Fanfiction || Amphierotic Bloodlines || Bellatrix/Narcissa || Part Twenty
Title: Amphierotic Bloodlines
Author: Sapphire Smoke cuzimastripper
Beta(s): supershineygirl (chapter two), dolfynrider (chapter three & onwards)
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: NC-17
Length Thus Far: 153,004 words
Main Pairing: Bellatrix/Narcissa
Sub Pairings: Narcissa/Lucius, Narcissa/OC, Bellatrix/OC, Bellatrix/Rodolphus
Summary: Growing up in the 1960s in a family that expected nothing less than perfection, anything less than such was deemed unfit for a young woman of their status and was punished severely. A house that was classified as 'noble' had dark secrets hidden within those walls, a fear that only the people within experienced. The confusion young girls have growing up was more than intensified in there: it bordered on practically unbearable. This is a story about growing up, about surviving abuse, and about finding salvation and love from anyone you can, even if it’s from the last person on earth you know you should ever hold a deep affection for.
Warning(s): Lesbian incest, graphic child abuse, dubcon, sex between minors, anorexia nervosa, forced miscarriage, character death (minor), first chapter is un-beta’d
A/N: For NaNoWriMo 2010. This story is entirely from Narcissa’s POV (though not in first person) and will only include up to her graduation from Hogwarts. I may do a sequel later to cover her adult years, but for now I think this is more than enough.
Other Parts: PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE | PART FOUR | PART FIVE | PART SIX | PART SEVEN | PART EIGHT | PART NINE | PART TEN | PART ELEVEN | PART TWELVE | PART THIRTEEN | PART FOURTEEN | PART FIFTEEN | PART SIXTEEN | PART SEVENTEEN | PART EIGHTEEN | PART NINETEEN
CHAPTER THIRTY ONE
“How many is that now?”
Narcissa looked up from the pile of letters in front of her, seeing Bellatrix standing in the threshold to the living room. Narcissa sighed heavily as she leaned back on the couch, running her hand through her hair. She was beginning to get a headache. “Seven,” she answered.
“In three days?” Bellatrix asked, eyebrows raised. A smirk crossed her face as she finished, “Impressive. You really have him whipped, don’t you?”
“It’s not funny, Bella,” Narcissa answered, scowling at her as she picked up the letters again, rifling through them. Seven letters, all of them from Lucius. They all said relatively the same thing: that he’s sorry, that he loves her, and that he was being an idiot. But no matter how much of a relief it was that he’s trying to win her back, Narcissa was still nervous about seeing him again. She’d have to put on a good act and frankly, she’s never been the best actress in the world.
“Oh relax, will you? He’s completely kissing your arse; everything will be fine,” Bellatrix answered, crossing her arms across her chest as she leaned against the wood paneling.
“There’s arse kissing going on? I’m offended I wasn’t invited.”
Both Bellatrix and Narcissa turned to see Rodolphus walk into the living room, grabbing his coat off of the hook. He didn’t sound very interested, but he was probably trying to make meaningless conversation so it wasn’t awkward as he rifled through the room. “If you start kissing my sister’s ass I’ll put you in a hole in the ground,” Bellatrix threatened lightly, which made Rodolphus laugh as he slipped his coat on.
“Lucius?” he presumed, looking towards Narcissa. She nodded.
“He insulted her honor,” Bellatrix told him.
Rodolphus chuckled lightly, “Idiot. But it’s to be expected; he is just a boy.” He turned and gave Bellatrix a kiss on the cheek before he started to walk towards the front door.
“Leaving?” Bellatrix asked, raising her eyebrows. Rodolphus turned around to look at her as he grasped the door handle.
“Only for a few hours, I’ll be back for… dinner.”
Bellatrix nodded and Rodolphus turned, leaving the house. Narcissa couldn’t help but wonder why he would make the effort, as he never had before, but she didn’t get the chance to ask about it because all of a sudden Bellatrix was screaming for the house elf. Narcissa covered her ears; her sister had a set of lungs on her and sometimes her pitch could be rather piercing.
The house elf ran into the living room at lightning speed, balancing a tray of finger sandwiches with incredible ease. Bellatrix grabbed them from its hands. “That took too long,” she snapped, which made the elf apologize profusely before Bellatrix ordered it to leave. It scurried out of the room just as fast as it came.
“What’s that?” Narcissa asked as Bellatrix brought the tray over to her.
“Lunch, Cissy. It’s the meal that comes between breakfast and dinner, commonly eaten by people that are currently not suffering from anorexia.”
Narcissa narrowed her eyes at her sister’s sarcasm. “You’re hilarious,” she responded dryly. Bellatrix just smirked and held up a finger sandwich to her, waving it in front of her face for a moment before Narcissa reluctantly grabbed it.
Her sister had been making her eat at least two meals a day since that whole sit down with Lucius. Since she didn’t eat breakfast this morning, Narcissa supposed this was the substitute. “What do I get for it?” she asked, peering at the tiny sandwich in distain. Bellatrix was still bribing her, since it was the only thing that seemed to work.
“Well what seems beyond your control right now?” Bellatrix asked, settling in on the couch next to her. She ran her fingers softly through Narcissa’s long hair, waiting for her answer.
“You,” Narcissa replied; the same answer she’s had for the past couple days. Bellatrix sighed.
“We’ve been over this. You had your hour.”
“Yeah but you got a headache before I could do you,” Narcissa complained, turning her head to look at her instead of at the sandwich. She knew she was fighting a losing battle, but she couldn’t help but try.
“Shit happens,” Bellatrix answered, not sounding sympathetic in the slightest. She leaned forward, grabbing the letters from Lucius and holding them up, “I can help you compose a reply, if you want.”
