FIC- Lies for Love Part Sixteen
Title: Lies for love
Pairing: Thirteen/Cameron, Thirteen/Cuddy
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Pretty much zilch. This is set at the beginning of Season 5 when House has his new team but contains nothing about them specific to episodes.
Disclaimer: I own... nada.
Summary: Thirteen can't remain faithful and risks losing everything that matters to her.
( Part One.) ( Part Two) ( Part Three) (Part Four) (Part Five) (Part Six) (Part Seven) (Part Eight) (Part Nine) (Part Ten) (Part Eleven) (Part Twelve) (Part Thirteen) (Part Fourteen) (Part Fifteen)
Flashbacks again in this part. Cameron haters.... I warn that she features heavily in this fic!
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16.
Of course, the good memories weren’t all she had; there were bad ones too. Though she supposed she couldn’t really define the first time she cheated on Cuddy with Cameron as a bad memory since it was a choice that she made with no encouragement from others. Well, Cameron obviously but then she could have said no and walked away; she didn’t have to respond to her. To this day she didn’t know why she hadn’t refused; it didn’t make sense. She hadn’t fought with Cuddy, she was just feeling a little neglected and second best to the hospital, which she knew wasn’t fair. They weren’t married or even in a long-term relationship; so she’d had no right to feel that way.
Despite Thirteen putting her head underneath her pillow in an attempt to stop herself from reliving the memory in her head, it didn’t work. The recollection came flying fast and furious inside her brain, almost as vivid as when it had happened that fateful day. Thirteen realised that there was no point in trying to push it to the back of her mind, she may as well replay it and get it over and done with. Maybe then she would be able to do something other than stare into space or cry like a baby. Hell, she might even summon up the courage to actually leave her apartment.
**
It had been another long shift for Thirteen but even longer for her girlfriend. Cuddy was still at the hospital sorting out yet another mess that House had created; this one in the form of insulting a couple of the hospital’s biggest donors simply because he, “Didn’t like their faces.” Asshole. Having nothing to do when Cuddy was at work as she had no really good friends that she could call on the spur of the moment, Thirteen decided to have a couple of drinks alone in a nearby bar. That way she could kill some time and call her girlfriend for a lift on her way home. Perfect.
She really had planned to drink alone, but when the blonde ER doctor that used to be in the very same position as herself slid into the booth opposite her, she couldn’t exactly tell her to go away. If she was as rude as House she would have, but she wasn’t and so she watched her curiously, wondering where this was heading. She supposed that she was going to find out if she waited long enough, but she’d be damned if she was going to be the one to speak first. A kind of warped version of “Speak only when you’re spoken to” rule that she’d never been bothered about in her whole life.
“Hi,” Cameron flashed her a pearly white smile.
“Hi,” Thirteen replied.
“So uh... I don’t mean to sound cliché, but do you come here often?” Cameron continued, grinning straight in Thirteen’s direction.
Was she being hit on? Thirteen couldn’t tell. Her gaydar had never been up to scratch; she usually discovered the next morning how straight a woman was depending on whether they freaked out after waking up next to her. Moreover, she’d already had a glass of double vodka and coke which always impaired her judgement after only a few sips. Combines, these reasons mean that Thirteen chose to play it safe and give it time before she called Cameron on what exactly she was doing here. “No,” She replied, her voice with no tone, her face a blank canvas.
“Really?” Cameron wrinkled her nose. “You seem like the type to go out a lot.”
“Oh,” Thirteen stated monotone, still watching the woman opposite her.
Cameron took a sip of her white wine. “You don’t say a lot,” she offered.
“What do you want me to say?” Thirteen asked. Now she was intrigued. Cameron appeared to not only want to keep her company, but to draw conversation out of her as well. If she wasn’t flirting then she definitely had an ulterior motive.
“What’s your name? Aside from Thirteen, obviously,” Cameron returned Thirteen’s question with a question of her own.
This drew a smile out of Thirteen. It was funny, really. She’d worked at the hospital for a while and people still only knew her as Thirteen, despite the name badge. Those around her knew her surname to be Hadley, but as for Remy, only her team, House (and therefore Wilson) and Cuddy were in the loop where that was concerned.
“Remy,” Thirteen told her.
“But... you don’t like that?” Cameron pressed for more information.
“I don’t mind it. But House has always called me Thirteen so it kind of stuck,” Thirteen shrugged her shoulders. “You ask a lot of questions,” she observed.
“Yeah,” Cameron agreed with a wry smile. “House used to hate it.”
“I can imagine a lot of people would find it annoying,” Thirteen said thoughtfully.
“Do you?” Cameron said, the corners of her mouth turned upwards.
Thirteen downed the rest of her drink. “A little. But if you buy me another drink I’ll probably be able to cope with it a lot better.”
With a Cheshire cat smile on her face; Cameron obliged.
