I suddenly feel really sad and tired.

I think it's safe to say, possibly, that it's time for me to go on one of those long journeys back in time to where I last knew myself, and try to recover him ( Read more... )

i lay in the bathtub, soaking in steaming dirty water, reading my book again, and laying back against the cold porcelain i thought of the girl-- thought of her sucking someone's cock for pot ( Read more... )

you're an idiot not to realize the obvious.
you're an idiot not to care about the obvious.
i'm an idiot to care which of the above is true.

good god.
when will this end?

dear self:
you're pathetic.

six a.m.: thin shimmering strands of rainfall slanting against my window, smoky red sky like the inside of marbles; slick flesh beneath rough blankets and drowsy eyes lit by backlit computer screen.

morning approaches.

four in the morning ( Read more... )

i feel like i'm starting to become something altogether unlikeable even on base levels ( Read more... )

at two in the morning disgust at my foolishness is just beyond the reach of my consciousness, and reason never dares approach my threshold; all i know here and now in this sleepy betweentime is this song, and this aching, beautiful fury, and the need that didn't die: the need to feel your grip imprisoning me just enough so that any struggle i make ( Read more... )