“I don’t want to talk to him yet,” Narcissa mumbled, turning away from her to stare at the tiny sandwich again. She sighed heavily; it was filled with ham. She hated ham.
Bellatrix pursed her lips and said nothing for a moment. Finally she broke the silence with a quiet admission; “I need you to see Lucius tonight.”
Narcissa turned to face her, surprised and a little angry. “What? Why?” Out of anyone, she didn’t expect Bellatrix to advocate their reconciliation, at least so soon; she knew it was hard for Narcissa right now. What she was asking of her wasn’t fair.
“I… need you out of the house this evening. Just for a couple hours,” Bellatrix told her softly, knowing this wouldn’t be taken very well.
Narcissa’s face darkened. “Why, is Gwendolyn coming over? Is that what this is about? Because I swear to God, Bella; if that tosser steps one foot into this bloody house I’ll-”
“You’ll what? Glare at her in an attempt to look intimidating?” Bellatrix snapped, annoyed that was the first place Narcissa went to. “You’re half her size and have half her skill, Cissy; don’t be stupid.” Narcissa dropped her mouth open in offense but Bellatrix continued, softening her voice. “I just… have a dinner party tonight, is all.”
“And I’m not invited?” Narcissa asked, growing more offended as this conversation went on.
“Cissy, you barely eat; I don’t want to risk anyone finding out about your little ‘problem.’ Secondly, yes, Gwen will be attending; which will only stand to provoke your anger. Third, if you attended and weren’t accompanied by Lucius, you’d surely become the topic of idle gossip,” Bellatrix told her, not softening any blow for Narcissa’s benefit. “Our family has enough blemishes on our reputation already with Andromeda disappearing and both our parents dying under mysterious circumstances,” she told her. “My hope is that this party will rectify most, if not all of that shame.”
“And you think I’m shameful, do you?” Narcissa asked, sounding hurt and angry.
“No-ugh, for fuck’s sake, Cissy, will you just do as I say?” Bellatrix asked, quickly getting frustrated. “This is a delicate situation. You’re not fit enough to put on an act just yet and you know it. I’m not trying to offend you, so I’d appreciate it if you stopped fucking attacking me.” She grabbed Narcissa’s hand that held the finger sandwich and practically shoved it in her face as she demanded, “Now eat.”
Narcissa pushed the sandwich and Bellatrix’s hand away. She was not a toddler and didn’t appreciate being treated like one. “I don’t want it.”
“I don’t give a shit if you want it.”
Narcissa glared at her. “Thank you so much for considering my feelings,” she replied sardonically. Bellatrix sighed.
“Cissy, please just eat. Please?”
It wasn’t often that Narcissa saw a pleading look on her sister’s face, so she sighed heavily in annoyance - indicating how much she still hated this situation - but brought the sandwich up to her lips and took a bite. It tasted like crap, mostly due to the ham, but she reluctantly chewed and swallowed it.
“Thank you.”
Narcissa merely grumbled something inaudible in response.
They sat in silence together for a little while, Bellatrix watching her like a hawk as she ate. She probably was trying to make sure she didn’t try to spit it out or hide it in some other way, but being stared at was still a little awkward. After eating three small finger sandwiches, Narcissa told her quietly, “I’m not seeing Lucius tonight.” She wouldn’t look at her as she spoke.
“Cissy-!”
“No, I don’t care!” Narcissa burst out, frustrated with being put in this position. “I’m not ready yet. I’m sorry, but I’m just not. I’m not happy about it, but I’ll stay out of the house if you wish. I’ll take a room at The Leaky Cauldron or something. Just don’t make me see him, please.”
Bellatrix stared at her for a moment, debating her alternative solution. Finally she ran her fingers through Narcissa’s hair in a comforting gesture before she told her, “Fine.” Narcissa turned to look at her in surprise, shocked that it was so easy to convince her. It made her a little suspicious, but she wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth either. She wasn’t emotionally ready to see Lucius now, so she was thankful it wasn’t being forced upon her.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
Hours later, Narcissa found herself alone in her room at The Leaky Cauldron. Bellatrix made her promise she wouldn’t go off wandering, which in all honesty Narcissa found utterly ridiculous since Diagon Alley, for the most part, was completely safe. But she complied because knowing her sister she’d find some way to keep her contained against her will if she didn’t. It was awful, being treated like a child, but she was quickly coming to the realization that that’s what her sister thought of her as.
Maybe it was because for so long she had felt to be on relatively even ground as Bellatrix, probably due mostly in part by Bellatrix not being the most mature person when she was actively suffering from her disease, but now that she was “better,” she was quickly slipping into the role of the overprotective older sister. Narcissa couldn’t help but wonder if maybe that was the reason Bellatrix no longer wanted to be with her; she thought of her as too young now. Too vulnerable. Too innocent.
She should know by now her innocence and vulnerability was lost long ago.
It hurt though; regardless of the reasonings. It always seemed like no matter which side of the fence one of them stood on regarding their relationship, the other stood firmly on the other side. It was maddening; neither of them ever being on the same page about it. Narcissa couldn’t understand for the life of her why when Bellatrix was actually being, well, sane that she would want to push her away. Shouldn’t it be the opposite?
Trying to decipher her sister’s backwards logic was tiring however, so as Narcissa lay on her bed she tried to think of other things. It was though, honestly, very boring to be trapped in there. She should have at least brought a book.
Her musings were interrupted however by a knock on the door. Furrowing her eyebrows, Narcissa rose from the bed before letting her feet carry her across the room. It was probably the innkeeper, though why he would disturb her, she didn’t know. Maybe he was just there to inform her that it was dinnertime down in the pub. She didn’t feel like eating though. But then again, when did she ever?
