Beautiful Lie [to Believe in] | 16/?? | AoixRuki, UruhaxRuki
Title: Beautiful Lie [to Believe in]
Chapter: 16/??
Author: akichuu
Fandom: the GazettE
Pairing: AoixRuki, RukixAoi, UruhaxRuki
Theme: 048: The prophet (Moi dix mois) @ 50stories
Rating: R
Genre: AU (highschool), angst
Warnings: Yaoi, (slight) pedophilia, incestuous relationship, domestic abuse, possible violence. Not comfortable with those issues? Save yourselves and DON'T read this. I'm serious.
Disclaimer: Title is taken from 30 Seconds to Mars's song, Beautiful Lie. the GazettE belongs to themselves and, yes, the Almighty PSC. I, well I own this story. It's fiction, meaning IT'S NOT REAL and I'm making no profit from it (except my 15 minutes of fame). Yes, mind that.
Beta: izumi_luvsjrock. Thank you~ ♥ I'm sorry for all the trouble m(_ _)m
Summary: He was an outcast, an unwanted child that was thrown away, even by his own family. He was taught by life not to trust anyone, especially those who came to him offering the thing called 'love'. 'Love' was just a small part of his dream, and dreams, as far as he knew, weren't real and could never be real.
In this case, Shiroyama Yuu was definitely not an exception.
Comment: Poor Yutaka. Hm.
Beautiful Lie [to Believe in]
Chapter 16
When the doorbell rang I felt like my entire world shook under my feet, as if a massive earthquake was going to tear the whole apartment to pieces. No such thing was happening of course. It was just my mind playing tricks on me making the situation seem much worse than it already was. I could almost hear my nerves snapping and popping inside my head; like a surge of electricity was running through me electrifying my brain. As if reacting to this mayhem happening in my head, my heart was pumping madly inside my chest so hard that I almost believed it was going to burst anytime soon. I was panicking, I knew that, and it was getting worse by the second.
“Are you okay?” Yuu’s voice drew me away temporarily from my own hectic thoughts.
I looked to my side and met his concerned gaze. Shrugging weakly, I said, “Not really, but it doesn’t matter. Let’s just get this over with.”
He took a deep breath, nodded, and leaned over to kiss me on the lips. I closed my eyes reveling in that one short moment of peace that Yuu gave me with his kiss, but it was soon gone when he withdrew. I watched as Yuu stood up and walked away from the sofa advancing toward the door. Something inside me was screaming for him to stop, to turn right back around and forget about the door or the guest who must be waiting outside. I wished we could just shut ourselves inside this apartment and let the rest of the world rot out there. But then our conversation-the one we had just had and ended around thirty minutes ago-came back into my mind, reminding me why exactly this was urgent and needed to be done.
It wasn’t long until I could see Yutaka’s figure walking into the apartment. He looked almost like a misplaced ornament that shouldn’t be in here, a lost object or some sort. I had never expected that one day I would find Yutaka in Yuu’s apartment; it was just so wrong, so difficult to accept that Yutaka, who seemed to hate Yuu with all his might, would someday walk into this apartment and sit himself down on Yuu’s sofa. But there he was now sitting right next to me.
Yutaka deserved some credit for being able to suppress his feelings; his unexplainable hatred toward Yuu. His face retained a rather neutral expression save for the apparent confusion that was etched onto his forehead. I was relieved, somewhat, but then I wasn’t sure that he would still be so calm and controlled later when he found out why I had called him and invited him to Yuu’s apartment.
After greeting me briefly he popped up the big question. “Why am I here?”
I sighed. One side of me was glad that Yutaka hadn’t wasted too much time on breaching into the topic but the rest of me was too nervous to explain. Finding the first word to begin seemed so impossible. I knew that whichever way I chose to convey the matter to Yutaka would eventually lead to chaos. Still I felt so anxious, afraid. I looked away to Yuu who was sitting on a separate couch catching his glance for one brief moment before I turned my attention back to Yutaka.
“First of all Yutaka, I’m sorry,” I started. Considering the magnitude of horror I was about to convey to him, I supposed it was best to start it with an apology.
His reaction was instantaneous. The confusion on his face morphed into something that resembled worry or fear. “What for?” he asked. “Taka, what’s wrong?”
I caught sight of him casting a quick look toward Yuu before his face grew darker; the crease on his forehead became even more noticeable. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking but I had a feeling that it was probably better if I just got down to the main issue before Yutaka started making false accusations with Yuu as his main suspect.
“Yutaka, I need to ask you to stay calm,” I said with a firm tone. “I’m not trying to scare you or anything but this is the moment when we all require you to think straight and reasonable.”
A second stretched before Yutaka nodded. “I’ll try Taka. I’ll do what I can to stay calm. Please just… tell me what’s going on.”
‘Well this is it Takanori, the big moment that you’ve dreaded for as long as you could remember. This is the moment when you will crush your brother’s heart inside your grip; destroy all his hopes and let him see that his life as well yours are now ruined.’
