Beautiful Lie [to Believe in] | 04/?? | AoixRuki, UruhaxRuki
Title: Beautiful Lie [to Believe in]
Chapter: 4/??
Author: akichuu
Fandom: the GazettE
Pairing: AoixRuki, RukixAoi, UruhaxRuki, possibly more to come
Theme: 050: Time to Say Goodbye - L’arc~en~Ciel @ 50stories
Rating: R, NC-17
Genre: AU (highschool), angst, smut
Warning: Yaoi, (slight) pedophilia, incestuous relationship, domestic abuse, possible violence. Not comfortable with those issues? Save yourselves and DON'T read this. I'm serious.
Disclaimer: Title is taken from 30 Seconds to Mars's song, Beautiful Lie. the GazettE belongs to themselves and, yes, the Almighty PSC. I, well I own this story. It's fiction, meaning IT'S NOT REAL and I'm making no profit from it (except my 15 minutes of fame). Yes, mind that.
Beta: izumi_luvsjrock (Thank you and I changed the sentence that you noted in the first paragraph, I hope it's okay. If it's not, please tell me what to do with it X3)
Summary: He was an outcast, an unwanted child that was thrown away, even by his own family. He was taught by life not to trust anyone, especially those who came to him offering the thing called 'love'. 'Love' was just a small part of his dream, and dreams, as far as he knew, weren't real and could never be real.
In this case, Shiroyama Yuu was definitely not an exception.
Comment: Okay. I hope you're happy. Yeah, you guys who have made your assumptions in the previous chapter. You're right. *huffs* I'm never good in making suspense scenes... However, I hope you enjoy this chapter! The story will become more intense so you better stick around! XDD
Beautiful Lie [to Believe in]
Chapter 04
My cellphone vibrated at exactly the right moment just as I nearly flew away to the skies of my dreamland, drained from boredom. There was just too much nonsense to listen to, making it impossible for me to stay awake through it all. It didn’t make sense to me how anyone could give a damn about this absurd correlation named integral. Who would want to know what X was doing with Y or with Z or all of them altogether? They could screw each other up the asses and I really wouldn’t care. Ishikawa-sensei had been talking for almost an hour struggling to make the topic sound interesting, but I thought it was entirely a waste of time. He could talk until his saliva ran dry but he would never be able to make this lesson any less boring than it already was.
Lifting my head from the surface of my desk, I reached into my pocket and pulled out my cellphone. Uruha’s name was blinking on the screen. I smiled lightly, Uruha must be feeling horribly bored as well. If I remembered correctly it should be Japanese Literature period in his class right now. Still wearing the same smile, I pressed on my phone’s screen to open the mail I had received from Uruha.
“Hey, Shorty,” thus Uruha’s mail began. I shook my head. ‘Vulgar, oversized idiot.’ “I want to stop by the crepes shop later after school. You better join me.”
I thought so. It wasn’t hard to imagine that kid and what he might be doing right now. He was possibly sitting with his chin propped on his hand, his sight focused on an object far, far away outside the window. His mind would be miles away where it was unreachable for others but himself.
He’s lucky, really. With Uruha’s height, which was quite above the average height for most high school students, he was placed on the last row in his class. His seat was right next to the window, and this allowed him the refreshing view of the school’s yard. In the mean time, I… well, with my poor eyesight I was placed three rows from the front and, as opposed to Uruha’s position, my seat was next to the wall that bordered between my class and the corridor. Whenever I got bored all I could do was lean down and fall asleep on my desk. It’s quite risky, I admit it. I was a sitting duck for the teachers because it was easy to spot me from their position in front of the class. But I was much too accustomed to all the detentions they could ever give me and I think they were also quite fed up with dealing with me over and over again, Yuu was an exception. So honestly I didn’t care anymore.
While thinking about Uruha’s habits that I had fully memorized, my fingers prepared to type a reply to Uruha’s mail. But I hadn’t even touched the reply button when it vibrated again. Shocked, I almost threw the electronic device away. The first thought that flashed across my brain was how unusually impatient Uruha was to feel the need to send me a mail even before I replied to his previous one. But when I noticed the number that blinked on the screen, I frowned. ‘Whose number is this?’ It wasn’t listed as one of my contacts so there was no name showing up above the number.
