Beautiful Lie [to Believe in] | 11/?? | AoixRuki, UruhaxRuki
Title: Beautiful Lie [to Believe in]
Chapter: 11/??
Author: akichuu
Fandom: the GazettE
Pairing: AoixRuki, RukixAoi, UruhaxRuki
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU (highschool), angst
Warnings: Yaoi, (slight) pedophilia, incestuous relationship, domestic abuse, possible violence. Not comfortable with those issues? Save yourselves and DON'T read this. I'm serious.
Disclaimer: Title is taken from 30 Seconds to Mars's song, Beautiful Lie. the GazettE belongs to themselves and, yes, the Almighty PSC. I, well I own this story. It's fiction, meaning IT'S NOT REAL and I'm making no profit from it (except my 15 minutes of fame). Yes, mind that.
Beta: izumi_luvsjrock. Thank you thank you thank you! :D
Summary: He was an outcast, an unwanted child that was thrown away, even by his own family. He was taught by life not to trust anyone, especially those who came to him offering the thing called 'love'. 'Love' was just a small part of his dream, and dreams, as far as he knew, weren't real and could never be real.
In this case, Shiroyama Yuu was definitely not an exception.
Comment: Yeaaaah! Finally an update huh? Have you been waiting for me? Okay. I bring you some brotherly love in this chapter. Hahaha~ Oh wow, I'm so off today. XDDDD Let's just proceed, shall we?
Beautiful Lie [to Believe in]
Chapter 11
For the second time the waitress visited my table asking me what I wanted to order, and for the second time I told her that I would do that later once the person I had been waiting for finally arrived. She retreated, but not before giving me a sour glare and a distinct, unmistakable grimace. I decided to ignore that; did they find me sitting here not ordering anything and only staring at the window so annoying? There were plenty other customers in this restaurant that they could bother. I’m sure the waitress had heard me the first time I told her I was waiting for someone.
But I understood. I might not look like a customer who could pay for his own food. If I gave myself a good look I would probably think the same; I mean, look at this boy, barely old enough to be out by himself looking like he didn’t have a single yen in his pocket. It didn’t help either that some of the bruises on my face were still visible. I suppose the waitress did have a reason to glare at me the way she did. In her opinion, I could very well be a homeless boy who had just got mobbed, abused and was probably looking for a place to crash in. How could this penniless kid afford a cup of coffee, not to mention a portion of their special menu of the day?
If it was just one cup of coffee I believe I could still afford it. Despite so, I just wished that Yutaka would hurry up already.
The clock on the wall above the counter-where, behind it, the waitress now stood eyes drilling holes into my head-showed 5.50 p.m., almost thirty minutes past the appointment hour. I had been sitting here for forty minutes thinking Yutaka would be on time like he always was. But here I was wondering if I had made the wrong decision agreeing to meet up with him. Was it wise to end my hiding from him? Was it safe to trust that he wouldn’t try to drag me home and back to hell? Right now, honestly, only negative answers appeared in my brain as a response to those questions. These awful thoughts emerged when I finally could think straight and maybe Yutaka’s unusual tardiness was really starting to unnerve me. All in all I began to consider leaving this place, giving the waitress even more reason to hate me and make sure I didn’t come any closer than a few meters away from this restaurant, the next time I passed through this area.
Earlier in Yuu’s living room, when I found out that it was Yutaka on the phone, asking about me, the decision came up even before I gave it a serious thought. I wanted to see Yutaka. I wanted to talk to him, to let him know that was alright. After everything I could at least spare him the worry. So urged by those reasons, I had grabbed the phone from Yuu’s hand and between Yutaka’s persistent jabbering, I had managed to tell him I agreed to meet him.
But where exactly was he now? He probably was caught up with something-Dad most likely-and couldn’t leave the house. It’s not a pleasant thought but it occurred in my head anyways. If that was the case, then I should just give up waiting for him.