My hand felt weak as if my bones had melted under my skin leaving my muscles to move on their own support. It took almost all of my willpower just to move it, but in the end I managed to reach out toward the table where my cellphone was placed and grabbed it. I sorted through the folders and very soon found the picture I would rather not show Yutaka. It had to be done though. So with shaky fingers I handed him my phone; the screen was showing the source of my recent nightmares.
“What is this…?” Yutaka mumbled confusedly, his eyes focusing on the screen. It took a while before realization finally dawned on him, and as expected, his expression changed drastically. I felt like watching the sudden birth of anger on his face; it burst like a small flicker of flame before the fire grew bigger and was soon consuming him, burning through his veins and radiating through the air toward me.
“What kind of a sick joke is this?!” he shouted, his sight drifting back and forth between Yuu and me. “Why are you showing me this? Did you think I’d be amused to see your perverted tryst? Because if you thought so, I’m telling you-”
“Yutaka, that’s not what Takanori is trying to tell you,” Yuu cut in.
“So what is it? If it has anything to do with this-” Yutaka lifted the phone in his grip, “-then I’m not sure I want to know at all.”
‘Oh God, here we go… So much for wishing that they would act civil toward one another, at least with me here.’
“Well if you would just listen to him first-”
“And then what? You’re going to give me the details of your affair with my brother, Yuu?” Yutaka huffed angrily. “Thanks, but no thanks. I’ve already seen more than enough.”
‘Wait… what was that?’
“It’s not even about your brother, Yutaka, it’s about you! So if you would just be quiet for one minute and let him speak-“
“I doubt it matters-”
‘That’s it. They are not making this any easier for me.’
Yutaka was being unreasonably stubborn and Yuu was only fueling his anger much further. I had to stop them before this went the wrong way.
“Will the both of you shut the fuck up?!” I yelled out loud stopping both Yutaka and Yuu from quarrelling any longer. I turned to Yuu giving him the sharpest glare that I could do. “Yuu, stop it, will you? You said you wanted to help me out. Well let me tell you that this is not helping me out. This is making things much more complicated.” Yuu glared back for a second before he shut his mouth and relented. Satisfied with Yuu’s cooperation, I then turned to Yutaka, “And Yutaka, just like Yuu said, this is not about me or Yuu. This is about you. I will highly appreciate it if you keep your promise and remain calm, at least until I finish telling you what this is all about. And what did you mean exactly when you said you’ve seen more than enough?”
Yutaka froze. “That’s…”
“Oh God, I can’t believe this… You knew?” I shrieked. Despite having just asked Yutaka to stay calm, I could feel rage building up inside of me. How was this possible? I thought I had been careful enough to not let Yutaka or anyone else find out about Yuu and me. But now it was obvious that I had not been doing a good job in keeping my own secret safe. And what was most irritating of all was that Yuu didn’t seem surprised at all.
I promptly turned to him. “You knew that Yutaka knew? And you didn’t tell me?”
“He specifically asked me not to tell you,” Yuu replied eyeing Yutaka in a rather unfriendly manner.
“Oh so you two have even talked about this. How considerate of you to leave me out of your discussion,” I quipped sarcastically. “How…? When…?”
“I saw you in Yuu’s car sometime around four or five months ago in front of our house,” Yutaka answered tiredly, drawing my attention back to him. “It was dim, and I was upstairs in my room looking through the window, but it wasn’t hard to guess what you two were doing on the backseat…”
Flashes of memories came across my mind. Yutaka wasn’t making that up. In fact, I knew what Yutaka was talking about; I remembered that moment quite clearly. Yuu had just given me a ride home from school. I was just about to get out of the car when he suggested we tried having sex on the backseat of the car. It had sounded so tempting then and I guess I had been too horny to refuse his invitation. Now I could see how stupid that impulse had been.
Yutaka had seen me having sex with Yuu, for God’s sake!
Well, what’s done is done. This might strike as odd but I actually felt relieved now. I was initially angry, yes, but that was a logical reaction to what I had just found out. I gave it a deeper consideration and I thought; didn’t this actually save me from having to go through that exceptionally awkward moment that most likely would occur after I told Yutaka about Yuu and me? I’m sure that it would have been ten times more difficult to explain to Yutaka about the when and why and how. To be honest I had been preparing myself to face a furious, disappointed Yutaka. I had imagined how angry Yutaka might have reacted, how awful his reproaching words would have been. But seeing how the situation had turned up tonight, I guess all my mental preparations were of no use.
The bright side was now I had my answers. For all this time I had been questioning myself why Yutaka hated Yuu so much. Well, now I knew why.
As upset as I was, I realized this wasn’t the main issue here. I couldn’t let this distract me from my utmost important purpose. There was something that Yutaka had to know-something bad-and the sooner I broke the news to him, the better.
