I feel so upset.

I felt it necessary to say so. It's not important why, because I never feel one way for long.
But at 14:10 on Friday, September 25, 2009, I feel upset.

 First I'm not allowed to talk to anybody about Ravon.
Now I'm not allowed to talk to anybody about Alex.

Just fucking do the gag order already and stop pussyfooting around, why don't you, since you feel like you've got the right to shut me up.

(this after Alex demands to see me privately and I answer because of course I'm a dippy idiot, and instead ( Read more... )

Let's see ( Read more... )

problem: can i be handled?
research: compile data from past situations in which someone was faced with either my depression, my anger or my joy.
hypothesis:  no. i can't be handled when i'm at my most extreme.
experiment: take note of what happens the next time i get that bad.
conclusion: see hypothesis.

Notes: No human being is created with the ( Read more... )

.....

you
are
really
going
to make me

hate you.

I officially hate college.
No. That makes me sound like I've gone ridiculous. Let me explain.
When I wake up in the mornings, it's not with the thought of "Oh, yay, another day of college!" It's not "Mm, I can't wait to get to _____________ class" or even "Today's going to be pretty good". When I realize I'm awake and have to go to another day of ( Read more... )

STOP ASKING ME IF I LOVE YOU, ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU DON'T BELIEVE SHIT I SAY ANYWAY.
YOU WANT ME TO ANSWER A CERTAIN WAY, DON'T YOU? FINE.
NO.
I DON'T LOVE YOU.

Stop fucking asking me that shit. I hate it when you ask me that, do you know that? I fucking hate when you ask me that. Every fucking time you ask that I have to figure out how to explain all ( Read more... )

out of all the fucking songs
to choose at random
out of all the songs that rarely play on that station
out of all the fucking songs
all the fucking songs
why why why
why
did it happen to be this one

why did it happen to be this one?

oh god.

why don't you understand that i don't fucking want to remember anymore?

"shut up. no one loves you."

ahahah
when you said that did it actually occur to you that i'd spend the next twenty minutes raging and then crying first because you said that and then because of what it led to me thinking about?

I wonder.

so yeah
i realized some things
things i should go on and accept

i'm never going to be beautiful like him or like ( Read more... )

....I'm getting really nervous.
I was all giddy with my revenge and shit, but the more time passes the more I'm getting to worry....your last words to me... I mean the last thing you said this week was "the roads are slippery" and about it being dark and stormy and icy and I'm scared. How do I know the reason you haven't come back is because you... ( Read more... )