But then, just as I was about to stand up from my seat a familiar figure came into view. Just outside the glass window strutting hastily along the darkened sidewalk was Yutaka. Despite the ample distance between my table and the window, I could easily recognize him due to all those years I had spent growing up around him. He had that unruly dark hair with ends that always curled out no matter how often he brushed it or how much gel he used to tame it down. The way he dressed had never been too flashy, always so down to earth and with dark colors; and tonight he was wearing a dark blue shirt, his worn black coat and a burgundy scarf around his neck. Within seconds he was through the entrance door, a frown grazing his otherwise youthful face.
Right then I noticed the slightly stinging ache inside of me and the bitter realization that I actually missed Yutaka. I missed him quite a lot.
Yutaka found me and soon he was rushing across the room towards where I was sitting at. I sat still not knowing what to do. Would it be acceptable to stand up and act excited? Or would it be better to wait here and see how Yutaka would behave?
I didn’t have to spend another second wondering because in one swift movement I was suddenly pulled up to my feet, my lungs heaving a shocked breath. Yutaka crushed me inside his hug, strong arms wrapped around me the damp fabric of his coat scratched my cheek. It took me at least a few minutes to realize that Yutaka was mumbling incomprehensible things but I believe I heard him mentioning my name and stuff like how much he missed me.
“Oh God, Taka,” he whispered when he finally pulled back. His cheeks were tinted with a very pale pink. Some said that a person’s facial expression showed what the person felt at one specific moment. In Yutaka’s case, finding out how he was feeling was as easy as reading an open book. He was never good in hiding his feelings, and sometimes that became something I could take advantage of.
As Yutaka sat down, I greeted him. “You’re late.”
“I know, I’m sorry,” Yutaka smiled sheepishly. “I tried to pack the things you asked for as quickly and as inconspicuously as I could. Dad was home and I just didn’t think he’d… he’d be too… Well, you know.”
I smiled, nodding my head to let him know I didn’t mind. It was so nice of him to even bother doing what I had asked him to do. He could have chosen not to and, as I mentioned, tried to drag me home instead but he didn’t and I was awfully glad he wasn’t forcing me to.
I watched as Yutaka took off his coat and scarf. It’s kind of odd but it was only then that I noticed the black bag he was carrying-it was my bag as a matter of fact. I couldn’t be mistaken having worn that old bag for as long as I had. In front of me now it looked like it had been stuffed with more things than it was meant to contain, the seams stretching haphazardly I was honestly surprised it had remained intact.
“Here,” Yutaka shoved the bag over the table toward me. “I think I got your uniform, books, underwear, toothbrush, and uh… socks, some sweaters…”
“Okay, okay,” I laughed, stopping him from continuing. “Thanks a lot.”
I received the bag from him and immediately noticed that it didn’t just look heavy, it felt heavy. Again I wondered how the bag hadn’t fallen apart somewhere in the middle of Yutaka’s journey from home to this place. Anyways, to make sure it stayed in one piece I held it as carefully as I could and placed it under the table between my feet.
In a matter of seconds, the waitress who had bothered me twice appeared beside me again. She had her notebook and pen in her hands and with an impatient tone in her voice began asking me the same question she had asked me twice: “Can I take your order now?”
Yutaka opened his mouth before I had the chance to. “I’ll have a cup of coffee, please,” he said. “And uh… Taka?”
I smiled, turning my face dramatically to look at the waitress. “Ginger tea, and could you uh… fix your zipper, please? To be honest, I don’t find your yellow underwear too fascinating to look at,” I spoke up, giving the waitress the sweetest smile I could manage making sure I batted my eyelashes at her while I was at it. I swear to God she was spluttering and would’ve dropped her notebook if she hadn’t caught herself in time. She rushed back to the counter with a red face and I sincerely hoped an injured pride. That should teach her to treat customers more nicely.
When I turned my attention back to Yutaka, his lips were twitching as if he was restraining a grin from showing up on his face. “That was pretty mean Taka,” he said, but I sensed nothing serious in his words or the way he spoke.
I shrugged. “I could’ve done better than that.”
===
“You’re really going to go back to school?” Yutaka asked.