“Listen Yutaka, forget about Yuu and me for a moment,” I spoke up. “It’s not the reason why I’ve asked you to come. What you really need to know is… who took that photo.”
Yutaka furrowed his brows. “Who took the photo?” he repeated. “Who was it? And what does this have to do with me?”
“The person who took this photo was…” I halted for a second checking on Yutaka’s expression and then continued. “… Mitsui Aki.”
There must be at least thirty seconds of silence during which Yutaka was actually holding his breath before he finally made some kind of response. He began gasping; the sound made me think that he was probably asphyxiating, but before I had any idea of what I was supposed to do, he grabbed me by the arms.
“How did you know her?” he asked, tension was brimming in his voice.
“She goes to the same school as I do,” I answered, trying not to flinch even though Yutaka’s grip on my arms was quite painful. “She said she had been purposefully following me and taking that photo because… because she wanted to return your favor.”
I had used a metaphor to summarize what Mitsui had told me earlier today. I knew it was odd to call Mitsui’s intention as ‘returning a favor’. There was a more precise phrase, ‘getting some revenge’ and personally I would have used this instead. I chose not to say this in front of Yutaka because I thought it would hit him with a much too harsh impact. But then, looking at his face now, I didn’t think it would have mattered at all how I chose to tell him about Mitsui. No, I don’t suppose there was a way to sugarcoat the fact that his crazy ex-girlfriend had emerged from the past and was now threatening to destroy his little brother’s future.
As suddenly as he had grabbed me, Yutaka let me go, and the next second he looked as if he had lost all strength he had ever had in his whole body. Slumping against the cushion, his face seemed to have been drained of all colors leaving a white complexion that only told me that he was taking this news very seriously.
“Oh God…” he sighed. I could easily sense the desperation in his voice. It was understandable; I mean, how were you supposed to react knowing that the lover you had hurt and left behind had now returned with a vengeance? Yutaka had every right to panic. I myself had panicked. This wasn’t some problem that you could ignore. You couldn’t simply sleep it off overnight and hope that it would be gone in the morning. No, Mitsui would still be there in the morning, and she would still be bearing the grudge she had brought along with her.
“Yutaka… Did you know that…” I gulped, doubting if I should continue. But Yutaka was already staring at me, waiting for me to pop my question. “… Did you know that Mitsui was forced to abort her baby?”
I watched with dread as Yutaka froze. He was gaping and his already pale complexion became even paler if possible. Shock, horror, and disbelief were all mixed up in his wide open eyes. Well, obviously he hadn’t heard about this. Now I felt horrible for having had to be the one breaking the worst news to him.
“No… Oh God, no…” Yutaka gasped. “She… her baby… My baby…”
Surprise and pity washed over me when Yutaka began tearing up. He wasn’t making any sound; he was just sitting there, crying silently, gazing emptily onto his own knees. Tears were flowing down his eyes, wetting his cheeks. I could tell just how much this news hurt him even more than anything I had told him tonight. I had never known how Yutaka felt; all I had ever heard was Mitsui’s version of the story, how she felt throughout the whole ordeal. Yes I knew from what she told me that she felt betrayed, hurt, used, tossed away like some trash. But Yutaka, did he really love her? Did he love the baby she had lost? Did he feel the same pain she felt when he was forced to leave her?
This got me wondering, why had Yutaka never told me about her and everything that had ever happened between them? Didn’t he trust me? Oh well. This was a question I should also ask myself. Did I trust Yutaka enough to tell him all the darkest secrets I had ever kept? No. I had never told him about Yuu and if this disaster hadn’t taken place, I might have never brought up the topic at all. So maybe Yutaka thought that his relationship with Mitsui and the tragedy that happened afterward were too disgraceful that he had chosen not to let me know. I could tell him that I wouldn’t have judged him no matter what had truly happened, but then even if he had spared me the information, what good would that be? I wouldn’t have known how to help him anyway.
“I’m sorry, Yutaka,” I mumbled, awkwardly moving my arm to encircle Yutaka’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry…”
Yutaka buried his face inside his palms while I could think of nothing to say that might lessen his pain. I looked aside helplessly at Yuu and he caught my gaze. He wasn’t offering me any suggestion of what I should do, but then I guess he was just as clueless as I was. However, I was glad Yuu was here. Despite the fact that he had been such an asshole earlier for getting into a row with Yutaka, his presence was very important for me even if it was only to support me mentally. I didn’t know if I would still be able to confront Yutaka without Yuu being somewhere nearby.
I blinked tearing the eye contact between Yuu and me when I felt Yutaka moving beside me. His face emerged from its’ previous hideout inside his palms looking messy and wet with tears.
“I need to talk to her,” he spoke up. His voice didn’t waver despite the mental breakdown he seemed to be suffering from.
I nodded. “I’ll give you her e-mail address,” I told him.
