FIC- Lies for Love Part Twenty-Two
Title: Lies for love
Pairing: Thirteen/Cameron, Thirteen/Cuddy
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Pretty much zilch. This is set at the beginning of Season 5 when House has his new team but contains nothing about them specific to episodes.
Disclaimer: I own... nada.
Summary: Thirteen can't remain faithful and risks losing everything that matters to her.
( Part One.) ( Part Two) ( Part Three) (Part Four) (Part Five) (Part Six) (Part Seven) (Part Eight) (Part Nine) (Part Ten) (Part Eleven) (Part Twelve) (Part Thirteen) (Part Fourteen) (Part Fifteen) (Part Sixteen) (Part Seventeen) (Part Eighteen) (Part Nineteen) (Part Twenty) (Part Twenty-One)
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22.
A few hours later Thirteen awoke, and she had a few blissful seconds of peace before she once again remembered everything that had happened. She was currently torn between wanting to strangle House and yell at Cuddy, despite it not being her fault. Though she still wasn’t mad at Cuddy; she couldn’t help but want to scream and shout at her until she felt guilt. That was a hateful thing to want, but then it wasn’t like she could control her thoughts. As long as she didn’t actually do it there wouldn’t be a problem. Really, the only thing she actually intended to do was type her resignation letter citing “personal reasons” as an excuse, and then without completing her notice period; up and leave.
She didn’t know where she was going to go; she only knew that she wouldn’t leave a forwarding address. References weren’t important, she’d figure something out. She wasn’t even sure if she was going to continue working in medicine, there were so many other career paths open to her! She could consider teaching, or do something entirely different and... move to California to become a lifeguard. She had no responsibilities and so long as she could pay the bills it didn’t matter what she did. Fortunately, she had a decent amount of money saved in the bank, which meant she could easily afford to lie around for a few months whilst she decided.
Climbing out of bed, she located her laptop in the living room and switched it on. She wanted to draft the resignation letter whilst she was in a determined mood. It was just gone five in the afternoon which meant that her colleagues would be finishing up right now unless a patient had come in between her fleeing the hospital and now, which wasn’t likely. House had probably spent the entire day following Cuddy around and worming his way into her life even more than he had already managed to. Thirteen hoped that Cuddy wouldn’t let him get away with it, but hope and reality were two very different things.
For the next hour, Thirteen steadily made progress on her resignation letter. It was harder than she thought it would be, trying to word it without giving away too many details. Obviously Cuddy would read it and so she didn’t want to say anything that would rile her ex or cause her to become upset. She couldn’t give a shit what House thought, he was the least of her concerns. In fact, he was pretty much the entire reason for the resignation; without him getting involved there may have been a chance that Cuddy forgave her. But no, as usual he had to make everyone around him just as miserable as himself.
Thirteen was just finishing up when she heard a knock on her door. She frowned. Someone must have let whoever was outside her door into the building, because her buzzer hadn’t gone. She remained still, intending to ignore it until they went away. As quietly as she possibly could she stood up from the couch and tiptoed to the door so that her visitor wasn’t alerted to her presence inside. She had a horrible feeling that it was House, in which case there was no way on earth she was going to open the door. Eventually he would get bored and go away.
Except the knocking didn’t stop and the person outside didn’t go away. They just knocked harder and harder, still not saying anything. Thirteen was tempted to call out and ask who it was, but if she did that then whoever was outside would know she was in. God, how she wished she had a spy hole. Putting her ear to the door, she listened out for any kind of noise that would allow her to distinguish who was there, such as the sound of a cane tapping. There was nothing. Frustrated, she debated what to do. If she opened the door and it was House then she would never get rid of him. If it was someone else like Kutner who had no idea what had gone on, then she wasn’t exactly in the mood to make conversation.
Thirteen was still considering what to do when the person finally called out.
“Remy, it’s me. Please open the door.”
Cuddy. Never in a million years had she thought it would be her ex-girlfriend. Without hesitation Thirteen unlocked the door and opened it. She might be hurting but she’d behaved no better, and Cuddy hadn’t really done anything wrong. She was wearing her clothes from earlier, suggesting she’d come straight from work. Her eyes betrayed the fact that she’d been crying, and the one hand on her face signalled that she was extremely worried. Whenever Cuddy was worried, she always touched her face.
“Hi,” Thirteen said quietly.