I toyed with the spoon I was holding in my hand and what was left inside my tea cup. The question was to be expected I suppose, since I had asked Yutaka to bring me my uniforms. What else would I need them for? “Yeah, I guess,” I answered.
“When?”
“I’m not sure. The day after tomorrow maybe. Uruha-I mean, Takashima Kouyou, you remember him? Well, he was the one who urged me to go back to school and at least finish this year, if I can manage. In the mean time I’ll get a part time job, something that will allow me to get by without having to count on others to support me.”
“And during that time you’ll be staying with Yuu?”
I lifted my sight, catching that unfriendly tone in Yutaka’s voice. There it was again, that animosity that he held against Yuu. It had always been there, inside of Yutaka, though I never knew why it appeared in the first place. What could possibly make him hate Yuu so much that even mentioning his name seemed to be a pain in the ass? Had they been in a fight or something that I didn’t know of? I didn’t understand and Yutaka never bothered explaining it to me. Now the hostility in Yutaka’s eyes became even easier to notice, probably because I had chosen to stay with Yuu of all people.
“Yes,” I answered. “It’s not like I have any other option. You’re not expecting me to go back to that house are you?”
Yutaka sighed. “I can get you an apartment or something…”
“No, you can’t. How am I supposed to afford a rent now Yutaka? And don’t tell me you’re going to pay for it. What will Dad say if he finds out you’re spending your allowance on me?”
Yutaka silenced. I could see that he was having problems accepting my argument, but he knew I was right. Dad would never approve Yutaka supporting me in any kind of way, not when he was still paying for everything Yutaka needed; starting from his college fee to his monthly allowance. Yutaka’s money was Dad’s money and Dad hated me. Well that’s putting it lightly. I was after all the bastard son he had been forced to take care of for the last sixteen years of his life. I had a feeling that Dad wouldn’t be too pleased if he found out Yutaka had the nerve to go and meet me tonight.
“I just… I just wish you’d stay somewhere else,” Yutaka mumbled.
“Yutaka,” I spoke up, catching his gaze with mine. “What exactly is going on between you and Yuu? What made you hate him the way you do?”
There it was now finally out in the open, the question I had been so eager to ask Yutaka but never had gotten the chance to say it out loud. The curiosity I had kept for as long as I could remember. And now what was left for me to feel was this anxiety as I waited for Yutaka to open his mouth and say something.
“I don’t hate him,” was what he said after a while.
“Yeah right,” I huffed. It was such a lame attempt at lying.
“Listen, it doesn’t matter what I feel about Yuu, it’s just that I-”
“Stop it, Yutaka, just stop it…” I sighed. “I’m tired of everyone hiding things from me, and you of all people… I didn’t expect you to be doing the same thing to me.”
I saw the pain flashing across Yutaka’s eyes, but I continued anyway.
“Do you know what I think about all this shit I’m going through? I think that the whole thing could’ve been prevented if everyone had the guts to tell me the truth. Tell me I’m not Dad’s son from the day I was born. Tell me I am the cause of his temper and Mom’s alcoholism. Tell me I don’t belong in that house. Tell me everything when they are still raw and fresh, not when they are already rotten and poisonous. Wouldn’t things be a lot simpler now if someone-anyone had bothered telling me the truth from the start?”
What was I doing? I was practically pouring my heart out in front of Yutaka, one thing I had never done before in my life. Sure we had lived in the same house believing we were brothers, but I had never trusted anyone in my life enough to let them know what I felt, what I was thinking. There had never been any kind of brotherly talk between Yutaka and me. I had never confided in him about anything deeper than the superficial things.
So now I was giving myself quite a shock. But somehow I couldn’t stop, not when it had already started.
“I didn’t ask to be born into this world. If I had my way I wouldn’t want to exist at all, if life would only be this horrible. For all this time I have lived day by day wondering when Dad would start beating the crap out of me again or when Mom would finally give up on me. I’ve lived feeling continuously afraid not knowing who to turn to because I have no one. No one to trust, no one I can count on, no one to listen to me…” I took a shaky breath and continued, “This is not the life that anyone would want to live. And to be honest, sometimes… sometimes I just want to quit it.”