Without the smallest ill-premonition I opened the mail.
The text window was nearly empty except for one sentence: “I mean no harm.” ‘What is this all about?’ Before I became even more confused, I noticed that there was a file attached in the mail. I downloaded it. It was a picture… a photograph, more precisely. At first it was difficult to recognize what was depicted in the photograph. Almost every part of the picture was dark, vague, but after a moment it suddenly dawned on me. It was rather ironic, really, as to why it took me a while to recognize the two people there in the middle of the dark room.
“Oh my God,” I choked.
Hurriedly I exited from the mail and also the mysterious attachment. My heart was beating so quickly inside my chest, while there was nothing but riot inside my head. The panic I felt was growing by the minute. Who could have possibly sent this picture?
My breath was rushing in and out of my lungs until it actually hurt just to suck in another volume of air. I lifted my sight and took a glance around the class. ‘Who? Who witnessed what happened the other day? Who has the potential to ruin my life?’
It wasn’t long before I found the one who was responsible for this.
She was looking at me from across the room. Her eyes were almost hidden behind her loose hair. Mitsui Aki.
===
The skies looked grey, it might rain sooner or later today. It was cloudy, but the air felt hot. If suddenly a lightning bolt striked down from above and hit me, it would be really funny. People wouldn’t normally think of an incident like that funny. In fact, they might think that this fate I was living was tragic. A child who lived lacking the love of his parents, who could only deal against his loneliness by having sex with his teacher-his teacher, who in such twisted coincidence was also his own uncle. A child whose scandal was discovered by his class mate and publicized. This child was found dead on the school's rooftop, fried until there was nothing left of him but black carbon residue.
When the day came that I read some news of such happening, I would laugh until my tears ran dry.
Uruha had been asking me where I was and what I was doing. He had sent four mails ever since lunch break's bell rang. I hadn't even replied the mail he sent me this morning while I was in class. My mind was already too preoccupied without having to think about Uruha as well. But if I kept ignoring him like this he would only become more worried, and I really would rather he didn't come to find me. He knew I always went up here when I wanted to be alone or to take a nap. This would be the first place he would go in search of me.
I finally made up my mind and typed a reply to Uruha's mail. There was no other choice but to create another lie. “You woke me up,” I wrote. “Sorry but I can't accompany you for lunch. I'm still very sleepy.”
Instantly I felt sick. The insides of my stomach twisted and I wanted to throw up. This might be what they all named guilt. I had to lie again to Uruha. But what else could I do? There was no way I could tell him what was truly going on.
Ironically, Uruha was the first one who noticed there was something wrong about that cursed girl, something that I should be aware of. He was the one who warned me to be careful with Mitsui Aki. Now when everything that he had told me was proven accurate, I was actually pushing him away. To be honest, I felt awful because I had to lie all the time. It's almost worse than having to face the fact that someone else knew about what Yuu and I did. Should I just tell Uruha the truth? No, even an idiot could tell that that would be a very unwise thing to do. Who could guess how Uruha would react if I told him that Yuu and I had been doing things… immoral things? It would freak him out-or maybe worse, repulse him and give him every reason he needed to stay away from me.
I really couldn't take that risk.
But deep inside my heart I might have already known it all along that someday Uruha would leave me. Until that day came, I couldn’t let him find out about the deepest, dirtiest secret I had ever hidden from him.
My phone vibrated, again, a mail from Uruha. “Damn you, Shorty. I thought you had left your phone back home. Want me to get up there and bring you something to eat?”
Just as expected, I was right. I didn’t even have to tell him where I was. His implicitly expressed concern made my heart ache even more if that was possible. It really hurt to have to lie to the only person I should have been able to trust fully.
The mail that I typed in response was: “Thanks but I’ll pass. See you later.”
Right when I received a notification telling me that my mail was sent, I heard a noise coming from somewhere near me. I kept my face down but I could tell a door was being opened and then feet were tapping against the concrete surface. Something whizzed inside my blood stream as I recognized the presence of the man I had been waiting for. Yes, I could never be mistaken. I memorized the slightly dragged rhythm of his footsteps. I also smelled the scent of his perfume, the scent that had already been carved into my brain, allowing me to associate it with one person.
