i just slammed my head on the floor and ripped out a bit of my hair.
rofl.

i am going out of my motherfucking mind.
take me out of here.

I have not felt like this since Daemon: this breathless, choking, stomach-wringing nausea, the terror. It's been a year since I felt like this and I don't want to feel like that now. I want to cry. I want to vomit. I want to scream. I want to hide. I want to run somewhere and never fucking come back.

I'm tired of everything or at any rate a lot of ( Read more... )

 I feel bad again.
it's sort of like something bad happened or I had a bad dream or an argument or something that I don't quite remember the details of but I still have the feeling left over from it.
he is so confusing.
one minute it's like..."I want you to love me eventually" and all this strange romantic shit.
then it's like "...forget i said that. i ( Read more... )

when something goes over my head it literally fucks me up: i feel my eyeballs and my skull grow tight and press inward on my mind so that my head hurts in a way i can't explain or erase with aspirin, unless there is aspirin for the mind, literally. and i grow dull and lifeless, listless, quiet, voiceless- not even depressed, because i lose all ( Read more... )

I officially hate college.
No. That makes me sound like I've gone ridiculous. Let me explain.
When I wake up in the mornings, it's not with the thought of "Oh, yay, another day of college!" It's not "Mm, I can't wait to get to _____________ class" or even "Today's going to be pretty good". When I realize I'm awake and have to go to another day of ( Read more... )

I remember there was this episode of some soap opera Vivian was watching.
It was the first time I ever heard the word "transgender" on television- she was a musician, very famous, but no one knew the man they were obsessing over was really just a girl who had the misfortune to be born with a cock till someone outed her, and the girl she was in love ( Read more... )

i know that we're taking chances
told me life was a risk
i just have one last question...
will it be my heart, or will it be his?

The expanses my heart crossed in four months could never be charted on a map. I knew joy like I never dreamed; I saw sides of myself more beautiful and far uglier than I thought possible.

listening to all of these songs he ( Read more... )

My house is darker than I have ever known darkness could be. It feels like a furnace inside ( Read more... )

there is no bottom or cessation and no surcease for the emptiness that replaces him when we're separated.
i spent the last week mostly staring into space and avoiding any movie that told a love story because it hurt too much.
unfortunately that's all my mother has.

my mom said i can't possibly love him as much as she loves her boyfriend, that i know ( Read more... )