“Oh God…” he clenched his eyes shut. “After all this time who would’ve thought? Back then she was gone before I could contact her. And after that I was too scared of Dad finding out so I never tried to find her even though I was dying to talk to her; find out how she was holding on… how the baby was doing… And now, just when I thought I should just give up, she showed up…” He breathed out a weak laughter-a laughter that held no amusement in it, “And the big irony is she hates me now. Well I guess I’m too late, aren’t I?”
“No, you’re not too late. It’s going to be difficult, I know, and she might not accept you the way you wish she would. But you have to think of this as… as being given a second chance to fix what has been ruined in your past,” I said, brushing my hand through Yutaka’s hair. Funny, but I almost felt like I was the older brother instead of the younger. I remembered all those times in the past where Yutaka would hold me and try to comfort me every time I got hurt. Well it seemed that the table was turned now.
Yutaka’s watery eyes looked into mine. “Second chance, huh? I don’t suppose it includes getting back what we’ve lost.”
I sighed knowing exactly what Yutaka meant. “No. What’s gone is gone, Yutaka. You can’t dwell on it forever. What matters is what you still have now. What matters is how you are going to hang on to it and not let it out of your grasp.”
We held each others’ gaze for a while before Yutaka nodded, giving me a silent approval. I pulled him into a hug letting him wet my shirt with his tears. If this was the only thing I could do to help him then I would gladly do it.
There was no telling what the outcome would be if Yutaka was serious, and if he was truly going to confront Mitsui. She was a ticking time bomb. No one knew when she was going to explode and take the whole world into oblivion along with herself. I could only pray that Yutaka knew what he was doing and that Mitsui would think of it as a closure of her problems. I just wish she would forget about her grudge and leave me and Yuu alone.
‘God, if you’re out there somewhere, will you please listen to me tonight? I know I’ve been no less than a sinful human. It’s selfish of me to be making demands but please hear me out just this once. It’s not for me. It’s for Yutaka’s sake. I don’t want him to get hurt. He has taken care of me for as long as I can remember, it just doesn’t seem fair if I let something or someone cause him pain.
‘Please God, just keep Yutaka safe…’
===
I inhaled deeply and let Yuu’s scent invade my senses. It was soothing me in a way that I couldn’t explain, calming my previously stressed out nerves. Added by the warmth of his body, he made me feel like there was actually a good ending of a horribly disastrous day. I curled inside his hold sighing contentedly when he held me tighter.
“Feeling better now?” Yuu asked.
I lifted my head from his chest and looked into his eyes. “Kind of,” I answered, “The uncertainty is still killing me slowly.”
“That makes the two of us. There’s no other choice, we can only wait and pray.”
“Waiting sucks,” I grumbled, earning myself a soft laughter from Yuu.
“No one said it’s going to be a walk in the park,” he said, smiling. “But I’ve got to give you some credit. Those were some good things you said to Yutaka.”
“What, you didn’t think I had it in me? I can be thoughtful and wise too sometimes.”
“Surprise, surprise,” Yuu said, laughing louder when I smacked his chest.
I pouted but made no protest when he grabbed me and pulled me into a kiss. As usual, it didn’t take me too long to melt into his kiss. Like a healing potion seeping through my whole body I felt warmth flowing inside of me. I began feeling slightly fuzzy and this was entirely caused by Yuu’s kiss. It’s quite a wonder how he could easily change my mood with the simplest action now. I didn’t know if it was because I had spent so much time with him, or if I was still heavily affected by his love confession. Either way he now held a great control over me. This could be a good thing or a bad thing, I couldn’t decide right now. All I knew was that he knew how to make me feel better and at the moment I could use every means I had to sustain myself.
“Whatever happens,” Yuu murmured when he pulled back a moment later, “Just be sure that you’ll never be alone. I’ll be there if you need me.”
The words sounded simple but the meaning went far beyond my own comprehension. It was something that no one had ever promised me before in my whole life. Could I trust him? Would he keep his promise? I didn’t know. Like every other uncertainties in my life I could only let time prove Yuu’s sincerity.
Right now though, it felt like the best thing that I could hang on to. I knew too well how horrifying loneliness could be. One could actually be killed by it when one was haunted by it for too long. I didn’t want to go back and go through the same horror that had kept me in constant fear. I didn’t want to be alone ever again.
I closed my eyes and leaned in, kissing Yuu again. My mind was holding on to his words while I was pressing my body against his. Once again I realized how good, how addictive it felt being with Yuu. It was as if I was craving for him both mentally and physically. Feeling like I had no other choice but to submit to this great urge building up within me, I murmured against his lips, quietly-desperately, “Make love to me, Yuu.”
~ TO BE CONTINUED ~
A/N: Sorry for the long delay. But I'll post 17 soon enough, since I've already had it beta-ed. I hope you'll be anxious about 17 because well... *coughs* it's smut. :D
Previous:
[ Chapter 01 ] [ Chapter 02 ] [ Chapter 03 ] [ Chapter 04 ] [ Chapter 05 ] [ Chapter 06 ] [ Chapter 07-a ] [ Chapter 07-b ] [ Chapter 08 ] [ Chapter 09 ] [ Chapter 10 ] [ Chapter 11 ] [ Chapter 12 ] [ Chapter 13 ] [ Chapter 14 ] [ Chapter 15 ]
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Chapter: 16/??