When Narcissa opened the door, she immediately froze once she saw who was on the other side of it. Lucius stood there, adorned in his best suit with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. He looked positively nervous as he shifted his weight between the balls of his feet, barely making eye contact. Which was probably for the best, as Narcissa was sure all the blood just drained from her face.
“How…?” she tried to ask, but the rest of the question didn’t make it out of her mouth. She just stood there, frozen, mouth agape as she stared at the one person that she was actually trying to avoid.
“You’re sister sent an owl,” Lucius explained, eye still downcast. “She… asked me to look after you for the night.”
“She what?” Narcissa exclaimed, finally finding her voice. How dare she! Narcissa explicitly stated she did not want to see him and even after Bellatrix agreed, she sent him over? What a grotty little cunt! Why would she force this upon her? Bellatrix knew she wasn’t ready!
God, she couldn’t handle this. An interaction like this required a lot of acting and for that she couldn’t be caught off guard! Now she was just staring at him, torn between angry and terrified, and apparently stuck mute again because no matter how much she wanted to speak, nothing seemed to be coming out of her mouth.
“I… got you these.” He held out the flowers like some sort of peace offering and Narcissa looked at him in disbelief. This wasn’t right… any of this. Lucius was standing there looking like he had something to be ashamed and sorry for when it was Narcissa who was the one who was a cheating, incestuous harlot.
But she couldn’t tell him that. She had to make him believe he was the one who was in the wrong to save face, but her heart clenched and her chest became heavy and she turned away instead, knowing she was unable to do this right now. “I don’t want to see you, Lucius,” she told him, voice quavering as she wrapped her arms around herself. Her speech came out rushed; pleading. “Please leave.”
“Narcissa…”
“I said go!” Narcissa shouted desperately, her hand shaking as she ran it through her platinum hair, terrified that he would stay regardless of her wishes. Her breathing was starting to shallow already and she closed her eyes, trying to calm her rapidly beating heart so she didn’t begin to have another breakdown.
The silence seemed to last forever, until Narcissa heard the distinct sounds of footsteps and her door being closed. She let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding and her whole body noticeably relaxed. She opened her eyes and pursed her lips, wishing she had enough guts to deal with this on her own, like a proper adult. But that was the thing, wasn’t it? She wasn’t an adult. Yet in their society she’s expected to act as such at a very young age. Despite what’s expected of her, Narcissa couldn’t find it in herself to feel like a proper woman. She wasn’t mature enough to deal with any of this.
She turned, expecting to head towards her bed, curl up into a ball, and cry half the night again, when she nearly jumped out of her skin. Lucius apparently had not left, merely closed the door behind him and was now leaning against it, looking a little more scared now that she had taken notice of him.
Narcissa quickly became angry, which was probably a good thing because it overrode her fear.
“Are you deaf?” she asked hotly, furious that her wishes weren’t being respected. “I said leave, Lucius!”
“I can’t. Your sister-”
“Oh, so you respect Bella’s wishes but not mine?” Narcissa interrupted, eyes flashing in anger. “My sister and what she wants is none of your concern, Lucius! I am! So stop being a complete prat and get the hell out of my room! Respect me for once!”
“I do respect you!” Lucius bellowed as he looked up, seemingly offended that Narcissa would question such a thing. “But I’m not about to leave you here alone! God only knows what kind of people inhabit this place at night and what they might do to an unattended young woman. I won’t take that chance; your safety is too important.”
“You’re so full of crap!” Narcissa yelled, getting angrier by the moment as she began to feel more and more trapped into the situation. “You came here to force forgiveness out of me, even though my not answering your owls should have been enough of an indicator that I’m not ready to speak to you yet!”
“I would never force your forgiveness,” Lucius told her, face immediately softening. “I know what I implied was… unforgivable. But I am, truly, more sorry that I’ve ever been in my life. You have to believe me, Narcissa.” His eyes met hers and Narcissa felt like collapsing into tears due to how utterly screwed up all of this was.
But she knew telling Lucius that she didn’t want to talk about it was futile. He was clearly forcing his presence upon her for the night and they couldn’t very well stay here in silence for the duration of the evening. Narcissa hated this; she hated every second of this. She didn’t want to do this right now and yet Bellatrix took it upon herself to throw her into a situation she clearly wasn’t ready for.
If they were going to do this now though, she had to try to find some way to be convincing. Her whole future may very well depend on it and that was something she didn’t want to screw with. So she took a moment to immerse herself in a lie, attempting to convince herself it was truth, and looked up at him. “I just… I don’t understand why you would think something like that,” she started, her voice quivering from nerves. It sounded as though it was from distress, however, so it worked to her advantage. “Do you honestly believe me to be that vile?”
“No, of course not…” Lucius tried, stepping forward to try to close the distance between them. But Narcissa stepped back, out of arms reach, turning her head away from him and setting her jaw.
“You sodding liar. You wouldn’t have said anything of the sort unless you believed it true. Is this what I’m to expect when we’re married? You thinking so little of me?”
“I’m sorry! I didn’t know what I was thinking-”
“Stop!” Narcissa shouted, turning her head to look at him again. She muscled up all the anger she had inside of her, channeling it into faux offense. “Don’t try to get around this by lying to me! You knew exactly what you were thinking, exactly what you were saying. What I want to know is why.”
She may very well regret this question, but she assumed that it was something one would ask when put in a situation like this.
Lucius’ gaze fell to the floor. “You know why.” But Narcissa didn’t find that to be a proper answer so she crossed her arms over her chest and stayed silent, staring at him expectantly. It took a moment, but Lucius finally took a hesitant breath. “I’m not so naïve that I’m unaware of the things that go on in pureblooded families,” he told her softly. “It may never be spoken about, but we all know.”
