Fanfiction || Amphierotic Bloodlines || Bellatrix/Narcissa || Part Nine

[cuzimastripper]

Title: Amphierotic Bloodlines
Author: Sapphire Smoke cuzimastripper
Beta(s): supershineygirl (chapter two), dolfynrider (chapter three & onwards)
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: NC-17
Length Thus Far: 74,462 words
Main Pairing: Bellatrix/Narcissa
Sub Pairings: Narcissa/Lucius, Narcissa/OC, Bellatrix/OC, Bellatrix/Rodolphus
Summary: Growing up in the 1960s in a family that expected nothing less than perfection, anything less than such was deemed unfit for a young woman of their status and was punished severely. A house that was classified as 'noble' had dark secrets hidden within those walls, a fear that only the people within experienced. The confusion young girls have growing up was more than intensified in there: it bordered on practically unbearable. This is a story about growing up, about surviving abuse, and about finding salvation and love from anyone you can, even if it’s from the last person on earth you know you should ever hold a deep affection for.
Warning(s): Lesbian incest, graphic child abuse, dubcon, sex between minors, anorexia nervosa, character death (minor), first chapter is un-beta’d
A/N: For NaNoWriMo 2010. This story is entirely from Narcissa’s POV (though not in first person) and will only include up to her graduation from Hogwarts. I may do a sequel later to cover her adult years, but for now I think this is more than enough.
Other Parts: PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE | PART FOUR | PART FIVE | PART SIX | PART SEVEN | PART EIGHT

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Going back to Hogwarts without Bellatrix felt weird.

Narcissa was always used to sitting with her sister on the train, but this time she sat alone. Andromeda wouldn’t look at her, let alone speak to her, and she didn’t have many friends to speak of that could help fill the lonely feeling that was now settling deep in her chest. As the train rolled on down the tracks she sighed, looking out the window and wondering what her sister was doing right now.

After the wedding, Bellatrix and Rodolphus went on their honeymoon to Scandinavia. Narcissa wondered if they had sex for the formality of it, or if they just went off and did their own thing during their holiday. The two of them never seemed to have any kind of romantic or sexual connection at all, but there were traditions. Narcissa’s stomach sunk at the thought of him being inside of her.

She was still angry with Bellatrix over what happened with Andromeda. After all, that pushed the line severely, but she still couldn’t help but miss her. She felt so incredibly alone right now. Even with how screwed up her home life was, for the first time it truly felt like her family was being torn apart.

Everything just felt so out of her control. Narcissa was never a carefree youth or anything, but at least she knew when to expect the beatings, when to expect when horrible things would happen. A hair out of place, a couple pounds overweight, defiance; she knew to brace herself for the pain. But everything that’s happened in the last couple of years, it just all felt like it was coming out of nowhere; one shit storm after another. She couldn’t even be happy with Bellatrix unless something horrible happened directly afterwards. The lack of control was suffocating her and making her feel weak and like she didn’t have a handle on her own life.

She wished that she could just run away with Bellatrix, but it was a fool’s desire. This is what their life was now. This; Bellatrix married and Narcissa soon to follow in her footsteps. She longed so desperately for it to be December; time for her birthday, time for her to go away to Paris with Bellatrix. But it would only be for the weekend. It saddened her as she realized that her time with her sister was fleeting and would more than likely stay that way for the rest of their lives. They were doomed to only be happy a few times a year; the few times that they could find themselves with each other.

Narcissa took to crying herself to sleep most nights after that revelation.

With Bellatrix gone, her mother became practically unbearable. She knew it wasn’t just towards her; she noticed the amount of owls Andromeda would receive from home as well, though she never spoke to Narcissa about them. Andromeda wouldn’t get within ten feet from her if she could help it though, so it was no surprise that she didn’t share anything with her. Not that she could blame her. But the owls really were horrible; they just added more stress that Narcissa didn’t need.

“Mind your weight, dear. You were looking chubby in your bridesmaid dress and I will not have fat daughters; that’s positively disgusting.”

“Your useless sister still has yet to get any marriage proposals, and at nearly sixteen! This is completely unacceptable and you should be pushing her to try to catch someone’s eye, Narcissa. I hope you will prove this family’s worth more than she does when you reach her age.”

“Your aunt is positively livid over Sirius being sorted into Gryffindor, as she rightfully should be. It’s been centuries since a Black was anything but a Slytherin! Oh, the shame that child has brought on our whole family. One bad apple is bad enough, Narcissa, so you’d do well to prove yourself worthy of your last name.”

“For Gods sake, we need to do something with your hair when you get back. Your father is right; that color blonde is so dull and lifeless. You must have gotten it from your father’s side, because my side of the family has never produced a child with that freakish looking color adorning their head. Expect for me to lighten it on your return trip for Christmas. Right now you look so washed out, it’s no wonder you haven’t caught any pureblooded boy’s eyes yet.”

“Remember to cut what you’re eating in half. I promise you, if you come back for the holidays looking a cow I’ll force my fingers down your throat until you lose two dress sizes.”

“We had so many hopes for you, Narcissa. It’s a shame as you’re maturing that your features are becoming less desirable. I’ll search for a spell to fix that. Blacks do not breed ugly children. If I find one, I’ll make sure to teach it to you just in case you breed undesirable looking offspring as well.”

Narcissa had never had the best self-esteem. She was used to her mother’s insults, but now they seemed to be coming in the post nearly every day. Every single sodding day she’d wake up feeling horrible about herself. Bellatrix used to tell her she was beautiful, but she wasn’t around anymore. Everyday Narcissa would look in the mirror and cry at what she saw. The more alone she found herself, the more she started believing her mother’s words.

She was right, after all. She did look washed out, fat, and ugly. Maybe it was stress, maybe it was depression, but it didn’t matter. She had dark circles under her eyes and Narcissa quickly found herself disgusted when she laid eyes on herself. No one was around to tell her that her mother was wrong. No one was around to tell her she was beautiful the way she was. No one was around to hold on to while the world spun beneath her feet. So out of control, so lost.

