotten used to it. I didn’t know how that made me sound, like a whore maybe, but it’s true. Yuu and I had been doing this forbidden ‘activity’ for a while already. He liked to find all sorts of reasons to detain me, get me into another round of detention after school, just so he could screw me. No, wait. That would make it seem like Yuu had been forcing me, using me as a means to satisfy his perverted desires. That wasn’t the real fact. I would rather think of this as a mutual symbiosis in which both of us gained pleasure and satisfaction from what we did. If he was using me, then I was using him as well. What mattered was how it was possible for us to enjoy the very small piece of heaven available for us in this cruel, unmerciful life.
"I want to pay a little visit."
Yuu’s words shocked me. I turned to him. "What?!"
"A visit, to your place," he repeated. "It’s been a while since I met Hideo."
I frowned when he smiled, blatantly staring at the slightly limp way I walked. I huffed, turning my face to the other way. The large gate that led to my house was shut tight before me. "What’s your necessity of meeting my dad?" I asked.
"Hey, he is my brother," Yuu said. "I have every right to see him, with or without your permission."
"Damn you," I cursed, but I knew very well that I couldn’t complain against what he had just said. He was right; I had no saying to forbid him from seeing his own brother, although his brother, in a twisted, not so much as a coincidental way, was my father.
Well, this was fact, harsh and straight-on-your-face kind of fact. It was fact that I was an immoral child. I knew that the existence of my dysfunctional family could not be used as a reason to justify what I did, which was sleeping with my uncle-the brother of my own father. I had deeply buried the fact that we shared at least several strands of DNA, and although it still bothered me somewhat, I knew we had gotten ourselves into this way too far to regret the things we’d done. No. It wasn’t time to dream of going back to the past and erasing everything that I wanted to erase from my life, including the day Yuu first touched me.
"No, no, I was joking," Yuu said, then.
When I looked at his face he had that sad smile on his lips. It was the smile that I hated the most, because I could see the pity behind it, so clearly. I didn’t like it when people pitied me, not even if it was Yuu.
"Not tonight, Taka," he continued. "I still have a stack of homework to check. Oh, speaking of which, why don’t you do your homework at least once in a while? I might get into trouble if I have to continuously manipulate your grades."
I smiled, feeling encouraged to say something cynical. "And minimize your reasons to punish me? Oh, and here I thought you were enjoying all those moments I was in detention…"
It was Yuu’s turn to curse. "Not all the time, Taka."
"Ruki," I corrected.
Yuu sighed. "Fine. Ruki. I still can’t fathom what kind of name that is, really…"
"Well, it’s better than the name they gave me."
Yuu’s eyes stared straight into mine, but not for long, because I couldn’t stand seeing that pity in his eyes that was even clearer and harder to avoid. Don’t pity me. Don’t make me feel even more worthless than I already feel. It was enough that I and I alone pitied myself, hating my existence and wishing for myself to disappear from this world. I didn’t need that from Yuu.
"Okay, whatever you say," Yuu said after a moment. His hand came to ruffle my hair. "I’ll see you tomorrow."
===
With shaky hands I stuffed the earphones deep into my ears, turning up the volume of my iPod until I could hear nothing but the pounding rhythm of the music, threatening to burst my own eardrums. I wanted to scream, scream as loud as I could along with the vocalist’s voice, splitting my vocal chord apart. I wanted to make these walls that were caging me thicker, so that I couldn’t hear them and they couldn’t hear me. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to leave this world.
Why couldn’t they stop hating each other? Why were they still holding on to this cursed household, hurting each other, every single day? Why wouldn’t they just destroy everything just so this torture would end, so that I could stop hiding for good? At least, if everything was ruined to rubbles, I would know then that I didn’t have to make hopes that would eventually be wasted.
I drowned my face into my pillow. Unfortunately, in this darkness everything became clear. I could see every piece of memory that I wished to banish from my mind. All the wounds that we had ever grazed upon each other’s hearts. Days when I had to keep running and running, trying to find a place where I could be safe from their voices, their screaming, Papa’s hands that had to find means to satisfy their need to hurt something, something else besides Mama’s face and body. Days when I failed to find somewhere to hide and had to endure the pain, the anger and the shame that burned me alive.
