Fanfiction || Amphierotic Bloodlines || Bellatrix/Narcissa || Part Three
Title: Amphierotic Bloodlines
Author: Sapphire Smoke cuzimastripper
Beta(s): supershineygirl (chapter two), dolfynrider (chapter three & onwards)
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: NC-17 (for future chapters)
Length Thus Far: 22,909 words
Main Pairing: Bellatrix/Narcissa
Sub Pairings: Narcissa/Lucius, Narcissa/OC, Bellatrix/OC, Bellatrix/Rodolphus
Summary: Growing up in the 1960s in a family that expected nothing less than perfection, anything less than such was deemed unfit for a young woman of their status and was punished severely. A house that was classified as 'noble' had dark secrets hidden within those walls, a fear that only the people within experienced. The confusion young girls have growing up was more than intensified in there: it bordered on practically unbearable. This is a story about growing up, about surviving abuse, and about finding salvation and love from anyone you can, even if it’s from the last person on earth you know you should ever hold a deep affection for.
Warning(s): Lesbian incest, graphic child abuse, dubcon, sex between minors, anorexia nervosa, first chapter is un-beta’d
A/N: For NaNoWriMo 2010. This story is entirely from Narcissa’s POV (though not in first person) and will only include up to her graduation from Hogwarts. I may do a sequel later to cover her adult years, but for now I think this is more than enough.
Other Parts: PART ONE | PART TWO
CHAPTER FIVE
Narcissa didn’t get to speak to Bellatrix again until they were on the train to Hogwarts. The fact that Bellatrix even made it back to Hogwarts was a miracle in itself. Mother refused to let her go back to school until she agreed to marry Rodolphus. Bellatrix, looking completely drained and numb, just stared at her for a long time, not saying a word. It was like she couldn’t believe her mother would prioritize her marriage over her studies. None of them could. But Bellatrix, not wanting to be locked up in her room for the rest of her life, reluctantly said one word: “Fine.”
She looked like she couldn’t believe how bad her life had become. It wasn’t even the marriage anymore, not really. While she didn’t want to be tied down in a loveless marriage, it was more about how horrific the summer had been for her; the brutal beatings, practically being held hostage, and the confusion that went on between her and Narcissa. That spark in her eyes and her zest for life had been dimmed substantially, leaving her a broody, grumpy, shell of what she was.
Bellatrix barely spoke anymore. Narcissa was expecting her to tell her to go away when she sat with her in her compartment on the train, but Bellatrix didn’t say a word. She didn’t look at her either. She just slumped into her seat and stared out the window. She looked so drained.
Then Gwendolyn burst in.
“Christ, Bella. Have you seen Rosier’s hair? He’s starting to grow it out - he looks like a complete tosser,” she said as she entered, laughing.
Bellatrix turned to look at her, face blank, and then looked right back out the window.
Gwendolyn scrunched up her face and sat down opposite of Bellatrix, looking confused. “What’s up your arse?”
“She’s not feeling well,” Narcissa answered for her sister. She definitely was not about to tell her what was truly going on. Gwendolyn looked at her, then back at Bellatrix, who answered without looking at either of them:
“I’m fine.”
She didn’t sound very fine.
“Yeah well, whatever it is, you best get over it. You’re rubbish to hang around when you’re in a mood,” Gwendolyn said, leaning back against the seat and propping one of her feet on the seat next to Bellatrix. Bellatrix slowly turned to face her.
“Maybe I don’t want to ‘hang around’ you anymore,” she said venomously. “Did your feeble mind ever think of that?”
Gwendolyn looked at her, taken aback. She slowly removed her foot away from Bellatrix, sitting up straighter. “What could I have possibly done? We haven’t seen each other in three months. It’s me that should be angry with you, if anything. You didn’t write back to me all summer!”
This was growing increasingly awkward for Narcissa, so she decided to bury her nose in one of her schoolbooks, trying to look uninterested in the conversation.
Bellatrix stared at her. “And you didn’t even think of the possibility that I didn’t return your owls on purpose?”
“What’s gotten into you?” Gwendolyn asked, sounding hurt. Bellatrix had no emotion what-so-ever on her face.
“I’m not a lesbian, Gwen. That’s what’s gotten into me. I’m done playing your sick little games.”
Gwendolyn snorted in disbelief, “Oh please, you were the one who practically begged to get in bed with me in the first place!”
Bellatrix’s wand was pointed at her throat in a flash, her face menacing. “Watch. Your. Mouth,” she spat threateningly.
“Don’t!” Narcissa exclaimed, putting down her book and putting her hand on her arm, trying to lower it. But Bellatrix’s arm wouldn’t move and she wouldn’t even look at her sister.
“What are you going to do?” Gwendolyn asked, scornfully. “If you do anything to me, you’ll be expelled.” She looked at her angrily, but Narcissa could see the flicker of fear behind her eyes.
“Bella, this isn’t her fault!” Narcissa exclaimed, gathering all of her strength and pulling Bellatrix’s arm down. But the second it was, Bellatrix shot her a seething look and pushed her backwards. Hard. She landed against the glass of the compartment window, pain shooting down her back.
“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Gwendolyn asked, standing up and backing away from her. “You’re acting like a complete psychopath!” She bent down to help Narcissa, whose face was contorted in pain as she tried to rub her back. “Are you okay?” she asked, concerned.
“I’m fine,” Narcissa said, picking herself back up. That wasn’t near as bad as her mother did to her, so she could handle it.
“Maybe this is just who I am,” Bellatrix retorted.
“Bullshit,” Gwendolyn said, looking over at her angrily. “I don’t know what the hell your problem is, but congratulations, you got your wish. I never want to see you again. If you even think of coming near me again I’ll curse you so bad your face will be unrecognizable.”
And then she got up and left, slamming the compartment door behind her. She never looked back.
Silence washed over the carriage. Narcissa just stared at Bellatrix, who seemed like she was staring through the wall, lost in her own mind. Narcissa didn’t want to risk upsetting her in anyway, so she picked back up her book and started to read “The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 2.”
Neither of them spoke for almost a half an hour.
Finally Narcissa risked a peak at Bellatrix and she felt her stomach lurch from what she saw. Bellatrix was still sitting in the same position, staring through the wall, but tears were streaming down her cheeks. Narcissa didn’t know if she even know she was crying, but it made her put down her book and hesitantly reach out and touch her arm.
“Bella?” she asked softly.
“Leave me alone,” she answered, voice cracking from the strain. She didn’t look at her.
“Bella, what’s wrong?” Narcissa asked quietly. She bit her bottom lip as she watched another fresh tear fall from Bellatrix’s eye. “Didn’t you want to break it off with her?”
