Beautiful Lie [to Believe in] | 08/?? | AoixRuki, UruhaxRuki
Title: Beautiful Lie [to Believe in]
Chapter: 8/??
Author: akichuu
Fandom: the GazettE
Pairing: AoixRuki, RukixAoi, UruhaxRuki, possibly more to come
Theme: 036: Rest in peace - Merry @ 50stories
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU (highschool), angst
Warnings: Yaoi, (slight) pedophilia, incestuous relationship, domestic abuse, possible violence. Not comfortable with those issues? Save yourselves and DON'T read this. I'm serious.
Disclaimer: Title is taken from 30 Seconds to Mars's song, Beautiful Lie. the GazettE belongs to themselves and, yes, the Almighty PSC. I, well I own this story. It's fiction, meaning IT'S NOT REAL and I'm making no profit from it (except my 15 minutes of fame). Yes, mind that.
Beta: izumi_luvsjrock. You did a great job, as always... Thank you so much ^^
Summary: He was an outcast, an unwanted child that was thrown away, even by his own family. He was taught by life not to trust anyone, especially those who came to him offering the thing called 'love'. 'Love' was just a small part of his dream, and dreams, as far as he knew, weren't real and could never be real.
In this case, Shiroyama Yuu was definitely not an exception.
Comment: Aaah~ took me (err... us, as in, me and my beta) quite some time *laughs* But here it is. Uruha appears again, finally! From this point on I think he is going to show up quite often... But let's not be talking about future chapters I haven't even written yet. XDD
For now, enjoy this chapter~
PS: I included an important note down there, please read. :)
Beautiful Lie [to Believe in]
Chapter 08
I stepped back, leaning closer against the big tree I had been standing under since a while ago, letting the shadow of the leafs hide me from direct sunlight. My sight was fixed onto the front gate of the school, right across the street. The situation looked pretty quiet as of now. I thought it would still be 10 to 15 minutes again until the bell rang, and by then the school yard and the whole street would be filled with school kids.
Why was I here? Who was I waiting for? I had been asking myself those questions. Was I waiting for Yuu? I thought so, at first. But then I thought about it, why should I even bother going all the way to school just to see him? Yuu would have to go home to his apartment and since I was still staying there at the moment, we would eventually see each other. No, it wasn't Yuu who had been bothering my mind all day long. It wasn't Yuu who had gotten me to willingly leave my temporary hide-out and head to school.
This restless feeling rose up again as I dove my hand deep into my pocket and found my cellphone inside. I pulled it out of my pocket and tapped the screen, accessing the messages inbox.
Ever since I landed inside Yuu's apartment three days ago, if I didn't remember it wrong, my phone had been in a comatose state. I knew it died due to the extended battery usage, but I never cared to charge it up. It was very likely that I had been trying to shut myself from the world for the last few days, especially from Yutaka. I didn't want to have to deal with him calling me every single day just to ask me how I was doing, where I was staying at. I didn't have the heart to imagine how Yutaka would react if I ever told him I was staying with Yuu. Yutaka had never been too fond of Yuu, I didn't understand why. The last thing I would want to do was to add more reasons for Yutaka to break into Yuu's apartment and beat the crap out of him.
Despite wanting to hide for a while longer, my thoughts were suddenly directed towards my cellphone that had been blissfully silent for the last few days. I didn't remember where I last placed it. It wasn't until I rummaged through the pillows, blanket, and also Yuu's sleeping figure on his bed that I found it. It was dead, as expected since I had abandoned it for days without charging it.
Plugging it into the electricity source, I turned it on and… Well, you could say that I was immediately bombarded by e-mails. There were 24 of them popping up one by one on my phone. 20 were from Yutaka and 4 were from Uruha. I skipped all of Yutaka’s mails. I knew all of them would contain the same old questions, questions about where I was, where I spent my nights, and with whom. He knew damn well I wouldn’t bother answering, but still he insisted.