Cuddy walked into the apartment and Thirteen shut the door behind her. “Someone was coming in the same time as me... that’s why I didn’t buzz,” Cuddy explained, seeming to make an attempt at small talk. “It was lucky really, seeing as you probably wouldn’t have even let me into the building.”
“Actually I would have,” Thirteen denied Cuddy’s claim. “It took me so long to answer the front door because I didn’t know that it was you. I thought it was House or...” Thirteen’s voice trailed off.
“Cameron?” Cuddy offered bitterly.
Thirteen knew she shouldn’t rise to the bait, but she couldn’t help it. “Seeing as I was on the phone to her not long ago no, I didn’t think it was her.”
Cuddy looked shocked at Thirteen’s flared words. She took a few seconds, but then gathered herself together. Awkwardly, she replied, “So... you two are a couple now?”
Thirteen shook her head, already feeling guilty for snapping. “Of course we’re not. Chase has forgiven her and they’re making a go of their relationship.”
“Oh,” Cuddy looked at the floor.
“Did you come here for something?” Thirteen asked, blasé. “Only I’m not really in the mood for an argument right now.”
Cuddy looked up, dumbstruck. “After what you did today, walking out; I have the right to yell at you. My God, I have the right to suspend you!”
“Go on then,” Thirteen goaded, unable to stop herself. She didn’t want to argue but Cuddy was really irritating her.
“What, suspend you? Believe me there’s nothing I’d like better,” Cuddy spat viciously.
“Why don’t you go one step further and fire me?” Thirteen suggested with a laugh, though the situation was anything but funny. “Save me from putting the finishing touches to that,” she jerked her head in the direction of the resignation letter.
“What?” Cuddy frowned in confusion. She followed Thirteen’s eye line to the laptop, and walked over, sitting on the couch in order to read the screen. Comprehension dawned upon her within a few seconds, and she said incredulously, “You’re leaving?”
Thirteen took a seat at the other end of the couch and shrugged her shoulders. “It’s for the best.”
Cuddy turned away from the laptop and focused on Thirteen. “And I don’t get a say in this?”
Thirteen sighed. “Why would you?” She really didn’t understand what it had to do with Cuddy whether she resigned or not. It wasn’t her problem if House was going to cause hassle for Cuddy in finding another team member.
“Until you fucked it all up I was a part of your life, Remy!” Cuddy exclaimed. “And I don’t think it’s fair of you to run away now that things are difficult between us.”
“There is no us, Cuddy. We split up... remember?” Thirteen said in a stony voice.
“Your choice,” Cuddy threw back in retaliation.
“Well it obviously didn’t bother you that much considering that you jumped into bed with House,” Thirteen said spitefully. Why was she behaving this way? She had to stop.
Cuddy’s eyes widened.
“Yeah, I heard what you said this afternoon. Why do you think I left work?” Thirteen couldn’t help the jealousy that seeped out of her, and she vowed to try harder to control it.
“I knew that you heard, that’s why I’m here. I just can’t believe you have the gall to comment on it considering what you did with Cameron,” Cuddy shot at her.
“Just because I made a mistake it doesn’t mean that I can’t be upset about you moving on so quickly,” Thirteen was trying to be honest. “You have every right; I know that. But I can’t stick around and watch you and House be together, I can’t. I still love you and the best thing I can do right now is to move away from New Jersey and make a new start.”
“Wait, what? You’re not just quitting... you’re moving?” Cuddy looked horrified. “Where are you going?”
Thirteen gave her a small smile. “Not sure yet. I was thinking California maybe. Lots of sun and completely different to New Jersey. If not there then somewhere like Las Vegas perhaps. My kind of scene... you know?”
Cuddy noticeable swallowed, and immediately looked stricken.
Thirteen didn’t understand her reaction. “I thought you’d be pleased.”
“Why would that please me?” Cuddy seemed at a loss as to why Thirteen would think that.
“You won’t have to see me ever again,” Thirteen watched Cuddy with sad eyes as she spoke. “I know that after what I’ve done, not just with Cameron but my behaviour after like my shouting at you tonight, that there is no way we can ever be together again.”
“I...” Cuddy opened her mouth to speak but couldn’t appear to get the words out.
“You don’t have to say anything,” Thirteen said softly. She moved closer to Cuddy, placed a gentle kiss on her cheek. “I really am sorry.”
“You’re running away,” Cuddy shook her head. “You don’t have the guts to face what’s happened and it’s easier for you to leave and forget about me.”
