Stay The Same

[wanna_be_03]

I love that song.  And last night it made a lot of sense to me.  I have never ever been ashamed of who I was until last night.  I actually hated being me.  And I am never like that.  I love myself as much as I can.  But last night I was pushed to my breaking point and I actually cried.  If it wasn't for Anthony I don't know if I would have cried but I did.  I did not cry hard or for long but it was one of those cries where it hurts so bad inside.  I never cry like that.  But I did last night and I hate the reasons that I cried for.  Dustin told me things about his friend Justin.  And Seth told me reasons why.  And it just broke me inside.  I am a strong person but last night I lost the strength.  If I was thinking about committing suicide I most likely would have done it.  That is how bad I was last night. I am a little better now.  But I am still so hurt inside.  And I wish I could forget about it but I just can't.  So for right now I will dwell on it.  I am not a weak person or one to hate myself so this is all new to me.  And I am not to happy on how it is making me feel.  I try to deal with things on my own.  But this time I feel it is out of my hands.  And I hate that so much.  Flamer, that word can kill you if it is said to the wrong person.  Gay bashing is wrong and it is even worse when you know someone who wants to hurt a friend because they are gay.  And you do nothing to make it better.  Last night things were said.  Some not really that hurtful but some that killed my insides.  I have been out for almost 5 years now and I have never been so ashamed to be gay until last night.  And I hate that it happened.  No one should ever be ashamed of themselves.  But I was and I am sorry that I was.  No one should make you feel small.  And no one should be able to put you down.  Both of these things just made me a stronger person.  I will no long hide in the shadows of my life.  I will be proud 24/7 of being gay.  And I will no longer walk in shame.  I am me no matter what you say to me.  I am me and I always will be me.  And if you can't handle that then you are not worth my time.  I am gay and proud of it and I don't care what you have to say about it!  I love myself and that is all that matters to me.

Love Only The Best Gay David