Because of You [Chapter 19A]

[sum3r]

Title: Because of You [19A/?]

Author: Sum3r

Pairing: JaeMin

Rating: R (Lemon)

Warning: Delinquent!Jae and Uke!Min = Smex / Language

Disclaimer: Plot is mine. Characters aren’t.

Summary: Min is a simple boy who was rejected by his first love. However, when he agrees to tutor a delinquent, his life turns upside down in ways he never wished it would.

Previous: [Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6A] [Chapter 6B] [Chapter 7] [At a Glance - YooSu SideStory] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9] [Chapter 10] [Chapter 11A] [Chapter 11B] [Chapter 12] [Chapter 13] [Chapter 14] [Chapter 15A] [Chapter 15B] [Chapter 16A] [Chapter 16B] [Chapter 17] [Chapter 18]

[A/N]: It’s been a while ne? ^^ *bows* I apologize for being so late~ but here it is, Chapter 19 finally ^___^ And *cough* I fail at short chapters. D:

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Min pressed deeper, gripping harder as he broke down, sliding into the floor, the words “Don’t want to leave,” “Please,” “Why” leaving his mouth, the younger boy sobbing at the fact that his world was slowly slipping away from him, that he could do nothing but watch as his little world began to break apart.

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Chapter 19A

Jaejoong was busy wrapping Changmin’s shredded feet when the phone rang. He glanced up, one hand curled around a foot, the other around the bandage, the corner of the linen in his mouth as he tightened the wrap, the younger boy lying on his bed, sleeping. Jae’s eyes flickered around his room as the sound continued to ring, but the source was still unidentified. Then, as suddenly as it started, the sound disappeared, as the cell phone shut off. Jae’s eyes flickered again, until he finally noticed the lump of metal in Changmin’s pockets, the younger boy having slept through the loud noise.

After firmly wrapping the other foot, Jae ripped the bandage with his teeth, tucking in the ends as his gaze traveled across the length of Min’s body, to his tear-strained face. “Don’t want to leave,” “Please,” “Why” Jae dropped the roll of linen as he crawled over on his bed, lying his back against the headboard as he pulled Changmin closer, the boy turning in between his legs, his head on Jae’s lap. “Don’t want to leave, please, why-” Jae’s eyes narrowed. Why what? You don’t want to leave where? And for what reason? Jae’s hold on Changmin’s hair tightened, the younger boy shifting slightly in his sleep, Jae’s legs on either side of his as the thoughts swirled around Jae’s head.

He wasn’t used to this, wasn’t used to thinking about someone else, worrying about someone else. It had always been him in the beginning, only him against the rest of the world, a dark, bold line between the two of them. But now, ever since Changmin had entered, a small doorway appeared on the line, opening a gate that brought back a flood of emotions, a flood of memories that he had chosen to forget, to ignore. It was in the form of jealously-as he hated, as he fought against everyone that had come in contact of what was his, of need-taking without permission, wanting, marking him as his, always his, of anger-hearing the sounds, watching as others grabbed him, touched him, bleak eyes that looked into his, losing control, of fear-that he couldn’t do anything, couldn’t stop things from happening, things beyond his control. And now, now worrying-of wanting to know beyond the shy demeanor and slight stuttering, of trying to figure out what had happened, knowing his past, his childhood.

There was nothing else Jaejoong had to hide from Changmin, nothing else the younger boy needed to know about him and his past. And yet, there was a small doorway that had appeared between him and his family, a gate that wasn’t there before. He didn’t want to feel like this, didn’t want his thoughts turned to Why?s and How?s, didn’t want to feel as though he couldn’t control his secure world, the one he had carved himself into since the age of 15, ever since he had left his home and that life altogether.

Jaejoong closed his eyes, waiting until the younger boy would wake up and tell him, tell him so that something, something could ease his erratic thoughts and the worry that something had happened to him, the worry that consumed him from the inside.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Jaejoong opened his eyes as the cell phone rang again, the phone vibrating in Min’s pockets. He reached forward and slipping inside, he grabbed the loud phone, noting that the call came from ‘Home.’ He flipped open the phone, knowing that Changmin had probably left without telling his mother where, as his appearance and his state when he arrived at his apartment had suggested.

“Hello?” he said. There was a slight pause, and then a worrisome and slightly frantic voice called out.

“…Jaejoong-ah?” Jae’s head immediately came up, eyes widening as he heard that voice, heard his name in that voice, a memory stirring from inside of him that had occurred so many year ago.

[Flashback]

“Jaejoong-ah?” Ha-Neul was frantically looking around the playground for her son, searching the swings and checking the slides to see if Jaejoong was hiding underneath there. It was nighttime and the sidewalk street lights were on, giving the playground a hazy shine as she called her son’s name over and over again, worried and desperately seeking.

“Jaejoong-ah, where are you?! Jaejo-” Ha-Neul saw something move underneath the benches and she crouched down on her knees, ducking her head underneath the bench as she saw her son, knees to his chest, head bowed down.

“Jaejoong-ah?” she said softly. Jaejoong looked up, and Ha-Neul’s breath was caught in her throat, a silent gasp coming through as she looked at her son. His face was full of scratches, his knees scraped and slightly bleeding, his lip cut and there were traces of anger, anger but mostly confusion in his eyes. Ha-Neul called out to her 6 year old son again, and his time, Jaejoong spoke.

“They were making fun of me…I think,” he said, sounding confused but then his eyes lit up. “They tried to beat me though, but mommy, I fought back and you should have seen it! They were bigger than me too! They were like godzillas and I fought back and, and-”

“Jaejoong-ah…” said Ha-Neul, sounding very worried, “what…what happened?”

Jaejoong eyes dropped to his knees, and he was silent for a little bit. Then he looked up and asked a question that nearly brought her to tears. “Mommy, what is an orf-fan?”