Author: akichuu
Fandom: the GazettE
Pairing: AoixRuki, RukixAoi, UruhaxRuki
Theme: 048: The prophet (Moi dix mois) @ 50stories
Rating: R
Genre: AU (highschool), angst
Warnings: Yaoi, (slight) pedophilia, incestuous relationship, domestic abuse, possible violence. Not comfortable with those issues? Save yourselves and DON'T read this. I'm serious.
Disclaimer: Title is taken from 30 Seconds to Mars's song, Beautiful Lie. the GazettE belongs to themselves and, yes, the Almighty PSC. I, well I own this story. It's fiction, meaning IT'S NOT REAL and I'm making no profit from it (except my 15 minutes of fame). Yes, mind that.
Beta: izumi_luvsjrock. Thank you~ ♥ I'm sorry for all the trouble m(_ _)m
Summary: He was an outcast, an unwanted child that was thrown away, even by his own family. He was taught by life not to trust anyone, especially those who came to him offering the thing called 'love'. 'Love' was just a small part of his dream, and dreams, as far as he knew, weren't real and could never be real.
In this case, Shiroyama Yuu was definitely not an exception.
Comment: Poor Yutaka. Hm.
Beautiful Lie [to Believe in]
Chapter 16
When the doorbell rang I felt like my entire world shook under my feet, as if a massive earthquake was going to tear the whole apartment to pieces. No such thing was happening of course. It was just my mind playing tricks on me making the situation seem much worse than it already was. I could almost hear my nerves snapping and popping inside my head; like a surge of electricity was running through me electrifying my brain. As if reacting to this mayhem happening in my head, my heart was pumping madly inside my chest so hard that I almost believed it was going to burst anytime soon. I was panicking, I knew that, and it was getting worse by the second.
“Are you okay?” Yuu’s voice drew me away temporarily from my own hectic thoughts.
I looked to my side and met his concerned gaze. Shrugging weakly, I said, “Not really, but it doesn’t matter. Let’s just get this over with.”
He took a deep breath, nodded, and leaned over to kiss me on the lips. I closed my eyes reveling in that one short moment of peace that Yuu gave me with his kiss, but it was soon gone when he withdrew. I watched as Yuu stood up and walked away from the sofa advancing toward the door. Something inside me was screaming for him to stop, to turn right back around and forget about the door or the guest who must be waiting outside. I wished we could just shut ourselves inside this apartment and let the rest of the world rot out there. But then our conversation-the one we had just had and ended around thirty minutes ago-came back into my mind, reminding me why exactly this was urgent and needed to be done.
It wasn’t long until I could see Yutaka’s figure walking into the apartment. He looked almost like a misplaced ornament that shouldn’t be in here, a lost object or some sort. I had never expected that one day I would find Yutaka in Yuu’s apartment; it was just so wrong, so difficult to accept that Yutaka, who seemed to hate Yuu with all his might, would someday walk into this apartment and sit himself down on Yuu’s sofa. But there he was now sitting right next to me.
Yutaka deserved some credit for being able to suppress his feelings; his unexplainable hatred toward Yuu. His face retained a rather neutral expression save for the apparent confusion that was etched onto his forehead. I was relieved, somewhat, but then I wasn’t sure that he would still be so calm and controlled later when he found out why I had called him and invited him to Yuu’s apartment.
After greeting me briefly he popped up the big question. “Why am I here?”
I sighed. One side of me was glad that Yutaka hadn’t wasted too much time on breaching into the topic but the rest of me was too nervous to explain. Finding the first word to begin seemed so impossible. I knew that whichever way I chose to convey the matter to Yutaka would eventually lead to chaos. Still I felt so anxious, afraid. I looked away to Yuu who was sitting on a separate couch catching his glance for one brief moment before I turned my attention back to Yutaka.
“First of all Yutaka, I’m sorry,” I started. Considering the magnitude of horror I was about to convey to him, I supposed it was best to start it with an apology.
His reaction was instantaneous. The confusion on his face morphed into something that resembled worry or fear. “What for?” he asked. “Taka, what’s wrong?”
I caught sight of him casting a quick look toward Yuu before his face grew darker; the crease on his forehead became even more noticeable. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking but I had a feeling that it was probably better if I just got down to the main issue before Yutaka started making false accusations with Yuu as his main suspect.
“Yutaka, I need to ask you to stay calm,” I said with a firm tone. “I’m not trying to scare you or anything but this is the moment when we all require you to think straight and reasonable.”
A second stretched before Yutaka nodded. “I’ll try Taka. I’ll do what I can to stay calm. Please just… tell me what’s going on.”