Bellatrix’s hand was shaking, so Narcissa slid her hand down to cover it with her own. It took a moment, but Bellatrix finally closed her fingers around hers, holding it. She didn’t say anything for a long time.
It had started to rain outside and the drops of water pounding on the windows were the only sound that could be heard. Suddenly Bellatrix moved, her head dropping down to look at their linked hands. “I hate what my life has become,” she told her softly.
Narcissa squeezed her hand. “I know,” she told her sympathetically.
The wind howled outside as the train continued on its journey. “I don’t want to marry him,” Bellatrix told her softly. “If I was to marry anyone, I would’ve wanted to marry her.”
The pit of Narcissa’s stomach started to burn with jealousy, but she suppressed it. This wasn’t about her. “Then why did you break it off like that? That was horrible, Bellatrix.”
“Don’t you see?” Bellatrix asked, finally turning to look at her. “What her and I had was nothing more than a joke! I could never be with her, not really. Certainly not publicly. So why even bother? Why continue to string her along when I’m engaged to someone else? That would be more horrible than what I just did, I guarantee you.”
Narcissa wasn’t sure, but she wasn’t up to arguing. If Bellatrix thought what she did was best, then it wasn’t her place to argue. It wasn’t her relationship, after all. So she reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind Bellatrix’s ear and said, “I’m sorry.” She gave her a little half smile, trying to let her know that it’ll all be okay as her thumb traced her cheekbone.
Bellatrix looked for a moment in a way Narcissa couldn’t decipher, then she pulled back a little and whispered, “Please don’t touch me like that, Cissy.”
Narcissa furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. “Like what? I was only fixing your hair.”
“Like you want something I can’t give you,” Bellatrix told her. She untangled her hand from hers, smoothing her own down her robes, averting her eyes. “I know I was your first kiss, Narcissa. I know it’s only natural to want more but I can’t… do that again.”
“I… I didn’t ask you to,” Narcissa said, trying not to sound hurt and rejected.
“You didn’t have to,” Bellatrix replied. “It was written all over your face.” She started picking invisible lint off of her robe.
Narcissa’s cheeks started to flush in embarrassment and anger at being put in such an awkward spot. She didn’t bring up the incident in the bedroom to save Bellatrix the embarrassment and yet she’s acting like Narcissa’s now following her around like some lovesick puppy. Maybe some part of her did want to do it again, but she knew better than to ask. She saw how upset Bellatrix got with herself the first time.
“Everyone doesn’t just fall at your feet, you know,” Narcissa sniped, making Bellatrix turn to face her. She grabbed her book, stuffing it in her book bag. “You’re not God’s gift to women,” she continued, furiously. “Oh, lucky Bellatrix; she had a girl who loved her and is now engaged to one of the most powerful boys in our society. Lucky sodding you, right?” She looked up at her angrily as she pulled her book bag over her shoulder and stood up. “Well just because everyone else seems to want you, doesn’t mean I do,” she told her. “Just because I’m young and stupid,” she spat, “doesn’t mean I’m damaged in the head enough to fall for my own sister.”
“Narcissa!” Bellatrix exclaimed, mouth agape.
“And unlike you,” she continued furiously, upset and feeling very put out. “I plan to fall in love and marry a nice pureblood boy, and not spend the rest of my life feeling sorry for myself. I may have urges I can’t explain, but at least I don’t act on them.”
“You did!” Bellatrix protested.
“You did first!” Narcissa yelled. “If you’ve forgotten, which you clearly seem to have. I took the blame because I was scared of the state you were in, but I’m not going to be your punching bag. I didn’t want to kiss you right then, and you know it. You’re just trying to make me feel awful about myself so you can feel better.”
“That wasn’t what I was trying to do, Cissy! I was trying to make you understand that nothing could ever happen between us. And will you shut your sodding mouth before someone hears you?!”
“No one can hear us; the compartments have noise reducers so others can sleep, remember?” Narcissa spat.
“Regardless, you’re acting hysterical and embarrassing yourself.”
“You’re the one embarrassing yourself,” Narcissa told her, moving towards the door. She opened it and looked back at Bellatrix before saying, “I don’t want to talk to you until you’ve gotten over this whole hurting people kick you seem to be on. I refuse to be one of your victims.”
She didn’t give Bellatrix a chance to answer before she stormed out of the compartment, closing the door behind her heavily. She took a breath, noticing she was shaking a little, but smiled despite it all. For once making Bellatrix feel smaller than her made her feel good. She wasn’t about to have everything that happened rest on her shoulders alone. She felt awful for what Bellatrix went through over the summer, but that didn’t give her any reason to embarrass her for no reason. Maybe she was crueler than she should have been, but she was hurt. Besides, there’s no taking it back now.
Narcissa tugged on her book bag a little as she made her way down the Slytherin carriage, trying to find a compartment. A couple down she noticed the boy Bellatrix had gotten into an argument with on the train last year. He was alone.
Feeling a little self-conscience she slowly opened the door, peering inside. He looked up at her. “Um, do you… do you mind if I sit here?” Narcissa asked, suddenly feeling very foolish.
“Not at all,” he said, giving her a charming smile. Narcissa felt her ears turn a bit pink and she nodded her thanks before slipping into the compartment, closing the door behind her. She bit her bottom lip as she sat down across from him, smoothing out her robes with her hands. It was a little awkward sitting with someone she didn’t know; sitting with a very cute boy that she didn’t know.
“You’re Bellatrix’s sister right?” he asked, like he was suddenly recognizing her. He said Bellatrix’s name like it was something vile.
Narcissa nodded, shyly tucking a piece of blonde hair behind her ear. “Yes, I’m Narcissa.”
“Lucius Malfoy,” he introduced himself, extending his hand. She took it and he held it for a second, looking her in the eyes in a way that made her flush again. “If you don’t mind me saying so, you’re very beautiful, Narcissa.”
“Thank you,” she said, feeling her face turn about five different shades of red. When he let go of her hand, she ducked her head down. No one had ever called her beautiful outside of her sister before. She found she rather quite enjoyed it.
“If you don’t mind me asking, why aren’t you with your sister? She seemed to want to keep an annoyingly close eye on you last year.”
Narcissa looked up at him, surprised that he even noticed her existence before now. “We… had a fight,” she admitted. She shrugged, folding her arms into herself. “I wanted to get away.”
“Yes well, with Bellatrix’s temper, that hardly seems surprising,” Lucius commented, making a face of distain at the thought of her sister.
“She’s okay,” Narcissa said. “But sometimes she can be a bit overwhelming.”