‘I’m sorry, Yutaka… Brother. It seems that for now, it’s better for me to stay as far away as possible from the people I used to think as family, and that includes you.
If only my fate was different, if only that man was truly my father, I might not have any trouble trusting you. But as we can see for ourselves things never go our way, do they? Fact is we’re only half brothers, and fact is, I don’t know how to think of our relationship anymore.’
And then I proceeded to check Uruha’s mails. The first one was sent that night, the very night I left home. The time written above the message told me that it might have been sent right after I called Uruha. In that message he asked me if I was alright because I sounded really weird on the phone. He was also wondering where I was calling from because he could hear the rain very clearly.
The second and third messages were almost the same in the matter of contents. Uruha asked me if I was enjoying my time skipping school. He said I was lucky for being away from school because it seemed like Shiroyama-Yuu-was in his foulest mood ever. Shiroyama seemed to be constantly tense and irritated, and without proper warning he showed up in classes giving out horrifyingly difficult quizzes that nearly everyone thought were impossible to finish. I almost laughed out loud if I hadn’t remembered that the person Uruha mentioned in his mail was actually right beside me, sleeping soundly until the time came when he had to rise and go to work.
I pitied Uruha and everyone else who involuntarily had become victims of Yuu’s bad mood, I really did. They had no idea what was going on. The one who knew what was going on was me, but instead of suffering along with everybody else I was actually spending my time lazing around in Yuu’s apartment.
But then would I have been able to explain what had happened to me that had caused me all the scars and bruises on my face and body? No. My conscience could live with abandoning my classmates for a few days but not with spreading out the tragedy of my so-called family life.
Continuing with the latest e-mail, I found that it contained a really short message.
“Kinda miss talking to you, Ru.”
Yes, that was all that was written in the mail. It was really short, but somehow it made me think of the three days that had passed and how I had completely spent it without making any contact with Uruha. I felt a bitterness I couldn’t ignore. Before my life crumbled to pieces, I used to spend almost every single day at school with him, since he was the only person I could claim as friend. I would normally go to him to talk about things that had gotten me worried, save for the one big secret-secret about Yuu-that I kept to myself. But after that rainy night, after that one call, I hadn’t had any opportunity to get in touch with him.
It felt like something was missing… something huge and important.
I guess I just missed him a lot.
So I suppose that was the reason why I was standing in front of the school gate, staring at the now empty yard. I was waiting for Uruha. I really wanted to see him, despite the anxiousness I felt inside that wouldn’t let me breathe freely. This anxiousness showed up not without an apparent reason, and I knew what this reason was. I was worried-no, afraid of the moment when I had to come face to face with Uruha. Because when that moment came, I would have to tell him everything, including the catastrophe I had gone through in the past few days.
It wouldn’t be that big of a problem to tell Uruha about Dad and what had happened between him and me. Uruha had already known about the days of hell I had been living in that house, being under the same roof with Dad. Telling him that I had finally escaped that place or that Dad wasn’t really my Dad after all was not what I dreaded about.
I was thinking about Yuu. Yes, Yuu was undeniably a part of this problem I was going through. It’s impossible to keep him out of the story. But then how to tell Uruha about him? About the fact that I knew Yuu more than just a student knew his teacher? Or how about the fact that I was now living in Yuu’s apartment, sharing more than just bed and breakfast? About… about all the sinful things that we had done together? I didn’t know if I could tell Uruha all that. I might risk making him hate me.
But… what if he asked where I was staying at now? What kind of answer could I come up with? Another lie?
The thought was enough to make me want to turn on my heels and flee the spot. And I was just about to, but I was a few seconds too late.
Uruha noticed me the same time I noticed him as he was walking past the school gate. His eyes were wide as they locked me in his sight.
Knowing I had no other choice, I raised my hand and waved timidly.
===
I watched the envelope icon slide away on my phone screen, and in the next second it beeped, a notification popped up on the screen, telling me that the mail had been delivered. I sighed and slipped my phone back into my pocket.