My hand accidentally touched my thigh, right at the part where Yuu’s hand had gripped me and bruised me while we were in the middle of having sex. I pressed my fingers hard, almost like the way Yuu had done it, adding up to the lingering pain. This would help me to avert my thoughts. I wanted to think of something else, anything else other than this ruined home and my fucked up family. Maybe the only alternative was to think about Yuu, or rather, the sex we had done. It was better, much, much better, than to think of where I was at the moment and who else lived under the same roof, right outside my door. However rough Yuu treated me, I knew it wouldn’t hurt me more than being in this house did. It definitely was easier to deal with than surviving life in between hypocrites who kept claiming they were in the same family but truthfully they were trying to kill each other, slowly.
That last kiss that Yuu and I shared today, the one that tasted oh so bitter, was back to haunt me now, accompanying me to the land of dreams.
~ TO BE CONTINUED ~
A/N: Yeah, so there you go. It took me a while to translate this chapter because, you see, yesterday I was headbanging in the middle of the rain (and had probably overdone it a bit...) , so today my head feels like it might fall off from my neck anytime at all. And let's not start talking about my neck... *sobs* Well, it's my fault anyways. I had fun so what the heck (skipped work today, but it's worth it; I needed the rest :P).
Okay, here in this chapter I have revealed an important fact. Yes, Shiroyama Yuu IS Matsumoto Takanori's uncle (if you noticed the odd difference of their surnames, I assure you it will be explained in later chapters *winks*). And yes, that is exactly why I included 'incestuous relationship' on the warning section. For this fact alone, I believe they have a rough road ahead of them. But then I've already labeled the fic as 'angst', so what else did you expect? *laughs*
Alright, so far I've mentioned four GazettE characters in this story, but I have yet to determine what to do with Kai *hugs Kai*. Hmm... maybe he should be a teacher too. Cooking class. Why do I always connect Kai with cooking?? Noooo~
Ah, well. I'll think of something soon :D
PS: The position I've offered (as my beta) is still open. Anyone interested?
Previous: [ Chapter 01 ]
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Chapter: 2/??
Author: akichuu
Fandom: the GazettE
Pairing: AoixRuki, RukixAoi, UruhaxRuki, possibly more to come
Theme: 017: Filth in the Beauty - the GazettE @ 50stories
Rating: R, NC-17
Genre: AU (highschool), angst, smut
Warning: Yaoi, (slight) pedophilia, incestuous relationship, domestic abuse, possible violence. Not comfortable with those issues? Save yourselves and DON'T read this. I'm serious. And as always, there might possibly be grammatical errors and/or typos.
Disclaimer: Title is taken from 30 Seconds to Mars's song, Beautiful Lie. the GazettE belongs to themselves and, yes, the Almighty PSC. I, well I own this story. It's fiction, meaning IT'S NOT REAL and I'm making no profit from it (except my 15 minutes of fame). Yes, mind that.
Summary: He was an outcast, an unwanted child that was thrown away, even by his own family. He was taught by life not to trust anyone, especially those who came to him offering the thing called 'love'. 'Love' was just a small part of his dream, and dreams, as far as he knew, weren't real and could never be real.
In this case, Shiroyama Yuu was definitely not an exception.
Comment: Now the second chapter is upped, finally, and I'm currently working on the third (the Indonesian version). There's a small... well, maybe not so small detail I reveal about Takanori and Yuu in this chapter, so you better read carefully :D Enjoy! And, you know something, your comments activate my brain like nothing else does!
Beautiful Lie [to Believe in]
Chapter 02
The color of the skies had faded into a dark, gloomy blue that was spattered with countless red blots. Through the window, I could see stars as white dots on the wide, unfathomable surface of the skies. What time was it, I wondered? It might be somewhere over 6 p.m., judging from how dark it had become outside. Everything had tuned into this eerie silence. It was as if the usually crowded, noisy world had shrunken into nothing but this small, dark room, the room that only I and Shiroyama inhabited, the room in which both of us were trying to complete each other’s existence. There were only our voices and the ticking sounds that the clock that hung somewhere inside the room.
"Ah…"
The moan I made sounded so loud although it hadn’t been more than just a whisper, slipping through my throat. I could almost hear it echoing, whirling in a typhoon like movement all around the room. Along with Yuu’s breath-which I could also feel, aside from hear, warm against my skin-the both of us were making an ensemble with melodies that only us could interpret. The world out there became mute, silent, at least to our ears. Everything else was frozen except the two of us.