“You definitely took your time. I thought I’d be here sitting the whole day away,” I grouched without bothering to lift my eyes.
“This is the quickest that I could manage. There’s a quiz I needed to watch before I could come up here,” came the answer from the man who was none other but Yuu.
Before long, Yuu was already sitting beside me, leaning his back against the wall. I finally shifted and took a glance at him. His face wasn’t telling much of what he was feeling but I could still sense that negative emotion brimming and overflowing from him. It could be anxiety. It could be fear. Or it could be both.
Yuu then lifted his right hand where he was holding his cellphone. With one press of a button he activated the screen, and I was once again staring at the photo that had stopped my heartbeat this morning. I figured forwarding the mail to him would be the wisest thing to do.
“This… is this serious?” Yuu asked with a strained voice. “And do you know who sent it?”
I nodded without a moment of pause. I didn’t ask Yuu to come up here to joke around or to do anything else that wasn’t worth the time wasted. Our future was threatened due to this incident and we needed to talk about what we could do in order to prevent things going from bad to worse.
“Mitsui sent it. You know her, don’t you?”
Yuu’s forehead creased. He seemed to be trying to remember. “Oh! The transferred girl?”
“Yes,” I confirmed.
I saw Yuu dropping his head and heard him mumbling a curse word. It was rather discomforting to see Yuu so bothered. I was so used to seeing his ignorant attitude in dealing with everything, along with his tendencies to take all kinds of problems lightly. He didn’t normally show a troubled look on his face, and despite having to go through a depression Yuu would prefer to keep it to himself and not let anyone know what he was feeling. As his nephew, his student, and also his partner in sex, it was inevitable that I got to memorize the changes that happened on his face along with his body movements and what they meant. Now as I saw his wrinkled forehead, his dark eyes, and his tense jaw, I couldn’t help but losing control of my own emotions.
“Have you talked to her?” Yuu asked after a while. “What does she want?”
I shook my head. “No, not yet. She hasn’t asked me anything.”
My nerves twisted and knotted. I knew what they were trying to tell me. I knew without being told that I was just afraid. I was afraid to start any kind of contact with Mitsui. I was afraid of the consequences that I would have to face once I confronted that girl and ask her what she truly wanted from me. I didn’t know what I would do if I figured out what she wanted by spying on me and Yuu, by taking a picture of us and sending it to me. It might sound simple but taking an action was never as easy as talking about it. If this made me sound like a coward, then so be it. I thought that even the bravest man on earth would lose a shred of his courage when dealing with a matter such as this.
One possibility kept whirling inside my brain unstoppably. It was some sort of a solution. Not exactly a solution that would instantly clear this matter, but it was a solution nonetheless. It might be worth the try.
My stomach felt awful. It was like a constant pain that kept growing worse by the minute. I knew what it meant, knew what my conscience was forcing me to do. What I didn’t know was could I do it? Could I take this one drastic action that I should’ve taken a long time ago when this crazy game had only begun?
“There’s something-”
“Yuu.”
The two of us silenced after speaking at the same time. I looked at Yuu who was looking at me. For a second my heart seemed to stop beating; did Yuu know what I was about to tell him? The dim, wavering light in his eyes seemed to be begging me not to do what I intended to do, to forget whatever I was thinking at the moment.
But this was something too long overdue. I could no longer ignore the urgency of it. If I didn’t do it now then when would I do it? I knew that this urge that burned inside my chest would last for a short while. If I delayed this again then I might as well just cancel the whole thing and by doing so, this mistake would just go on forever.
“Yuu,” I repeated, bracing myself. ‘I really have to do this.’ “We need to stop all this.”
I took a deep breath. Yuu’s eyes never left mine.
“We need to stop everything that we’ve been doing all along. There can be no more of you detaining me after school or during lunch break just to have sex with me. We can’t have anymore of that.”
‘Don’t look at me like that, Yuu, please.’