‘Well this is it Takanori, the big moment that you’ve dreaded for as long as you could remember. This is the moment when you will crush your brother’s heart inside your grip; destroy all his hopes and let him see that his life as well yours are now ruined.’
My hand felt weak as if my bones had melted under my skin leaving my muscles to move on their own support. It took almost all of my willpower just to move it, but in the end I managed to reach out toward the table where my cellphone was placed and grabbed it. I sorted through the folders and very soon found the picture I would rather not show Yutaka. It had to be done though. So with shaky fingers I handed him my phone; the screen was showing the source of my recent nightmares.
“What is this…?” Yutaka mumbled confusedly, his eyes focusing on the screen. It took a while before realization finally dawned on him, and as expected, his expression changed drastically. I felt like watching the sudden birth of anger on his face; it burst like a small flicker of flame before the fire grew bigger and was soon consuming him, burning through his veins and radiating through the air toward me.
“What kind of a sick joke is this?!” he shouted, his sight drifting back and forth between Yuu and me. “Why are you showing me this? Did you think I’d be amused to see your perverted tryst? Because if you thought so, I’m telling you-”
“Yutaka, that’s not what Takanori is trying to tell you,” Yuu cut in.
“So what is it? If it has anything to do with this-” Yutaka lifted the phone in his grip, “-then I’m not sure I want to know at all.”
‘Oh God, here we go… So much for wishing that they would act civil toward one another, at least with me here.’
“Well if you would just listen to him first-”
“And then what? You’re going to give me the details of your affair with my brother, Yuu?” Yutaka huffed angrily. “Thanks, but no thanks. I’ve already seen more than enough.”
‘Wait… what was that?’
“It’s not even about your brother, Yutaka, it’s about you! So if you would just be quiet for one minute and let him speak-“
“I doubt it matters-”
‘That’s it. They are not making this any easier for me.’
Yutaka was being unreasonably stubborn and Yuu was only fueling his anger much further. I had to stop them before this went the wrong way.
“Will the both of you shut the fuck up?!” I yelled out loud stopping both Yutaka and Yuu from quarrelling any longer. I turned to Yuu giving him the sharpest glare that I could do. “Yuu, stop it, will you? You said you wanted to help me out. Well let me tell you that this is not helping me out. This is making things much more complicated.” Yuu glared back for a second before he shut his mouth and relented. Satisfied with Yuu’s cooperation, I then turned to Yutaka, “And Yutaka, just like Yuu said, this is not about me or Yuu. This is about you. I will highly appreciate it if you keep your promise and remain calm, at least until I finish telling you what this is all about. And what did you mean exactly when you said you’ve seen more than enough?”
Yutaka froze. “That’s…”
“Oh God, I can’t believe this… You knew?” I shrieked. Despite having just asked Yutaka to stay calm, I could feel rage building up inside of me. How was this possible? I thought I had been careful enough to not let Yutaka or anyone else find out about Yuu and me. But now it was obvious that I had not been doing a good job in keeping my own secret safe. And what was most irritating of all was that Yuu didn’t seem surprised at all.
I promptly turned to him. “You knew that Yutaka knew? And you didn’t tell me?”
“He specifically asked me not to tell you,” Yuu replied eyeing Yutaka in a rather unfriendly manner.
“Oh so you two have even talked about this. How considerate of you to leave me out of your discussion,” I quipped sarcastically. “How…? When…?”
“I saw you in Yuu’s car sometime around four or five months ago in front of our house,” Yutaka answered tiredly, drawing my attention back to him. “It was dim, and I was upstairs in my room looking through the window, but it wasn’t hard to guess what you two were doing on the backseat…”
Flashes of memories came across my mind. Yutaka wasn’t making that up. In fact, I knew what Yutaka was talking about; I remembered that moment quite clearly. Yuu had just given me a ride home from school. I was just about to get out of the car when he suggested we tried having sex on the backseat of the car. It had sounded so tempting then and I guess I had been too horny to refuse his invitation. Now I could see how stupid that impulse had been.
Yutaka had seen me having sex with Yuu, for God’s sake!
Well, what’s done is done. This might strike as odd but I actually felt relieved now. I was initially angry, yes, but that was a logical reaction to what I had just found out. I gave it a deeper consideration and I thought; didn’t this actually save me from having to go through that exceptionally awkward moment that most likely would occur after I told Yutaka about Yuu and me? I’m sure that it would have been ten times more difficult to explain to Yutaka about the when and why and how. To be honest I had been preparing myself to face a furious, disappointed Yutaka. I had imagined how angry Yutaka might have reacted, how awful his reproaching words would have been. But seeing how the situation had turned up tonight, I guess all my mental preparations were of no use.
The bright side was now I had my answers. For all this time I had been questioning myself why Yutaka hated Yuu so much. Well, now I knew why.