Thirteen didn’t hesitate to deny Cuddy’s words. “That’s not true. And even if I wanted to, I could never forget you.”
“I’m supposed to believe that?” Cuddy stood up. “You know what; I don’t care. I came here to try and resolve this but obviously that’s not possible.”
“Of course it’s not possible,” Thirteen actually agreed with Cuddy. “You don’t trust me and you can’t forgive me. You’ve moved on, you’re with House, and what I want no longer matters. It’s as simple as that.”
Cuddy’s mouth dropped open. “No Remy; it’s not. Of course I don’t trust you, and I haven’t forgiven you... yet. But I definitely haven’t moved on, nor am I with House. And what you want matters just as much as what I want.”
Thirteen interjected, “So...”
“Let me finish,” Cuddy cut her off. “What annoys me the most about this whole damn thing is the way you’ve behaved. It’s bad enough that you cheated, but instead of telling the truth and begging for my forgiveness; what do you do? You lie and lie and lie until you realise I’m not going to just forget what I’ve discovered, and then when I offer to work on our relationship; you end it.”
Thirteen knew she deserved Cuddy’s harsh words, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to defend herself. “Yeah, you’re right. Completely. But you obviously aren’t that upset or you wouldn’t have fucked House.”
“Would you stop saying things like that? It was a mistake,” Cuddy said in a calm manner, although judging by her clenched fist it was a difficult feat for her to achieve. “You want to know what happened? I was upset and decided to drink myself into a coma. I was about a bottle of wine down when House knocked on the door. He stopped me drinking and just... sat with me. We watched tv for a bit and then I kissed him. He tried to pull away but I kept going and going until he stopped resisting.”
Thirteen laughed in a disbelieving manner. “So you raped him? Hate to break it to you babe but he’s been dying to get into your pants since I’ve known him. He wanted it just as much as you did, so don’t defend him. You played right into his hands... literally.”
“Fuck you,” Cuddy snapped. “I’m trying to be honest, which is more than you’ve done by the way, and you’re ridiculing me. Why do I bother?” She stormed towards the front door, wrenched it open.
Thirteen regretted her outburst at once. “Lisa, wait I’m...” The door slammed. “Sorry.”
She was gone.
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3 parts to go...
Pairing: Thirteen/Cameron, Thirteen/Cuddy
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Pretty much zilch. This is set at the beginning of Season 5 when House has his new team but contains nothing about them specific to episodes.
Disclaimer: I own... nada.
Summary: Thirteen can't remain faithful and risks losing everything that matters to her.
( Part One.) ( Part Two) ( Part Three) (Part Four) (Part Five) (Part Six) (Part Seven) (Part Eight) (Part Nine) (Part Ten) (Part Eleven) (Part Twelve) (Part Thirteen) (Part Fourteen) (Part Fifteen) (Part Sixteen) (Part Seventeen) (Part Eighteen) (Part Nineteen) (Part Twenty) (Part Twenty-One)
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22.
A few hours later Thirteen awoke, and she had a few blissful seconds of peace before she once again remembered everything that had happened. She was currently torn between wanting to strangle House and yell at Cuddy, despite it not being her fault. Though she still wasn’t mad at Cuddy; she couldn’t help but want to scream and shout at her until she felt guilt. That was a hateful thing to want, but then it wasn’t like she could control her thoughts. As long as she didn’t actually do it there wouldn’t be a problem. Really, the only thing she actually intended to do was type her resignation letter citing “personal reasons” as an excuse, and then without completing her notice period; up and leave.
She didn’t know where she was going to go; she only knew that she wouldn’t leave a forwarding address. References weren’t important, she’d figure something out. She wasn’t even sure if she was going to continue working in medicine, there were so many other career paths open to her! She could consider teaching, or do something entirely different and... move to California to become a lifeguard. She had no responsibilities and so long as she could pay the bills it didn’t matter what she did. Fortunately, she had a decent amount of money saved in the bank, which meant she could easily afford to lie around for a few months whilst she decided.
Climbing out of bed, she located her laptop in the living room and switched it on. She wanted to draft the resignation letter whilst she was in a determined mood. It was just gone five in the afternoon which meant that her colleagues would be finishing up right now unless a patient had come in between her fleeing the hospital and now, which wasn’t likely. House had probably spent the entire day following Cuddy around and worming his way into her life even more than he had already managed to. Thirteen hoped that Cuddy wouldn’t let him get away with it, but hope and reality were two very different things.