“It’s for our own good. Before things become far more uncontrollable, we really have to stop this. I want…”
‘What is it I want?’
“I want you to never come near me at school, no more than the limits between a teacher and a student.”
There, I said it. It really wasn’t as hard as I had imagined it to be. And now I was supposed to feel relieved. I should be happy now that I had already said what I had always needed to say. But why did it feel like this burden that was crushing me inside my chest become even heavier? This was what I wanted, wasn’t it, to end all this sinful madness we had been committing?
“You do agree that that’s the best choice, don’t you?” I asked him whilst trying to ignore the pain that was surfacing from within me. “We’ve been doing this just for fun. There is nothing in it but physical pleasure. We have nothing to lose…”
‘Please say something, Yuu. Tell me that I’m saying the right thing. Tell me that this is the right option-the sane option. We really should stop doing these things we’ve been doing because it’s wrong. It’s horribly wrong.’
Yuu was my teacher-my uncle, the brother of my own father. We should act like uncle-nephew, or while we were at school, teacher-student.
After a long pause, Yuu finally spoke up. “Fine,” he said. “But before that, I just want to know one thing…”
I never got the chance to ask him what exactly it was that he wanted to know, because without a single warning Yuu moved closer and pressed his lips onto mine. By pure reflex, I kissed back and moved my lips to respond to the touch of his. But before I caught up with what was going on, Yuu backed away with his lips detaching from mine. The kiss was really brief, it took no more than a second and it was very, very soft. If I hadn’t been fully aware of my surroundings I would’ve thought it was just a dream.
And then I saw that small smile forming on Yuu’s lips. It was barely detectable, but I saw it. Right then I understood what he had wanted to know. I also understood that I had made a slip.
Yuu rose up. In the mean time I froze, speechless.
He turned his face towards me and opened his mouth. “Talk to Mitsui, ask her what she really wants,” he said before he turned around. Just when it seemed like he was making a move, he stopped. And then I heard him speak again. “If you need me, you know where to find me.”
~ TO BE CONTINUED ~
A/N: Aaah~ My motivation is decreasing lately~ Can you please help me boost it up again? *cries*
Previous: [ Chapter 01 ] [ Chapter 02 ] [ Chapter 03 ]
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Chapter: 4/??
Author: akichuu
Fandom: the GazettE
Pairing: AoixRuki, RukixAoi, UruhaxRuki, possibly more to come
Theme: 050: Time to Say Goodbye - L’arc~en~Ciel @ 50stories
Rating: R, NC-17
Genre: AU (highschool), angst, smut
Warning: Yaoi, (slight) pedophilia, incestuous relationship, domestic abuse, possible violence. Not comfortable with those issues? Save yourselves and DON'T read this. I'm serious.
Disclaimer: Title is taken from 30 Seconds to Mars's song, Beautiful Lie. the GazettE belongs to themselves and, yes, the Almighty PSC. I, well I own this story. It's fiction, meaning IT'S NOT REAL and I'm making no profit from it (except my 15 minutes of fame). Yes, mind that.
Beta: izumi_luvsjrock (Thank you and I changed the sentence that you noted in the first paragraph, I hope it's okay. If it's not, please tell me what to do with it X3)
Summary: He was an outcast, an unwanted child that was thrown away, even by his own family. He was taught by life not to trust anyone, especially those who came to him offering the thing called 'love'. 'Love' was just a small part of his dream, and dreams, as far as he knew, weren't real and could never be real.
In this case, Shiroyama Yuu was definitely not an exception.
Comment: Okay. I hope you're happy. Yeah, you guys who have made your assumptions in the previous chapter. You're right. *huffs* I'm never good in making suspense scenes... However, I hope you enjoy this chapter! The story will become more intense so you better stick around! XDD
Beautiful Lie [to Believe in]
Chapter 04
My cellphone vibrated at exactly the right moment just as I nearly flew away to the skies of my dreamland, drained from boredom. There was just too much nonsense to listen to, making it impossible for me to stay awake through it all. It didn’t make sense to me how anyone could give a damn about this absurd correlation named integral. Who would want to know what X was doing with Y or with Z or all of them altogether? They could screw each other up the asses and I really wouldn’t care. Ishikawa-sensei had been talking for almost an hour struggling to make the topic sound interesting, but I thought it was entirely a waste of time. He could talk until his saliva ran dry but he would never be able to make this lesson any less boring than it already was.
