Desperation!!

[wanna_be_03]

Miranda Lambert is one of my favorite Country singers right now.  Her songs are speaking to me right now in my life.  I am so desperate right now in my life it is not funny.  I am desperate for a financal change in my life.  And I am desperate to feel love.  It has been almost 5 years since I stepped out of the closet.  And I can't seem to find someone who wants more than just a one night stand.  I have fallen for a few guys but none of them have really fallen for me.  I am sure some have felt something but not like me.  I am just the person people use when things in life are not going their way.  And I am getting so sick of it.  I try to be strong enough to take a kiss and have it mean nothing. But my heart is so lonely that one kiss makes it melt.  I wish I wasn't so lonely but being single for over 5 years can kill a person.  So I think my heart is so desperate for love that it is finding it in all the wrong places.  I wish I would be able to just stop looking for someone.  But even when I say I am done looking I really am not done looking.  I am so stupid sometimes.  But life in the single lane is not as fun as everyone thinks it is.  Unless you are a female it seems.  Because all of my single female friends can just walk into a bar and meet someone no problem.  I can't do that.  I wish I could but I don't go to the right bars for that to happen to me.  And I know it is my fault but those bars don't appeal to me.  I don't like the gay scene as much as I am in it.  I really don't know what is wrong with me. But I know a change is coming my way.  Because in the last few days I have realized a lot in my life.  And I know what I have to do to make it all better for me.  So once I can love myself fully then I will be ready for someone to love me fully.  Well I got to go now and change myself.

Love all of you so much,

David Glenn Sapp Jr.