Manufactured anger
Temper tantrums are manipulation attempts. In children we generally recognize temper tantrums for what they are, but I find in adults we are less likely to recognize them and believe the throwers of temper tantrums have legitimate issues that cause them to lose their shit.
It took me a hella long time to realize that Mom’s angers were manufactured with the intent to distract, displace, and distort. Mom refuses to reimburse the property manager, Amber, for the bed bug extermination fee of $140. I checked the ledger and then told Mom that she owes Amber the $140. Mom screamed at me demanding to know when I talked to Amber, when Amber called me, what day, how many times, and so on which none has to do with the ledger. I answered some and then stop myself and brought the “conversation” back to the ledger. Mom continue to scream demanding the when, where, how many times Amber talked to me and again I said that’s not the point and that the ledger is correct. Next Mom screamed “Everybody said I’m right!” Fine, have your lawyer draw up a letter. Next Mom screamed that the maintenance man agreed with her that she doesn’t have to pay. Fine, have him write a letter but the ledger is still correct. Next Mom screamed “You’re not on my side!” With that I retort with, “I was always on your side but you were never on my side.” Silence. “Mom, the ledger is correct, you have to pay or else the management will starting charging you late fees”. Mom screamed some more before hanging up.
It occurred to me that Mom must have done this all her life to others to get her way, and it worked so why should she change? This is a bit of a shock for poor Amber who until now thought Mom was a sweet little old lady, until Mom did get her way. I’ve been apologizing to Amber that she doesn’t deserve any of Mom’s crap and if Mom abuse her again to tell her the 2 magic words, “Call Enilina.”
I knew I did the right thing in getting legal guardianship of CeCee because no way could Mom not abuse the staffs and then the agency drop CeCee from their services. I’ve seen this happen to a down syndrome woman because her mother treated the caregivers like personal servants.
I think I’ve reached a point that I’m over my resentment of my failure to force fit CeCee into my ideal of being in the normal world for her. It took me over a year to find that new normal for myself when it comes to CeCee and the next time I visit her I think I’ll be kinder.