Beautiful Lie [to Believe in] | 06/?? | AoixRuki, UruhaxRuki
Title: Beautiful Lie [to Believe in]
Chapter: 6/??
Author: akichuu
Fandom: the GazettE
Pairing: AoixRuki, RukixAoi, UruhaxRuki, possibly more to come
Theme: 025: Just One More Kiss - Buck Tick @ 50stories
Rating: R, NC-17
Genre: AU (highschool), angst, smut
Warning: Yaoi, (slight) pedophilia, incestuous relationship, domestic abuse, possible violence. Not comfortable with those issues? Save yourselves and DON'T read this. I'm serious.
Disclaimer: Title is taken from 30 Seconds to Mars's song, Beautiful Lie. the GazettE belongs to themselves and, yes, the Almighty PSC. I, well I own this story. It's fiction, meaning IT'S NOT REAL and I'm making no profit from it (except my 15 minutes of fame). Yes, mind that.
Beta: izumi_luvsjrock. Uuuu~ I'm sorry I made you work on this although I knew you were sick (>3<) Get well soon, and thank you!
Summary: He was an outcast, an unwanted child that was thrown away, even by his own family. He was taught by life not to trust anyone, especially those who came to him offering the thing called 'love'. 'Love' was just a small part of his dream, and dreams, as far as he knew, weren't real and could never be real.
In this case, Shiroyama Yuu was definitely not an exception.
Comment: Quick update, or at least I think so *laughs* I normally took a week or two to update. I guess it's because I was hoping I could post something up before going away for two weeks. Yeah, bad news. But I got this chapter done! Well I do hope I can write something up while I'm away, so you may expect a new chapter when I'm back. In the mean time, enjoy :)
Beautiful Lie [to Believe in]
Chapter 06
The dark skies flashed bright in a blink of an eye. By reflex I pressed further against the wall that was already plastered firmly on my back, all the strands of my nerve tensed, knowing what would soon come right after that flash of light. And my nerves were right. It wasn’t even half of a second later that I heard a loud bang blasting across the skies, so loud, mercilessly deafening my ears. The sound even shook the ground beneath my feet. My heart was pounding inside my chest, the rhythm was fast and uncontrolable. I felt like I was standing in the middle of a warzone with grenades exploding one after another and bullets wheezing past me, everywhere around me. All I could do was wonder when one of those seemingly deadly thousands of volts of electric energy would strike me fair and square, me who was standing here so stupidly in the open where there was no adequate roofing to protect me.
All I had was this small roof, which was a part of a gate that kept my head a bit safe from direct contact with the raindrops. It was quite pointless, honestly, because with such intensity the rain kept me wet nonetheless. Anyhow, I had gone through this blizzard without an umbrella or anything just to get here, so I was already soaking wet. My only intention to find somewhere slightly dry was that so I could pull out my cellphone.
Okay, I knew it was something awfully stupid to do. I had often heard warnings that forbid people to use their cellphones during bad weather, especially when it thundered a lot just like tonight. I wouldn’t only risk damaging my phone, but also making myself a roasted human.
But honestly, I was short on options.
Through my blurry vision, I tried to look through the thick curtain of rain pouring down on me. Within the darkness and the rain, my line of vision was limited to a very short distance. I could see Takashima family’s residence across the road but very vaguely. That large building with dark outline. The windows glowed with white light, which became the only thing that made me certain I hadn’t been standing in front of a cemetary instead of a house. From where I was standing it was hard to determine whether the inhabitants of that house were busy or not. There were brief flashes of shadows crossing the window once in a while, but I couldn’t hold that as a guarantee that I was allowed to come knocking on their door and disturb them.
The only way I could be certain was to ask Uruha directly. And that was why I needed my cellphone, despite the weather.
‘And when Uruha asks me what happened that I am now standing outside in the rain, in the middle of the night, what am I to say to him? That I am now an orphan? Well, good luck Takanori.’
The screen of my phone glowed in the darkness. I pressed on the speed dial that connected me with Uruha’s phone. Praying so that the owner of this house, whose gate I was using to shelter my head, wouldn’t come out anytime soon. I waited for someone to pick up while pressed the phone to my ear.