Our skins were touching, pressing against each other. I could feel the roughness and the coldness of the floor’s surface underneath my back, and how slippery it had become now with the sweat coming from my body. It was hard to give a damn about it, though, about how I might scrape my back against the hard floor, let alone to be bothered by it. All of my senses were quite occupied with the sensations that rose and burst all over my body, with the feeling of Yuu’s lips and tongue that were busy slithering upon every inch of my skin, drawing an invisible painting on me. I was so focused to the heat of Yuu’s body that burned my cells. My hands were clutching onto Yuu’s shoulder and back as hard as I could. I felt as if I was going to vaporize, vanish… or to be dragged back toward the real world if I wasn’t holding on tightly. No, I didn’t want to go back there, back to where I was nothing more than a forgotten shadow.
But forget all that. For now, I really didn’t want to think about anything, not even about how wrong this situation was. Yes, wrong. I knew the whole thing was wrong; wrong because I had let Yuu touch me again, wrong because I hadn’t said a word to refuse him. Wrong because, for all honesty, I enjoyed every moment when our physiques became one; wrong because I wanted Yuu to touch me and to taint me, to fill me up with a part of his body. This was the only way I could be satisfied about myself, because in this kind of moment I knew someone else needed me, despite it for all the immoral purposes one could ever think of. And for this reason exactly, I could never stay away from Yuu, no matter how strongly I had intended to do so.
All of the bad things I had been thinking died away when suddenly Yuu snapped his hips, hard. With this movement, he hit something inside my body once, twice, and then many times over, while I lay there underneath his undulating body, moaning without restraint. My visions became blurry; Yuu’s face was vague but I still managed to catch the light coming from his eyes. It was difficult to focus on anything but those two glowing eyes, also the sounds of damp skins rubbing against each other, and the pleasure that kept building up along with the movements of Yuu’s body that became even faster, more out of control. Yuu’s fingers dug into the skin of my thigh (which I knew would leave marks that stayed for a while); his breathing was becoming more erratic, heavier, quicker.
And finally, the second that we both had been struggling to reach came; the second in which the earth skidded to a sudden stop, pausing its rotation and left us several empty moments that we could enjoy together. I felt my entire body tensing, my vertebrae contracting and my voice calling out Yuu’s name, loud. It was almost like a dream. All that was left inside my head was the remaining of a big explosion that had blasted everything to smithereens, including my reasonable thoughts. Yuu’s voice strummed out right after me, vibrating in my ears. He tensed as well; a rigid form of warm, wet body above mine. His lips that were stuck on mine moved slowly, whispering rude curses that he combined with my name.
And lastly, Yuu kissed me. This would end our episode for today. I didn’t understand why, but as I came to this realization, Yuu’s kiss suddenly felt bitter in my mouth.
===
It was inevitably a little difficult to adjust the way I walk to the slight pain I felt in the rear part of my body. It wasn’t so bad, really. And I’d kind of gotten used to it. I didn’t know how that made me sound, like a whore maybe, but it’s true. Yuu and I had been doing this forbidden ‘activity’ for a while already. He liked to find all sorts of reasons to detain me, get me into another round of detention after school, just so he could screw me. No, wait. That would make it seem like Yuu had been forcing me, using me as a means to satisfy his perverted desires. That wasn’t the real fact. I would rather think of this as a mutual symbiosis in which both of us gained pleasure and satisfaction from what we did. If he was using me, then I was using him as well. What mattered was how it was possible for us to enjoy the very small piece of heaven available for us in this cruel, unmerciful life.
"I want to pay a little visit."
Yuu’s words shocked me. I turned to him. "What?!"
"A visit, to your place," he repeated. "It’s been a while since I met Hideo."
I frowned when he smiled, blatantly staring at the slightly limp way I walked. I huffed, turning my face to the other way. The large gate that led to my house was shut tight before me. "What’s your necessity of meeting my dad?" I asked.
"Hey, he is my brother," Yuu said. "I have every right to see him, with or without your permission."
"Damn you," I cursed, but I knew very well that I couldn’t complain against what he had just said. He was right; I had no saying to forbid him from seeing his own brother, although his brother, in a twisted, not so much as a coincidental way, was my father.
Well, this was fact, harsh and straight-on-your-face kind of fact. It was fact that I was an immoral child. I knew that the existence of my dysfunctional family could not be used as a reason to justify what I did, which was sleeping with my uncle-the brother of my own father. I had deeply buried the fact that we shared at least several strands of DNA, and although it still bothered me somewhat, I knew we had gotten ourselves into this way too far to regret the things we’d done. No. It wasn’t time to dream of going back to the past and erasing everything that I wanted to erase from my life, including the day Yuu first touched me.