Lifting my head from the surface of my desk, I reached into my pocket and pulled out my cellphone. Uruha’s name was blinking on the screen. I smiled lightly, Uruha must be feeling horribly bored as well. If I remembered correctly it should be Japanese Literature period in his class right now. Still wearing the same smile, I pressed on my phone’s screen to open the mail I had received from Uruha.
“Hey, Shorty,” thus Uruha’s mail began. I shook my head. ‘Vulgar, oversized idiot.’ “I want to stop by the crepes shop later after school. You better join me.”
I thought so. It wasn’t hard to imagine that kid and what he might be doing right now. He was possibly sitting with his chin propped on his hand, his sight focused on an object far, far away outside the window. His mind would be miles away where it was unreachable for others but himself.
He’s lucky, really. With Uruha’s height, which was quite above the average height for most high school students, he was placed on the last row in his class. His seat was right next to the window, and this allowed him the refreshing view of the school’s yard. In the mean time, I… well, with my poor eyesight I was placed three rows from the front and, as opposed to Uruha’s position, my seat was next to the wall that bordered between my class and the corridor. Whenever I got bored all I could do was lean down and fall asleep on my desk. It’s quite risky, I admit it. I was a sitting duck for the teachers because it was easy to spot me from their position in front of the class. But I was much too accustomed to all the detentions they could ever give me and I think they were also quite fed up with dealing with me over and over again, Yuu was an exception. So honestly I didn’t care anymore.
While thinking about Uruha’s habits that I had fully memorized, my fingers prepared to type a reply to Uruha’s mail. But I hadn’t even touched the reply button when it vibrated again. Shocked, I almost threw the electronic device away. The first thought that flashed across my brain was how unusually impatient Uruha was to feel the need to send me a mail even before I replied to his previous one. But when I noticed the number that blinked on the screen, I frowned. ‘Whose number is this?’ It wasn’t listed as one of my contacts so there was no name showing up above the number.
Without the smallest ill-premonition I opened the mail.
The text window was nearly empty except for one sentence: “I mean no harm.” ‘What is this all about?’ Before I became even more confused, I noticed that there was a file attached in the mail. I downloaded it. It was a picture… a photograph, more precisely. At first it was difficult to recognize what was depicted in the photograph. Almost every part of the picture was dark, vague, but after a moment it suddenly dawned on me. It was rather ironic, really, as to why it took me a while to recognize the two people there in the middle of the dark room.
“Oh my God,” I choked.
Hurriedly I exited from the mail and also the mysterious attachment. My heart was beating so quickly inside my chest, while there was nothing but riot inside my head. The panic I felt was growing by the minute. Who could have possibly sent this picture?
My breath was rushing in and out of my lungs until it actually hurt just to suck in another volume of air. I lifted my sight and took a glance around the class. ‘Who? Who witnessed what happened the other day? Who has the potential to ruin my life?’
It wasn’t long before I found the one who was responsible for this.
She was looking at me from across the room. Her eyes were almost hidden behind her loose hair. Mitsui Aki.
===
The skies looked grey, it might rain sooner or later today. It was cloudy, but the air felt hot. If suddenly a lightning bolt striked down from above and hit me, it would be really funny. People wouldn’t normally think of an incident like that funny. In fact, they might think that this fate I was living was tragic. A child who lived lacking the love of his parents, who could only deal against his loneliness by having sex with his teacher-his teacher, who in such twisted coincidence was also his own uncle. A child whose scandal was discovered by his class mate and publicized. This child was found dead on the school's rooftop, fried until there was nothing left of him but black carbon residue.
When the day came that I read some news of such happening, I would laugh until my tears ran dry.
Uruha had been asking me where I was and what I was doing. He had sent four mails ever since lunch break's bell rang. I hadn't even replied the mail he sent me this morning while I was in class. My mind was already too preoccupied without having to think about Uruha as well. But if I kept ignoring him like this he would only become more worried, and I really would rather he didn't come to find me. He knew I always went up here when I wanted to be alone or to take a nap. This would be the first place he would go in search of me.