The rain was starting to let up a bit outside as they neared the castle. It wouldn’t be long now. Lucius looked at her and asked, “You’re a second year, right?”
Narcissa nodded, gathering her bag up closer to her just so she had something to do with her hands. All of a sudden it seemed like everything she did felt awkward. “Are you in Bella’s year?” she asked.
“Me?” Lucius asked, laughing a little. “No, I’m a third year.”
“Really?” Narcissa asked, surprised. “You look much older.” He seemed much older too. Maybe it was because he knew how to talk to a lady, but that must be because of his upbringing. Her father had mentioned the Malfoy’s once; spoke highly of them.
Lucius cracked a smirk, “I get that a lot.”
“If you don’t mind me asking… if you’re not in Bella’s year, how do you know her?” Narcissa asked, curious.
“We got into it my first year. She was bullying one of my friends and I took it upon myself to confront her about it.”
“My sister isn’t a bully,” Narcissa protested, astounded that he would even say such a thing. Sure she had her temper, but she wasn’t downright mean.
“Clearly you don’t know her as well as you think you do, then,” Lucius said simply. Narcissa frowned.
The compartment door flew open then, two stout boys trying to push past each other to get in. Narcissa backed up so as not to be hit, as Lucius outright rolled his eyes at their stupidity. “Only one of you can fit at a time, you gits.”
The boys seemed to either ignore Lucius’ insult or were already used to them. The fatter one backed up a little, letting the taller one inside first. “Malfoy!” he exclaimed, apparently gleeful over something. “Guess what we just saw!”
“Assessing your excitement, I assume a cupcake?” Lucius replied dryly.
The fat one pushed his way in and answered, “That hag Black is in her compartment crying!” he laughed in glee. Narcissa’s eyes went wide and she abruptly stood up.
“Sit down, you buffoons. Can’t you see you’re in the presence of a lady?” Lucius spat. Both boys looked confused until they actually bothered to notice that they weren’t alone with Lucius in the compartment.
“Who’s she?” the tall one asked.
“Aw, Malfoy’s got himself a girlfriend!” the fat one jested. Narcissa flushed red. She wanted to get past them to check on Bellatrix, but they didn’t seem to want to move.
“This is Narcissa Black,” Lucius introduced, stressing her last name. The fat one’s eyes popped open. The tall one still continued to look confused. Lucius shook his head in annoyance and turned to Narcissa.
“Narcissa, these are my friends, Crabbe and Goyle. They’re idiots, but they have their uses.”
Crabbe, the fat one, retorted to that with an, “Oi!” Lucius smirked.
“Well what do you expect? You burst in here without noticing we have a guest and then continue to poke fun at her sister. Either sit down, shut up, and show a little class, or go find yourself the candy cart and stuff your fat faces.”
“Well how were we supposed to know she was Bellatrix’s sister?” Goyle asked. “It isn’t like she wears a sign.”
“I think I should be going…” Narcissa said, trying to head towards the door, but Lucius put a hand on her arm, stopping her.
“Nonsense. They’ll leave,” he shot them both a look of warning. Both boys looked at each other and rolled their eyes before Crabbe threw Lucius the finger as they trudged out of the compartment, off to find the food cart.
“I’m sorry about them,” Lucius apologized. “They wouldn’t know how to treat a lady even if it was clearly spelled out in front of them. I do hope they didn’t offend you.”
Narcissa swallowed, not used to having someone talk to her like she was worth something. Blood status seemed to count for so little recently. Her mother seemed to think that their family should be regarded as royalty, and yet she was never treated as such... until now. She smiled at him a little, shy.
“No, it’s alright,” she insisted. “I expect they just weren’t brought up as well as you.”
Lucius chuckled, “That they were not. They’re alright though, even if they are a bit thick.”
Narcissa looked out the compartment door, then back at Lucius. “I think I should check on my sister, see if she’s alright. She’s… been through a lot lately. I worry.”
“Of course,” Lucius said, understanding. Narcissa smiled at him before turning to gather up her book bag. When she turned back, Lucius told her, “You’re welcome to sit with me anytime you’d like, Lady Black.”
Narcissa flushed a little but nodded in thanks. “I appreciate that, Lucius.” They locked eyes only for a moment longer until she turned, making her way out of the compartment.
The second she came to Bellatrix’s compartment and opened the door, Bellatrix screamed at her to get out, throwing one of her books at her. Narcissa backed up, angry. She was only trying to see if she was okay. She may have been a bit rude to her before, but she didn’t have to throw something at her. So she left the compartment, furious, and returned to Lucius.
Last year Narcissa didn’t make many friends. This year seemed to be different. She started to hang around Lucius and his friends, and all of a sudden all these girls wanted to be friends with her too. She suspected it was because of how handsome Lucius was; it couldn’t be denied how many girls fell to their knees around him. She secretly was overjoyed that he seemed to show the most interest in her, however. For the first time in her life, someone paid attention to her other than Bellatrix.
Bellatrix, however, was furious when she found out who Narcissa had been hanging around with. She cornered her in the dormitories a few days following her twelfth birthday, after everyone had left to go to class. “Are you thick?” she accused. “Hanging around with the likes of Malfoy? Are you that bloody daft?”
Narcissa looked at her, upset and angry. “Jealous?” she asked.
“Of what, you? Hardly,” Bellatrix scoffed.
“Of that fact that a nice, proper, pureblood boy is paying me some attention, when your own husband-to-be barely speaks to you in the hallway between classes,” Narcissa answered and she gathered up her Potions book. She needed to get to class; she didn’t have time for this.
“Don’t be an idiot, Narcissa. The only reason he’s paying you any attention is because he plans to get between your legs,” Bellatrix spat.
“That isn’t true! Lucius has been nothing less than a gentlemen to me,” Narcissa protested.
“Yeah, until he gets himself a little taste, and then you’ll be thrown out like yesterday’s newspaper.”
Narcissa stomped her foot, angry. “Just because you spoiled your own chastity at a young age, doesn’t mean I will!”
Bellatrix laughed. “Just you wait. He’ll whisper sweet nothings in your ear, tell you you’re beautiful, and you’ll be spreading your legs for him so fast you won’t know what happened until you’re thrown out on your arse the next morning.”
“I’m not a harlot!” Narcissa yelled, offended that her sister would think such a thing about her.
“Oh, sweetie. We all are. We just don’t know it until it happens,” Bellatrix replied pessimistically.
“Well, I’m not like you!”