Funny, wasn’t it? Funny that I now felt obliged to inform Yuu where I was going. I had never expected there would come a day when I began to give a damn what Yuu might think about, especially in my behalf. Maybe I just didn’t want him to worry if he couldn’t find me in his apartment when he came home. Maybe I was just trying to be a good guest, and a good guest informs his host if ever he decides to leave the host’s place. Yeah, that must be it. I just wanted to be polite to someone who had so nicely taken me in when I had nowhere else to go.
When I gave it a second thought, Yuu probably wouldn’t mind as much as I thought he would, if I was out of his sight for a while.
“Have you had lunch?”
Uruha’s voice startled me out of my own thoughts. He was staring at me expectantly while I tried to remember what his question was.
“Uh, no,” I finally answered, “no, I haven’t…”
“Great,” Uruha grinned. “We’ll make a quick stop because I’ve been dying for some cheese burger myself.”
The tall boy walked into a fast-food restaurant before I could actually say anything. Again, I sighed, silently following Uruha heading towards the counter where an oily faced girl was waiting to greet us. It was only then that my stomach growled.
Wasn’t it a wonder how Uruha knew I was hungry even before I did?
===
“Have you been… uh… redecorating your room?” I asked, hardly containing the bubbles of laughter threatening to escape from my throat. I spun on my heels, letting my eyes scan the room. The place really did look… different. I knew Uruha was a little weird to say the least, but I had never known Uruha to be the kind of guy who liked Barbie dolls so much.
“Oh shut up,” Uruha grumbled, “those are my niece’s.”
I hummed mockingly while Uruha threw his bag haphazardly onto the nearest chair. “The birthday girl?” I asked. The conversation that Uruha and I had that night on the phone replayed itself inside my head.
“Yeah. She seems to like sleeping in my room so much, I don’t really understand why. And she likes to have all these-” he picked up a blonde-haired Barbie from the bed, “-creatures, surrounding her whenever she sleeps.”
I watched as Uruha dumped the blondie unceremoniously back to the bed. Hustling around the room, he threw more things to random directions: his blazer, tie and last but not least, his socks. And then he made a gesture with his hand that told me to sit down. I took a seat on the floor, leaning my back against Uruha’s bed.
As Uruha sat beside me, the anxiousness I thought had disappeared from my mind returned all of a sudden. It drove my heart to beat faster and my brain racing with discomforting thoughts.
‘Is this is? Is this the moment that I have been dreading about? Is this the moment when I have to unveil all my secrets, secrets that might drive my only friend away from me?’
Some people said sooner was better than later when it came to solving problems, but I wasn’t sure that was also applicable to what I was currently dealing with. All I could see was a dead end, whatever possibility I might take. Telling Uruha now or later, neither seemed a wise option. He would still hate me for what I had to reveal to him. So should I speak up? Or should I just keep this secret, take it with me to the grave?
I had never known I was so afraid of losing Uruha.
Something bumped against my head and a curtain of hair obscured my vision. The air suddenly smelled of the shampoo Uruha liked to use, filling my lungs, distorting my confusion. Unconsciously I breathed in, and the next thing I knew I was blurting everything I had kept inside my chest from the moment I woke up this morning to this very second I was sitting on the floor inside Uruha’s room.
Well, almost everything. My tongue paused just when I was about to utter Yuu’s name.
“Yes?” Uruha nudged my arm with his. “You knocked on whose door?”
My lips trembled as I struggled not to say Yuu’s name out loud in front of Uruha. All sorts of terrible possibilities that might occur in the future played in my head, possibilities that I would inevitably suffer if I ever risked telling Uruha about Yuu.
“My uncle’s,” I mumbled. “I knocked on my uncle’s door and he let me stay for a while.”
“I didn’t know you had an uncle-I mean one who lives in town.”
