First of all, it's ya'll, not y'all. I've been saying it for 30 or so years. Here's how it works ( Read more... )

My father just came in and asked me what channel LOGO was on. For those that don't know what station LOGO is, it's a Gay & Lesbian station. I told him it was in the 200-300s somewhere but I didn't know where. I know why he's looking for LOGO. He's looking for RuPaul's Drag Race. This is somewhat worrisome. It's not that I think my father's gay, ( Read more... )

Okay, only a few things of note. It's two days away and now I'm nauseous. Cried a little today. Took a 4 hour nap, so some form of depression has kicked in. Nothing horrendous, it would seem, as of yet. Just a few minor inconveniences ( Read more... )

So I've spent the last two weekends with Dmitri. There was the usual. All good things, don't get me wrong... it's just "the usual." I'm starting to feel restless. The Seasonal Affect is lifting and I want more than kid gloves. It's time for Dmitri to take them off. They were necessary but not anymore. He'll read this and hopefully actually ( Read more... )

So I went up to Houston yesterday. My usual night with Dmitri. I'm not sure to make of what he did. I mean, it was touching and thoughtful (as he is want to be), but I'm taken aback. The night started out normal enough. When I arrived I was greeted with a smile and an awkward pause. Then I realized that I was the one causing it. I opened my arms ( Read more... )

As per usual, I go up to Dmitri's on Friday. I use his card to get gas before I leave town and I feel guilty about doing it. I hadn't done anything worth earning the right to use his money. I have tried to not be distant, but I know I've talked less on the phone and online. I've tried to keep him apprised of any big emotional changes but I just don ( Read more... )

It was last Monday at 1300 hour. My next appointment will be this coming Monday at 1300 hours ( Read more... )

I feel like I'm caught somewhere between depression and normalcy. I have the need to sleep like depression but I also want to get on with life. I'm having troubles coping, to be honest. I want to do something but I'm too tired to do it. It's not like depression where I neither have the energy to do anything nor the desire to do anything. I spoke ( Read more... )

I had that same vision! Happy man I adore moving about hurriedly. Me folding the pastel sheets so I didn't seem useless. Him tapping me and saying, "I love you so truly and deeply." All airy and light and bright. Then it gets dark. This time it's a hooded figure. I ask him what's wrong and he said with his back to me in a very deep (almost demonic ( Read more... )

I think that the dark dream just mentioned Dakota because she and I come as a package deal. I just wish I knew what the duality thing was about. Maybe that if I'm with someone bright and cheery that I'll end up with the right one, bright cheery colors and sheets, even if he there's a more attractive offer? The other one is just a mess... dark ( Read more... )