I finally made up my mind and typed a reply to Uruha's mail. There was no other choice but to create another lie. “You woke me up,” I wrote. “Sorry but I can't accompany you for lunch. I'm still very sleepy.”
Instantly I felt sick. The insides of my stomach twisted and I wanted to throw up. This might be what they all named guilt. I had to lie again to Uruha. But what else could I do? There was no way I could tell him what was truly going on.
Ironically, Uruha was the first one who noticed there was something wrong about that cursed girl, something that I should be aware of. He was the one who warned me to be careful with Mitsui Aki. Now when everything that he had told me was proven accurate, I was actually pushing him away. To be honest, I felt awful because I had to lie all the time. It's almost worse than having to face the fact that someone else knew about what Yuu and I did. Should I just tell Uruha the truth? No, even an idiot could tell that that would be a very unwise thing to do. Who could guess how Uruha would react if I told him that Yuu and I had been doing things… immoral things? It would freak him out-or maybe worse, repulse him and give him every reason he needed to stay away from me.
I really couldn't take that risk.
But deep inside my heart I might have already known it all along that someday Uruha would leave me. Until that day came, I couldn’t let him find out about the deepest, dirtiest secret I had ever hidden from him.
My phone vibrated, again, a mail from Uruha. “Damn you, Shorty. I thought you had left your phone back home. Want me to get up there and bring you something to eat?”
Just as expected, I was right. I didn’t even have to tell him where I was. His implicitly expressed concern made my heart ache even more if that was possible. It really hurt to have to lie to the only person I should have been able to trust fully.
The mail that I typed in response was: “Thanks but I’ll pass. See you later.”
Right when I received a notification telling me that my mail was sent, I heard a noise coming from somewhere near me. I kept my face down but I could tell a door was being opened and then feet were tapping against the concrete surface. Something whizzed inside my blood stream as I recognized the presence of the man I had been waiting for. Yes, I could never be mistaken. I memorized the slightly dragged rhythm of his footsteps. I also smelled the scent of his perfume, the scent that had already been carved into my brain, allowing me to associate it with one person.
“You definitely took your time. I thought I’d be here sitting the whole day away,” I grouched without bothering to lift my eyes.
“This is the quickest that I could manage. There’s a quiz I needed to watch before I could come up here,” came the answer from the man who was none other but Yuu.
Before long, Yuu was already sitting beside me, leaning his back against the wall. I finally shifted and took a glance at him. His face wasn’t telling much of what he was feeling but I could still sense that negative emotion brimming and overflowing from him. It could be anxiety. It could be fear. Or it could be both.
Yuu then lifted his right hand where he was holding his cellphone. With one press of a button he activated the screen, and I was once again staring at the photo that had stopped my heartbeat this morning. I figured forwarding the mail to him would be the wisest thing to do.
“This… is this serious?” Yuu asked with a strained voice. “And do you know who sent it?”
I nodded without a moment of pause. I didn’t ask Yuu to come up here to joke around or to do anything else that wasn’t worth the time wasted. Our future was threatened due to this incident and we needed to talk about what we could do in order to prevent things going from bad to worse.
“Mitsui sent it. You know her, don’t you?”
Yuu’s forehead creased. He seemed to be trying to remember. “Oh! The transferred girl?”
“Yes,” I confirmed.
I saw Yuu dropping his head and heard him mumbling a curse word. It was rather discomforting to see Yuu so bothered. I was so used to seeing his ignorant attitude in dealing with everything, along with his tendencies to take all kinds of problems lightly. He didn’t normally show a troubled look on his face, and despite having to go through a depression Yuu would prefer to keep it to himself and not let anyone know what he was feeling. As his nephew, his student, and also his partner in sex, it was inevitable that I got to memorize the changes that happened on his face along with his body movements and what they meant. Now as I saw his wrinkled forehead, his dark eyes, and his tense jaw, I couldn’t help but losing control of my own emotions.
“Have you talked to her?” Yuu asked after a while. “What does she want?”