With Bellatrix gone, she didn’t have anyone to help her with homework. Her grades slipped drastically and she received a howler from her mother that made her flee the Great Hall in tears. People laughed at her after that, calling her a crybaby. It was juvenile, but it bothered her; to be laughed at. With Bellatrix gone, she was picked on. Suddenly it seemed like people who openly hated Bellatrix turned their anger on her just because they used to be so close; just because she no longer had protection from the one they feared. With Bellatrix gone, she had no one to save her.

Narcissa just wanted to curl up into a ball and die. School used to be a safe haven for her, but it no longer felt like such. Her whole world felt like it was ripped out from underneath her feet and she was falling with no hope of finding something to hang onto. She so desperately wanted control over something, anything in her life.

So Narcissa stopped eating.

It wasn’t a conscience decision on her part; she just found that she was either too upset or too stressed to eat. She didn’t want to go down to the Great Hall either, for fear of more letters from her mother that she couldn’t emotionally handle or more students picking on her just because she was no longer protected by her sister. During those times she usually stayed in the loo, glad to finally have a chance to be alone. She found she hated being in crowds because for some strange reason it only made her feel even lonelier.

Even with all the drama from last year, Narcissa wished more than anything that she could go back in time just so she could stay in Bellatrix’s arms forever; block out the world and never have to deal with anything bad ever again. Maybe she never did have control of her own life, maybe Bellatrix was the one who always had all the control over her, but without her around she finally felt the full impact of true loneliness.

After two months of barely remembering to eat, she finally started to feel better. She found that controlling her hunger was the first step to controlling her whole life. She would drink so much water to trick herself into feeling full that her bladder could barely stand it, but at least she was losing weight and finally starting to feel like she had a handle on a part of her existence. Maybe now her mother wouldn’t beat her the second she walked into the door, which was also a plus. Narcissa didn’t know if she could handle that; it may very well break her this time.

No one noticed that she didn’t eat much of anything anymore. And who would? The few friends she used to have abandoned her when she started spending all her time with Bellatrix. Not that they all didn’t like her, because some of her friends really did like her sister, but it was more that Narcissa couldn’t be bothered much with spending any time with them last year because she always craved to only be around Bellatrix. She supposed it was her own fault that she was completely alone now, seeing as she basically ignored anyone who ever showed any interest in being friendly with her whenever Bellatrix was around.

She regretted it deeply. She was finally starting to understand Bellatrix’s concern about her being Narcissa’s whole world because unfortunately when her sister wasn’t around the world didn’t stop.

It was the end of November and her birthday was coming up soon, just a few short weeks. She was desperately trying to study for her midterm exams in the library, pouring over her schoolbooks and wishing her eyes would stop crossing when she tried to read the words in front of her. She was feeling lightheaded, but it was something she had relatively learned to deal with due to the lack of nutrition entering her body. That didn’t mean it made studying any easier though.

She loathed History of Magic, but she knew she had to pass it to get to her fifth year. God, she hated that it was a requirement. It was horrible, really, thinking about next year. She was already feeling the pressure with her schoolwork now, and to have to have that triple next year just because of O.W.L.s? Sometimes she wished she could just go to sleep and wake up when school was over. It was only going to get worse; she knew it. She remembered how stressed out Bellatrix got when her O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s came up, and she was the smart one!

Groaning, Narcissa pitched forward until her forehead hit the book on the table. She couldn’t do this. Who bloody cared about the Goblin’s Rebellion anyway? They were dirty little hobbits that in no way deserved to be equal.

She suddenly felt her head pushed and it flew off the book, making her forehead hit the table hard. As she sat up and winced, covering her face with her hand, she heard laughing behind her. “You going to cry about it, crybaby? Go on, cry for us,” one girl mocked her, encouraging her friends to laugh at Narcissa’s expense. It was Astraea; a girl Bellatrix constantly undermined all the time at the Slytherin table during meals. Narcissa never really knew why they didn’t like each other, the feud apparently started before Narcissa came to school, but it was merely sniping at each other. As far as she knew, Bellatrix never did any real damage to her.

Narcissa tried to ignore her as she rubbed her forehead with one hand, gathering her books up with another. She wasn’t going to sit here and take this. But she was shoved down into her seat hard by a hand on her shoulder. Narcissa was about to reach for her wand before she felt Astraea’s wand digging into the back of her neck. “Wouldn’t do that if I were you, love.”

“What do you want? I’m trying to study,” Narcissa said evenly, refusing to cry even though this was not helping her overwhelmed feeling at all.

“Studying isn’t going to help your utter stupidity any,” Astraea told her, laughing. Then she mocked Narcissa from earlier in class by screaming in an overly girlish tone: “Oh my god! This plant is trying to kill me! Someone help! I’m useless and don’t know my own head from my arse!” Her friends burst out in laugher as she went on, “Everyone knows you don’t go near Venomous Tentacula, idiot.”

“Sod off!” Narcissa growled as tears sprang to her eyes for being made fun of so openly. She just wanted to disappear.

“What did you say to me?” Astraea snapped, furious. She pushed Narcissa right out of her seat and the moment she hit the floor hard she heard the words, “Furnunculus,” leave her lips. Narcissa screamed as boils started to pop up all over her face. It was excruciatingly painful and she covered her face in horror. She was definitely crying now; the tears were stinging her agitated skin.

Then she heard a loud bang as Astraea was blown backwards into a bookshelf. Her friends scattered instantly. Narcissa was too busy crying and trying to get up to know who just took down Astraea. She didn’t care; she just needed to get to Madame Pomfrey before anyone else saw her like this. She couldn’t bare the thought of the taunts that would surely follow if the school got wind of this.