For the next hour, Thirteen steadily made progress on her resignation letter. It was harder than she thought it would be, trying to word it without giving away too many details. Obviously Cuddy would read it and so she didn’t want to say anything that would rile her ex or cause her to become upset. She couldn’t give a shit what House thought, he was the least of her concerns. In fact, he was pretty much the entire reason for the resignation; without him getting involved there may have been a chance that Cuddy forgave her. But no, as usual he had to make everyone around him just as miserable as himself.
Thirteen was just finishing up when she heard a knock on her door. She frowned. Someone must have let whoever was outside her door into the building, because her buzzer hadn’t gone. She remained still, intending to ignore it until they went away. As quietly as she possibly could she stood up from the couch and tiptoed to the door so that her visitor wasn’t alerted to her presence inside. She had a horrible feeling that it was House, in which case there was no way on earth she was going to open the door. Eventually he would get bored and go away.
Except the knocking didn’t stop and the person outside didn’t go away. They just knocked harder and harder, still not saying anything. Thirteen was tempted to call out and ask who it was, but if she did that then whoever was outside would know she was in. God, how she wished she had a spy hole. Putting her ear to the door, she listened out for any kind of noise that would allow her to distinguish who was there, such as the sound of a cane tapping. There was nothing. Frustrated, she debated what to do. If she opened the door and it was House then she would never get rid of him. If it was someone else like Kutner who had no idea what had gone on, then she wasn’t exactly in the mood to make conversation.
Thirteen was still considering what to do when the person finally called out.
“Remy, it’s me. Please open the door.”
Cuddy. Never in a million years had she thought it would be her ex-girlfriend. Without hesitation Thirteen unlocked the door and opened it. She might be hurting but she’d behaved no better, and Cuddy hadn’t really done anything wrong. She was wearing her clothes from earlier, suggesting she’d come straight from work. Her eyes betrayed the fact that she’d been crying, and the one hand on her face signalled that she was extremely worried. Whenever Cuddy was worried, she always touched her face.
“Hi,” Thirteen said quietly.
Cuddy walked into the apartment and Thirteen shut the door behind her. “Someone was coming in the same time as me... that’s why I didn’t buzz,” Cuddy explained, seeming to make an attempt at small talk. “It was lucky really, seeing as you probably wouldn’t have even let me into the building.”
“Actually I would have,” Thirteen denied Cuddy’s claim. “It took me so long to answer the front door because I didn’t know that it was you. I thought it was House or...” Thirteen’s voice trailed off.
“Cameron?” Cuddy offered bitterly.
Thirteen knew she shouldn’t rise to the bait, but she couldn’t help it. “Seeing as I was on the phone to her not long ago no, I didn’t think it was her.”
Cuddy looked shocked at Thirteen’s flared words. She took a few seconds, but then gathered herself together. Awkwardly, she replied, “So... you two are a couple now?”
Thirteen shook her head, already feeling guilty for snapping. “Of course we’re not. Chase has forgiven her and they’re making a go of their relationship.”
“Oh,” Cuddy looked at the floor.
“Did you come here for something?” Thirteen asked, blasé. “Only I’m not really in the mood for an argument right now.”
Cuddy looked up, dumbstruck. “After what you did today, walking out; I have the right to yell at you. My God, I have the right to suspend you!”
“Go on then,” Thirteen goaded, unable to stop herself. She didn’t want to argue but Cuddy was really irritating her.
“What, suspend you? Believe me there’s nothing I’d like better,” Cuddy spat viciously.
“Why don’t you go one step further and fire me?” Thirteen suggested with a laugh, though the situation was anything but funny. “Save me from putting the finishing touches to that,” she jerked her head in the direction of the resignation letter.
“What?” Cuddy frowned in confusion. She followed Thirteen’s eye line to the laptop, and walked over, sitting on the couch in order to read the screen. Comprehension dawned upon her within a few seconds, and she said incredulously, “You’re leaving?”
Thirteen took a seat at the other end of the couch and shrugged her shoulders. “It’s for the best.”
Cuddy turned away from the laptop and focused on Thirteen. “And I don’t get a say in this?”
Thirteen sighed. “Why would you?” She really didn’t understand what it had to do with Cuddy whether she resigned or not. It wasn’t her problem if House was going to cause hassle for Cuddy in finding another team member.