“That’s to breed, Lucius,” Narcissa retorted angrily. “Surely you’re not daft enough to believe my sister and I could reproduce.”
“I know how biology works, thank you.” His tone was sharp and it made Narcissa set her jaw again, narrowing her eyes. “But it’s never been only to breed. Incest runs in our blood; it’s in our heritage, whether we like it or not.”
“Are you condoning it now?”
“Of course not! I’m merely trying to explain to you why I suspected,” Lucius told her. “That is what you asked, isn’t it?”
Narcissa shook her head, pursing her lips together angrily as she took another step back from him. “So you believed I’m an incestuous whore because what, it runs in my blood? Screw you. Is there something you’re not telling me, Lucius? Does your father touch you at night, is that why-”
Narcissa didn’t get to finish her sentence. The slap that connected with her cheek silenced her immediately, making her skin sting and her eyes water. She looked up at him aghast, pressing her knuckles to her face. She should have been expecting that after what she said, but it still felt like it came out of nowhere.
“Don’t you dare imply something like that,” Lucius growled, looking furious. It stood only to anger Narcissa more.
“And yet you’re free to imply I sleep with my sister?!” she shouted. “Fuck you. Fuck you and your hypocritical arse, Lucius Malfoy. FUCK YOU!” Her hands connected with his chest hard as she shoved him backwards before turning around and storming over to the bed. She crawled in and curled into a ball, facing away from him as she allowed silent tears to make their way down her cheek. She hated this. Nothing would ever be the same between them again; she knew it.
Silenced washed over the room for a long time. Lucius just stood there as he watched Narcissa hold herself as she cried, believing it was his fault that this was all happening. But that was the problem, wasn’t it? Lucius believing this was his doing when it reality it was Narcissa’s. So when she cried, she didn’t cry because she was a lover who was mistrusted - she cried because the perfect façade she had created was cracking around her; exposing the dark, ugly truth to someone who should never be privy to such secrets.
Narcissa didn’t move when she felt the bed compress next to her, though she did flinch when she felt Lucius’ hand upon her arm. “I’m sorry I hit you,” he apologized softly. Narcissa merely bit her bottom lip, closing her eyes tightly as she desperately tried to stop the flow of her silent tears. His hand stroked the length of her forearm lovingly, though it only stood to make her feel worse. “Narcissa?” he prodded gently.
“Is this how it’s going to be now?” Narcissa asked, sounding distressed. She still did not turn her head to look at him, nor move to accept his comfort. “Every time I’m with my sister, are you going to believe I’m being unfaithful to you?”
“No,” Lucius told her firmly. “No, Narcissa. I came here to apologize to you; I didn’t want…” he sighed, rubbing his temples. “It was a stupid thought. I just find myself fearing for your safety. Your sister isn’t exactly the most stable person in the world…”
“That doesn’t mean she’s going to violate my honor!” Narcissa exclaimed angrily, finally turning to look at him. Her cheeks were stained black from her smudged mascara. “I know you don’t care for her Lucius, and I know full well that she isn’t sane, but she’s protected me more than anyone else my entire life; she isn’t about to hurt me!”
“You can’t deny the way she looks at you though.”
For someone who just wanted this over and done with; for his apology to just be accepted, he sure had a lot of comments. But perhaps he just needed to be sure. Perhaps pretending absolutely nothing was going on was the wrong way to go about it. Lucius suspected for a reason, so maybe if Narcissa confirmed his suspicions, at least in some way, it would seem much more believable and they could just be done with this. She wouldn’t be able to stand this hanging over their heads for the rest of their lives.
“So what?” Narcissa asked, sitting up to better face him. “So what if she does look at me in that way? What does it even matter? She’s unstable; she’s bound to look at things differently than the majority of the world. But that doesn’t mean she’d ever act on it. If you don’t trust her, than trust me. She would never force me; I promise you that. Even when she’s psychotic and raving like a bloody lunatic, she listens to me. I am her conscience when she lacks one. She would never do something like that without my say so and I would never allow it.” Her voice quaked at the end, feeling awful for throwing her sister under the bus like that. But it was doubtful he would ever bring it up to Bellatrix; he was much too scared of her for that. He nearly peed himself at the dinner table when she went off on him.
Lucius chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment, assessing that. He didn’t look happy. “So, you’re saying she has…?”
“She hasn’t tried,” Narcissa interrupted firmly, heart beating a thousand miles an hour. She hated lying. “But I’d be blind if I didn’t see it too. She’s just confused, Lucius. When she falls apart she doesn’t know up from down. She certainly doesn’t know right from wrong. I’m the only one who can save her from that so it’s no wonder she’d look at me like I’m her everything. I promise you though, when she’s normal, she knows better. It isn’t a constant thing.”
Narcissa studied Lucius’ expression. He looked torn between being disgusted by the prospect and being glad that some truth was finally being told. He may not be aware of how little truth it was, but it was of no matter. It was working; Narcissa could see it written on his face. It made her calm down a little and she found herself breathing more regularly.
“Why didn’t you just tell me this earlier?” he asked softly.
“Do you think I like telling people how my sister, how my best friend, is completely and utterly fucked?” Narcissa exclaimed. “This isn’t easy for me, you know! But I’ve been dealing with it for years now. I’ve never thought it to be anyone else’s business!”
“I’m to be your husband!”
“Then maybe it would be relevant if she was actually bedding me, but she’s not! Please Lucius, just let it go… I have a handle on Bellatrix; it’s none of your concern.”
Lucius bit the inside of his lip, shaking his head slightly. Narcissa looked at him with pleading eyes, wanting this to be over and done with. Maybe she was foolish to ever think it would be though. “If she ever lays a hand on you-” Lucius started warningly.
“She wouldn’t.”