I heard the repeating tune. Not long, someone answered.
“Yes?”
“Uruha? Uruha, it’s me Ruki,” I said. My forehead creased when I heard noises from the other end.
“I know it’s you Ruki, did you think I didn’t have your number?” Uruha laughed. “What’s up?”
“Mm… nothing, it’s just that…” I paused when the noises I heard through the phone became even clearer. “Hey, is there something going on in your place?”
“Yeah, it’s crowded like crazy in here-just a second, Mom! I’m on the phone!” Uruha shouted, then continued, “It’s my niece’s second birthday, and we’re sort of having a small party for her.”
A blast of light and then the growl of thunder filled the air.
‘Nice timing, Takanori. It doesn’t seem like your bad luck won’t end soon tonight.’
The sound of children laughing and people chattering unsettled me somewhat, but there’s nothing I could do.
“Is that so? Uh… then you better go back and join the rest of your family,” I said. Something contracted inside my chest, suffocating me from the inside. In the mean time, a string of thunder crashed across the skies.
‘I know, God. I know you’re laughing at me right now. Isn’t this the best part of the movie? The comedy that is based on true fact, which is the story of my life. Where there is one irony after another coming to attack me without giving me a chance to breathe. Truly, who could have guessed where this plot will go?’
“Eh? But why are you calling me?”
“No, it’s nothing important, really. I just…” my voice was stuck somewhere inside my throat; again I could hear the laughter of a child on the phone, cheerful and bright. “I just wanted to inform you that… that I think I’m going to skip school tomorrow.”
“Ah, skipping Shiroyama’s class again?”
I smiled bitterly. For now, staying away from Biology class wasn’t exactly my main priority. In fact, to generalize the whole matter, school didn’t seem all that important anymore. The problem that I suffered recently related to Yuu seemed trivial now if I compared it with the incidents I had just gone through tonight.
Though I had no way of telling Uruha that.
“Yeah, yeah I am,” I answered instead. “He left us a mountain of homework last week and I haven’t touched one damn page. I’m just tired of the punishment routine he gives me.”
‘I’m so sorry, Yuu. I never meant to put the blame on you, but right now I’m using what I have, even if it’s a lie, so that Uruha won’t suspect a thing.’
“Okay, I just wanted to tell you that,” I said then. “Bye.”
I hung up the phone before Uruha had the chance to respond. If I kept talking he would soon notice that there was something wrong. He’s really good at that. Anyways, I couldn’t stand another minute listening to all the joyful noises in that house.
Was this what they named envy? I thought so-I knew so. But I also knew that inside my chest there were plenty of other kinds of emotions that I had been keeping, piling up since I knew what pain meant. These emotions resided as I faced the fact that other families could get along well while mine couldn’t. Uruha had a perfect, happy family. He had parents and siblings who loved him, people whom he could trust. While I… well right now it didn’t seem like I had anything. No parents, no siblings, nothing. I didn’t even have a place to come home to. I had only myself and this pain that continuously accompanied me.
Bearing that in mind, the right side of my torso throbbed in pain. I remembered that was where Dad kicked me…
‘No, wait, not ‘Dad’. I don’t know what to call him now but I obviously can’t call him ‘Dad’.’
I knew I couldn’t blame anyone for what I had to endure now. It wasn’t Uruha’s wish that our situations differed 180 degrees. It was all written as the path of life I had to live, the fate that I had to follow through despite not wanting to. It hurt, yes, and although I would really love it if I could change things, there really was nothing I could do.
Struggling to breathe through the pain, I took one last glance towards Takashima’s residence where Uruha was at along with his big family. They were all in there, dry, warm, and happy.
I turned away before it hurt too much and became harder to breathe.
It was so dark around me, apparently I was the only person who was silly enough to be out here in the rain. Where should I go now?
A name crossed my brain.
‘No, forget it, Takanori. Forget him. Weren’t you the one who asked him to stay away from you? If you go to his place now, you’ll only be swallowing back your own wasted spit.
But beyond that, setting aside my ego for a while, do I have any other choice? No, to be honest I don’t.’