“Until you fucked it all up I was a part of your life, Remy!” Cuddy exclaimed. “And I don’t think it’s fair of you to run away now that things are difficult between us.”
“There is no us, Cuddy. We split up... remember?” Thirteen said in a stony voice.
“Your choice,” Cuddy threw back in retaliation.
“Well it obviously didn’t bother you that much considering that you jumped into bed with House,” Thirteen said spitefully. Why was she behaving this way? She had to stop.
Cuddy’s eyes widened.
“Yeah, I heard what you said this afternoon. Why do you think I left work?” Thirteen couldn’t help the jealousy that seeped out of her, and she vowed to try harder to control it.
“I knew that you heard, that’s why I’m here. I just can’t believe you have the gall to comment on it considering what you did with Cameron,” Cuddy shot at her.
“Just because I made a mistake it doesn’t mean that I can’t be upset about you moving on so quickly,” Thirteen was trying to be honest. “You have every right; I know that. But I can’t stick around and watch you and House be together, I can’t. I still love you and the best thing I can do right now is to move away from New Jersey and make a new start.”
“Wait, what? You’re not just quitting... you’re moving?” Cuddy looked horrified. “Where are you going?”
Thirteen gave her a small smile. “Not sure yet. I was thinking California maybe. Lots of sun and completely different to New Jersey. If not there then somewhere like Las Vegas perhaps. My kind of scene... you know?”
Cuddy noticeable swallowed, and immediately looked stricken.
Thirteen didn’t understand her reaction. “I thought you’d be pleased.”
“Why would that please me?” Cuddy seemed at a loss as to why Thirteen would think that.
“You won’t have to see me ever again,” Thirteen watched Cuddy with sad eyes as she spoke. “I know that after what I’ve done, not just with Cameron but my behaviour after like my shouting at you tonight, that there is no way we can ever be together again.”
“I...” Cuddy opened her mouth to speak but couldn’t appear to get the words out.
“You don’t have to say anything,” Thirteen said softly. She moved closer to Cuddy, placed a gentle kiss on her cheek. “I really am sorry.”
“You’re running away,” Cuddy shook her head. “You don’t have the guts to face what’s happened and it’s easier for you to leave and forget about me.”
Thirteen didn’t hesitate to deny Cuddy’s words. “That’s not true. And even if I wanted to, I could never forget you.”
“I’m supposed to believe that?” Cuddy stood up. “You know what; I don’t care. I came here to try and resolve this but obviously that’s not possible.”
“Of course it’s not possible,” Thirteen actually agreed with Cuddy. “You don’t trust me and you can’t forgive me. You’ve moved on, you’re with House, and what I want no longer matters. It’s as simple as that.”
Cuddy’s mouth dropped open. “No Remy; it’s not. Of course I don’t trust you, and I haven’t forgiven you... yet. But I definitely haven’t moved on, nor am I with House. And what you want matters just as much as what I want.”
Thirteen interjected, “So...”
“Let me finish,” Cuddy cut her off. “What annoys me the most about this whole damn thing is the way you’ve behaved. It’s bad enough that you cheated, but instead of telling the truth and begging for my forgiveness; what do you do? You lie and lie and lie until you realise I’m not going to just forget what I’ve discovered, and then when I offer to work on our relationship; you end it.”
Thirteen knew she deserved Cuddy’s harsh words, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to defend herself. “Yeah, you’re right. Completely. But you obviously aren’t that upset or you wouldn’t have fucked House.”
“Would you stop saying things like that? It was a mistake,” Cuddy said in a calm manner, although judging by her clenched fist it was a difficult feat for her to achieve. “You want to know what happened? I was upset and decided to drink myself into a coma. I was about a bottle of wine down when House knocked on the door. He stopped me drinking and just... sat with me. We watched tv for a bit and then I kissed him. He tried to pull away but I kept going and going until he stopped resisting.”
Thirteen laughed in a disbelieving manner. “So you raped him? Hate to break it to you babe but he’s been dying to get into your pants since I’ve known him. He wanted it just as much as you did, so don’t defend him. You played right into his hands... literally.”
“Fuck you,” Cuddy snapped. “I’m trying to be honest, which is more than you’ve done by the way, and you’re ridiculing me. Why do I bother?” She stormed towards the front door, wrenched it open.
Thirteen regretted her outburst at once. “Lisa, wait I’m...” The door slammed. “Sorry.”
She was gone.
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3 parts to go...