“You’re exactly like me,” Bellatrix told her, eyes flashing as she advanced on her. Narcissa backed up a couple steps instinctively. “You’re going to believe every lie anyone ever tells you.” She kept advancing on her, and Narcissa backed up until she hit the front board of her bed, halting to a stop. Bellatrix took one more step forwards to be practically towering over her, her face in hers. “He’ll tell you he loves you and you’ll believe it. He’ll tell you it’ll always be you and him, and you’ll drown in his words.” Narcissa swallowed as Bellatrix’s face got closer, her lips barely an inch in front of hers. “And then,” she whispered, like it was some kind of fairy tale she was reciting. “the entire fucking world will turn upside down and suddenly you're left alone, wondering why you even bothered in the first place.”
“What happened with you and Gwendolyn won’t happen with me,” Narcissa said softly, a little nervous at how close Bellatrix was. “Besides, I don’t even know if he likes me like that. You’re just angry that I could have someone and you don’t have anyone.”
Bellatrix’s hand hit the front board of Narcissa’s bed hard and the blonde jumped at the sound. Bellatrix curled her fingers around it as she looked her in the eyes. “I do have someone,” she told her. “It’s just not the person I want. And you’re a fool to think you’ll end up with the one you want. Father will auction you off to the highest bidder, just you wait.”
“It’s a long time off,” Narcissa said, trying to find some means of escape but it seemed Bellatrix had her trapped.
“Not as long as you think.”
“Bellatrix… I need to get to class,” Narcissa avoided, dropping her gaze. “Please let me go.”
But Bellatrix didn’t move. “Do you want him, Cissy?” she asked, but it sounded more like taunting. “I mean, do you really want him? Do your loins burn with need every time you think of him? Do you just dream of touching his cock, of having it slide inside of you and fill you up?” Every word she said sounded more vile and more disgusting just by her tone.
Narcissa flushed a deep read. “Bella!” she exclaimed. “That’s none of your business!”
“I think it is.” Bellatrix’s voice was like venom and it flowed through Narcissa’s body like poison.
“How can you speak like that?” Narcissa asked, horrified. “How can you say those things? You’re acting like a tramp!”
“It’s you who’s acting like a tramp, Narcissa. You don’t think I see the way you try to puff out your chest every time you’re around him, trying to get him to look at your breasts?”
“I do not!” she protested loudly. “I’m still a child, Bella! I don’t… I don’t think about things like that!”
She did think about things like that, but it was still only curiosity; only fantasies. She was growing up, she knew that, but she didn’t want to do any of those things. Not right now! She had only just started masturbating a couple months ago. Not that she would ever admit to anyone that she had done so, though. It was shameful.
“I lost my virginity at your age,” Bellatrix countered.
“WELL I’M NOT YOU!” Narcissa reiterated, screaming. “Just leave me alone, Bella! What I do with Lucius or whomever else is none of your concern!”
“You’re my sister!” Bellatrix hissed, pressing her body into hers to trap her more. Narcissa whimpered a little, feeling overwhelmed and a little scared. Bellatrix hadn’t been right in the head ever since what happened over the summer. “You’re my bloody sister, so yes, it is my concern! Did you honestly think I would allow you to lose yourself to filth like him?”
“We haven’t done anything!” Narcissa protested. “Why are you acting like this? I’m not your property!”
“Oh, Cissy,” Bellatrix said, chuckling a little under her breath as she reached up and stroked her fingers down her cheek softly. “You are,” she whispered. Narcissa swallowed. “Tell me what you really want, darling,” she coaxed, but it didn’t sound in the least bit sweet.
“I’d…” Narcissa spoke, her voice shaking a little. Bellatrix being this close to her was confusing her again. She was scared, but she was also nervous for completely different reasons. “I’d like to go to class,” she tried.
“I meant,” Bellatrix reiterated softly, her fingers still stroking Narcissa’s cheek like she was made out of glass. “Who do you really want?”
It felt like a bunch of butterflies made camp in the pit of Narcissa’s stomach. Was her sister flirting with her? She had just gotten angry with her a couple weeks ago, saying that nothing could ever be between them. This didn’t make any sense. But then again, it was hard to guess the way Bellatrix’s mind worked now days.
Narcissa licked her dry lips, her heart pounding. “What are you really asking?” she whispered, fearful there was someone around to hear them.
“You heard my question,” Bellatrix said, brushing some of Narcissa’s hair off her neck. “Answer me.”
“I don’t understand what you want from me,” Narcissa said, feeling awfully confused. But her hand subconsciously held onto Bellatrix’s robes, feeling like if Bellatrix is touching her, than she should in some way as well. Bellatrix let out a breath and leaned forward, resting her forehead against hers. Narcissa closed her eyes, feeling her sister’s breath on her face. Even with being so angry with her, the familiar burn began to form in the pit of her stomach at the close proximity.
“I don’t want you with him,” Bellatrix whispered finally.
“Why?” Narcissa asked, voice barely audible. She felt Bellatrix’s hand slide around to cup the back of her neck and her grip on the brunette’s robes tightened.
“Because it isn’t fair.”
Narcissa’s breath quickened as she felt Bellatrix’s head move ever so slightly. Her lips brushed hers and Narcissa’s heart leapt in her throat as she tried to suppress a whimper. This wasn’t right, and Bellatrix’s mind games were the thing that wasn’t fair, but she was so weak sometimes around her.
But Bellatrix didn’t kiss her. Her lips only barely touched hers before she pulled away, but only a fraction of a centimeter. “I’m the one that loves you,” she told her softly, her voice tickling Narcissa’s lips and heightening all her senses. “Maybe I’m not allowed to in the way he could, or anyone else could, but I loved you first.”
“I know,” Narcissa whispered.
“You’re all I have left,” Bellatrix told her, voice breaking a little. “You’re the only thing worth a damn in my life, Cissy. I know I can be horrible but I just don’t know how to deal with it. My whole sodding life is falling apart.” She slipped her head down to bury her face in her neck and Narcissa slipped her arms around her waist, holding her.
“You’re not going to lose me,” Narcissa promised, burying her face in her sister’s hair, soaking up her scent. She smelled like lavender.
“Maybe not yet,” Bellatrix mumbled against her skin. “But one day I will.”
Bellatrix couldn’t have been more wrong, but neither of them knew it then. They were both just confused teenagers with no knowledge of how the real world operated. To Bellatrix, marriage was the end of all things; she would be locked up in a house and made to take care of the children. As it turned out, neither of those things happened. She was convinced that her marriage would take her away from Narcissa, but that didn’t happen either. Even when Narcissa married and had a child of her own, she still saw Bellatrix nearly every week at least.
They were sisters, after all. They loved each other more than they loved anyone else, and they loved each other in so many other ways no one ever knew…
GO TO PART FOUR...