She nearly jumped out of her skin and she let out a scream when she felt hands on her, trying to help her up. “Are you alright?” the boy asked. His voice sounded familiar, but Narcissa wouldn’t take her hands off her face to see him. She struggled to get out of his grasp so she could run far, far away.

“I’m fine, just leave me alone,” she begged, but he wouldn’t let go of her.

“Narcissa, calm down; it’s me, Lucius. Let me take you to Madame Pomfrey, she’ll be able to take care of you.”

Narcissa wanted to scream and punch a wall when she heard it was Lucius. Her first crush seeing her like this? This was worse than it being just some random stranger. Her day has already been shit, but this was the icing on the sodding cake.

“Please, don’t. That’s… that’s kind of you, but I don’t want you seeing me like this,” Narcissa whispered, still desperately trying to cover her face from him.

“I’ve had that curse thrown at me more than once,” Lucius tells her, a little amusement in his voice. “Trust me, it’s nothing I haven’t already seen. And don’t worry about Astraea; the blood-traitorous waste of space is out cold. She’ll be dealt with properly later though, I promise you. No one of your status should ever have to endure such torment.” His voice held the same tone of finality that Bellatrix had when she marked her victims. For once, Narcissa couldn’t find it in herself to care about another’s well being.

Lucius’ kindness was more than she could handle though. Narcissa was so used to being alone these past few months - her against the world - that the thought of someone caring enough to avenge her brought her to tears. Well, more tears. She tried to speak, but Lucius only shushed her as he gathered up Narcissa’s wand and book bag before leading her to the Hospital Wing.

He kept his arm around her shoulders the whole time as they briskly made their way to Madame Pomfrey’s. Thankfully Lucius took the back corridors so they would encounter less people, but the few students they did come across were silenced from their laughter immediately due to Lucius pointing his wand at them, warning in his eyes.

When they reached the Hospital Wing, Narcissa’s tears had died down significantly, but she still felt horribly embarrassed. She didn’t have to worry about it much though because immediately her hand was taken by Madame Pomfrey and she was being led to a bed and practically pushed down onto it. “Oh dear, that does look nasty. You children and your curses, sometimes I feel like you must have all been raised in a barn! But no matter; sit, sit, dear. I’ll have that cleared up in no time, don’t you worry.” And then she fluttered off to get her supplies.

Narcissa felt the mattress on the hospital bed compress as Lucius sat next to her. She refused to look at him though, still covering her face with her hands. This was so humiliating. Not only was she being picked on, but now Lucius had to witness it? It was the first time they had really spoken since Bellatrix scared him off, though she never thought he’d come round again once her sister was out of the picture. He had his girlfriends; Narcissa saw them. He always seemed to find one immediately after he tossed the last. While Lucius was her first crush, and while he was being kind to her again, Narcissa had no desire to be the next girl on his laundry list. She couldn’t bear to be tossed aside when she already felt so alone.

“I’m fine, really,” she whispered, just wishing he would go. “You don’t have to stay with me, Lucius. I.. I appreciate what you did though. Thank you.”

“It should be a crime for someone to try to defile a beauty such as yourself,” Lucius told her. That should have made Narcissa feel better, but it just sounded like a line. She didn’t feel very beautiful, even when she didn’t have the boils. She was convinced he was lying to her.

“You’re too kind,” she stated politely, but it didn’t sound very much like gratitude. She bit her lower lip as she watched Madame Pomfrey come out from her office with a goblet. She was worried what was inside of it. Lucius was about to say something, but was interrupted by the nurse.

“Here, here, drink up,” Madame Pomfrey told her, pushing the goblet into Narcissa’s hands. “And for the love of Merlin, don’t ask me what’s in it.”

Narcissa curled up her lip in disgust but hesitantly brought the goblet to her lips. The liquid tasted foul and she coughed after she devoured most of it. The goblet was immediately wrenched from her grasp by Madame Pomfrey. “You’ll be good as new come an hour. You’re welcome to stay here until then,” she told her before skittering off into her office again.

“God, that was foul,” Narcissa coughed, wiping her mouth with her sleeve. Then she realized she wasn’t covering her face anymore and immediately threw her hand up, shielding her face from Lucius’ view as she looked away from him. “I’m fine,” she reiterated, hoping he would get the hint. He seemed to immediately.

“Have I done something to offend you, Lady Black?” Lucius asked in his ever so polite way that he always spoke to her. It was ridiculous in a way, because she had heard him be less than polite when speaking with just his friends, or even his girlfriend of the month.

“Why do you speak to me like that?”

“Pardon?”

Narcissa sighed, looking out the window. “You know what I mean; you speak to me like I’m royalty. You don’t have to flaunt your proper upbringing in my face, I’m already aware of what kind of family you come from. I just don’t understand why you would speak to me like you would your Great Aunt when I know that’s not how you normally address people.”

Lucius smirked. “Trust me, I don’t address my Great Aunt in this manner. She’s not deserving of such politeness.”

“That wasn’t an answer.”

“You don’t like it? I always assumed women of your status enjoyed being spoken to like a Queen. It’s what you’re worthy of, after all.”

“Just stop,” Narcissa said, sighing. “I don’t know what game you’re playing, but I won’t be a part of it. I’ve seen you with many pureblooded girls and not once have you spoken to them like you do me.”

“That’s because none of them can compare to you,” Lucius told her, chuckling a little like the fact that Narcissa would even compare is ridiculous. “They’re all tramps; been around the common room more than once. They have no respect for their blood purity and upbringing. You, on the other hand, have stayed pure and chaste.”

“Do I have ‘virgin’ written on my forehead now?!” Narcissa shouted, offended. She pushed him away, “Piss off.”

“It was merely meant as a compliment…” Lucius tried to explain.