As upset as I was, I realized this wasn’t the main issue here. I couldn’t let this distract me from my utmost important purpose. There was something that Yutaka had to know-something bad-and the sooner I broke the news to him, the better.
“Listen Yutaka, forget about Yuu and me for a moment,” I spoke up. “It’s not the reason why I’ve asked you to come. What you really need to know is… who took that photo.”
Yutaka furrowed his brows. “Who took the photo?” he repeated. “Who was it? And what does this have to do with me?”
“The person who took this photo was…” I halted for a second checking on Yutaka’s expression and then continued. “… Mitsui Aki.”
There must be at least thirty seconds of silence during which Yutaka was actually holding his breath before he finally made some kind of response. He began gasping; the sound made me think that he was probably asphyxiating, but before I had any idea of what I was supposed to do, he grabbed me by the arms.
“How did you know her?” he asked, tension was brimming in his voice.
“She goes to the same school as I do,” I answered, trying not to flinch even though Yutaka’s grip on my arms was quite painful. “She said she had been purposefully following me and taking that photo because… because she wanted to return your favor.”
I had used a metaphor to summarize what Mitsui had told me earlier today. I knew it was odd to call Mitsui’s intention as ‘returning a favor’. There was a more precise phrase, ‘getting some revenge’ and personally I would have used this instead. I chose not to say this in front of Yutaka because I thought it would hit him with a much too harsh impact. But then, looking at his face now, I didn’t think it would have mattered at all how I chose to tell him about Mitsui. No, I don’t suppose there was a way to sugarcoat the fact that his crazy ex-girlfriend had emerged from the past and was now threatening to destroy his little brother’s future.
As suddenly as he had grabbed me, Yutaka let me go, and the next second he looked as if he had lost all strength he had ever had in his whole body. Slumping against the cushion, his face seemed to have been drained of all colors leaving a white complexion that only told me that he was taking this news very seriously.
“Oh God…” he sighed. I could easily sense the desperation in his voice. It was understandable; I mean, how were you supposed to react knowing that the lover you had hurt and left behind had now returned with a vengeance? Yutaka had every right to panic. I myself had panicked. This wasn’t some problem that you could ignore. You couldn’t simply sleep it off overnight and hope that it would be gone in the morning. No, Mitsui would still be there in the morning, and she would still be bearing the grudge she had brought along with her.
“Yutaka… Did you know that…” I gulped, doubting if I should continue. But Yutaka was already staring at me, waiting for me to pop my question. “… Did you know that Mitsui was forced to abort her baby?”
I watched with dread as Yutaka froze. He was gaping and his already pale complexion became even paler if possible. Shock, horror, and disbelief were all mixed up in his wide open eyes. Well, obviously he hadn’t heard about this. Now I felt horrible for having had to be the one breaking the worst news to him.
“No… Oh God, no…” Yutaka gasped. “She… her baby… My baby…”
Surprise and pity washed over me when Yutaka began tearing up. He wasn’t making any sound; he was just sitting there, crying silently, gazing emptily onto his own knees. Tears were flowing down his eyes, wetting his cheeks. I could tell just how much this news hurt him even more than anything I had told him tonight. I had never known how Yutaka felt; all I had ever heard was Mitsui’s version of the story, how she felt throughout the whole ordeal. Yes I knew from what she told me that she felt betrayed, hurt, used, tossed away like some trash. But Yutaka, did he really love her? Did he love the baby she had lost? Did he feel the same pain she felt when he was forced to leave her?
This got me wondering, why had Yutaka never told me about her and everything that had ever happened between them? Didn’t he trust me? Oh well. This was a question I should also ask myself. Did I trust Yutaka enough to tell him all the darkest secrets I had ever kept? No. I had never told him about Yuu and if this disaster hadn’t taken place, I might have never brought up the topic at all. So maybe Yutaka thought that his relationship with Mitsui and the tragedy that happened afterward were too disgraceful that he had chosen not to let me know. I could tell him that I wouldn’t have judged him no matter what had truly happened, but then even if he had spared me the information, what good would that be? I wouldn’t have known how to help him anyway.
“I’m sorry, Yutaka,” I mumbled, awkwardly moving my arm to encircle Yutaka’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry…”
Yutaka buried his face inside his palms while I could think of nothing to say that might lessen his pain. I looked aside helplessly at Yuu and he caught my gaze. He wasn’t offering me any suggestion of what I should do, but then I guess he was just as clueless as I was. However, I was glad Yuu was here. Despite the fact that he had been such an asshole earlier for getting into a row with Yutaka, his presence was very important for me even if it was only to support me mentally. I didn’t know if I would still be able to confront Yutaka without Yuu being somewhere nearby.
I blinked tearing the eye contact between Yuu and me when I felt Yutaka moving beside me. His face emerged from its’ previous hideout inside his palms looking messy and wet with tears.
“I need to talk to her,” he spoke up. His voice didn’t waver despite the mental breakdown he seemed to be suffering from.