I averted my eyes from looking straight into Uruha’s curious ones, and settled at staring at my hands instead. “Yeah, well he’s Dad’s brother. I don’t know what that makes him now that I’ve found out Dad and I aren’t related. But I’m kind of used to think of him as my uncle,” I continued. “We’re not really… close, or anything. But he’s… at that moment, he’s the only one I could go to…”
I bit my lip as Yuu’s name once again threatened to escape from my mouth.
In the end, the coward in me won, but I suppose it was just as I had expected. I had always known that I didn’t have the courage to let Uruha know the truth. I had always known that it would be impossible to tell him about Yuu without causing him to hate me. Uruha was too worthy of a friend to be informed of the real me, of this ugly side I hid inside of myself that I had kept hidden in front of everyone.
I closed my eyes when suddenly everything felt so heavy; this world, my life, my thoughts. Why did it seem endless, this cruel comedy we all called life? I could never see what was so funny with it, what was so amusing about it that God had decided to keep me alive for this long. Maybe I couldn’t see because I was the main role here, in this drama that didn’t have a happy plot. I couldn’t see because I wasn’t sitting on the audience’s seat. I was on stage, trying to survive the story of my own life.
Suddenly I felt warmth enveloping me. Soft, gentle movement on my back traveled slowly towards my shoulder, Uruha’s hand. He pulled me closer until I was safely nestled inside his hug. Never, not once in my life, had he held me like this, but it felt too good, too comfortable to question him. I buried my face in the crook between his neck and shoulder, and he held me tighter.
Something hot and searing burst within my eyelids, pouring right out of my eyes without me being able to contain it.
“Stay here tonight,” I heard Uruha whisper. “Stay with me. You’ll be safe here.”
~ TO BE CONTINUED ~
IMPORTANT NOTE: This chapter, as well as all my future updates will be f-locked within a week. There's a very strong reason why I need to do this, you can read it in the topmost entry in this journal. I hope this doesn't cause you any inconvenience. But if it is, I apologize.
And yeah, I'd like to save this spot to wish Ruki the best. I hope he gets well soon, and suffers nothing permanent from illness.
Previous:
[ Chapter 01 ] [ Chapter 02 ] [ Chapter 03 ] [ Chapter 04 ] [ Chapter 05 ] [ Chapter 06 ] [ Chapter 07-a ] [ Chapter 07-b ]
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Chapter: 8/??
Author: akichuu
Fandom: the GazettE
Pairing: AoixRuki, RukixAoi, UruhaxRuki, possibly more to come
Theme: 036: Rest in peace - Merry @ 50stories
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU (highschool), angst
Warnings: Yaoi, (slight) pedophilia, incestuous relationship, domestic abuse, possible violence. Not comfortable with those issues? Save yourselves and DON'T read this. I'm serious.
Disclaimer: Title is taken from 30 Seconds to Mars's song, Beautiful Lie. the GazettE belongs to themselves and, yes, the Almighty PSC. I, well I own this story. It's fiction, meaning IT'S NOT REAL and I'm making no profit from it (except my 15 minutes of fame). Yes, mind that.
Beta: izumi_luvsjrock. You did a great job, as always... Thank you so much ^^
Summary: He was an outcast, an unwanted child that was thrown away, even by his own family. He was taught by life not to trust anyone, especially those who came to him offering the thing called 'love'. 'Love' was just a small part of his dream, and dreams, as far as he knew, weren't real and could never be real.
In this case, Shiroyama Yuu was definitely not an exception.
Comment: Aaah~ took me (err... us, as in, me and my beta) quite some time *laughs* But here it is. Uruha appears again, finally! From this point on I think he is going to show up quite often... But let's not be talking about future chapters I haven't even written yet. XDD
For now, enjoy this chapter~
PS: I included an important note down there, please read. :)
Beautiful Lie [to Believe in]
Chapter 08
I stepped back, leaning closer against the big tree I had been standing under since a while ago, letting the shadow of the leafs hide me from direct sunlight. My sight was fixed onto the front gate of the school, right across the street. The situation looked pretty quiet as of now. I thought it would still be 10 to 15 minutes again until the bell rang, and by then the school yard and the whole street would be filled with school kids.