“Well it didn’t sound like one!” Narcissa exclaimed, finally turning to look at him. She didn’t care about the boils anymore. “It sounds like you’ve slept around, like the whole sodding world has slept around outside of me; like I’m some kind of freak for wanting to stay pure for my husband! So what of you and your bloody purity and upbringing, Lucius? Were you not expected to stay pure for your future wife? How can you desire qualities in me that you couldn’t bear to hold yourself?”

“Because I admire your strength.”

Narcissa rolled her eyes. That was such a weak answer. She turned away from him, folding her arms across her chest and looking out the window. “If you’re only chatting me up to take my chastity, look elsewhere. I’m not interested in being another one of your nameless, faceless whores. Unlike you, I stick to my resolve.”

“That’s not…” Lucius started, then sighed. He knew he was getting nowhere fast. “Sod it,” he mumbled before he took Narcissa’s hand in his, making her turn to face him. “You don’t understand, Narcissa,” he started. “I admire you for not bringing shame to your family by breaking tradition. There are so few purebloods that are able to stay untouched before marriage. I’m not taunting you, nor putting you down. I think it’s an admirable quality, and very impressive. I think you’d make a wonderful wife one day.”

“What are you saying?” Narcissa asked, suspiciously.

Lucius suddenly looked alarmed. “Oh, no! I wasn’t proposing or anything, you’re too young, that would be-”

“Good,” Narcissa cut him off. “Because I’m not going to be married off to someone I have no feelings for; I saw what it did to my sister.”

Lucius looked like she wounded his pride. “No feelings?”

“I didn’t mean…” Narcissa started, then sighed. “Lucius, you’re a fine boy and I’m sure you’re going to grow up to be a wonderful man and husband, and while you may be attractive and kind to me, marriage is moving far too fast. I want to be in love before I marry, don’t you?” She knew how it felt to be in love because of Bellatrix and she so desperately wanted that for her marriage as well. She wanted to be swept off her feet.

Lucius looked a little taken aback by that question. “I’ve never given it much thought, honestly. We marry for power, not for love. You know it’s a fool’s errand, surely.”

“I’m aware, but you’ve never wanted something more than that?” Narcissa asked him. “You’ve never felt like you deserved that? I know what we’re expected to do, it was drilled into my head as a child, I’m sure it was the same for you, but that doesn’t mean there can’t be love along with the power.”

“You speak foolishly.”

“Maybe, but at least I have enough of a mind to dream. What do you dream of, Lucius?” Lucius said nothing and Narcissa nodded, accenting her point with a self-satisfied smirk on her face, “That’s what I thought.”

Lucius was quiet for a long time before he finally spoke. “So a year from now, you would not accept my hand in marriage if I asked?”

Narcissa almost gave herself whiplash by how fast she turned her head to look at him. “Excuse me?”

“I know it’s not proper to ask until a lady is fifteen, but you may as well be forewarned that you are the only woman that has caught my eye that I’ve deemed worthy enough for marriage. You captivated me when you were twelve, Narcissa. I knew then that you’d be the woman I’d marry.”

Narcissa stood up abruptly; feeling like her breath was taken from her. For all her preaching to Bellatrix about how she would do the right thing and marry a pureblooded boy with no complaints, she finally knew how she felt to be backed into a wall. Lucius was a good match, surely, and she may have daydreamed of marrying him when she was twelve, but that seemed so long ago. So much has happened since then, Lucius and her had barely even spoken since then, and now the first time they do he springs that on her? She suddenly realized how Bellatrix felt; to have no choice in the matter.

“So you’d you trap me into something even if you knew I didn’t desire it?” she asked him, her breathing heavier as she refused to look at him. He stood along side of her, however.

“You’d decline then?” he sounded a little crestfallen.

“You tosser! You know just as well as I do that I’m not in the position to decline!” Narcissa screamed at him, rounding on him finally. He took two steps back at her rage.

“I didn’t mean to upset you, I thought you’d be pleased…”

“Pleased?” Narcissa repeated venomously. “Pleased? Oh, yes, I’m so pleased to know that there’s no hope of me leading my own life, or of falling in love of my own accord. Yes, that’s positively lovely.”

“No, Narcissa, that isn’t-” Lucius tried, suddenly looking so much like the boy he was and not like the man he pretended to be. “I’m doing this all wrong, aren’t I?”

“Do you think?” Narcissa snapped.

“I… I apologize,” Lucius stuttered, his cool demeanor suddenly shattering in front of her eyes. He looked so nervous and overwhelmed. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I won’t ask for your hand if that’s not what you wish. You have my word.”

Narcissa set her jaw and just stared at him.

“I… bloody hell, you’re difficult,” he muttered, exasperated. That only made her glare at him more. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, looking up at her. “I only meant to ask you out, not cause you distress. I went about it all wrong and I sincerely apologize.”

“We’ve barely spoken in years and suddenly you want to ask me on a date when my face is covered in boils?” Narcissa asked skeptically, yet harshly.

“No! I mean yes, I did… do. I just… Christ. Narcissa, I’ve liked you since I was thirteen. I only stayed away from you because your sister’s wrath was something I wasn’t prepared to deal with.”

“So you’re a coward then?” Narcissa countered.

“I was only a boy!” Lucius exclaimed. “Your sister was older and you may not see it, but she’s positively terrifying. And while I’m not excited to face her wrath again, I’m prepared for it. I truly think you’re breathtaking, Narcissa; boils or not, and I’d be honored if you’d give me the pleasure of a date.”

Narcissa couldn’t handle this. Too much had happened over the past few months for her to even begin to think about dating someone. “Well I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to politely decline,” Narcissa told him, hoping her voice wasn’t shaking. She felt so overwhelmed. “I appreciate the offer, but maybe your affections are better suited towards someone else.”

“Narcissa!” Lucius called out to her, but Narcissa walked away from him then, never looking back.