I didn’t know what was happening but the next thing I knew I was pulled up from my seat, and Yutaka was once again crushing me inside his arms. He was nearly suffocating me, but I couldn’t bring myself to protest. Instead I buried my face in his shirt feeling the burden inside my head melting as the seconds ticked away. I hadn’t known that I had been spilling tears from my eyes but then I realized I was slowly making Yutaka’s shirt wet. The funny thing was, at that moment, all that I was thinking was what the waitress would say if she saw us hugging like this. A shabby looking boy and a dandy young man trying to squeeze each others’ breath away in the middle of a rather crowded restaurant. Not exactly the kind of view you’d see everyday.
“Please don’t think about quitting anything, please,” Yutaka whispered in my ear. “No matter what happens, no matter what people say about you, you are my brother, and I’m not going to let anyone hurt you ever again…”
I heard what he said and I clutched onto his back to let him know I understood his intention. I said nothing and I didn’t try to say anything because I knew if I tried, I would only tell him that I could hardly believe a single word he said. None of it made sense to me. Sweet promises could never be more but empty nothings; it was something I had learned along the way and had now become my life’s principle.
‘It might be easier to believe you if you’d only skip the promise, Yutaka. But then that’s exactly like you, right? The ever-positive you; the sweet, easily-trusting you. You never know how hard life really is; you’ve never had a taste of it. Lucky you Yutaka. If only you knew; I would give up everything to be in your shoes for just one day.
‘Just one day.’
~ TO BE CONTINUED ~
A/N: 12 is done, and my beta is currently working on it. So, hopefully I'll post it soon. Now, comments!!! Make me happy and let me know you're actually reading this T___T
Previous:
[ Chapter 01 ] [ Chapter 02 ] [ Chapter 03 ] [ Chapter 04 ] [ Chapter 05 ] [ Chapter 06 ] [ Chapter 07-a ] [ Chapter 07-b ] [ Chapter 08 ] [ Chapter 09 ] [ Chapter 10 ]
| Fanfic List | AoixRuki 50stories Project List |
| Drop in your questions & suggestions here |
Chapter: 11/??
Author: akichuu
Fandom: the GazettE
Pairing: AoixRuki, RukixAoi, UruhaxRuki
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU (highschool), angst
Warnings: Yaoi, (slight) pedophilia, incestuous relationship, domestic abuse, possible violence. Not comfortable with those issues? Save yourselves and DON'T read this. I'm serious.
Disclaimer: Title is taken from 30 Seconds to Mars's song, Beautiful Lie. the GazettE belongs to themselves and, yes, the Almighty PSC. I, well I own this story. It's fiction, meaning IT'S NOT REAL and I'm making no profit from it (except my 15 minutes of fame). Yes, mind that.
Beta: izumi_luvsjrock. Thank you thank you thank you! :D
Summary: He was an outcast, an unwanted child that was thrown away, even by his own family. He was taught by life not to trust anyone, especially those who came to him offering the thing called 'love'. 'Love' was just a small part of his dream, and dreams, as far as he knew, weren't real and could never be real.
In this case, Shiroyama Yuu was definitely not an exception.
Comment: Yeaaaah! Finally an update huh? Have you been waiting for me? Okay. I bring you some brotherly love in this chapter. Hahaha~ Oh wow, I'm so off today. XDDDD Let's just proceed, shall we?
Beautiful Lie [to Believe in]
Chapter 11
For the second time the waitress visited my table asking me what I wanted to order, and for the second time I told her that I would do that later once the person I had been waiting for finally arrived. She retreated, but not before giving me a sour glare and a distinct, unmistakable grimace. I decided to ignore that; did they find me sitting here not ordering anything and only staring at the window so annoying? There were plenty other customers in this restaurant that they could bother. I’m sure the waitress had heard me the first time I told her I was waiting for someone.
