The thief returns
March has always been a hard month for me. I've learned that March is just kind of a hard month for a lot of people even when it's not a sad anniversary for them like it is for me. People who muscled through the long dark winter months suddenly find themselves unable to cope in the warming brighter days. Sometimes for animals spring is the the limbo between winter's desert and the bountiful summer and though they survived winter, they don't have enough reserve to survive spring to wait for the return of their food, so they perish, like how some healthy 1st world people perish.
I was watching Jared's one year AKF anniversary video and he said that a year ago he was on the down side of a downward slope. 2015 would be the happiest of Jared's 33 years, it would also be his lowest. I was struck, though, how March for him was also hard and he was sliding down toward the lows of his whole life. When I saw Jared last summer, he had recovered from his lowest low and appeared healthy and happy, which made me happy for him and also gave me hope.
It's March and the annual return of thief return to me again. Last year it wasn't as bad, though it was still tough, so this time it feels very bad, hit with sadness, depression, anxiety, and anger. Lots of simmering anger. Last week for the first time in several months, Mom left a message offering a free vacation with her to Cancun. I thought about returning her call just to say thanks but no thanks. But I never called her. I revisited "what she owes us" where I calculated the cost of her negligence and abuse. By my conservative estimates, she spent at least one hour a day venting and using use her her personal therapist and emotional punching bag. The standard therapy rate is $150 per hour. So at 365 days a year at $54,750 a year for 18 years, she owes Bree and I $1 million dollars.
Funny how this alleviate some of my ridiculous guilt over the $6,000 she reimbursed me for the 1/2 year of rent I paid on my house that she lived in.
I was watching Jared's one year AKF anniversary video and he said that a year ago he was on the down side of a downward slope. 2015 would be the happiest of Jared's 33 years, it would also be his lowest. I was struck, though, how March for him was also hard and he was sliding down toward the lows of his whole life. When I saw Jared last summer, he had recovered from his lowest low and appeared healthy and happy, which made me happy for him and also gave me hope.
It's March and the annual return of thief return to me again. Last year it wasn't as bad, though it was still tough, so this time it feels very bad, hit with sadness, depression, anxiety, and anger. Lots of simmering anger. Last week for the first time in several months, Mom left a message offering a free vacation with her to Cancun. I thought about returning her call just to say thanks but no thanks. But I never called her. I revisited "what she owes us" where I calculated the cost of her negligence and abuse. By my conservative estimates, she spent at least one hour a day venting and using use her her personal therapist and emotional punching bag. The standard therapy rate is $150 per hour. So at 365 days a year at $54,750 a year for 18 years, she owes Bree and I $1 million dollars.
Funny how this alleviate some of my ridiculous guilt over the $6,000 she reimbursed me for the 1/2 year of rent I paid on my house that she lived in.