"No, no, I was joking," Yuu said, then.
When I looked at his face he had that sad smile on his lips. It was the smile that I hated the most, because I could see the pity behind it, so clearly. I didn’t like it when people pitied me, not even if it was Yuu.
"Not tonight, Taka," he continued. "I still have a stack of homework to check. Oh, speaking of which, why don’t you do your homework at least once in a while? I might get into trouble if I have to continuously manipulate your grades."
I smiled, feeling encouraged to say something cynical. "And minimize your reasons to punish me? Oh, and here I thought you were enjoying all those moments I was in detention…"
It was Yuu’s turn to curse. "Not all the time, Taka."
"Ruki," I corrected.
Yuu sighed. "Fine. Ruki. I still can’t fathom what kind of name that is, really…"
"Well, it’s better than the name they gave me."
Yuu’s eyes stared straight into mine, but not for long, because I couldn’t stand seeing that pity in his eyes that was even clearer and harder to avoid. Don’t pity me. Don’t make me feel even more worthless than I already feel. It was enough that I and I alone pitied myself, hating my existence and wishing for myself to disappear from this world. I didn’t need that from Yuu.
"Okay, whatever you say," Yuu said after a moment. His hand came to ruffle my hair. "I’ll see you tomorrow."
===
With shaky hands I stuffed the earphones deep into my ears, turning up the volume of my iPod until I could hear nothing but the pounding rhythm of the music, threatening to burst my own eardrums. I wanted to scream, scream as loud as I could along with the vocalist’s voice, splitting my vocal chord apart. I wanted to make these walls that were caging me thicker, so that I couldn’t hear them and they couldn’t hear me. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to leave this world.
Why couldn’t they stop hating each other? Why were they still holding on to this cursed household, hurting each other, every single day? Why wouldn’t they just destroy everything just so this torture would end, so that I could stop hiding for good? At least, if everything was ruined to rubbles, I would know then that I didn’t have to make hopes that would eventually be wasted.
I drowned my face into my pillow. Unfortunately, in this darkness everything became clear. I could see every piece of memory that I wished to banish from my mind. All the wounds that we had ever grazed upon each other’s hearts. Days when I had to keep running and running, trying to find a place where I could be safe from their voices, their screaming, Papa’s hands that had to find means to satisfy their need to hurt something, something else besides Mama’s face and body. Days when I failed to find somewhere to hide and had to endure the pain, the anger and the shame that burned me alive.
My hand accidentally touched my thigh, right at the part where Yuu’s hand had gripped me and bruised me while we were in the middle of having sex. I pressed my fingers hard, almost like the way Yuu had done it, adding up to the lingering pain. This would help me to avert my thoughts. I wanted to think of something else, anything else other than this ruined home and my fucked up family. Maybe the only alternative was to think about Yuu, or rather, the sex we had done. It was better, much, much better, than to think of where I was at the moment and who else lived under the same roof, right outside my door. However rough Yuu treated me, I knew it wouldn’t hurt me more than being in this house did. It definitely was easier to deal with than surviving life in between hypocrites who kept claiming they were in the same family but truthfully they were trying to kill each other, slowly.
That last kiss that Yuu and I shared today, the one that tasted oh so bitter, was back to haunt me now, accompanying me to the land of dreams.
~ TO BE CONTINUED ~
A/N: Yeah, so there you go. It took me a while to translate this chapter because, you see, yesterday I was headbanging in the middle of the rain (and had probably overdone it a bit...) , so today my head feels like it might fall off from my neck anytime at all. And let's not start talking about my neck... *sobs* Well, it's my fault anyways. I had fun so what the heck (skipped work today, but it's worth it; I needed the rest :P).
Okay, here in this chapter I have revealed an important fact. Yes, Shiroyama Yuu IS Matsumoto Takanori's uncle (if you noticed the odd difference of their surnames, I assure you it will be explained in later chapters *winks*). And yes, that is exactly why I included 'incestuous relationship' on the warning section. For this fact alone, I believe they have a rough road ahead of them. But then I've already labeled the fic as 'angst', so what else did you expect? *laughs*
Alright, so far I've mentioned four GazettE characters in this story, but I have yet to determine what to do with Kai *hugs Kai*. Hmm... maybe he should be a teacher too. Cooking class. Why do I always connect Kai with cooking?? Noooo~
Ah, well. I'll think of something soon :D
PS: The position I've offered (as my beta) is still open. Anyone interested?
Previous: [ Chapter 01 ]
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