when did i become such a paranoid he-bitch? i come home from classes afraid to unlock my door. i dread leaving the room for any amount of time and i hate it when they leave together. my stomach is constantly in knots and i hardly have eaten in the weeks they've stayed here ( Read more... )

I know that since I'm the only one who's actually in college and attending classes right now it doesn't make much sense for them to get up at the same times as me, but it still seems to me sometimes like I might as well be alone for all the time I spend alone because they're both sleeping as if they have sixteen-hour job shifts or something ( Read more... )

none of this feels real right now. i smell like smoke, i have to pee and there is whiskey burning in my stomach a little reminding me of the night that i was drunk and hated it so much and how i laugh because i used to think i was cool because i could drink more than anyone else but i don't remember alcohol tasting so bad and now it just tastes ( Read more... )

nearly every night since at least march fifteenth or so i have slept with him on or in or near me. i have drifted to the sound of his strange whistling smoker's breathing, have smiled to myself as he moaned in his sleep, have reached for him and cradled his head in my arms as he twitched from nightmares he never speaks about. only two weeks ( Read more... )

he keeps humming in his weed- and jagerbomb-induced sleep behind me and i look over and he's beautiful, my little drunk motormouth junkie with the dusklashes and those whiskey-golden eyes...i'm trying to contain the need to prod him awake and undress him and stretch out against my rough sheets and whisper to him to cover me over again and sink into ( Read more... )

sometimes i feel cheated by the whole no-time-alone-unless-we're-smoking situation ( Read more... )

Writing in here is becoming strangely difficult. My life is shifting and changing, there are feelings beyond comprehension and so many things I need to sort out, but I have nothing to say.

I think I died again.
Shinedown...
jesus.

i feel as if i am slowly shrinking and everything is going either so slowly or so quickly that i can't see it moving. nothing exists but the four cinderblock walls enclosing the shape and the form of a universe in which i am careening too quickly or too slowly, unable to see anything for my eyes shut tight and pressed against my inner arm to hide ( Read more... )

maybe it's just me but somehow i don't feel that i should have to experience this much difficulty just trying to spend a fucking minute alone with someone i'm in a relationship with ( Read more... )