Author: Sapphire Smoke cuzimastripper
Beta(s): supershineygirl (chapter two), dolfynrider (chapter three & onwards)
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: NC-17 (for future chapters)
Length Thus Far: 22,909 words
Main Pairing: Bellatrix/Narcissa
Sub Pairings: Narcissa/Lucius, Narcissa/OC, Bellatrix/OC, Bellatrix/Rodolphus
Summary: Growing up in the 1960s in a family that expected nothing less than perfection, anything less than such was deemed unfit for a young woman of their status and was punished severely. A house that was classified as 'noble' had dark secrets hidden within those walls, a fear that only the people within experienced. The confusion young girls have growing up was more than intensified in there: it bordered on practically unbearable. This is a story about growing up, about surviving abuse, and about finding salvation and love from anyone you can, even if it’s from the last person on earth you know you should ever hold a deep affection for.
Warning(s): Lesbian incest, graphic child abuse, dubcon, sex between minors, anorexia nervosa, first chapter is un-beta’d
A/N: For NaNoWriMo 2010. This story is entirely from Narcissa’s POV (though not in first person) and will only include up to her graduation from Hogwarts. I may do a sequel later to cover her adult years, but for now I think this is more than enough.
Other Parts: PART ONE | PART TWO
CHAPTER FIVE
Narcissa didn’t get to speak to Bellatrix again until they were on the train to Hogwarts. The fact that Bellatrix even made it back to Hogwarts was a miracle in itself. Mother refused to let her go back to school until she agreed to marry Rodolphus. Bellatrix, looking completely drained and numb, just stared at her for a long time, not saying a word. It was like she couldn’t believe her mother would prioritize her marriage over her studies. None of them could. But Bellatrix, not wanting to be locked up in her room for the rest of her life, reluctantly said one word: “Fine.”
She looked like she couldn’t believe how bad her life had become. It wasn’t even the marriage anymore, not really. While she didn’t want to be tied down in a loveless marriage, it was more about how horrific the summer had been for her; the brutal beatings, practically being held hostage, and the confusion that went on between her and Narcissa. That spark in her eyes and her zest for life had been dimmed substantially, leaving her a broody, grumpy, shell of what she was.
Bellatrix barely spoke anymore. Narcissa was expecting her to tell her to go away when she sat with her in her compartment on the train, but Bellatrix didn’t say a word. She didn’t look at her either. She just slumped into her seat and stared out the window. She looked so drained.
Then Gwendolyn burst in.
“Christ, Bella. Have you seen Rosier’s hair? He’s starting to grow it out - he looks like a complete tosser,” she said as she entered, laughing.
Bellatrix turned to look at her, face blank, and then looked right back out the window.
Gwendolyn scrunched up her face and sat down opposite of Bellatrix, looking confused. “What’s up your arse?”
“She’s not feeling well,” Narcissa answered for her sister. She definitely was not about to tell her what was truly going on. Gwendolyn looked at her, then back at Bellatrix, who answered without looking at either of them:
“I’m fine.”
She didn’t sound very fine.
“Yeah well, whatever it is, you best get over it. You’re rubbish to hang around when you’re in a mood,” Gwendolyn said, leaning back against the seat and propping one of her feet on the seat next to Bellatrix. Bellatrix slowly turned to face her.
“Maybe I don’t want to ‘hang around’ you anymore,” she said venomously. “Did your feeble mind ever think of that?”
Gwendolyn looked at her, taken aback. She slowly removed her foot away from Bellatrix, sitting up straighter. “What could I have possibly done? We haven’t seen each other in three months. It’s me that should be angry with you, if anything. You didn’t write back to me all summer!”
This was growing increasingly awkward for Narcissa, so she decided to bury her nose in one of her schoolbooks, trying to look uninterested in the conversation.
Bellatrix stared at her. “And you didn’t even think of the possibility that I didn’t return your owls on purpose?”
“What’s gotten into you?” Gwendolyn asked, sounding hurt. Bellatrix had no emotion what-so-ever on her face.
“I’m not a lesbian, Gwen. That’s what’s gotten into me. I’m done playing your sick little games.”
Gwendolyn snorted in disbelief, “Oh please, you were the one who practically begged to get in bed with me in the first place!”
Bellatrix’s wand was pointed at her throat in a flash, her face menacing. “Watch. Your. Mouth,” she spat threateningly.
“Don’t!” Narcissa exclaimed, putting down her book and putting her hand on her arm, trying to lower it. But Bellatrix’s arm wouldn’t move and she wouldn’t even look at her sister.
“What are you going to do?” Gwendolyn asked, scornfully. “If you do anything to me, you’ll be expelled.” She looked at her angrily, but Narcissa could see the flicker of fear behind her eyes.
“Bella, this isn’t her fault!” Narcissa exclaimed, gathering all of her strength and pulling Bellatrix’s arm down. But the second it was, Bellatrix shot her a seething look and pushed her backwards. Hard. She landed against the glass of the compartment window, pain shooting down her back.
“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Gwendolyn asked, standing up and backing away from her. “You’re acting like a complete psychopath!” She bent down to help Narcissa, whose face was contorted in pain as she tried to rub her back. “Are you okay?” she asked, concerned.
“I’m fine,” Narcissa said, picking herself back up. That wasn’t near as bad as her mother did to her, so she could handle it.
“Maybe this is just who I am,” Bellatrix retorted.
“Bullshit,” Gwendolyn said, looking over at her angrily. “I don’t know what the hell your problem is, but congratulations, you got your wish. I never want to see you again. If you even think of coming near me again I’ll curse you so bad your face will be unrecognizable.”
And then she got up and left, slamming the compartment door behind her. She never looked back.
Silence washed over the carriage. Narcissa just stared at Bellatrix, who seemed like she was staring through the wall, lost in her own mind. Narcissa didn’t want to risk upsetting her in anyway, so she picked back up her book and started to read “The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 2.”
Neither of them spoke for almost a half an hour.
Finally Narcissa risked a peak at Bellatrix and she felt her stomach lurch from what she saw. Bellatrix was still sitting in the same position, staring through the wall, but tears were streaming down her cheeks. Narcissa didn’t know if she even know she was crying, but it made her put down her book and hesitantly reach out and touch her arm.
“Bella?” she asked softly.
“Leave me alone,” she answered, voice cracking from the strain. She didn’t look at her.
“Bella, what’s wrong?” Narcissa asked quietly. She bit her bottom lip as she watched another fresh tear fall from Bellatrix’s eye. “Didn’t you want to break it off with her?”