But I understood. I might not look like a customer who could pay for his own food. If I gave myself a good look I would probably think the same; I mean, look at this boy, barely old enough to be out by himself looking like he didn’t have a single yen in his pocket. It didn’t help either that some of the bruises on my face were still visible. I suppose the waitress did have a reason to glare at me the way she did. In her opinion, I could very well be a homeless boy who had just got mobbed, abused and was probably looking for a place to crash in. How could this penniless kid afford a cup of coffee, not to mention a portion of their special menu of the day?
If it was just one cup of coffee I believe I could still afford it. Despite so, I just wished that Yutaka would hurry up already.
The clock on the wall above the counter-where, behind it, the waitress now stood eyes drilling holes into my head-showed 5.50 p.m., almost thirty minutes past the appointment hour. I had been sitting here for forty minutes thinking Yutaka would be on time like he always was. But here I was wondering if I had made the wrong decision agreeing to meet up with him. Was it wise to end my hiding from him? Was it safe to trust that he wouldn’t try to drag me home and back to hell? Right now, honestly, only negative answers appeared in my brain as a response to those questions. These awful thoughts emerged when I finally could think straight and maybe Yutaka’s unusual tardiness was really starting to unnerve me. All in all I began to consider leaving this place, giving the waitress even more reason to hate me and make sure I didn’t come any closer than a few meters away from this restaurant, the next time I passed through this area.
Earlier in Yuu’s living room, when I found out that it was Yutaka on the phone, asking about me, the decision came up even before I gave it a serious thought. I wanted to see Yutaka. I wanted to talk to him, to let him know that was alright. After everything I could at least spare him the worry. So urged by those reasons, I had grabbed the phone from Yuu’s hand and between Yutaka’s persistent jabbering, I had managed to tell him I agreed to meet him.
But where exactly was he now? He probably was caught up with something-Dad most likely-and couldn’t leave the house. It’s not a pleasant thought but it occurred in my head anyways. If that was the case, then I should just give up waiting for him.
But then, just as I was about to stand up from my seat a familiar figure came into view. Just outside the glass window strutting hastily along the darkened sidewalk was Yutaka. Despite the ample distance between my table and the window, I could easily recognize him due to all those years I had spent growing up around him. He had that unruly dark hair with ends that always curled out no matter how often he brushed it or how much gel he used to tame it down. The way he dressed had never been too flashy, always so down to earth and with dark colors; and tonight he was wearing a dark blue shirt, his worn black coat and a burgundy scarf around his neck. Within seconds he was through the entrance door, a frown grazing his otherwise youthful face.
Right then I noticed the slightly stinging ache inside of me and the bitter realization that I actually missed Yutaka. I missed him quite a lot.
Yutaka found me and soon he was rushing across the room towards where I was sitting at. I sat still not knowing what to do. Would it be acceptable to stand up and act excited? Or would it be better to wait here and see how Yutaka would behave?
I didn’t have to spend another second wondering because in one swift movement I was suddenly pulled up to my feet, my lungs heaving a shocked breath. Yutaka crushed me inside his hug, strong arms wrapped around me the damp fabric of his coat scratched my cheek. It took me at least a few minutes to realize that Yutaka was mumbling incomprehensible things but I believe I heard him mentioning my name and stuff like how much he missed me.
“Oh God, Taka,” he whispered when he finally pulled back. His cheeks were tinted with a very pale pink. Some said that a person’s facial expression showed what the person felt at one specific moment. In Yutaka’s case, finding out how he was feeling was as easy as reading an open book. He was never good in hiding his feelings, and sometimes that became something I could take advantage of.
As Yutaka sat down, I greeted him. “You’re late.”
“I know, I’m sorry,” Yutaka smiled sheepishly. “I tried to pack the things you asked for as quickly and as inconspicuously as I could. Dad was home and I just didn’t think he’d… he’d be too… Well, you know.”
I smiled, nodding my head to let him know I didn’t mind. It was so nice of him to even bother doing what I had asked him to do. He could have chosen not to and, as I mentioned, tried to drag me home instead but he didn’t and I was awfully glad he wasn’t forcing me to.