Lucius looked up at her, catching her gaze. “Swear to it.” Though he meant for it to sound like a request, it came out more like a demand.
“I swear,” Narcissa responded, making sure her voice didn’t shake this time. She needed to sound firm; strong. “I love her, Lucius; I’ll never deny that. But I don’t love her like that.”
Lucius nodded, seemingly accepting what she said. He took a breath before running his fingers through his hair, looking a bit more relaxed himself. “Then… I’m sorry.” He took her hands in his, running his thumb over her palm. She looked down at their intertwined fingers a little sadly and nodded.
“I forgive you,” she whispered. It made her feel awful, lying outright like this. Previously she only had to avoid the truth; pretend it didn’t exist. Now… now it was all fucked. Everything. But such is every pureblood marriage, on one level or another. Narcissa supposed this was theirs.
Lucius leaned forward, placing his lips on Narcissa’s forehead. She closed her eyes, trying not to let the guilt wash over her features. To save him from seeing it, when he pulled back she leaned up, capturing his lips in a deep kiss. Maybe she wanted to distract him, or perhaps she was just trying to distract herself. Either way, it worked.
As Lucius’ hand came up to tangle in her hair, bringing her closer, Narcissa found herself silently praying that they would never have this conversation again. But she would be with him for the rest of her life; that was a long time. Maybe it was foolish to ever believe her and Bellatrix would never be suspected again. Maybe it was foolish to believe that this wouldn’t end badly, when they were doomed from the start.
And maybe, just maybe, her sister was right. No matter how much it pained Narcissa to admit it; perhaps all of this was just too risky.
CHAPTER THIRTY TWO
Narcissa lay sideways on the bed, head resting on Lucius’ stomach as she stared up at the ceiling. She had been idly picking at her nail polish for the last half an hour and she was sure her hands were starting to look a complete wreck. She was also sure Lucius didn’t notice nor care, however. He never exactly paid much attention to the details she put into her appearance, so sometimes she even wondered why she bothered. Perhaps it was just habit. It wasn’t like her sister noticed either.
While Lucius and Narcissa had come to some kind of mutual understanding, the silence that hung in the air around them was still awkward. It probably didn’t help that there wasn’t much to do when locked up in a room. If this were a week ago they would have probably made use of the bed in here, but as they stood now, Narcissa didn’t quite feel comfortable with it. Lucius seemed to be on the same page.
His hands were in her hair, lightly toying with it. It seemed like forever until a voice broke the silence of the room, but Lucius finally spoke. “Why did you come here?” he asked. “Are you and your sister fighting again?”
“We are now,” Narcissa mumbled, still furious that Bellatrix had directed him here when she explicitly told her not to. But she let it go for now; that wasn’t Lucius’ problem. She shrugged lightly, sounding bitter as she answered, “She’s having a party. I’m not invited.”
“Why not?”
“Apparently I’m shameful.”
“That’s bollocks,” Lucius replied firmly, which made Narcissa throw up her hands, thankful that someone else understood. It really was quite ridiculous that she wasn’t invited; she bloody lived there, for shit’s sake.
“I know! She’s just being a prat, really.”
“You’re more of a woman than she could ever hope to be,” Lucius told her, looking down at her. Her eyes caught his and she smiled softly, happy that he would come to her defense even though lately he seemed to have been siding with Bellatrix more often than not. “Honestly I don’t know how she plans to pull off a proper party; she’s hardly a fit host. Besides, I thought she cared nothing for the socialites; why is she entertaining them?”
“To repair our damaged reputation,” Narcissa answered, sighing softly as she began to pick at her nails again. “She says we’re the topic of idle gossip due to our parent’s death and Andy running off. She wants to rectify that.”
“Ha!” Lucius laughed bitterly, making Narcissa look up at him and furrow her eyebrows. “I’m sorry, but I just find that image funny. I don’t understand why Bellatrix thought that she was the person to do that. If anything, it should be you there. You, at least, have some class.”
“Oi,” Narcissa exclaimed warningly. “My sister has class, Lucius. She may not exude it as much as other people, but it is there.”
“Now you’re just sugar-coating Hell.”
Narcissa shoved him lightly, scowling. “Shut up. Don’t be a tosser just because you’re bored. I’m not exactly thrilled with being stuck in this room all night either. You, at least, have the option of leaving.”
“Sorry. I just think it’s bullshit that she didn’t invite you.”
Narcissa looked up at him, smirking a little. “You’re just angry that you weren’t invited.” It wasn’t exactly common for the Malfoy family to be excluded from such gatherings.
“Well of course if you went I’d have to have your arm,” Lucius answered, confirming her suspicions. “It’s ridiculous that she thought nothing of our future as a couple. Father told me it would do us well to start making contacts early and I’m inclined to agree.”
Though Abraxas Malfoy wasn’t Narcissa’s favorite person in the world, she would be stupid if she didn’t realize he had a point. With all of their internal, familial affairs going on, it would be wise to start building up their reputation as a pureblood power couple to the outside world. Though Narcissa didn’t have much faith in herself when it came to the proper side of elitist living, she knew she needed to learn. It would probably be best if she did that while young; people are much more forgiving of mistakes then.
Narcissa got a wicked idea then and turned around, sitting up so she could properly face Lucius. Her face adorned a mischievous smile. “Do you want to gate crash?”
Lucius’ eyebrows got lost in his hairline, though he looked impressed. “You’re serious?”
“Well why not? It’s my house anyway, and it isn’t like Bella could do much about it once I’m there. She’ll have to put on a curt smile and deal with it; she can’t exactly go off on me in front of her guests, now can she?”
Lucius smirked. “You do know you’re going to get yourself in trouble though, right? When the party’s over, she’ll probably pitch a fit.” Though he was trying to make her see reason, the boyish deviancy was shining through in his eyes. He wanted to go.