**
Six weeks. Six weeks of being faithful before she’d managed to fuck it all up with one night. One night that became two, three, until she stopped counting and started trying to block her terrible actions out of her own head. The more times that she cheated the harder she found it to behave normally around Cuddy; but even when she tried to stop, she found that it was impossible. To be fair to herself Cameron did do most of the chasing, but then she was never forced to do anything she didn’t want to do, so she couldn’t blame Cameron entirely. She had freewill; something that she continually had to remind herself of.
In splitting up with Cuddy she’d done exactly what she never intended to do and caused her immense hurt. The knowledge that Cuddy would have taken her back anyway was something that she hadn’t thought she’d face, she had been willing to bet her life on Cuddy telling her to go to hell and never even trying to forgive her. But Cuddy’s wish for them to remain a couple had confused her to the point where she didn’t know what to do anymore. Above all else; how could she punish herself when her punishment was only increasing the pain of the woman she loved?
**
Half an hour later and Thirteen had lost count of how many drinks she’d downed. She vaguely recalled doing shots with Cameron; seven in total to represent the colours of the rainbow. Strawberry, orange, lemon, apple, blueberry, raspberry and... what was the last? Cola maybe? Fuck knows. All she knew was that she had won having finished drinking them in the fastest amount of time. To Cameron’s credit she hadn’t been far behind; five seconds at most. Anyway, the point was that she was completely out of it, barely able to stand up.
“I think... we should stop now,” she slurred, blinking in Cameron’s direction. The figure before her swayed back and forth, reminding her of a tree in the wind.
“Mmmm,” the other woman agreed, just as drunk as she was. “Shall we get a taxi?”
“Yeah,” Thirteen slid out of the booth, swayed on her feet for a few moments. Grinning in Cameron’s direction, she held out a skinny arm, pulling her companion into her arms by mistake. She’d only meant to help her stand up. Really; she had.
“Ooops!” Cameron giggled, grabbing onto Thirteen’s waist in an attempt to steady herself. Not thinking at all clearly, Thirteen didn’t stop her, kind of enjoying the feeling of warmth on her bare skin where her top had ridden up.
“Let’s go,” Thirteen commanded, drunkenly leading Cameron out of the bar. Both women wore huge smiles upon their faces, their drunken state preventing them from having a care in the world.
Thirteen didn’t even notice the vibrating of her phone in her pocket, her girlfriend calling to see if she needed a lift home. In fact, she didn’t even spare Cuddy a second thought.
**
That was what she hated herself for the most. She behaved in the way that a single college girl would, not a responsible grown up adult in what was fast becoming a serious relationship. The memory made her feel sick with herself, with the guilt that she had lived with for what felt like forever. The guilt from lying to Cuddy had now been replaced with the guilt of destroying their relationship, which made it worse if anything. That night she had been focused on Cameron, and Cameron only. She adamantly told herself that if she’d remembered Cuddy then she would have stopped immediately, but then she’d repeatedly cheated, so she couldn’t even be sure of that. She couldn’t be sure of anything anymore.
Things had been bad enough when she stumbled out of the bar with Cameron, but allowing her to come back to her own apartment and holding her hand as they tumbled into the lift together was even more despicable. Reciprocating when Cameron had slammed her into wall of the cool metal box and smashed their lips together... thrusting her hips against Cameron’s... tugging her through the front door the moment she managed to open it... stripping Cameron of her clothes still desperately clawing at her... throwing Cameron onto the bed... digging her nails into Cameron’s bare back...
Screaming screaming screaming...
Vomiting. Her head thrust over the toilet, she threw up what little food was inside her stomach, and when she was done, she cried for what she’d had; what she’d lost.
What she wanted back.
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Next part will continue with the story. :)
Pairing: Thirteen/Cameron, Thirteen/Cuddy
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Pretty much zilch. This is set at the beginning of Season 5 when House has his new team but contains nothing about them specific to episodes.
Disclaimer: I own... nada.
Summary: Thirteen can't remain faithful and risks losing everything that matters to her.
( Part One.) ( Part Two) ( Part Three) (Part Four) (Part Five) (Part Six) (Part Seven) (Part Eight) (Part Nine) (Part Ten) (Part Eleven) (Part Twelve) (Part Thirteen) (Part Fourteen) (Part Fifteen)
Flashbacks again in this part. Cameron haters.... I warn that she features heavily in this fic!
*********************************
16.
Of course, the good memories weren’t all she had; there were bad ones too. Though she supposed she couldn’t really define the first time she cheated on Cuddy with Cameron as a bad memory since it was a choice that she made with no encouragement from others. Well, Cameron obviously but then she could have said no and walked away; she didn’t have to respond to her. To this day she didn’t know why she hadn’t refused; it didn’t make sense. She hadn’t fought with Cuddy, she was just feeling a little neglected and second best to the hospital, which she knew wasn’t fair. They weren’t married or even in a long-term relationship; so she’d had no right to feel that way.