Why was I here? Who was I waiting for? I had been asking myself those questions. Was I waiting for Yuu? I thought so, at first. But then I thought about it, why should I even bother going all the way to school just to see him? Yuu would have to go home to his apartment and since I was still staying there at the moment, we would eventually see each other. No, it wasn't Yuu who had been bothering my mind all day long. It wasn't Yuu who had gotten me to willingly leave my temporary hide-out and head to school.
This restless feeling rose up again as I dove my hand deep into my pocket and found my cellphone inside. I pulled it out of my pocket and tapped the screen, accessing the messages inbox.
Ever since I landed inside Yuu's apartment three days ago, if I didn't remember it wrong, my phone had been in a comatose state. I knew it died due to the extended battery usage, but I never cared to charge it up. It was very likely that I had been trying to shut myself from the world for the last few days, especially from Yutaka. I didn't want to have to deal with him calling me every single day just to ask me how I was doing, where I was staying at. I didn't have the heart to imagine how Yutaka would react if I ever told him I was staying with Yuu. Yutaka had never been too fond of Yuu, I didn't understand why. The last thing I would want to do was to add more reasons for Yutaka to break into Yuu's apartment and beat the crap out of him.
Despite wanting to hide for a while longer, my thoughts were suddenly directed towards my cellphone that had been blissfully silent for the last few days. I didn't remember where I last placed it. It wasn't until I rummaged through the pillows, blanket, and also Yuu's sleeping figure on his bed that I found it. It was dead, as expected since I had abandoned it for days without charging it.
Plugging it into the electricity source, I turned it on and… Well, you could say that I was immediately bombarded by e-mails. There were 24 of them popping up one by one on my phone. 20 were from Yutaka and 4 were from Uruha. I skipped all of Yutaka’s mails. I knew all of them would contain the same old questions, questions about where I was, where I spent my nights, and with whom. He knew damn well I wouldn’t bother answering, but still he insisted.
‘I’m sorry, Yutaka… Brother. It seems that for now, it’s better for me to stay as far away as possible from the people I used to think as family, and that includes you.
If only my fate was different, if only that man was truly my father, I might not have any trouble trusting you. But as we can see for ourselves things never go our way, do they? Fact is we’re only half brothers, and fact is, I don’t know how to think of our relationship anymore.’
And then I proceeded to check Uruha’s mails. The first one was sent that night, the very night I left home. The time written above the message told me that it might have been sent right after I called Uruha. In that message he asked me if I was alright because I sounded really weird on the phone. He was also wondering where I was calling from because he could hear the rain very clearly.
The second and third messages were almost the same in the matter of contents. Uruha asked me if I was enjoying my time skipping school. He said I was lucky for being away from school because it seemed like Shiroyama-Yuu-was in his foulest mood ever. Shiroyama seemed to be constantly tense and irritated, and without proper warning he showed up in classes giving out horrifyingly difficult quizzes that nearly everyone thought were impossible to finish. I almost laughed out loud if I hadn’t remembered that the person Uruha mentioned in his mail was actually right beside me, sleeping soundly until the time came when he had to rise and go to work.
I pitied Uruha and everyone else who involuntarily had become victims of Yuu’s bad mood, I really did. They had no idea what was going on. The one who knew what was going on was me, but instead of suffering along with everybody else I was actually spending my time lazing around in Yuu’s apartment.
But then would I have been able to explain what had happened to me that had caused me all the scars and bruises on my face and body? No. My conscience could live with abandoning my classmates for a few days but not with spreading out the tragedy of my so-called family life.
Continuing with the latest e-mail, I found that it contained a really short message.
“Kinda miss talking to you, Ru.”
Yes, that was all that was written in the mail. It was really short, but somehow it made me think of the three days that had passed and how I had completely spent it without making any contact with Uruha. I felt a bitterness I couldn’t ignore. Before my life crumbled to pieces, I used to spend almost every single day at school with him, since he was the only person I could claim as friend. I would normally go to him to talk about things that had gotten me worried, save for the one big secret-secret about Yuu-that I kept to myself. But after that rainy night, after that one call, I hadn’t had any opportunity to get in touch with him.