I shook my head. “No, not yet. She hasn’t asked me anything.”
My nerves twisted and knotted. I knew what they were trying to tell me. I knew without being told that I was just afraid. I was afraid to start any kind of contact with Mitsui. I was afraid of the consequences that I would have to face once I confronted that girl and ask her what she truly wanted from me. I didn’t know what I would do if I figured out what she wanted by spying on me and Yuu, by taking a picture of us and sending it to me. It might sound simple but taking an action was never as easy as talking about it. If this made me sound like a coward, then so be it. I thought that even the bravest man on earth would lose a shred of his courage when dealing with a matter such as this.
One possibility kept whirling inside my brain unstoppably. It was some sort of a solution. Not exactly a solution that would instantly clear this matter, but it was a solution nonetheless. It might be worth the try.
My stomach felt awful. It was like a constant pain that kept growing worse by the minute. I knew what it meant, knew what my conscience was forcing me to do. What I didn’t know was could I do it? Could I take this one drastic action that I should’ve taken a long time ago when this crazy game had only begun?
“There’s something-”
“Yuu.”
The two of us silenced after speaking at the same time. I looked at Yuu who was looking at me. For a second my heart seemed to stop beating; did Yuu know what I was about to tell him? The dim, wavering light in his eyes seemed to be begging me not to do what I intended to do, to forget whatever I was thinking at the moment.
But this was something too long overdue. I could no longer ignore the urgency of it. If I didn’t do it now then when would I do it? I knew that this urge that burned inside my chest would last for a short while. If I delayed this again then I might as well just cancel the whole thing and by doing so, this mistake would just go on forever.
“Yuu,” I repeated, bracing myself. ‘I really have to do this.’ “We need to stop all this.”
I took a deep breath. Yuu’s eyes never left mine.
“We need to stop everything that we’ve been doing all along. There can be no more of you detaining me after school or during lunch break just to have sex with me. We can’t have anymore of that.”
‘Don’t look at me like that, Yuu, please.’
“It’s for our own good. Before things become far more uncontrollable, we really have to stop this. I want…”
‘What is it I want?’
“I want you to never come near me at school, no more than the limits between a teacher and a student.”
There, I said it. It really wasn’t as hard as I had imagined it to be. And now I was supposed to feel relieved. I should be happy now that I had already said what I had always needed to say. But why did it feel like this burden that was crushing me inside my chest become even heavier? This was what I wanted, wasn’t it, to end all this sinful madness we had been committing?
“You do agree that that’s the best choice, don’t you?” I asked him whilst trying to ignore the pain that was surfacing from within me. “We’ve been doing this just for fun. There is nothing in it but physical pleasure. We have nothing to lose…”
‘Please say something, Yuu. Tell me that I’m saying the right thing. Tell me that this is the right option-the sane option. We really should stop doing these things we’ve been doing because it’s wrong. It’s horribly wrong.’
Yuu was my teacher-my uncle, the brother of my own father. We should act like uncle-nephew, or while we were at school, teacher-student.
After a long pause, Yuu finally spoke up. “Fine,” he said. “But before that, I just want to know one thing…”
I never got the chance to ask him what exactly it was that he wanted to know, because without a single warning Yuu moved closer and pressed his lips onto mine. By pure reflex, I kissed back and moved my lips to respond to the touch of his. But before I caught up with what was going on, Yuu backed away with his lips detaching from mine. The kiss was really brief, it took no more than a second and it was very, very soft. If I hadn’t been fully aware of my surroundings I would’ve thought it was just a dream.
And then I saw that small smile forming on Yuu’s lips. It was barely detectable, but I saw it. Right then I understood what he had wanted to know. I also understood that I had made a slip.
Yuu rose up. In the mean time I froze, speechless.
He turned his face towards me and opened his mouth. “Talk to Mitsui, ask her what she really wants,” he said before he turned around. Just when it seemed like he was making a move, he stopped. And then I heard him speak again. “If you need me, you know where to find me.”
~ TO BE CONTINUED ~
A/N: Aaah~ My motivation is decreasing lately~ Can you please help me boost it up again? *cries*
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