“So? Like that’s anything new.” Narcissa smiled wickedly and slid her legs under her body, getting up on her knees. She looked excited. “Sod it, right? Let’s go. We deserve to be at that party as much as anyone else.”
Lucius smirked. “Fine, but only if you admit that you’re doing this solely to piss off your sister.” Well, clearly Narcissa wasn’t very good at hiding that. But Bellatrix pissed her off by lying to her face and then going behind her back and forcing Lucius upon her. Why shouldn’t she dish out a little payback? Sure, making contacts was important, but ultimately it wasn’t her driving force in the matter.
Narcissa smiled, despite herself. “I definitely want to piss off my sister.” Lucius laughed.
“Alright then.”
An hour later, after they had acquired some dress robes from Madame Malkin’s, Lucius and Narcissa were on the doorstep to the Lestrange’s. Lucius kept fiddling with his tie, seemingly a little nervous now that they were actually there. Narcissa couldn’t blame him; it was one thing to have an idea, another to execute it. She wasn’t scared of her sister’s wrath; that she could handle. She was more worried about schmoozing the other guests. It’s not something she’s had a lot of practice with, after all.
But Narcissa gave Lucius an encouraging look as she took his hand, opening the door. She expected to be greeted with incessant chatter and music, but instead all she heard were low murmurings that ceased once the door creaked open. Narcissa shot a confused look at Lucius, who seemed equally perplexed.
“Bella?” Narcissa called out, walking into the living room with Lucius trailing behind her. She stopped short though once she looked through the threshold into the dining room, taking notice of the dozen robed figures gathered around the table.
Oh, fuck.
Lucius’ grip on her hand tightened, knowing what this was and obviously terrified they interrupted it. He had yet to become a full-fledged Death Eater, as he wasn’t of age, so he had no business being at something like this. Neither did Narcissa. Narcissa had no business even knowing about something like this. She took a step back, pressing her back against Lucius’ chest. She was frightened. Lucius wrapped his arms around her torso, as if protecting her. They didn’t move; perhaps they were too scared to.
“What did I fucking tell you?!” Bellatrix shrieked, looking murderous. When she got up the chair screeched against the wood flooring. She took out her wand and pointed it at Lucius, looking like she wasn’t opposed to flaying him alive on the spot. For how angry she was, she looked downright terrified too. Narcissa knew Bellatrix didn’t want her to be involved in any of this. She too, was scared of the consequences.
“Calm yourself, Bellatrix,” came the droning voice of a man Narcissa didn’t need any introduction to. She knew who he was. Though his back was turned towards her, his voice made a shiver run down her spine. She wanted to run, but she couldn’t move. She looked at Bellatrix helplessly, terrified about what was about to happen. She was either about to be recruited or killed; she was sure of it.
“I’m sorry, My Lord,” Bellatrix breathed, looking at him with such adoration and pleading in her eyes. “I had told Lucius to keep her away from here, he-”
Voldemort held up his hand, silencing her. Bellatrix shut her mouth quickly, casting her eyes downwards as she fell back into her seat, head bowed. Narcissa’s breath shallowed as he rose from his seat, turning to face them. Narcissa almost cried out loud when she looked at his face. He was sickeningly pale, his skin nearly scale-like. If you looked beneath the surface you could tell he once was a handsome man, but those days were long past. Narcissa trembled in Lucius’ arms.
“Lucius, join us,” he offered, extending his hand. Lucius looked torn between being frightened and honored and immediately let go of Narcissa, who instantly missed the feeling of semi-protection his embrace gave her. Bellatrix looked furious that Lucius was actually asked to join them and she sat in her seat, seething.
Narcissa, on the other hand, was practically on the verge of tears she was so scared. Not that anyone who claimed they loved her came to her aid, however. Lucius forgot about her the moment he was acknowledged and Bellatrix was the Dark Lord’s personal lap dog so it wasn’t like she would choose her over him.
“And who are you?” Voldemort asked as Lucius joined his table, looking at Narcissa with an expression she couldn’t decipher. She’s pretty sure she didn’t want to decipher it though.
“N-Narcissa Black, M’Lord,” she stuttered, pretty sure she was shaking from head to toe. She wrapped her arms around herself in an attempt to feel a little more put together.
This was not what she thought she’d find when she walked in here. Why didn’t Bellatrix just tell her? Why did she have to lie about it? This wouldn’t have happened if she weren’t so bloody stupid most days.
“Bella, you never told me you had a sister,” Voldemort chided, prompting Bellatrix to mumble hasty apologies. She wouldn’t look him in the eye. Narcissa, on the other hand, wasn’t enjoying the way Voldemort was looking at her; it was like he was trying to pick her apart and see what she was made of, rather than what she willingly showed to the outside world.
“There is no need to be afraid,” he told Narcissa, which didn’t comfort her in the slightest. “I would not spill blood as pure as yours.” She swallowed nervously, but said nothing. She was sure her voice wasn’t working properly anyhow. “Join us,” he offered.
“With all due respect, My Lord,” Bellatrix interrupted, looking fearful for actually having done so. “My sister is far too young to be involved in such things. She’s merely fourteen.”
“Perhaps,” Voldemort mused, looking Narcissa over. “Though I expect when she is of the proper age I will be permitted an audience with her?” It didn’t sound like a request, more like a demand, to which Bellatrix and Lucius quickly agreed to. Narcissa hated that they were discussing her future in front of her like that, but was too frightened to say a word against it. She didn’t want to become a Death Eater, yet how could she say no to the Dark Lord’s face when the time came? He would surely kill her.
Narcissa wanted to break down and cry, but bit the inside of her cheek instead in an attempt to control her emotions.
