God, I feel fucking lost and sad.

Robin's mother, Sue Katz, died today. It's been so terrible. I had these morbid thoughts all of yesterday, and then I was dreaming and Josh was calling me and I had dreams of an emergency. Josh called me twice and then a third call from Robin woke me up sometime around 11 or midnight. Robin's mother had fallen in the bathroom, her father ran ( Read more... )

I'm a little emotional today. I just sat on the floor for about, I don't know, maybe forty-five minutes hugging FB and telling how much I love him. He hasn't eaten any of the treats I've given him and I'm hoping it's because he knows I'm going away and that he doesn't want me to go. I'm sad. I love this dog and I've spent so much time with him over ( Read more... )

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The more distance I have, the clearer it gets: he's awful for me. Not just for me, but to me. I see all these people coupled with their best friends, partners they have fun with and who understand them and who support them. I can't even imagine a man loving me as much as I would love him. I can't imagine someone loving me the way I should be loved ( Read more... )

 I love him. I love my John. I can't get rid of this when there's so much we both love. There's so much that I love ( Read more... )

I'm feeling alright again. Last night, John and I got into a tough spot - I think he was just frustrated that he couldn't be comforted; everything I said was wrong, then he got mad at me for talking and said that he just wanted me to listen, then told me he didn't actually want that. He finally became too upset and got up to leave the kitchen, ( Read more... )

Marilyn, my therapist, gave me quite a bit to think about. For some reason, I can't get over the fact that she gave me a lot to think about when it was I that did about 99% of the talking. What a stupid thing to keep mulling over in my mind ( Read more... )