Sighing, I relented and searched for the name ‘Shiroyama Yuu’ from my contact list, and then pressed the ‘CALL’ button.
===
Yuu didn’t seem surprised when he saw my condition. Bruised and soaked to the bones, I stood in front of his door with my eyes to the ground. I didn’t understand why but I couldn’t find it in me to stare at him right in the eyes. I heard him sigh, but other than that he said nothing, not one question. Being perfectly silent, Yuu opened the door wider and then stepped aside. I took that as his way to let me in.
I stepped forward, my mind a huge chaos and my stomach a mess.
With just one glance, I found that Yuu’s apartment hadn’t changed one bit. It still looked very much the same with how it had been the last time I visited this place, and that would be around two months ago or so. Small but neat, that’s what I always thought regarding Yuu’s apartment. He didn’t have much stuff, understandable because he lived all by himself. His living room was nearly empty save for a set of dark-blue sofas, an old wooden table, a TV, and a TV-rack.
Most of the times in people’s houses you could always find pictures, photographs that were framed and hung on the walls or arranged on top of a table. They could be either the owner’s own pictures or the pictures of his family members, or of his loved ones. It wasn’t so in Yuu’s apartment. Every room in his apartment was absolutely clean of anyone’s pictures, not even his own. The only object with a frame that you could find in this house was a painting of beach scenery that Yuu hung on the wall in his bedroom. I didn’t know if it was a real beach located somewhere in this planet. I didn’t know why Yuu put it up instead of any other pictures. I didn’t know, and I never asked.
‘There really are so many things about Yuu that I don’t know.’
I was just about to sit on the blue sofa in the living room when I felt Yuu tugging at my arm.
“Bathroom,” he said curtly.
Saying nothing I simply complied when Yuu led me towards his bathroom. It was only then that I realized that I was trembling from the cold. I didn’t feel like my body was mine anymore. All the sensations that I should be feeling seemed to go past me, almost as if I was no one but an outside observer who was watching all these things happening to this body.
It wasn’t long until I found myself standing in the middle of Yuu’s all-white bathroom. The air felt cold in here, and Yuu had left the door open. I could see all the way to the corridor outside and the living room we had been in a moment before. It felt weird to be in a bathroom with the door open, yet I knew very well there wouldn’t be anyone peeking in. There were only Yuu and me in this place.
Shrouded by silence, I stood motionless on the spot while Yuu got rid of my bag and started taking off my clothes slowly. I could feel the touch of Yuu’s fingers on my skin, and inevitably, a familiar kind of feeling began creeping along my veins, crackling, tickling.
Yuu remained silent and I could hardly read his facial expression. He carefully stripped me of everything I had been wearing, pulling down my underwear until I was left with nothing between my wet skin and the air. I shivered harder.
Odd but I felt awkward standing naked in front of Yuu, helpless as to what Yuu would want to do with me. Odd, because we had often been involved in a situation that required us to go fully nude, or roughly saying, sex. I had seen Yuu naked multiple times, and Yuu had seen me too. But every time it happened, I felt that this process of getting each other naked was only a necessary routine that we had to go through in order to achieve the ultimate goal, which was mutual carnal pleasure. I rarely discovered anything special about getting naked in front of him. Maybe because my mind had always been too focused on what I would be experiencing next after all the boundaries of clothes were out of the way.
But tonight, in Yuu’s bathroom, it felt different. Yuu’s hands touched me gently and I could sense no intention of finding the slightest sexual benefit from this situation. He stared at me, at my whole body, but I could find no lust in his eyes. Funny but it made my heart beat so fast, faster even than how it usually beat when I was with Yuu.
‘Why do I feel so nervous being here with you, Yuu? Why does your touch make me feel like I’m being burnt by a wave of ice-cold fire?’
Yuu led me to the bathtub and sat me down in it, and then he opened the faucet. At once, warm water splashed out and rained over me.
This whole thing made me feel… comfortable. Yes, comfortable. I didn’t know what else to name this feeling I had. I felt comfortable when Yuu bathed my body with both his hands, soaped me and even washed my hair. I felt comfortable when he took my arms and pulled me out of the tub. I felt comfortable when he dried me off with a towel. His touch was so soft, so gentle and I could see a hint of concentration carved into his face. As if he was trying so hard not to rub my wounded and bruised skin too hard and hurt me.