I watched as Yutaka took off his coat and scarf. It’s kind of odd but it was only then that I noticed the black bag he was carrying-it was my bag as a matter of fact. I couldn’t be mistaken having worn that old bag for as long as I had. In front of me now it looked like it had been stuffed with more things than it was meant to contain, the seams stretching haphazardly I was honestly surprised it had remained intact.
“Here,” Yutaka shoved the bag over the table toward me. “I think I got your uniform, books, underwear, toothbrush, and uh… socks, some sweaters…”
“Okay, okay,” I laughed, stopping him from continuing. “Thanks a lot.”
I received the bag from him and immediately noticed that it didn’t just look heavy, it felt heavy. Again I wondered how the bag hadn’t fallen apart somewhere in the middle of Yutaka’s journey from home to this place. Anyways, to make sure it stayed in one piece I held it as carefully as I could and placed it under the table between my feet.
In a matter of seconds, the waitress who had bothered me twice appeared beside me again. She had her notebook and pen in her hands and with an impatient tone in her voice began asking me the same question she had asked me twice: “Can I take your order now?”
Yutaka opened his mouth before I had the chance to. “I’ll have a cup of coffee, please,” he said. “And uh… Taka?”
I smiled, turning my face dramatically to look at the waitress. “Ginger tea, and could you uh… fix your zipper, please? To be honest, I don’t find your yellow underwear too fascinating to look at,” I spoke up, giving the waitress the sweetest smile I could manage making sure I batted my eyelashes at her while I was at it. I swear to God she was spluttering and would’ve dropped her notebook if she hadn’t caught herself in time. She rushed back to the counter with a red face and I sincerely hoped an injured pride. That should teach her to treat customers more nicely.
When I turned my attention back to Yutaka, his lips were twitching as if he was restraining a grin from showing up on his face. “That was pretty mean Taka,” he said, but I sensed nothing serious in his words or the way he spoke.
I shrugged. “I could’ve done better than that.”
===
“You’re really going to go back to school?” Yutaka asked.
I toyed with the spoon I was holding in my hand and what was left inside my tea cup. The question was to be expected I suppose, since I had asked Yutaka to bring me my uniforms. What else would I need them for? “Yeah, I guess,” I answered.
“When?”
“I’m not sure. The day after tomorrow maybe. Uruha-I mean, Takashima Kouyou, you remember him? Well, he was the one who urged me to go back to school and at least finish this year, if I can manage. In the mean time I’ll get a part time job, something that will allow me to get by without having to count on others to support me.”
“And during that time you’ll be staying with Yuu?”
I lifted my sight, catching that unfriendly tone in Yutaka’s voice. There it was again, that animosity that he held against Yuu. It had always been there, inside of Yutaka, though I never knew why it appeared in the first place. What could possibly make him hate Yuu so much that even mentioning his name seemed to be a pain in the ass? Had they been in a fight or something that I didn’t know of? I didn’t understand and Yutaka never bothered explaining it to me. Now the hostility in Yutaka’s eyes became even easier to notice, probably because I had chosen to stay with Yuu of all people.
“Yes,” I answered. “It’s not like I have any other option. You’re not expecting me to go back to that house are you?”
Yutaka sighed. “I can get you an apartment or something…”
“No, you can’t. How am I supposed to afford a rent now Yutaka? And don’t tell me you’re going to pay for it. What will Dad say if he finds out you’re spending your allowance on me?”
Yutaka silenced. I could see that he was having problems accepting my argument, but he knew I was right. Dad would never approve Yutaka supporting me in any kind of way, not when he was still paying for everything Yutaka needed; starting from his college fee to his monthly allowance. Yutaka’s money was Dad’s money and Dad hated me. Well that’s putting it lightly. I was after all the bastard son he had been forced to take care of for the last sixteen years of his life. I had a feeling that Dad wouldn’t be too pleased if he found out Yutaka had the nerve to go and meet me tonight.
“I just… I just wish you’d stay somewhere else,” Yutaka mumbled.
“Yutaka,” I spoke up, catching his gaze with mine. “What exactly is going on between you and Yuu? What made you hate him the way you do?”
