i feel as if i am slowly shrinking and everything is going either so slowly or so quickly that i can't see it moving. nothing exists but the four cinderblock walls enclosing the shape and the form of a universe in which i am careening too quickly or too slowly, unable to see anything for my eyes shut tight and pressed against my inner arm to hide ( Read more... )

four twenty-one in the morning ( Read more... )

i was calm ( Read more... )

i took a bath and got into bed as planned but i lay there reading and the closer i got to finishing the book the faster my pulse raced, the harder i fought what keeps coming back and coming back every single night, every goddamned night, every time the music goes off and the room is dark and there is nothing here but me and this room and the ( Read more... )

it's happening again ( Read more... )

the first day of school never fails to render me a paranoid crablike creature, furled in corners and desks, claw-hands digging into the sides of my laptop, my notebooks, my face, a book, anything to hold onto some semblance of being grounded into place amidst a constantly shifting sea of bodies and voices and personalities each bigger and more real ( Read more... )

i am alone in this room dappled in warm golden light and crosslegged on the bed littered with a jacket, keys, a book, notebooks, a bag, pens and papers and a pair of pajamas i sit staring listlessly at the reflection of the blinds in my screen, breathing slow in the inner winter of this room, listening to a song that once in effect saved me from ( Read more... )

i would just like to say
that i am beginning to get the feeling
that i am on the end
of a very long
and very thick
string
and i am not the one pulling.

i feel sick and terrified all over again and this is what happens every fucking time he shoves me out the door and then decides he has one more blade to shove between my ribs, one more barb to part with, ( Read more... )

okay, so here's how it went down.
I rode the bus all the way here to my aunt's apartment Friday. As in, I didn't sleep Thursday night so that I'd be there on time; I left the house ten minutes after five in the morning and walked to the bus stop, aching and bruised from walking too much and being menstrual, and I waited there for the bus.
I caught ( Read more... )

ROFL.
Even though I've seen him in maybe four videos now,
I am afraid to google an image of Dallas Green.
I think I'm scared to find out he's real.