Bellatrix’s hand was shaking, so Narcissa slid her hand down to cover it with her own. It took a moment, but Bellatrix finally closed her fingers around hers, holding it. She didn’t say anything for a long time.
It had started to rain outside and the drops of water pounding on the windows were the only sound that could be heard. Suddenly Bellatrix moved, her head dropping down to look at their linked hands. “I hate what my life has become,” she told her softly.
Narcissa squeezed her hand. “I know,” she told her sympathetically.
The wind howled outside as the train continued on its journey. “I don’t want to marry him,” Bellatrix told her softly. “If I was to marry anyone, I would’ve wanted to marry her.”
The pit of Narcissa’s stomach started to burn with jealousy, but she suppressed it. This wasn’t about her. “Then why did you break it off like that? That was horrible, Bellatrix.”
“Don’t you see?” Bellatrix asked, finally turning to look at her. “What her and I had was nothing more than a joke! I could never be with her, not really. Certainly not publicly. So why even bother? Why continue to string her along when I’m engaged to someone else? That would be more horrible than what I just did, I guarantee you.”
Narcissa wasn’t sure, but she wasn’t up to arguing. If Bellatrix thought what she did was best, then it wasn’t her place to argue. It wasn’t her relationship, after all. So she reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind Bellatrix’s ear and said, “I’m sorry.” She gave her a little half smile, trying to let her know that it’ll all be okay as her thumb traced her cheekbone.
Bellatrix looked for a moment in a way Narcissa couldn’t decipher, then she pulled back a little and whispered, “Please don’t touch me like that, Cissy.”
Narcissa furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. “Like what? I was only fixing your hair.”
“Like you want something I can’t give you,” Bellatrix told her. She untangled her hand from hers, smoothing her own down her robes, averting her eyes. “I know I was your first kiss, Narcissa. I know it’s only natural to want more but I can’t… do that again.”
“I… I didn’t ask you to,” Narcissa said, trying not to sound hurt and rejected.
“You didn’t have to,” Bellatrix replied. “It was written all over your face.” She started picking invisible lint off of her robe.
Narcissa’s cheeks started to flush in embarrassment and anger at being put in such an awkward spot. She didn’t bring up the incident in the bedroom to save Bellatrix the embarrassment and yet she’s acting like Narcissa’s now following her around like some lovesick puppy. Maybe some part of her did want to do it again, but she knew better than to ask. She saw how upset Bellatrix got with herself the first time.
“Everyone doesn’t just fall at your feet, you know,” Narcissa sniped, making Bellatrix turn to face her. She grabbed her book, stuffing it in her book bag. “You’re not God’s gift to women,” she continued, furiously. “Oh, lucky Bellatrix; she had a girl who loved her and is now engaged to one of the most powerful boys in our society. Lucky sodding you, right?” She looked up at her angrily as she pulled her book bag over her shoulder and stood up. “Well just because everyone else seems to want you, doesn’t mean I do,” she told her. “Just because I’m young and stupid,” she spat, “doesn’t mean I’m damaged in the head enough to fall for my own sister.”
“Narcissa!” Bellatrix exclaimed, mouth agape.
“And unlike you,” she continued furiously, upset and feeling very put out. “I plan to fall in love and marry a nice pureblood boy, and not spend the rest of my life feeling sorry for myself. I may have urges I can’t explain, but at least I don’t act on them.”
“You did!” Bellatrix protested.
“You did first!” Narcissa yelled. “If you’ve forgotten, which you clearly seem to have. I took the blame because I was scared of the state you were in, but I’m not going to be your punching bag. I didn’t want to kiss you right then, and you know it. You’re just trying to make me feel awful about myself so you can feel better.”
“That wasn’t what I was trying to do, Cissy! I was trying to make you understand that nothing could ever happen between us. And will you shut your sodding mouth before someone hears you?!”
“No one can hear us; the compartments have noise reducers so others can sleep, remember?” Narcissa spat.
“Regardless, you’re acting hysterical and embarrassing yourself.”
“You’re the one embarrassing yourself,” Narcissa told her, moving towards the door. She opened it and looked back at Bellatrix before saying, “I don’t want to talk to you until you’ve gotten over this whole hurting people kick you seem to be on. I refuse to be one of your victims.”
She didn’t give Bellatrix a chance to answer before she stormed out of the compartment, closing the door behind her heavily. She took a breath, noticing she was shaking a little, but smiled despite it all. For once making Bellatrix feel smaller than her made her feel good. She wasn’t about to have everything that happened rest on her shoulders alone. She felt awful for what Bellatrix went through over the summer, but that didn’t give her any reason to embarrass her for no reason. Maybe she was crueler than she should have been, but she was hurt. Besides, there’s no taking it back now.
Narcissa tugged on her book bag a little as she made her way down the Slytherin carriage, trying to find a compartment. A couple down she noticed the boy Bellatrix had gotten into an argument with on the train last year. He was alone.
Feeling a little self-conscience she slowly opened the door, peering inside. He looked up at her. “Um, do you… do you mind if I sit here?” Narcissa asked, suddenly feeling very foolish.
“Not at all,” he said, giving her a charming smile. Narcissa felt her ears turn a bit pink and she nodded her thanks before slipping into the compartment, closing the door behind her. She bit her bottom lip as she sat down across from him, smoothing out her robes with her hands. It was a little awkward sitting with someone she didn’t know; sitting with a very cute boy that she didn’t know.
“You’re Bellatrix’s sister right?” he asked, like he was suddenly recognizing her. He said Bellatrix’s name like it was something vile.
Narcissa nodded, shyly tucking a piece of blonde hair behind her ear. “Yes, I’m Narcissa.”
“Lucius Malfoy,” he introduced himself, extending his hand. She took it and he held it for a second, looking her in the eyes in a way that made her flush again. “If you don’t mind me saying so, you’re very beautiful, Narcissa.”
“Thank you,” she said, feeling her face turn about five different shades of red. When he let go of her hand, she ducked her head down. No one had ever called her beautiful outside of her sister before. She found she rather quite enjoyed it.
“If you don’t mind me asking, why aren’t you with your sister? She seemed to want to keep an annoyingly close eye on you last year.”
Narcissa looked up at him, surprised that he even noticed her existence before now. “We… had a fight,” she admitted. She shrugged, folding her arms into herself. “I wanted to get away.”
“Yes well, with Bellatrix’s temper, that hardly seems surprising,” Lucius commented, making a face of distain at the thought of her sister.
“She’s okay,” Narcissa said. “But sometimes she can be a bit overwhelming.”