It all went on until finally Yuu put a bathrobe around me and tied it on to cover my cleansed body.
‘You’re not treating me the way you usually do, Yuu. I’m confused, should I be feeling happy for this, or the contrary?’
However puzzled I was, I could not deny this comfortable feeling. This cozy and protected kind of atmosphere that I felt when Yuu grabbed my hand and took me into his bedroom. In there, he told me to lie down on his bed and get some rest.
Once I lied down on Yuu’s bed, and was fully sheathed by a thick blanket, Yuu sat by my side leaning over me. Right then and there I gasped in shock. For the first time ever since I had known Yuu, I saw an overflow gush of emotions in his eyes. It paralyzed me. I lied stiffly on the bed, getting sucked into that powerful surge without being able to fight it. In the mean time, something strong also pushed outward from within me, breaking every wall and flooding my insides with undescribable heat when finally, Yuu leaned lower and kissed me gently on the lips.
I didn’t even realize it when my tears leaked out of my eyes, trickling down to wet the pillow beneath my head.
Yuu kept on kissing me, but not the fierce, lustful way he used to kiss me. His lips pressed against mine, so softly in an easy pace. His body temperature warmed me without him putting any of his weight on top of my body.
And then I cried. I cried so hard, suffocating, choking on my own breath but Yuu didn’t stop. He just kept on kissing me. It was the first time ever that Yuu’s kiss tasted salty, like tears.
‘Kiss me again, Yuu. Kiss me again. Lie to me, make me believe that I am still worthy, that I am still needed somewhere, by someone.
Make me forget that the world out there no longer needs me.’
~ TO BE CONTINUED ~
A/N: Takanori can breathe now... for a while. He still has a long way to go to be happy... that is if he ever ends up happy. Oh I'm such a bad girl. Why do I torture Taka so much? *sighs*
Okay so uh... see you in the next two weeks? Hopefully sooner than that. Yes.
Previous: [ Chapter 01 ] [ Chapter 02 ] [ Chapter 03 ] [ Chapter 04 ] [ Chapter 05 ]
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Chapter: 6/??
Author: akichuu
Fandom: the GazettE
Pairing: AoixRuki, RukixAoi, UruhaxRuki, possibly more to come
Theme: 025: Just One More Kiss - Buck Tick @ 50stories
Rating: R, NC-17
Genre: AU (highschool), angst, smut
Warning: Yaoi, (slight) pedophilia, incestuous relationship, domestic abuse, possible violence. Not comfortable with those issues? Save yourselves and DON'T read this. I'm serious.
Disclaimer: Title is taken from 30 Seconds to Mars's song, Beautiful Lie. the GazettE belongs to themselves and, yes, the Almighty PSC. I, well I own this story. It's fiction, meaning IT'S NOT REAL and I'm making no profit from it (except my 15 minutes of fame). Yes, mind that.
Beta: izumi_luvsjrock. Uuuu~ I'm sorry I made you work on this although I knew you were sick (>3<) Get well soon, and thank you!
Summary: He was an outcast, an unwanted child that was thrown away, even by his own family. He was taught by life not to trust anyone, especially those who came to him offering the thing called 'love'. 'Love' was just a small part of his dream, and dreams, as far as he knew, weren't real and could never be real.
In this case, Shiroyama Yuu was definitely not an exception.
Comment: Quick update, or at least I think so *laughs* I normally took a week or two to update. I guess it's because I was hoping I could post something up before going away for two weeks. Yeah, bad news. But I got this chapter done! Well I do hope I can write something up while I'm away, so you may expect a new chapter when I'm back. In the mean time, enjoy :)
Beautiful Lie [to Believe in]
Chapter 06
The dark skies flashed bright in a blink of an eye. By reflex I pressed further against the wall that was already plastered firmly on my back, all the strands of my nerve tensed, knowing what would soon come right after that flash of light. And my nerves were right. It wasn’t even half of a second later that I heard a loud bang blasting across the skies, so loud, mercilessly deafening my ears. The sound even shook the ground beneath my feet. My heart was pounding inside my chest, the rhythm was fast and uncontrolable. I felt like I was standing in the middle of a warzone with grenades exploding one after another and bullets wheezing past me, everywhere around me. All I could do was wonder when one of those seemingly deadly thousands of volts of electric energy would strike me fair and square, me who was standing here so stupidly in the open where there was no adequate roofing to protect me.