She knew she was being stupid; a nice, pureblood boy whom everyone desired practically proposed to her and the only thing she wanted to do was run away. It was what she dreamed of her whole life, but when faced with the reality of it, it only made her feel suffocated. She didn’t want to be married off to the highest bidder; she wanted love. Real, true, head over heels love. But that love belonged to her sister and to her sister alone. The chances of her finding it in Lucius, or any other suitor for that matter, was slim to none. It was such a devastating thought.

She knew she was destined to be forced into a loveless marriage, but that didn’t mean she still didn’t hold feeble hopes.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

The twelfth of December couldn’t come fast enough.

Thankfully her birthday landed on a weekend, so she would be able to spend the actual day, Saturday, with Bellatrix instead of a few days before or after. People rarely left school on the weekends even though there weren’t any classes since Hogwarts provided room and board, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t allowed if an adult relative wanted to pull her out, just as long as she was back to school by Monday.

Bellatrix had written ahead to the Headmaster, informing him that she would be taking Narcissa for her birthday. Professor Slughorn escorted Narcissa down to Hogsmeade on Friday afternoon after her classes were finished, to meet her sister in The Three Broomsticks. The moment she saw her sister she ran to her, jumping into her arms and holding onto her like she never wanted to let her go. God, she never realized how much she missed her sister’s arms around her until then.

“Cissy?” Bellatrix asked softly, her smile fading when she noticed her sister’s apparent distress. Narcissa was on the verge of tears. “What’s wrong?”

“Let’s just get out of here,” Narcissa whispered, her face buried in Bellatrix’s neck. Her hair smelled like lavender. “Please.”

“Alright…” She sounded confused, but didn’t push Narcissa further. She nodded, kissing Narcissa’s forehead. “Hold on tight, yeah?” Bellatrix encouraged her. Narcissa nodded and grasped Bellatrix tightly before her sister turned on the spot, apparating out of the pub. It felt like Narcissa’s insides were being turned inside out and her head was spinning as she was falling, but suddenly her feet found solid ground. She nearly collapsed, but Bellatrix caught her just before she hit the ground. “Whoa, are you alright? I know it can be a little disorienting the first time.”

Narcissa felt so incredibly weak. She had already felt lightheaded all day because she couldn’t find it in herself to eat even a little the last couple of days. Everything that happened in the last few months just completely overwhelmed her and Lucius’ half proposal was the icing on the cake. She wanted nothing more than to see her sister and now that she did, it was almost too much for her to emotionally handle. She started crying.

“Cissy, what happened?” Bellatrix asked, worried as she gathered her sister up in her arms and led her over to the bed in their suite. Narcissa just lay down on her side, curled into a ball, and was unable to find her voice. She just stared at her, tears streaming down her cheeks. Bellatrix knelt down in front of her, stroking her cheek and wiping away the tears with her thumb; caressing her as if she was made of glass. Her face matched Narcissa’s one of distress; hating to see her sister like his. “Tell me what’s wrong,” she whispered, searching Narcissa’s eyes.

Narcissa’s voice broke as she told her in a broken whisper, “Everything…” She looked away from her, wiping her tears on her robes as she sat up. She didn’t want to ruin the little time she had with Bellatrix. Running her fingers through her tangled hair and letting out a shuddered breath, she shook her head before her eyebrows knitted in confusion as she looked around the room; almost like she only just realized where she was. She tried to change the subject. “You paid for this already, yeah?” With her sister, she could never be sure how she gets anything anymore.

“Of course, I checked in just before I picked you up,” Bellatrix told her as she sat on the end of the bed. She watched Narcissa slowly pick herself up and get off the bed, walking over to the window. What she saw nearly took her breath away. God, Paris was beautiful.

Narcissa wrapped her arms around herself as she stared at the setting sun in the distance. She tried to smile, but it only furthered her sadness as she found it felt so foreign to her face. She blinked as she felt Bellatrix come up behind her, wrapping her arms around her waist and leaning her chin on her shoulder. “Tell me what’s wrong, love,” she whispered before kissing her cheek.

“I just missed you…” Narcissa whispered, placing her hands over Bellatrix’s that lay on her stomach. Her voice broke as she admitted, “So much…”

“I missed you too,” Bellatrix breathed in her ear before placing her lips delicately on her neck. But when she pulled away she coaxed Narcissa to turn around and face her as she added seriously, “But I know that’s not all that’s wrong. You look wretched, Narcissa.” The bluntness of that statement took Narcissa aback for a moment. “Have you been eating? Sleeping? I mean, my God, you look like I could knock you over with a feather.”

Narcissa pulled away from her, feeling her stomach drop from her sister’s assessment on her looks. She needed more than anything to hear she was beautiful from her, and that looked like it wasn’t going to happen. She didn’t understand. She lost weight; shouldn’t she be more beautiful now? Then again, when Narcissa looked in the mirror the last thing she saw was beauty, so maybe it was foolish to believe that someone else would.

“I’m eating fine,” Narcissa lied as she crossed the room to sit on the bed again. She picked at the bed coverings self-conscientiously. “I just… haven’t been sleeping real well as of late.”

Bellatrix looked at her skeptically, but let it go. She followed Narcissa over to the bed, sitting down next to her before pulling the blonde towards her. Bellatrix rested her forehead against hers, her eyes boring into hers. “If anyone’s hurting you, Cissy, I promise you I’ll make them pay.” The heat from her palms warmed Narcissa’s cheeks and a lone tear fell from her eye, landing on the back of Bellatrix’s hand.

“Then you’d have to kill half the sodding school,” Narcissa told her honestly, sighing. Bellatrix’s eyes flashed and Narcissa closed her eyes before pulling away, “Just forget it, please. I can handle it. I’m a big girl now, you know.”

She didn’t feel very much like a big girl though.