The rain was starting to let up a bit outside as they neared the castle. It wouldn’t be long now. Lucius looked at her and asked, “You’re a second year, right?”
Narcissa nodded, gathering her bag up closer to her just so she had something to do with her hands. All of a sudden it seemed like everything she did felt awkward. “Are you in Bella’s year?” she asked.
“Me?” Lucius asked, laughing a little. “No, I’m a third year.”
“Really?” Narcissa asked, surprised. “You look much older.” He seemed much older too. Maybe it was because he knew how to talk to a lady, but that must be because of his upbringing. Her father had mentioned the Malfoy’s once; spoke highly of them.
Lucius cracked a smirk, “I get that a lot.”
“If you don’t mind me asking… if you’re not in Bella’s year, how do you know her?” Narcissa asked, curious.
“We got into it my first year. She was bullying one of my friends and I took it upon myself to confront her about it.”
“My sister isn’t a bully,” Narcissa protested, astounded that he would even say such a thing. Sure she had her temper, but she wasn’t downright mean.
“Clearly you don’t know her as well as you think you do, then,” Lucius said simply. Narcissa frowned.
The compartment door flew open then, two stout boys trying to push past each other to get in. Narcissa backed up so as not to be hit, as Lucius outright rolled his eyes at their stupidity. “Only one of you can fit at a time, you gits.”
The boys seemed to either ignore Lucius’ insult or were already used to them. The fatter one backed up a little, letting the taller one inside first. “Malfoy!” he exclaimed, apparently gleeful over something. “Guess what we just saw!”
“Assessing your excitement, I assume a cupcake?” Lucius replied dryly.
The fat one pushed his way in and answered, “That hag Black is in her compartment crying!” he laughed in glee. Narcissa’s eyes went wide and she abruptly stood up.
“Sit down, you buffoons. Can’t you see you’re in the presence of a lady?” Lucius spat. Both boys looked confused until they actually bothered to notice that they weren’t alone with Lucius in the compartment.
“Who’s she?” the tall one asked.
“Aw, Malfoy’s got himself a girlfriend!” the fat one jested. Narcissa flushed red. She wanted to get past them to check on Bellatrix, but they didn’t seem to want to move.
“This is Narcissa Black,” Lucius introduced, stressing her last name. The fat one’s eyes popped open. The tall one still continued to look confused. Lucius shook his head in annoyance and turned to Narcissa.
“Narcissa, these are my friends, Crabbe and Goyle. They’re idiots, but they have their uses.”
Crabbe, the fat one, retorted to that with an, “Oi!” Lucius smirked.
“Well what do you expect? You burst in here without noticing we have a guest and then continue to poke fun at her sister. Either sit down, shut up, and show a little class, or go find yourself the candy cart and stuff your fat faces.”
“Well how were we supposed to know she was Bellatrix’s sister?” Goyle asked. “It isn’t like she wears a sign.”
“I think I should be going…” Narcissa said, trying to head towards the door, but Lucius put a hand on her arm, stopping her.
“Nonsense. They’ll leave,” he shot them both a look of warning. Both boys looked at each other and rolled their eyes before Crabbe threw Lucius the finger as they trudged out of the compartment, off to find the food cart.
“I’m sorry about them,” Lucius apologized. “They wouldn’t know how to treat a lady even if it was clearly spelled out in front of them. I do hope they didn’t offend you.”
Narcissa swallowed, not used to having someone talk to her like she was worth something. Blood status seemed to count for so little recently. Her mother seemed to think that their family should be regarded as royalty, and yet she was never treated as such... until now. She smiled at him a little, shy.
“No, it’s alright,” she insisted. “I expect they just weren’t brought up as well as you.”
Lucius chuckled, “That they were not. They’re alright though, even if they are a bit thick.”
Narcissa looked out the compartment door, then back at Lucius. “I think I should check on my sister, see if she’s alright. She’s… been through a lot lately. I worry.”
“Of course,” Lucius said, understanding. Narcissa smiled at him before turning to gather up her book bag. When she turned back, Lucius told her, “You’re welcome to sit with me anytime you’d like, Lady Black.”
Narcissa flushed a little but nodded in thanks. “I appreciate that, Lucius.” They locked eyes only for a moment longer until she turned, making her way out of the compartment.
The second she came to Bellatrix’s compartment and opened the door, Bellatrix screamed at her to get out, throwing one of her books at her. Narcissa backed up, angry. She was only trying to see if she was okay. She may have been a bit rude to her before, but she didn’t have to throw something at her. So she left the compartment, furious, and returned to Lucius.
Last year Narcissa didn’t make many friends. This year seemed to be different. She started to hang around Lucius and his friends, and all of a sudden all these girls wanted to be friends with her too. She suspected it was because of how handsome Lucius was; it couldn’t be denied how many girls fell to their knees around him. She secretly was overjoyed that he seemed to show the most interest in her, however. For the first time in her life, someone paid attention to her other than Bellatrix.
Bellatrix, however, was furious when she found out who Narcissa had been hanging around with. She cornered her in the dormitories a few days following her twelfth birthday, after everyone had left to go to class. “Are you thick?” she accused. “Hanging around with the likes of Malfoy? Are you that bloody daft?”
Narcissa looked at her, upset and angry. “Jealous?” she asked.
“Of what, you? Hardly,” Bellatrix scoffed.
“Of that fact that a nice, proper, pureblood boy is paying me some attention, when your own husband-to-be barely speaks to you in the hallway between classes,” Narcissa answered and she gathered up her Potions book. She needed to get to class; she didn’t have time for this.
“Don’t be an idiot, Narcissa. The only reason he’s paying you any attention is because he plans to get between your legs,” Bellatrix spat.
“That isn’t true! Lucius has been nothing less than a gentlemen to me,” Narcissa protested.
“Yeah, until he gets himself a little taste, and then you’ll be thrown out like yesterday’s newspaper.”
Narcissa stomped her foot, angry. “Just because you spoiled your own chastity at a young age, doesn’t mean I will!”
Bellatrix laughed. “Just you wait. He’ll whisper sweet nothings in your ear, tell you you’re beautiful, and you’ll be spreading your legs for him so fast you won’t know what happened until you’re thrown out on your arse the next morning.”
“I’m not a harlot!” Narcissa yelled, offended that her sister would think such a thing about her.
“Oh, sweetie. We all are. We just don’t know it until it happens,” Bellatrix replied pessimistically.
“Well, I’m not like you!”