All I had was this small roof, which was a part of a gate that kept my head a bit safe from direct contact with the raindrops. It was quite pointless, honestly, because with such intensity the rain kept me wet nonetheless. Anyhow, I had gone through this blizzard without an umbrella or anything just to get here, so I was already soaking wet. My only intention to find somewhere slightly dry was that so I could pull out my cellphone.
Okay, I knew it was something awfully stupid to do. I had often heard warnings that forbid people to use their cellphones during bad weather, especially when it thundered a lot just like tonight. I wouldn’t only risk damaging my phone, but also making myself a roasted human.
But honestly, I was short on options.
Through my blurry vision, I tried to look through the thick curtain of rain pouring down on me. Within the darkness and the rain, my line of vision was limited to a very short distance. I could see Takashima family’s residence across the road but very vaguely. That large building with dark outline. The windows glowed with white light, which became the only thing that made me certain I hadn’t been standing in front of a cemetary instead of a house. From where I was standing it was hard to determine whether the inhabitants of that house were busy or not. There were brief flashes of shadows crossing the window once in a while, but I couldn’t hold that as a guarantee that I was allowed to come knocking on their door and disturb them.
The only way I could be certain was to ask Uruha directly. And that was why I needed my cellphone, despite the weather.
‘And when Uruha asks me what happened that I am now standing outside in the rain, in the middle of the night, what am I to say to him? That I am now an orphan? Well, good luck Takanori.’
The screen of my phone glowed in the darkness. I pressed on the speed dial that connected me with Uruha’s phone. Praying so that the owner of this house, whose gate I was using to shelter my head, wouldn’t come out anytime soon. I waited for someone to pick up while pressed the phone to my ear.
I heard the repeating tune. Not long, someone answered.
“Yes?”
“Uruha? Uruha, it’s me Ruki,” I said. My forehead creased when I heard noises from the other end.
“I know it’s you Ruki, did you think I didn’t have your number?” Uruha laughed. “What’s up?”
“Mm… nothing, it’s just that…” I paused when the noises I heard through the phone became even clearer. “Hey, is there something going on in your place?”
“Yeah, it’s crowded like crazy in here-just a second, Mom! I’m on the phone!” Uruha shouted, then continued, “It’s my niece’s second birthday, and we’re sort of having a small party for her.”
A blast of light and then the growl of thunder filled the air.
‘Nice timing, Takanori. It doesn’t seem like your bad luck won’t end soon tonight.’
The sound of children laughing and people chattering unsettled me somewhat, but there’s nothing I could do.
“Is that so? Uh… then you better go back and join the rest of your family,” I said. Something contracted inside my chest, suffocating me from the inside. In the mean time, a string of thunder crashed across the skies.
‘I know, God. I know you’re laughing at me right now. Isn’t this the best part of the movie? The comedy that is based on true fact, which is the story of my life. Where there is one irony after another coming to attack me without giving me a chance to breathe. Truly, who could have guessed where this plot will go?’
“Eh? But why are you calling me?”
“No, it’s nothing important, really. I just…” my voice was stuck somewhere inside my throat; again I could hear the laughter of a child on the phone, cheerful and bright. “I just wanted to inform you that… that I think I’m going to skip school tomorrow.”
“Ah, skipping Shiroyama’s class again?”
I smiled bitterly. For now, staying away from Biology class wasn’t exactly my main priority. In fact, to generalize the whole matter, school didn’t seem all that important anymore. The problem that I suffered recently related to Yuu seemed trivial now if I compared it with the incidents I had just gone through tonight.
Though I had no way of telling Uruha that.
“Yeah, yeah I am,” I answered instead. “He left us a mountain of homework last week and I haven’t touched one damn page. I’m just tired of the punishment routine he gives me.”