“Clearly you can’t handle it; look at you!” Bellatrix exclaimed, grasping Narcissa’s hands in hers. “What’s going on, Cissy? Seriously.” She gave her a sad smile and brushed some of the hair away from Narcissa’s face, cupping her cheek again as her eyes searched her face, like she was studying her. “I saw you three months ago and you look like a completely different person since then,” she told her in a sad whisper.

“You left me alone, that’s what happened!” Narcissa shouted, looking at her sister angrily as she wrenched her face away from her touch. “You left me alone and now everyone that hates you is taking their rage out on me. Mum is practically unbearable, I’m failing most of my classes, and I nearly got proposed to and I just… I can’t handle this! I don’t want to go back to school, Bella! I don’t! I just want to run away and never look back.”

“Who proposed to you?!” Bellatrix asked, rage filling her eyes. Of course that’s the only part of the sentence she paid any attention to. “You’re not even of the proper age! What sodding prick is trying to defile my sister?!”

“It doesn’t matter, does it? And I didn’t say he did, only nearly. He plans to next year. Or he was, I don’t know. I think I probably shattered the image he had of me of being this perfectly bred pureblood after I called him a tosser and shouted at him,” Narcissa told her, sighing as she ran her fingers through her hair, trying to get the feeling of being dirty off of her. “My whole sodding life is falling apart and I don’t know what to do,” she whispered.

“What is his name?” Bellatrix asked, voice dangerously calm. “Tell me.”

Narcissa just looked at her sister disbelievingly. “I tell you there are people being horrible to me and your biggest worry is who plans to marry me? Do you think of nothing else but trying to keep me all to yourself? You know that’s impossible, so I don’t know why you insist on trying.”

“You’re too young for marriage! And don’t worry about those other ingrates; they’ll be dealt with, all right? I promise you Cissy, no one is going to hurt you,” Bellatrix told her, looking her in the eyes. “You know I can’t bear to see you in pain.”

Narcissa gave her a soft smile, “I know that. But you can’t kill everyone who treats me wrong. You do know that, don’t you?” Sometimes she wondered.

“I don’t know why you’re so against murder,” Bellatrix said, like it was something as casual as doing the laundry. Narcissa looked at her in disbelief.

“You’re joking, aren’t you? Tell me you’re just having a laugh.” God, she really didn’t want to know what Bellatrix did now that she was out of school, did she? Ignorance is bliss, after all.

Bellatrix rolled her eyes, sighing like Narcissa was the one whose head was on backwards. “Cissy, one day you’ll understand-”

“Oh don’t give me that load of crap, Bellatrix. You know it’s wrong, you know it is. You just, I don’t know, get off on other people’s pain like some kind of sadistic psychopath.”

Bellatrix stared at her, her face unchanged. Narcissa knew she probably shouldn’t have said that, but it was the truth wasn’t it? Finally Bellatrix bit the inside of her cheek and smirked, leaning back on her elbows. She was taking this incredibly well. “Two in a pair, love. If I’m a sadist then you’re a masochist.” Narcissa narrowed her eyes at her but Bellatrix shrugged and went on casually, “It’s a kill or be killed world, Narcissa. Power is only available to those who take it by force, not ask for it nicely. It’s something you’d do well to learn if you’d like to take care of your bully problem, since you seem so against me fixing it for you.” She smirked again and cocked her head at Narcissa, “Unless the masochist in you enjoys being picked on.”

“Of course I don’t!” Narcissa protested. “But I don’t want people to fear me either. I just…” she sighed. “I want to be left alone. Why can’t everyone just leave me alone? I want to be invisible; that’d be nice.”

“You’re too beautiful for that, babes. You know it,” Bellatrix told her honestly. “You’re always going to attract attention, whether good or bad. It’s what you do with that attention that defines who you are.”

“I don’t want to define anything about myself, I just want to be nobody,” Narcissa whispered, barely audible. She looked down at the space between them, wishing that she didn’t come here with her angst-filled teenage issues. This was supposed to be a nice time for them.

Narcissa felt the bed shift as Bellatrix crawled towards her. Then she felt her chin being tipped up and before she knew it her sister was kissing her so forcefully that it knocked her backwards. When Bellatrix broke the kiss, now on top of her, she looked in her eyes and told her seriously, “You could never be a nobody. Not to me.”

Narcissa gave her a small smile, looking up at her sister. She was so breathtakingly beautiful. Tucking a fallen curl behind Bellatrix’s ear she whispered, “I know.”

Bellatrix returned her smile and told her, “So stop being so depressing, yeah? Come on, I got a whole weekend planned.” She sat up, grabbing one of Narcissa’s hands and pulling her up as well. “We’ll talk about the heavy stuff later and I’ll make my hit list.” Narcissa looked like she about to protest that but Bellatrix smirked and cut her off with a kiss. When she pulled back she whispered against her lips, “Let’s just pretend for a second that the rest of the world fucked off and nothing’s wrong.”

Narcissa pursed her lips before looking up at her under her lashes. “Pretend that we can be together for real?” she asked hesitantly, hopefully.

Bellatrix grinned, “Exactly. We’re in Paris, love. No one here knows us. We can do whatever we want. We can go on dates and hold hands and all that romantic rubbish you’re into and then after we can shag all over this bloody hotel so hard that we knock it to the ground. It’s probably in need of some redecorating anyway.”

Narcissa giggled, a slight blush adorning her cheeks as she ducked her head down. Bellatrix grinned and leaned in, tipping her chin up and kissing her sweetly before asking, “You’d like that?”

“Yeah,” Narcissa admitted. But then her stomach sank a little as she realized that it wasn’t just the fact that they were sisters that was condemned, it was the fact that they were both women in general. Her face fell.

“What’s wrong?” Bellatrix ask, noting the change.

“We can’t do those things, Bella. Go on dates and hold hands and stuff; not in public. We’re still both girls.”

Bellatrix chuckled, “You don’t know much about the French, do you?”