“You’re exactly like me,” Bellatrix told her, eyes flashing as she advanced on her. Narcissa backed up a couple steps instinctively. “You’re going to believe every lie anyone ever tells you.” She kept advancing on her, and Narcissa backed up until she hit the front board of her bed, halting to a stop. Bellatrix took one more step forwards to be practically towering over her, her face in hers. “He’ll tell you he loves you and you’ll believe it. He’ll tell you it’ll always be you and him, and you’ll drown in his words.” Narcissa swallowed as Bellatrix’s face got closer, her lips barely an inch in front of hers. “And then,” she whispered, like it was some kind of fairy tale she was reciting. “the entire fucking world will turn upside down and suddenly you're left alone, wondering why you even bothered in the first place.”
“What happened with you and Gwendolyn won’t happen with me,” Narcissa said softly, a little nervous at how close Bellatrix was. “Besides, I don’t even know if he likes me like that. You’re just angry that I could have someone and you don’t have anyone.”
Bellatrix’s hand hit the front board of Narcissa’s bed hard and the blonde jumped at the sound. Bellatrix curled her fingers around it as she looked her in the eyes. “I do have someone,” she told her. “It’s just not the person I want. And you’re a fool to think you’ll end up with the one you want. Father will auction you off to the highest bidder, just you wait.”
“It’s a long time off,” Narcissa said, trying to find some means of escape but it seemed Bellatrix had her trapped.
“Not as long as you think.”
“Bellatrix… I need to get to class,” Narcissa avoided, dropping her gaze. “Please let me go.”
But Bellatrix didn’t move. “Do you want him, Cissy?” she asked, but it sounded more like taunting. “I mean, do you really want him? Do your loins burn with need every time you think of him? Do you just dream of touching his cock, of having it slide inside of you and fill you up?” Every word she said sounded more vile and more disgusting just by her tone.
Narcissa flushed a deep read. “Bella!” she exclaimed. “That’s none of your business!”
“I think it is.” Bellatrix’s voice was like venom and it flowed through Narcissa’s body like poison.
“How can you speak like that?” Narcissa asked, horrified. “How can you say those things? You’re acting like a tramp!”
“It’s you who’s acting like a tramp, Narcissa. You don’t think I see the way you try to puff out your chest every time you’re around him, trying to get him to look at your breasts?”
“I do not!” she protested loudly. “I’m still a child, Bella! I don’t… I don’t think about things like that!”
She did think about things like that, but it was still only curiosity; only fantasies. She was growing up, she knew that, but she didn’t want to do any of those things. Not right now! She had only just started masturbating a couple months ago. Not that she would ever admit to anyone that she had done so, though. It was shameful.
“I lost my virginity at your age,” Bellatrix countered.
“WELL I’M NOT YOU!” Narcissa reiterated, screaming. “Just leave me alone, Bella! What I do with Lucius or whomever else is none of your concern!”
“You’re my sister!” Bellatrix hissed, pressing her body into hers to trap her more. Narcissa whimpered a little, feeling overwhelmed and a little scared. Bellatrix hadn’t been right in the head ever since what happened over the summer. “You’re my bloody sister, so yes, it is my concern! Did you honestly think I would allow you to lose yourself to filth like him?”
“We haven’t done anything!” Narcissa protested. “Why are you acting like this? I’m not your property!”
“Oh, Cissy,” Bellatrix said, chuckling a little under her breath as she reached up and stroked her fingers down her cheek softly. “You are,” she whispered. Narcissa swallowed. “Tell me what you really want, darling,” she coaxed, but it didn’t sound in the least bit sweet.
“I’d…” Narcissa spoke, her voice shaking a little. Bellatrix being this close to her was confusing her again. She was scared, but she was also nervous for completely different reasons. “I’d like to go to class,” she tried.
“I meant,” Bellatrix reiterated softly, her fingers still stroking Narcissa’s cheek like she was made out of glass. “Who do you really want?”
It felt like a bunch of butterflies made camp in the pit of Narcissa’s stomach. Was her sister flirting with her? She had just gotten angry with her a couple weeks ago, saying that nothing could ever be between them. This didn’t make any sense. But then again, it was hard to guess the way Bellatrix’s mind worked now days.
Narcissa licked her dry lips, her heart pounding. “What are you really asking?” she whispered, fearful there was someone around to hear them.
“You heard my question,” Bellatrix said, brushing some of Narcissa’s hair off her neck. “Answer me.”
“I don’t understand what you want from me,” Narcissa said, feeling awfully confused. But her hand subconsciously held onto Bellatrix’s robes, feeling like if Bellatrix is touching her, than she should in some way as well. Bellatrix let out a breath and leaned forward, resting her forehead against hers. Narcissa closed her eyes, feeling her sister’s breath on her face. Even with being so angry with her, the familiar burn began to form in the pit of her stomach at the close proximity.
“I don’t want you with him,” Bellatrix whispered finally.
“Why?” Narcissa asked, voice barely audible. She felt Bellatrix’s hand slide around to cup the back of her neck and her grip on the brunette’s robes tightened.
“Because it isn’t fair.”
Narcissa’s breath quickened as she felt Bellatrix’s head move ever so slightly. Her lips brushed hers and Narcissa’s heart leapt in her throat as she tried to suppress a whimper. This wasn’t right, and Bellatrix’s mind games were the thing that wasn’t fair, but she was so weak sometimes around her.
But Bellatrix didn’t kiss her. Her lips only barely touched hers before she pulled away, but only a fraction of a centimeter. “I’m the one that loves you,” she told her softly, her voice tickling Narcissa’s lips and heightening all her senses. “Maybe I’m not allowed to in the way he could, or anyone else could, but I loved you first.”
“I know,” Narcissa whispered.
“You’re all I have left,” Bellatrix told her, voice breaking a little. “You’re the only thing worth a damn in my life, Cissy. I know I can be horrible but I just don’t know how to deal with it. My whole sodding life is falling apart.” She slipped her head down to bury her face in her neck and Narcissa slipped her arms around her waist, holding her.
“You’re not going to lose me,” Narcissa promised, burying her face in her sister’s hair, soaking up her scent. She smelled like lavender.
“Maybe not yet,” Bellatrix mumbled against her skin. “But one day I will.”
Bellatrix couldn’t have been more wrong, but neither of them knew it then. They were both just confused teenagers with no knowledge of how the real world operated. To Bellatrix, marriage was the end of all things; she would be locked up in a house and made to take care of the children. As it turned out, neither of those things happened. She was convinced that her marriage would take her away from Narcissa, but that didn’t happen either. Even when Narcissa married and had a child of her own, she still saw Bellatrix nearly every week at least.
They were sisters, after all. They loved each other more than they loved anyone else, and they loved each other in so many other ways no one ever knew…
GO TO PART FOUR...