“If My Lord permits it,” Bellatrix started, keeping her eyes downcast as a sign of respect. “I would like to escort my sister elsewhere, so we may continue.” Voldemort waved his hand, like it was of no matter, and Bellatrix rose, quickly crossing the distance between them and grabbing a hold of Narcissa’s arm. Narcissa almost cried out at the force of it but kept herself quiet as he sister began to drag her upstairs.
When Bellatrix brought her to her bedroom, she immediately closed the door behind them. Narcissa looked at her, both in fear and in regret as she tried to apologize, “Bella, I’m so sor-” But she didn’t get to finish her sentence. Bellatrix backhanded her so hard she fell to the floor in a heap, her lip split from the force of the blow. Her entire face felt like it was on fire as she whimpered, backing up quickly across the floor to huddle in a ball near the wall.
“Don’t you ever do that again!” Bellatrix shouted, furious. “You’re such a stupid fucking child, aren’t you?”
“I-”
“Shut up!” Bellatrix roared. “I’ll deal with you later. And I swear to god if you take one step out of this room in the meantime, you’ll really have something to cry about when I get back.” Narcissa stayed silent, holding her bruised cheek with one hand as she tried to stifle her tears. Bellatrix’s look held no remorse though as she turned, her black robes flowing behind her as she exited, slamming the door behind her.
It was many hours until Bellatrix returned. Narcissa had spent most of it crying on the floor, too upset and too scared to move. Her sister had never stuck her like that. Sure, they had fought before, but this was different. This time, she had hit her like their mother used to hit them; commanding obedience and fear. It frightened Narcissa, even though overall it didn’t surprise her.
When Bellatrix opened the door to Narcissa’s bedroom, she found her sister curled in her bed, back facing her. Narcissa immediately stiffened as she heard the door close behind Bellatrix and held on tighter to the comforter that was wrapped in her hands. She didn’t want to turn to look at her; afraid of what expression she’d find on her sister’s face. So she stayed still, quiet, until Bellatrix crossed the room.
“Look at me,” she demanded.
Narcissa automatically rolled over to look at her, apprehension etched over every inch of her face. She didn’t particularly want to look at her, but was afraid of what Bellatrix would do if she didn’t. Her sister did not look happy, though her face showed one tiny flicker of remorse once she took notice of the angry bruise on Narcissa’s cheek. But the guilt was gone as soon as it came. Bellatrix’s jaw tightened, her eyes looked almost black from her pupils dilating in anger, and she was clenching and unclenching her fist, as if trying to control herself.
“In what deluded part of your mind did you think it was okay to come here when I told you not to?” Bellatrix asked, her voice dangerously calm.
Narcissa didn’t say anything. Obviously, that didn’t sit well with Bellatrix.
“ANSWER ME!” she shouted, making Narcissa jump from the force of her voice. She sat up, trying to give herself a bit of a delusion of strength, not wanting to be completely towered over. Her voice shook when she answered.
“I-I… I thought it was a party. You said-”
“I don’t give a fuck what I said,” Bellatrix snapped, cutting her off mid-sentence. “You’re under my roof, Cissy; which means you go where I tell you to go and you do whatever the hell I want you to do without any questions. I am under no obligation to explain anything to you!”
“I’m not your child, Bellatrix!” Narcissa exclaimed, offended that she’s treating her like she’s insignificant. Her sister may frighten her right now, but she wasn’t about to be treated like an insect either. She was a person; she had a voice. She had feelings, thoughts… both of which Bellatrix loved to dismiss so readily. “If you didn’t want me to come you should have explained why, instead of lying to me! I wouldn’t have come here if I had known what was going on!”
“I asked you to stay away, whatever the reason shouldn’t matter!”
“Of course it matters!” Narcissa shouted, slamming her hands down on the bed in frustration. “Did you really think I wouldn’t be pissed that you promised me I didn’t have to see Lucius, then threw him at me against my will?”
“That doesn’t have to do with anyth-”
“That has to do with everything! That’s why I came; to make you angry. You failed to respect me and what I want, so in what deluded part of your mind,” Narcissa mocked Bellatrix’s earlier words, “did you think I wouldn’t retaliate?”
Bellatrix’s eyes flashed. “Don’t test me, Cissy. You have no idea what you’ve just done!” She pointed out the door angrily, indicating Voldemort who was there previously. “You have no goddamn clue how completely and utterly fucked you just made everything! He’s seen you, Cissy. He knows your fucking lineage. He’s going to want you now, you stupid fucking girl! He’s going to think you’re another me!”
Bellatrix cried out in frustration, running her fingers through her hair. “Fuck,” she swore under her breath, sliding her hands down from her head to cover her face. She was pacing back and forth; her anger quickly turning into hysteria. Narcissa couldn’t be sure, but with how ragged her breathing had become she sounded as if she was trying desperately not to cry tears of frustration due to her complete and utter helplessness.
Narcissa swallowed hard, watching her sister fall apart in front of her. She knew what happened; she knew the consequences and had been scared out of her mind over it for hours. But somehow, when seeing her sister completely frightened by the same prospect, it only stood to terrify her even more. “Bella…” she whispered softly, sounding distressed. “How do we fix this?”
“I don’t know,” Bellatrix mumbled beneath her hands before she threw them from her face in a rage. Her eyes were beginning to redden; she was trying to hold back the tears. “Fuck, I don’t know…” She collapsed on the bed, putting her head in her hands, her elbows resting on her knees. Narcissa sniffed lightly before crawling over to her, burying her head in her sister’s neck. It took a moment, but Bellatrix wrapped her arms around her, holding her tightly.
“I didn’t want this for you. I didn’t fucking want any of this for you.”