“Excuse me?” Narcissa asked, confused. Bellatrix smiled excitedly, and Narcissa realized for the first time that she missed how innocent she looked when she did that. Bellatrix rarely looked innocent anymore.

“Come on, get up,” Bellatrix prodded excitedly as she got off the bed. “Get dressed; put on your sexiest clothes. We’re going out.”

Narcissa didn’t really have anything that constituted as ‘sexy’, but ended up putting on a deep blue dress that Bellatrix magically hemmed to make it ungodly short. Narcissa nearly had a panic attack after that, insisting she was going to look like a trollop but Bellatrix just laughed and told her, “You are a trollop, love.” That earned her a smack on the arm. She certainly was not.

Narcissa nearly fainted when she saw Bellatrix’s chosen attire; a corset and some skintight pants that Mother would surely kill her for wearing. Women don’t wear pants; they’re for men. Narcissa had to admit; they looked absolutely amazing on her sister though. Where she got such attire though, she didn’t want to know. She looked like a complete slag and Narcissa didn’t understand how she was comfortable leaving the hotel like that. But when Bellatrix slid on a long black overcoat that covered most of her outfit and then handed one to Narcissa, she felt a little more comfortable.

She was worried about where they were going though. Dressed like this, they would surely get thrown from any pub they walked into. But Bellatrix was persistent.

Feeling incredibly foolish, Narcissa held tightly to her coat so no one would see how short her dress was as they walked through the small wizarding village. Bellatrix held her other hand tightly, guiding her down a dark, back alley. “Bella, this doesn’t look very safe,” Narcissa whispered. She never liked the dark, or what could be lurking in it.

“Relax, I’d never let anything hurt you,” Bellatrix told her before they stopped at an unmarked building. Narcissa looked at her, confused.

“Are we still in the wizarding area?” she asked skeptically. She didn’t want to be subjected to a bunch of muggles.

“What do you take me as? Of course we are.”

“But… what is it?” Narcissa asked, looking up at the building. All the windows had been painted black. It looked like a sodding murder house. Narcissa shivered instinctively.

“Open the door and find out,” Bellatrix said with a smirk. Narcissa glanced at her sister out of the corner of her eye, knowing she could trust her to keep her safe, but she wasn’t exactly trusting that Bellatrix wouldn’t put her in an unsafe situation. But she swallowed her nerves and opened the door, stepping inside.

It looked like an abandoned building, but she could hear music in the distance. Bellatrix grabbed her hand and said, “This way.” She led her down a couple corridors until they opened a door, leading Narcissa into a large room where all the action seemed to be happening.

Narcissa nearly choked on her own breath.

It was… utter madness, was what it was. Sweaty, half-naked people dancing and drinking and fucking everywhere. Narcissa stared in wide-eyed horror. “Oh, oh my God. Oh my god, oh my GOD!” she exclaimed, yet her shouting was barely heard over the loud music. She could see Bellatrix laughing out of the corner of her eye though.

“What is this? What… what… WHAT?” Narcissa couldn’t wrap her head around it, it’s like her brain broke in half. She was staring at two women who were kissing passionately while another man shagged the one on top from behind. Narcissa immediately threw her hand up over her eyes, feeling horrified and possibly violated. Though that wasn’t as bad as another man floating in mid air by use of the Wingardium Leviosa spell, his feet and hands bound. While on one hand it was impressive that someone could make a man that had to be at least fifteen stones levitate (Narcissa could barely make a feather float), it was disturbing to see his cock hanging out over the crowd. “Oh my god, I’m so going to hell. Everyone in this bloody room is going to hell.”

Bellatrix laughed some more, pulling a stunned Narcissa by her hand into the room and over to the bar. Narcissa sat where she was placed, mouth still agape and unable to really move properly on her own. She was staring at Bellatrix wide eyed.

“It’s a sex club, Cissy,” Bellatrix said, stating the obvious with a laugh before turning to the bartender. “Two firewhiskeys.”

The bartender looked at Narcissa suspiciously. “What are you playing at? This girl looks barely fifteen.” He looked her up and down, assessing her, and Narcissa flushed guiltily.

“She’s seventeen, alright? And stop looking at my girl like that or I’ll tear your sodding eyes from their sockets. So just pour us a drink, yeah? Do your job,” Bellatrix snapped, giving him a look of fierce warning.

The bartender just muttered as he turned away to make the drinks, “Whatever, not my head on a platter if this goes wrong. I don’t get paid enough for this shit.”

When the two drinks were in front of them, Bellatrix didn’t even have to tell Narcissa to drink up. She took it and swallowed it down in one go, knowing she would have to be drunk to deal with this. Why would Bellatrix take her here? This place was foul. The stuff they do here should be illegal.

“This is making me uncomfortable,” Narcissa told Bellatrix finally, refusing to look at any of the half-naked people.

“Oh relax; you need a bit of fun in your life. And you said you wanted to go somewhere where no one would judge us for both being women, right? Well, this is it.” She signaled for the bartender to get them two more drinks and slid one over to Narcissa.

“How did you even find this place?” Narcissa asked, horrified. Something like this should never be brought up in civilized conversation.

Bellatrix smirked. “Lucius.”

Narcissa choked on her liquor. When she stopped coughing, Bellatrix was laughing. “Sorry, your face… that was bloody priceless. No, Rosier told me. He’s got a bit of kink in him, apparently. Told him I’d cut his bollocks off if he told Rodolphus where I was going though. I think the message got across.”

“That’s disturbing,” Narcissa told her flatly. “This is disturbing.”

“The world is disturbing, love. We just live in it,” Bellatrix told her before she turned back to the bartender and slapped twenty galleons on the table. “Just give us the bottle.” With that kind of tip, the bartender handed over the bottle without a word of protest. Narcissa just shook her head at her sister, disbelievingly.