She opened her mouth, but she wasn’t sure what to say, wasn’t sure how to explain it to a six year old boy without hurting him in the process. “They told me I wasn’t your baby…that you weren’t my mommy. They said,” Jaejoong’s eyes turned from confusion to hurt, “that my mommy didn’t need me anymore, that she threw me out. Mommy, is…am I your baby…mommy?”

“Yes.” Ha-Neul was opening crying now, and she was sitting on the floor, opening her arms wide as Jaejoong scampered into her embrace. She stroked the back of his head as tears slipped out from her eyes, rocking her son back and forth in her arms. She kissed the side of his face as she spoke, “You will always be my baby, Jaejoong, no matter what anyone says. It doesn’t…it doesn’t matter what happened in the past baby; I am your mother and nothing, nothing, will change that. And if they tell you otherwise…” she leaned back, holding Jae in front of her, and smiled through her tears. “then I give you permission to punch those godzillas.”

“Really?” said Jae, eyes brightening. He recalled the time when he punched and kicked them back, now excited that now he wouldn’t have to come home to his mommy’s disappointed face. “But,” Ha-Neul said clearly, as she stood up, taking a hold of Jaejoong’s arm and walking them out of the playground, “if I see you fighting constantly…then you know what that means…”

[End/Flashback]

“Jaejoong-ah?” said the voice again, as Jaejoong snapped out of his memory, “…are you there? Is this someone else?”

“No…” Jaejoong voice came out low, quiet, as he looked down at the sleeping Changmin. “He’s at my place.” A sigh of relief came through the phone, after hours of endless searching and staring at the phone, worrying about where he was and if he was okay.

“He cried himself to sleep.”

Silence greeted his words. Soo Jin held the house phone in one hand as she slowly got up from her place at the sofa. All the lights were turned off in the house as she moved from the living room and walked up the stairs to Changmin’s room. There was no indication that an explanation was needed, but Soo Jin felt as though Jaejoong should know, as it was his house that her son had ran to without any explanation. But other than that, she felt that he could tell him and through him, maybe Changmin could understand, could accept the reason behind why she was doing this. There was something deeper, Soo Jin realized, to Jaejoong than most people realized.

When they first met, Jaejoong was standing outside the door and told her that he was a friend and that he was there to give Changmin his missing work. He was polite, more polite than she expected him to be, but his words held no feeling and there was coldness to his face. His eyes, on the other hand, were dark and full of expression, giving hints of what lay beneath.

She was in Changmin’s room now, and Jaejoong was still on the line, waiting for her to speak. She sat on her son’s bed slowly, as she opened her mouth and began to talk.

“Changmin ran to your place…probably because he thinks I no longer want him in mine.” The words were said haltingly, slowly as Soo Jin tried to compose herself. “I told him…I told him that he should live with his father, that it would be best if he left.” Her voice hitched. “I wanted Changmin to have a full family, to know what it’s like to live with a father.”

Jaejoong listened. He made no comments, but he waited and he listened.

Soo Jin looked up, seeing the photographs of Changmin’s childhood and their past together posted all across from one wall to another. They were photographs of when he was child, his first day in elementary school, graduating from middle school, his first high school orientation. “I was only 16 when I was scouted as model,” she said softly, letting her story spill out. “And I grew conceited with every photo shoot. I was new to the entertainment business then, and only a simple model, so I did things I shouldn’t have done, things that I regret now, years later.”

“One thing,” she continued, her mind reminiscing the past, “I couldn’t regret…was falling in love with Jong-Il, one of the photographers on one of my many sets. I was foolish at the time,” she chided herself, “foolish and so stupid. I was stupid to believe that he’d stay, that we would get married, that I would live a perfect life.” She closed her eyes as she took a deep breath. “I was 17 when I became pregnant with Changmin and Jong-Il left immediately, saying that he wasn’t ready to be a father, but I knew he didn’t want to take the responsibility.”

Tears gathered at the corner of her eyes, tears that had always came with these painful memories. “Models,” she said, swallowing the onset of new tears, “are like flowers. They’re there for a short while, then they grow old and someone new replaces them. I was pregnant and so, I was kicked out. At that time, my parents no longer supported me since I told them I wanted a job as a full-time model, and my grades weren’t good enough for an established college.”

One tear slid down a cheek, as another one quickly followed. Soo Jin covered her eyes were her hand, trying to prevent more from leaking out, but it was of no use. Her voice shook as she continued, “It was hard, for me and him both, at first. I could have had an abortion, but I couldn’t, I just couldn’t. Even though I had no job, no friends to support me, and Changmin had no father to help him, I couldn’t. It took time for me to find a stable job, working at a nearby firm, but sometimes it would get so hard that I would cry and he’d come to me and say that we’ll get through it and that everything would be okay.”

“Changmin,” she said as her hand dropped and her wet eyes focused on the photographs again, “is a really simple boy.” She paused, as her voice hitched again and her chest heaved, taking a deep breath. “He never complained, never asked why, never cried, never said anything when I wasn’t able to pay for his piano lessons or when his schoolbooks came in later than the rest of class. But every boy needs a father and as a mother, I couldn’t play both roles, especially since my work took most of my time.”

“Even though he never said, I felt it, and told him over and over again that I never regretted having him, that I loved him. But he would look at my old modeling photographs and ask me, or rather ask himself, what would have happened had he never been born.” Soo Jin tried to not let it happen, but her voice cracked in the end, and she couldn’t stop herself. “But…but I told him, reassured him and he didn’t say anything after that, and afterwards I got a stable job, so things eventually got better, and we created our own separate world.”

There was more to the story, Soo Jin and Jaejoong both knew, but Soo Jin had to stop, had to focus before she ended up breaking down completely. 
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