“I know,” Narcissa whispered. She didn’t want this for herself either. The two girls held onto each other in silence for a while, neither knowing what to say or do. Finally Narcissa asked, “Where’s Lucius?”
“I sent him home with a face full of boils. He’s lucky that’s all he got.”
For once, Narcissa didn’t protest. She didn’t have the effort to. She knew it wasn’t Lucius’ fault that they came; it was her own, but Bellatrix wouldn’t listen to reason. She was always so set on blaming Lucius for everything.
“I’ll fix this,” Bellatrix promised her softly, stroking Narcissa’s hair as if she was made of glass. She was staring at the far wall; almost as if she was trying to see through it. “I don’t know how, but I promise you I’ll fix this.”
Narcissa nodded, not trusting her voice. Voldemort recruited children when they were fifteen, it seemed. Though her birthday wasn’t that far off, Narcissa prayed her sister could at least stall him until the summer. She didn’t want to have to worry about it right now. She had her O.W.Ls this year and from what Bellatrix and Lucius had told her, they’re going to require most of her concentration. Basically, it would be hell. Considering Narcissa wasn’t a brilliant student, she would have to work hard just to scrape by with minimal marks.
Bellatrix sighed and let go of Narcissa for a moment to look at her. Bellatrix’s face was strangely void of all emotion as her eyes took in the angry purple bruise that covered nearly a quarter of Narcissa’s face. Her fingers lightly traced the mark, as if memorizing it; remembering every curve of its shape, every splotch of its color. Even the slightest of touch hurt and Narcissa winced, however she kept herself quiet. She wasn’t sure how Bellatrix was feeling about hitting her like that as her expression gave no indication. She wanted to find out.
“Do you want me to heal that?” Bellatrix asked her softly, still sounding very neutral about the matter. Narcissa shook her head.
“No.”
The pain wouldn’t hurt any less if it were gone. The physical presence bore a harsh reminder though; one she would probably do well remember.
“Why?” Bellatrix asked curiously. “Because you enjoy the pain?” It probably was a valid question; Narcissa did tend to lean towards a rather masochistic lifestyle when it came to her sister.
Narcissa looked her dead in the eyes. “No,” she told her seriously. “It’s because I need to remember that you enjoy causing it. When I glorify you, I forget.”
Bellatrix raised an eyebrow at that. “Since when do you glorify me, Cissy?”
“Considering I tend to believe you’re the best thing that’s happened to me even when things turn bad, I’d say since forever,” Narcissa replied softly. Bellatrix furrowed her eyebrows and Narcissa shrugged self-consciously. “But I guess it doesn’t matter. You’ve made it perfectly clear what you want.”
Bellatrix sighed softly, pursing her lips. She ran her fingers through Narcissa’s hair, then down to cup her face with her palm. “It isn’t safe for us anymore, love. But it isn’t what I want. You’re all I think about every day, you should know that.”
“Yet it makes no difference.”
“No,” Bellatrix affirmed, her thumb lightly tracing Narcissa’s cheek. “Fucking wish it did though.” Her fingers went back to her hair then, idly fiddling with it as her eyes went to the bruise adorning Narcissa’s cheek once more.
She had to know. “Do you regret it?” Narcissa asked softly.
“Hitting you?” Narcissa nodded. “No,” Bellatrix told her simply. “I wanted to hit you, so I did. I’ve spent too much of my life regretting the things I do. I can’t keep living in the past; it’s dangerous. If I don’t stand by my actions, then what’s the point?”
Narcissa didn’t know how to feel about that. It enraged her, obviously; yet it seemed she had lost most of the fight within her. She didn’t want to yell, she didn’t want to cry. So she told her calmly, “You’re a cunt.”
Bellatrix, despite the seriousness behind her sister’s words, smirked. “Do you think you’ll regret saying that to me?”
“No,” Narcissa told her. There was no anger, nor malice in her voice; just truth. “Because you are.”
“I know,” Bellatrix whispered softly. She brushed the hair from Narcissa’s forehead before she leaned in, pressing her lips against her skin. Narcissa’s eyes fluttered closed at the gesture, but only for a moment. When Bellatrix pulled back, Narcissa leaned up to connect their lips. It was only for a moment, but it bore as a reminder of why she loved her sister. Yes, she was a cunt. But Bellatrix was also irreparably, hopelessly, in love with her. She couldn’t help it.
“Shit,” Bellatrix muttered under her breath, a swear meant only for herself to berate her complete lack of self-control. She didn’t hesitate when she pressed her lips against Narcissa’s again, this time with a little more force. Narcissa whimpered softly, parting her lips to allow Bellatrix’s tongue in for a taste. When her sister kissed her, she didn’t request; she demanded. She drank up everything that she knew was hers and strove to take so much more. It left Narcissa breathless and wanting when they broke again, the blonde flat on her back as Bellatrix hovered above her. Narcissa couldn’t remember moving, but she supposed it didn’t matter.
“We can’t do this,” Bellatrix told her, her own breath seemingly stolen for her. Her eyes were blackening in lust as she stared down at Narcissa’s heaving bosom. She wanted to rip her dress off but was containing it.
“Then why are we?”
“I don’t know.” Her sister’s voice held honesty and confusion that mirrored Narcissa’s. “I think I’m just fucking terrified I’m gonna lose you again.”
Narcissa’s expression changed to one of worry instantly. “I thought you said you could fix it. You promised.” Maybe she should know better than to take Bellatrix on her word. It had been worth shit lately anyway. Bellatrix didn’t respond though, instead she just leaned down and kissed Narcissa fiercely; desperately trying to change the subject. That in and of itself was enough of an answer for the younger Black: Bellatrix had no sodding clue if she could fix it.
That terrified Narcissa.
GO TO PART TWENTY ONE...