“I can’t do this, Bella. I can’t be here. It’s… frightening. Immoral. Disgusting.” Bellatrix was about to retort when Narcissa went on, “I mean, my God, how…? Do you just expect for us to shag in front of other people? I won’t do that!”

“Oh my god, don’t be such a child,” Bellatrix groaned, rolling her eyes. “They have rooms, if you really want privacy. But first, you… are going to drink this entire bottle.” She held out the half-filled bottle of firewhiskey to her sister with a wicked grin. Narcissa held up her hands.

“Oh no. No. Bellatrix, that’s going to get me completely narked.”

“Point in case, babes. Drink up,” she shoved the bottle in Narcissa’s hands. “You need to get sloshed more often anyway, you’re too uptight. Have a bit of fun with me, yeah? It’s your birthday.”

“Tomorrow,” Narcissa pointed out.

“And it’s about to become tomorrow in a couple hours, so no time like now to get a start on it. Come on,” Bellatrix said, grabbing her hand and pulling her through the sea of sweaty, naked, drunken people to get to a back room. Narcissa felt like she was going to have to take the longest shower in existence once they left this place. When they got to the private room, Bellatrix pushed Narcissa onto the bed before closing the door behind her and climbing on top of her, taking off her coat and throwing it to the ground.

“Why can’t you just take me out like I’m a normal person?” Narcissa complained.

“What; like dinner? That’s boring. Besides, I can’t fuck you on the table after we’re done eating.” She grinned at her, but Narcissa only rolled her eyes at her before taking a swig of the whiskey.

“You’re intolerable sometimes, you know?”

“Why’s that?”

“Because now that you’ve gotten in my knickers that’s all you want. To shag me. You’re worse than a man,” Narcissa told her bluntly before taking another swig of the burning liquid.

“Actually, I haven’t been able to properly shag you, so don’t play like I have. You’re still technically a virgin, are you not?” Bellatrix countered before grabbing the whiskey out of her hand and tipping it back, devouring much more than one person should be allotted to swallow. She coughed for a moment before running her thumb across her bottom lip, wiping off the stray drops of liquid. “But I play nice; don’t screw you properly even though you definitely need a good popping. So don’t give me shit for only having a taste when I’m not allowed the whole cake.”

“I’m not cake,” Narcissa protested grumpily. Bellatrix smirked and leaned down, kissing her softly before whispering:

“You taste like it.”

Narcissa flushed and forgot what she was arguing about. She stared up at Bellatrix, her eyes trailing over her flushed face to her heaving bosom. Then she furrowed her eyebrows. “How can you even breathe in that thing?” she asked, indicating the corset. Bellatrix smirked.

“Why don’t you take it off me then, if you’re so concerned for my breathing habits.”

Narcissa stared at the corset and its many latches and laces, perplexed. “Honestly, I wouldn’t have the first clue how.” Bellatrix chuckled.

“Then take off your clothes. I suspect you know how to do that without step-by-step instruction?” She was poking fun at her and Narcissa narrowed her eyes at her before grabbing Bellatrix’s shoulder and pulling her down roughly. Bellatrix let out a shout of surprise, but didn’t protest any longer when their positions were reversed and Narcissa was now on top of her, straddling her stomach.

But Narcissa didn’t look like she wanted to play games. She looked at Bellatrix a little vulnerably and the brunette’s face fell, suddenly realizing the truth. “You don’t like it here, do you?” Narcissa shook her head back and forth, her blonde hair flying all over the place, and Bellatrix sighed.

“I’m sorry, but all this? This isn’t me. It may be you, but I can’t… I can’t be so forward with my sexuality like you can be. Sometimes I wish I could, but I don’t think it’ll ever happen.”

Bellatrix looked crestfallen; she obviously thought this was a perfect present.

Narcissa gave her a sympathetic look and leaned down, kissing her sweetly on the lips. When she pulled back she told her softly, “If you want to have sex with me, we can do it back at the hotel, behind closed doors. I’m not with you to be treated like a common prostitute, Bella. I’m with you because you love me. I want to be able to feel that when you touch me, and not the alcohol running through my veins as you take me in I’m sure what would be demeaning and immoral ways if we were to do it here.”

“It’s only demeaning and immoral if you construe it as such, Cissy. My love for you wouldn’t fade no matter what position we have sex in,” Bellatrix told her honestly. She sighed, looking over at the wall. “I’m sorry; I thought you’d enjoy being somewhere where our love wouldn’t be judged.”

“Everyone’s constantly judging one other, Bella. Wherever we are… that doesn’t change that fact. I judged at least ten people when I stepped in here and I’m sure you did the same. Some of them have no business being naked in public, that’s for sure.”

Bellatrix laughed, “True. Did you see that fat bastard with that girl that looked barely seventeen? Pedo central; fucking sick.”

“Says the chronic masturbator to a picture of me when I was, what; six?” Narcissa retorted, but lightly. She only meant to poke fun.

Bellatrix’s face darkened. “It was the only picture I had of you, alright? I wasn’t getting off on you being young or anything!”

“I don’t care, honestly,” Narcissa told her softly. Bellatrix looked at her disbelievingly. “Really, I don’t. I promise you. I know you were just doing it because of me and not because of my age. You have your flaws, Bella, but lusting after children isn’t one of them.”

“You’re still a child,” Bellatrix pointed out.

“We’re four years apart; it’s not that radical of a difference. You’re barely an adult yourself.”

“I am so an adult!” Bellatrix protested loudly, offended. Narcissa laughed at how easily that offended her and how much that one statement actually made her sound less like an adult, and she leaned down, kissing her on the forehead.

“Sure you are.”

“I am! I have a house now and everything, thank you,” Bellatrix huffed. Narcissa giggled as she climbed off of her sister, holding her hand out to her.

“Come on; let’s go back to the hotel. You can prove how ‘adult’ you are there, if you wish.”

Bellatrix smirked wickedly and promised, “Oh, I will…”

GO TO PART TEN