‘I’m so sorry, Yuu. I never meant to put the blame on you, but right now I’m using what I have, even if it’s a lie, so that Uruha won’t suspect a thing.’
“Okay, I just wanted to tell you that,” I said then. “Bye.”
I hung up the phone before Uruha had the chance to respond. If I kept talking he would soon notice that there was something wrong. He’s really good at that. Anyways, I couldn’t stand another minute listening to all the joyful noises in that house.
Was this what they named envy? I thought so-I knew so. But I also knew that inside my chest there were plenty of other kinds of emotions that I had been keeping, piling up since I knew what pain meant. These emotions resided as I faced the fact that other families could get along well while mine couldn’t. Uruha had a perfect, happy family. He had parents and siblings who loved him, people whom he could trust. While I… well right now it didn’t seem like I had anything. No parents, no siblings, nothing. I didn’t even have a place to come home to. I had only myself and this pain that continuously accompanied me.
Bearing that in mind, the right side of my torso throbbed in pain. I remembered that was where Dad kicked me…
‘No, wait, not ‘Dad’. I don’t know what to call him now but I obviously can’t call him ‘Dad’.’
I knew I couldn’t blame anyone for what I had to endure now. It wasn’t Uruha’s wish that our situations differed 180 degrees. It was all written as the path of life I had to live, the fate that I had to follow through despite not wanting to. It hurt, yes, and although I would really love it if I could change things, there really was nothing I could do.
Struggling to breathe through the pain, I took one last glance towards Takashima’s residence where Uruha was at along with his big family. They were all in there, dry, warm, and happy.
I turned away before it hurt too much and became harder to breathe.
It was so dark around me, apparently I was the only person who was silly enough to be out here in the rain. Where should I go now?
A name crossed my brain.
‘No, forget it, Takanori. Forget him. Weren’t you the one who asked him to stay away from you? If you go to his place now, you’ll only be swallowing back your own wasted spit.
But beyond that, setting aside my ego for a while, do I have any other choice? No, to be honest I don’t.’
Sighing, I relented and searched for the name ‘Shiroyama Yuu’ from my contact list, and then pressed the ‘CALL’ button.
===
Yuu didn’t seem surprised when he saw my condition. Bruised and soaked to the bones, I stood in front of his door with my eyes to the ground. I didn’t understand why but I couldn’t find it in me to stare at him right in the eyes. I heard him sigh, but other than that he said nothing, not one question. Being perfectly silent, Yuu opened the door wider and then stepped aside. I took that as his way to let me in.
I stepped forward, my mind a huge chaos and my stomach a mess.
With just one glance, I found that Yuu’s apartment hadn’t changed one bit. It still looked very much the same with how it had been the last time I visited this place, and that would be around two months ago or so. Small but neat, that’s what I always thought regarding Yuu’s apartment. He didn’t have much stuff, understandable because he lived all by himself. His living room was nearly empty save for a set of dark-blue sofas, an old wooden table, a TV, and a TV-rack.
Most of the times in people’s houses you could always find pictures, photographs that were framed and hung on the walls or arranged on top of a table. They could be either the owner’s own pictures or the pictures of his family members, or of his loved ones. It wasn’t so in Yuu’s apartment. Every room in his apartment was absolutely clean of anyone’s pictures, not even his own. The only object with a frame that you could find in this house was a painting of beach scenery that Yuu hung on the wall in his bedroom. I didn’t know if it was a real beach located somewhere in this planet. I didn’t know why Yuu put it up instead of any other pictures. I didn’t know, and I never asked.
‘There really are so many things about Yuu that I don’t know.’
I was just about to sit on the blue sofa in the living room when I felt Yuu tugging at my arm.
“Bathroom,” he said curtly.
Saying nothing I simply complied when Yuu led me towards his bathroom. It was only then that I realized that I was trembling from the cold. I didn’t feel like my body was mine anymore. All the sensations that I should be feeling seemed to go past me, almost as if I was no one but an outside observer who was watching all these things happening to this body.