It felt like something was missing… something huge and important.
I guess I just missed him a lot.
So I suppose that was the reason why I was standing in front of the school gate, staring at the now empty yard. I was waiting for Uruha. I really wanted to see him, despite the anxiousness I felt inside that wouldn’t let me breathe freely. This anxiousness showed up not without an apparent reason, and I knew what this reason was. I was worried-no, afraid of the moment when I had to come face to face with Uruha. Because when that moment came, I would have to tell him everything, including the catastrophe I had gone through in the past few days.
It wouldn’t be that big of a problem to tell Uruha about Dad and what had happened between him and me. Uruha had already known about the days of hell I had been living in that house, being under the same roof with Dad. Telling him that I had finally escaped that place or that Dad wasn’t really my Dad after all was not what I dreaded about.
I was thinking about Yuu. Yes, Yuu was undeniably a part of this problem I was going through. It’s impossible to keep him out of the story. But then how to tell Uruha about him? About the fact that I knew Yuu more than just a student knew his teacher? Or how about the fact that I was now living in Yuu’s apartment, sharing more than just bed and breakfast? About… about all the sinful things that we had done together? I didn’t know if I could tell Uruha all that. I might risk making him hate me.
But… what if he asked where I was staying at now? What kind of answer could I come up with? Another lie?
The thought was enough to make me want to turn on my heels and flee the spot. And I was just about to, but I was a few seconds too late.
Uruha noticed me the same time I noticed him as he was walking past the school gate. His eyes were wide as they locked me in his sight.
Knowing I had no other choice, I raised my hand and waved timidly.
===
I watched the envelope icon slide away on my phone screen, and in the next second it beeped, a notification popped up on the screen, telling me that the mail had been delivered. I sighed and slipped my phone back into my pocket.
Funny, wasn’t it? Funny that I now felt obliged to inform Yuu where I was going. I had never expected there would come a day when I began to give a damn what Yuu might think about, especially in my behalf. Maybe I just didn’t want him to worry if he couldn’t find me in his apartment when he came home. Maybe I was just trying to be a good guest, and a good guest informs his host if ever he decides to leave the host’s place. Yeah, that must be it. I just wanted to be polite to someone who had so nicely taken me in when I had nowhere else to go.
When I gave it a second thought, Yuu probably wouldn’t mind as much as I thought he would, if I was out of his sight for a while.
“Have you had lunch?”
Uruha’s voice startled me out of my own thoughts. He was staring at me expectantly while I tried to remember what his question was.
“Uh, no,” I finally answered, “no, I haven’t…”
“Great,” Uruha grinned. “We’ll make a quick stop because I’ve been dying for some cheese burger myself.”
The tall boy walked into a fast-food restaurant before I could actually say anything. Again, I sighed, silently following Uruha heading towards the counter where an oily faced girl was waiting to greet us. It was only then that my stomach growled.
Wasn’t it a wonder how Uruha knew I was hungry even before I did?
===
“Have you been… uh… redecorating your room?” I asked, hardly containing the bubbles of laughter threatening to escape from my throat. I spun on my heels, letting my eyes scan the room. The place really did look… different. I knew Uruha was a little weird to say the least, but I had never known Uruha to be the kind of guy who liked Barbie dolls so much.
“Oh shut up,” Uruha grumbled, “those are my niece’s.”
I hummed mockingly while Uruha threw his bag haphazardly onto the nearest chair. “The birthday girl?” I asked. The conversation that Uruha and I had that night on the phone replayed itself inside my head.
“Yeah. She seems to like sleeping in my room so much, I don’t really understand why. And she likes to have all these-” he picked up a blonde-haired Barbie from the bed, “-creatures, surrounding her whenever she sleeps.”
