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2 things my mom complemented me on
1. Cooking rice. Which is the Chinese equivalent of American mac and cheese. Geez mom, thanks nothing about me as a person or my personal accomplishments in life. I have 2 college degrees, painted murals, nursed red tails hawks back to life, taught natural science to 6th graders, worked as a ranger in the west. She has never been able to admit ( Read more... ) -
Mom the angry martyr
9 Angry Martyr Signs (ANIMATION) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtWn7XrsKykNot all narcissistic mothers are easy to identify. Sometimes it happens that their expression of narcissism is a smothering kind of 'love'. While it may appear on the surface that the angry martyr is ( Read more... ) -
The thief returns
March has always been a hard month for me. I've learned that March is just kind of a hard month for a lot of people even when it's not a sad anniversary for them like it is for me. People who muscled through the long dark winter months suddenly find themselves unable to cope in the warming brighter days. Sometimes for animals spring is the the ( Read more... ) -
What am I supposed to do now?
I'm used to them being mean and conveniently "forgetful". I know what to do when they try to groom, manipulate, browbeat, guilt, and threaten me into the role of the ideal scapegoat. But I don't know what to do when they act (key word "act") reasonable ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
Mom bit Bree today. I couldn't believe it. Mom wouldn't let go of Bree's arm and when Bree pulled her arm away, Mom bit her and broke her skin. I wanted to grab Mom and drag her away from but I instinctively knew that's exactly what she wanted, a physical confrontation. Instead I took pictures and Mom immediately released Bree and screamed that ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
Mom is on the blitz attack and leaving me voicemails gloating that I'm "weak" and "going to have many trouble because you're weak" and her plans to get herself evicted and wreck my credit score because I'm the guarantor on her lease even though on voice mail #1 she said I'm not the guarantor and therefore I should stay out of her business. Typical ( Read more... ) -
The thief returns
I've been on edge, like I'm on a razor of shredded psyche. It's March and the annual return of thief is upon me. It felt worse this time, but maybe because I've been doing pretty good for awhile so the hit of sadness, depression, and anxiety feels worseL than usual. Last week when I talked to Mom and she screamed at me, I felt nothing. When she ( Read more... ) -
Manufactured anger
Temper tantrums are manipulation attempts. In children we generally recognize temper tantrums for what they are, but I find in adults we are less likely to recognize them and believe the throwers of temper tantrums have legitimate issues that cause them to lose their shit ( Read more... ) -
Insomia cometh
The last time I was wandering around the hallway at 3:00 in the morning I bitched and cried that I want a mommy, not a soul sucking narcissistic parasite. When it isn't insomia it's old familiar nightmares; the neglected aquarium that belonged to my dad but I took on as my responsibility, my mom trying to covet my friend because she has none of ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
Lately I've been privatizing alot of my journal entries, as I'm not real proud of my icky thoughts and feelings. When I read back my non-private entries, I realized it's been more of the same, my round and round of anger at my mom and brother-in-law and general giving up on my autistic sister and stopped engaging with her, though I have not stop ( Read more... )