It wasn’t long until I found myself standing in the middle of Yuu’s all-white bathroom. The air felt cold in here, and Yuu had left the door open. I could see all the way to the corridor outside and the living room we had been in a moment before. It felt weird to be in a bathroom with the door open, yet I knew very well there wouldn’t be anyone peeking in. There were only Yuu and me in this place.
Shrouded by silence, I stood motionless on the spot while Yuu got rid of my bag and started taking off my clothes slowly. I could feel the touch of Yuu’s fingers on my skin, and inevitably, a familiar kind of feeling began creeping along my veins, crackling, tickling.
Yuu remained silent and I could hardly read his facial expression. He carefully stripped me of everything I had been wearing, pulling down my underwear until I was left with nothing between my wet skin and the air. I shivered harder.
Odd but I felt awkward standing naked in front of Yuu, helpless as to what Yuu would want to do with me. Odd, because we had often been involved in a situation that required us to go fully nude, or roughly saying, sex. I had seen Yuu naked multiple times, and Yuu had seen me too. But every time it happened, I felt that this process of getting each other naked was only a necessary routine that we had to go through in order to achieve the ultimate goal, which was mutual carnal pleasure. I rarely discovered anything special about getting naked in front of him. Maybe because my mind had always been too focused on what I would be experiencing next after all the boundaries of clothes were out of the way.
But tonight, in Yuu’s bathroom, it felt different. Yuu’s hands touched me gently and I could sense no intention of finding the slightest sexual benefit from this situation. He stared at me, at my whole body, but I could find no lust in his eyes. Funny but it made my heart beat so fast, faster even than how it usually beat when I was with Yuu.
‘Why do I feel so nervous being here with you, Yuu? Why does your touch make me feel like I’m being burnt by a wave of ice-cold fire?’
Yuu led me to the bathtub and sat me down in it, and then he opened the faucet. At once, warm water splashed out and rained over me.
This whole thing made me feel… comfortable. Yes, comfortable. I didn’t know what else to name this feeling I had. I felt comfortable when Yuu bathed my body with both his hands, soaped me and even washed my hair. I felt comfortable when he took my arms and pulled me out of the tub. I felt comfortable when he dried me off with a towel. His touch was so soft, so gentle and I could see a hint of concentration carved into his face. As if he was trying so hard not to rub my wounded and bruised skin too hard and hurt me.
It all went on until finally Yuu put a bathrobe around me and tied it on to cover my cleansed body.
‘You’re not treating me the way you usually do, Yuu. I’m confused, should I be feeling happy for this, or the contrary?’
However puzzled I was, I could not deny this comfortable feeling. This cozy and protected kind of atmosphere that I felt when Yuu grabbed my hand and took me into his bedroom. In there, he told me to lie down on his bed and get some rest.
Once I lied down on Yuu’s bed, and was fully sheathed by a thick blanket, Yuu sat by my side leaning over me. Right then and there I gasped in shock. For the first time ever since I had known Yuu, I saw an overflow gush of emotions in his eyes. It paralyzed me. I lied stiffly on the bed, getting sucked into that powerful surge without being able to fight it. In the mean time, something strong also pushed outward from within me, breaking every wall and flooding my insides with undescribable heat when finally, Yuu leaned lower and kissed me gently on the lips.
I didn’t even realize it when my tears leaked out of my eyes, trickling down to wet the pillow beneath my head.
Yuu kept on kissing me, but not the fierce, lustful way he used to kiss me. His lips pressed against mine, so softly in an easy pace. His body temperature warmed me without him putting any of his weight on top of my body.
And then I cried. I cried so hard, suffocating, choking on my own breath but Yuu didn’t stop. He just kept on kissing me. It was the first time ever that Yuu’s kiss tasted salty, like tears.
‘Kiss me again, Yuu. Kiss me again. Lie to me, make me believe that I am still worthy, that I am still needed somewhere, by someone.
Make me forget that the world out there no longer needs me.’
~ TO BE CONTINUED ~
A/N: Takanori can breathe now... for a while. He still has a long way to go to be happy... that is if he ever ends up happy. Oh I'm such a bad girl. Why do I torture Taka so much? *sighs*
Okay so uh... see you in the next two weeks? Hopefully sooner than that. Yes.
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