I watched as Uruha dumped the blondie unceremoniously back to the bed. Hustling around the room, he threw more things to random directions: his blazer, tie and last but not least, his socks. And then he made a gesture with his hand that told me to sit down. I took a seat on the floor, leaning my back against Uruha’s bed.
As Uruha sat beside me, the anxiousness I thought had disappeared from my mind returned all of a sudden. It drove my heart to beat faster and my brain racing with discomforting thoughts.
‘Is this is? Is this the moment that I have been dreading about? Is this the moment when I have to unveil all my secrets, secrets that might drive my only friend away from me?’
Some people said sooner was better than later when it came to solving problems, but I wasn’t sure that was also applicable to what I was currently dealing with. All I could see was a dead end, whatever possibility I might take. Telling Uruha now or later, neither seemed a wise option. He would still hate me for what I had to reveal to him. So should I speak up? Or should I just keep this secret, take it with me to the grave?
I had never known I was so afraid of losing Uruha.
Something bumped against my head and a curtain of hair obscured my vision. The air suddenly smelled of the shampoo Uruha liked to use, filling my lungs, distorting my confusion. Unconsciously I breathed in, and the next thing I knew I was blurting everything I had kept inside my chest from the moment I woke up this morning to this very second I was sitting on the floor inside Uruha’s room.
Well, almost everything. My tongue paused just when I was about to utter Yuu’s name.
“Yes?” Uruha nudged my arm with his. “You knocked on whose door?”
My lips trembled as I struggled not to say Yuu’s name out loud in front of Uruha. All sorts of terrible possibilities that might occur in the future played in my head, possibilities that I would inevitably suffer if I ever risked telling Uruha about Yuu.
“My uncle’s,” I mumbled. “I knocked on my uncle’s door and he let me stay for a while.”
“I didn’t know you had an uncle-I mean one who lives in town.”
I averted my eyes from looking straight into Uruha’s curious ones, and settled at staring at my hands instead. “Yeah, well he’s Dad’s brother. I don’t know what that makes him now that I’ve found out Dad and I aren’t related. But I’m kind of used to think of him as my uncle,” I continued. “We’re not really… close, or anything. But he’s… at that moment, he’s the only one I could go to…”
I bit my lip as Yuu’s name once again threatened to escape from my mouth.
In the end, the coward in me won, but I suppose it was just as I had expected. I had always known that I didn’t have the courage to let Uruha know the truth. I had always known that it would be impossible to tell him about Yuu without causing him to hate me. Uruha was too worthy of a friend to be informed of the real me, of this ugly side I hid inside of myself that I had kept hidden in front of everyone.
I closed my eyes when suddenly everything felt so heavy; this world, my life, my thoughts. Why did it seem endless, this cruel comedy we all called life? I could never see what was so funny with it, what was so amusing about it that God had decided to keep me alive for this long. Maybe I couldn’t see because I was the main role here, in this drama that didn’t have a happy plot. I couldn’t see because I wasn’t sitting on the audience’s seat. I was on stage, trying to survive the story of my own life.
Suddenly I felt warmth enveloping me. Soft, gentle movement on my back traveled slowly towards my shoulder, Uruha’s hand. He pulled me closer until I was safely nestled inside his hug. Never, not once in my life, had he held me like this, but it felt too good, too comfortable to question him. I buried my face in the crook between his neck and shoulder, and he held me tighter.
Something hot and searing burst within my eyelids, pouring right out of my eyes without me being able to contain it.
“Stay here tonight,” I heard Uruha whisper. “Stay with me. You’ll be safe here.”
~ TO BE CONTINUED ~
IMPORTANT NOTE: This chapter, as well as all my future updates will be f-locked within a week. There's a very strong reason why I need to do this, you can read it in the topmost entry in this journal. I hope this doesn't cause you any inconvenience. But if it is, I apologize.
And yeah, I'd like to save this spot to wish Ruki the best. I hope he gets well soon, and suffers nothing permanent from illness.
Previous:
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