I nodded. “I’ll give you her e-mail address,” I told him.
“Oh God…” he clenched his eyes shut. “After all this time who would’ve thought? Back then she was gone before I could contact her. And after that I was too scared of Dad finding out so I never tried to find her even though I was dying to talk to her; find out how she was holding on… how the baby was doing… And now, just when I thought I should just give up, she showed up…” He breathed out a weak laughter-a laughter that held no amusement in it, “And the big irony is she hates me now. Well I guess I’m too late, aren’t I?”
“No, you’re not too late. It’s going to be difficult, I know, and she might not accept you the way you wish she would. But you have to think of this as… as being given a second chance to fix what has been ruined in your past,” I said, brushing my hand through Yutaka’s hair. Funny, but I almost felt like I was the older brother instead of the younger. I remembered all those times in the past where Yutaka would hold me and try to comfort me every time I got hurt. Well it seemed that the table was turned now.
Yutaka’s watery eyes looked into mine. “Second chance, huh? I don’t suppose it includes getting back what we’ve lost.”
I sighed knowing exactly what Yutaka meant. “No. What’s gone is gone, Yutaka. You can’t dwell on it forever. What matters is what you still have now. What matters is how you are going to hang on to it and not let it out of your grasp.”
We held each others’ gaze for a while before Yutaka nodded, giving me a silent approval. I pulled him into a hug letting him wet my shirt with his tears. If this was the only thing I could do to help him then I would gladly do it.
There was no telling what the outcome would be if Yutaka was serious, and if he was truly going to confront Mitsui. She was a ticking time bomb. No one knew when she was going to explode and take the whole world into oblivion along with herself. I could only pray that Yutaka knew what he was doing and that Mitsui would think of it as a closure of her problems. I just wish she would forget about her grudge and leave me and Yuu alone.
‘God, if you’re out there somewhere, will you please listen to me tonight? I know I’ve been no less than a sinful human. It’s selfish of me to be making demands but please hear me out just this once. It’s not for me. It’s for Yutaka’s sake. I don’t want him to get hurt. He has taken care of me for as long as I can remember, it just doesn’t seem fair if I let something or someone cause him pain.
‘Please God, just keep Yutaka safe…’
===
I inhaled deeply and let Yuu’s scent invade my senses. It was soothing me in a way that I couldn’t explain, calming my previously stressed out nerves. Added by the warmth of his body, he made me feel like there was actually a good ending of a horribly disastrous day. I curled inside his hold sighing contentedly when he held me tighter.
“Feeling better now?” Yuu asked.
I lifted my head from his chest and looked into his eyes. “Kind of,” I answered, “The uncertainty is still killing me slowly.”
“That makes the two of us. There’s no other choice, we can only wait and pray.”
“Waiting sucks,” I grumbled, earning myself a soft laughter from Yuu.
“No one said it’s going to be a walk in the park,” he said, smiling. “But I’ve got to give you some credit. Those were some good things you said to Yutaka.”
“What, you didn’t think I had it in me? I can be thoughtful and wise too sometimes.”
“Surprise, surprise,” Yuu said, laughing louder when I smacked his chest.
I pouted but made no protest when he grabbed me and pulled me into a kiss. As usual, it didn’t take me too long to melt into his kiss. Like a healing potion seeping through my whole body I felt warmth flowing inside of me. I began feeling slightly fuzzy and this was entirely caused by Yuu’s kiss. It’s quite a wonder how he could easily change my mood with the simplest action now. I didn’t know if it was because I had spent so much time with him, or if I was still heavily affected by his love confession. Either way he now held a great control over me. This could be a good thing or a bad thing, I couldn’t decide right now. All I knew was that he knew how to make me feel better and at the moment I could use every means I had to sustain myself.
“Whatever happens,” Yuu murmured when he pulled back a moment later, “Just be sure that you’ll never be alone. I’ll be there if you need me.”
The words sounded simple but the meaning went far beyond my own comprehension. It was something that no one had ever promised me before in my whole life. Could I trust him? Would he keep his promise? I didn’t know. Like every other uncertainties in my life I could only let time prove Yuu’s sincerity.
Right now though, it felt like the best thing that I could hang on to. I knew too well how horrifying loneliness could be. One could actually be killed by it when one was haunted by it for too long. I didn’t want to go back and go through the same horror that had kept me in constant fear. I didn’t want to be alone ever again.
I closed my eyes and leaned in, kissing Yuu again. My mind was holding on to his words while I was pressing my body against his. Once again I realized how good, how addictive it felt being with Yuu. It was as if I was craving for him both mentally and physically. Feeling like I had no other choice but to submit to this great urge building up within me, I murmured against his lips, quietly-desperately, “Make love to me, Yuu.”
~ TO BE CONTINUED ~
A/N: Sorry for the long delay. But I'll post 17 soon enough, since I've already had it beta-ed. I hope you'll be anxious about 17 because well... *coughs* it's smut. :D
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