There it was now finally out in the open, the question I had been so eager to ask Yutaka but never had gotten the chance to say it out loud. The curiosity I had kept for as long as I could remember. And now what was left for me to feel was this anxiety as I waited for Yutaka to open his mouth and say something.
“I don’t hate him,” was what he said after a while.
“Yeah right,” I huffed. It was such a lame attempt at lying.
“Listen, it doesn’t matter what I feel about Yuu, it’s just that I-”
“Stop it, Yutaka, just stop it…” I sighed. “I’m tired of everyone hiding things from me, and you of all people… I didn’t expect you to be doing the same thing to me.”
I saw the pain flashing across Yutaka’s eyes, but I continued anyway.
“Do you know what I think about all this shit I’m going through? I think that the whole thing could’ve been prevented if everyone had the guts to tell me the truth. Tell me I’m not Dad’s son from the day I was born. Tell me I am the cause of his temper and Mom’s alcoholism. Tell me I don’t belong in that house. Tell me everything when they are still raw and fresh, not when they are already rotten and poisonous. Wouldn’t things be a lot simpler now if someone-anyone had bothered telling me the truth from the start?”
What was I doing? I was practically pouring my heart out in front of Yutaka, one thing I had never done before in my life. Sure we had lived in the same house believing we were brothers, but I had never trusted anyone in my life enough to let them know what I felt, what I was thinking. There had never been any kind of brotherly talk between Yutaka and me. I had never confided in him about anything deeper than the superficial things.
So now I was giving myself quite a shock. But somehow I couldn’t stop, not when it had already started.
“I didn’t ask to be born into this world. If I had my way I wouldn’t want to exist at all, if life would only be this horrible. For all this time I have lived day by day wondering when Dad would start beating the crap out of me again or when Mom would finally give up on me. I’ve lived feeling continuously afraid not knowing who to turn to because I have no one. No one to trust, no one I can count on, no one to listen to me…” I took a shaky breath and continued, “This is not the life that anyone would want to live. And to be honest, sometimes… sometimes I just want to quit it.”
I didn’t know what was happening but the next thing I knew I was pulled up from my seat, and Yutaka was once again crushing me inside his arms. He was nearly suffocating me, but I couldn’t bring myself to protest. Instead I buried my face in his shirt feeling the burden inside my head melting as the seconds ticked away. I hadn’t known that I had been spilling tears from my eyes but then I realized I was slowly making Yutaka’s shirt wet. The funny thing was, at that moment, all that I was thinking was what the waitress would say if she saw us hugging like this. A shabby looking boy and a dandy young man trying to squeeze each others’ breath away in the middle of a rather crowded restaurant. Not exactly the kind of view you’d see everyday.
“Please don’t think about quitting anything, please,” Yutaka whispered in my ear. “No matter what happens, no matter what people say about you, you are my brother, and I’m not going to let anyone hurt you ever again…”
I heard what he said and I clutched onto his back to let him know I understood his intention. I said nothing and I didn’t try to say anything because I knew if I tried, I would only tell him that I could hardly believe a single word he said. None of it made sense to me. Sweet promises could never be more but empty nothings; it was something I had learned along the way and had now become my life’s principle.
‘It might be easier to believe you if you’d only skip the promise, Yutaka. But then that’s exactly like you, right? The ever-positive you; the sweet, easily-trusting you. You never know how hard life really is; you’ve never had a taste of it. Lucky you Yutaka. If only you knew; I would give up everything to be in your shoes for just one day.
‘Just one day.’
~ TO BE CONTINUED ~
A/N: 12 is done, and my beta is currently working on it. So, hopefully I'll post it soon. Now, comments!!! Make me happy and let me know you're actually reading this T___T
Previous:
[ Chapter 01 ] [ Chapter 02 ] [ Chapter 03 ] [ Chapter 04 ] [ Chapter 05 ] [ Chapter 06 ] [ Chapter 07-a ] [ Chapter 07-b ] [ Chapter 08 ] [ Chapter 09 ] [ Chapter 10 ]
| Fanfic List | AoixRuki 50stories Project List |
| Drop in your questions & suggestions here |