Well lets see I have not updated in forever!!! Well not as long as others but it has been a long time for me.  I didn't even think people still did LJ's anymore. Well nothing new is going on with me.  Still single and hating everyday of it.  Still in love with the ones I will never have.  People are still gone from my life that no matter what I ( Read more... )

I am really not falling. But the rain is coming down out side.  Not at all hard but constant.  I love rainy days.  I know I am weird but I love to watch the rain fall.  I wish I was at home in my room in the dark watching Grey's Anatomy or listening to some music.  I need to find a man.  But the search is not going so well. I mean a couple of ( Read more... )

Miranda Lambert is one of my favorite Country singers right now.  Her songs are speaking to me right now in my life.  I am so desperate right now in my life it is not funny.  I am desperate for a financal change in my life.  And I am desperate to feel love.  It has been almost 5 years since I stepped out of the closet.  And I can't seem to find  ( Read more... )

You were mine by Dixie Chicks.  The first time I heard this song I thought I was going to bawl my eyes out.  But today when I listened to it, it made me think.  It made me think about all the people in my life that were once mine and now are gone.  Some I can't talk about because it is just something I don't want to get into.  But even people who ( Read more... )

I love that song.  And last night it made a lot of sense to me.  I have never ever been ashamed of who I was until last night.  I actually hated being me.  And I am never like that.  I love myself as much as I can.  But last night I was pushed to my breaking point and I actually cried.  If it wasn't for Anthony I don't know if I would have cried ( Read more... )

 Well like always nothing has changed in my life.  I am still fat and single. Which I am fine with both.  I am a strong independent person.  And I don't need anyone to make me happy.  Well I guess that is a lie but it sounded good coming out.  I had the flu a couple of weeks back.  Which I got high fevers my highest was 103.3 which was horrible.  I ( Read more... )

Same Last Name

Let’s take a drive.

Roll down the windows.

Blast the radio.

Escape into a world of our own.

Where we can just be happy.

Happy without judgment.

Where we can hold hands in public.

Kiss on a park bench.

Cuddle on a blanket at the beach.

Hold each other in the movies.

Walk down an aisle to say “I Do”.

To wear rings we handed each other.

To raise a ( Read more... )

Sarah Buxton sang it for me.  Described my life in a song.  I always think I miss that someone I was with.  But in reality I just miss that feeling of being innocent.  Of life before sex and alcohol came into my life.  I miss being innocent when kissing someone was a big step in life.  Where holding hands was the best thing in the world.  I just ( Read more... )

Life right now is just life.  Not really going any where right now.  Still single, still fat, still broke.  So really in the end nothing has changed.  I was talking to this guy i thought was the one.  Well it turns out he was not.  And I am fine with it.  I am just living life as it comes my way.  Taking it slow when i need to.  I am just over all ( Read more... )

Well not totally wonderful but going ok.  I am happy.  OR content.  But I am good.  I don't know what I am.  All I know is that for once I think I found the guy of my dreams.  But we have not met yet so I am not getting my hopes up.  He does not look like the man in my dreams.  But I am trying to move on from looks.  I need to be less shallow.  I  ( Read more... )