Despite Thirteen putting her head underneath her pillow in an attempt to stop herself from reliving the memory in her head, it didn’t work. The recollection came flying fast and furious inside her brain, almost as vivid as when it had happened that fateful day. Thirteen realised that there was no point in trying to push it to the back of her mind, she may as well replay it and get it over and done with. Maybe then she would be able to do something other than stare into space or cry like a baby. Hell, she might even summon up the courage to actually leave her apartment.
**
It had been another long shift for Thirteen but even longer for her girlfriend. Cuddy was still at the hospital sorting out yet another mess that House had created; this one in the form of insulting a couple of the hospital’s biggest donors simply because he, “Didn’t like their faces.” Asshole. Having nothing to do when Cuddy was at work as she had no really good friends that she could call on the spur of the moment, Thirteen decided to have a couple of drinks alone in a nearby bar. That way she could kill some time and call her girlfriend for a lift on her way home. Perfect.
She really had planned to drink alone, but when the blonde ER doctor that used to be in the very same position as herself slid into the booth opposite her, she couldn’t exactly tell her to go away. If she was as rude as House she would have, but she wasn’t and so she watched her curiously, wondering where this was heading. She supposed that she was going to find out if she waited long enough, but she’d be damned if she was going to be the one to speak first. A kind of warped version of “Speak only when you’re spoken to” rule that she’d never been bothered about in her whole life.
“Hi,” Cameron flashed her a pearly white smile.
“Hi,” Thirteen replied.
“So uh... I don’t mean to sound cliché, but do you come here often?” Cameron continued, grinning straight in Thirteen’s direction.
Was she being hit on? Thirteen couldn’t tell. Her gaydar had never been up to scratch; she usually discovered the next morning how straight a woman was depending on whether they freaked out after waking up next to her. Moreover, she’d already had a glass of double vodka and coke which always impaired her judgement after only a few sips. Combines, these reasons mean that Thirteen chose to play it safe and give it time before she called Cameron on what exactly she was doing here. “No,” She replied, her voice with no tone, her face a blank canvas.
“Really?” Cameron wrinkled her nose. “You seem like the type to go out a lot.”
“Oh,” Thirteen stated monotone, still watching the woman opposite her.
Cameron took a sip of her white wine. “You don’t say a lot,” she offered.
“What do you want me to say?” Thirteen asked. Now she was intrigued. Cameron appeared to not only want to keep her company, but to draw conversation out of her as well. If she wasn’t flirting then she definitely had an ulterior motive.
“What’s your name? Aside from Thirteen, obviously,” Cameron returned Thirteen’s question with a question of her own.
This drew a smile out of Thirteen. It was funny, really. She’d worked at the hospital for a while and people still only knew her as Thirteen, despite the name badge. Those around her knew her surname to be Hadley, but as for Remy, only her team, House (and therefore Wilson) and Cuddy were in the loop where that was concerned.
“Remy,” Thirteen told her.
“But... you don’t like that?” Cameron pressed for more information.
“I don’t mind it. But House has always called me Thirteen so it kind of stuck,” Thirteen shrugged her shoulders. “You ask a lot of questions,” she observed.
“Yeah,” Cameron agreed with a wry smile. “House used to hate it.”
“I can imagine a lot of people would find it annoying,” Thirteen said thoughtfully.
“Do you?” Cameron said, the corners of her mouth turned upwards.
Thirteen downed the rest of her drink. “A little. But if you buy me another drink I’ll probably be able to cope with it a lot better.”
With a Cheshire cat smile on her face; Cameron obliged.
**
Six weeks. Six weeks of being faithful before she’d managed to fuck it all up with one night. One night that became two, three, until she stopped counting and started trying to block her terrible actions out of her own head. The more times that she cheated the harder she found it to behave normally around Cuddy; but even when she tried to stop, she found that it was impossible. To be fair to herself Cameron did do most of the chasing, but then she was never forced to do anything she didn’t want to do, so she couldn’t blame Cameron entirely. She had freewill; something that she continually had to remind herself of.
In splitting up with Cuddy she’d done exactly what she never intended to do and caused her immense hurt. The knowledge that Cuddy would have taken her back anyway was something that she hadn’t thought she’d face, she had been willing to bet her life on Cuddy telling her to go to hell and never even trying to forgive her. But Cuddy’s wish for them to remain a couple had confused her to the point where she didn’t know what to do anymore. Above all else; how could she punish herself when her punishment was only increasing the pain of the woman she loved?
**
Half an hour later and Thirteen had lost count of how many drinks she’d downed. She vaguely recalled doing shots with Cameron; seven in total to represent the colours of the rainbow. Strawberry, orange, lemon, apple, blueberry, raspberry and... what was the last? Cola maybe? Fuck knows. All she knew was that she had won having finished drinking them in the fastest amount of time. To Cameron’s credit she hadn’t been far behind; five seconds at most. Anyway, the point was that she was completely out of it, barely able to stand up.
“I think... we should stop now,” she slurred, blinking in Cameron’s direction. The figure before her swayed back and forth, reminding her of a tree in the wind.
“Mmmm,” the other woman agreed, just as drunk as she was. “Shall we get a taxi?”
“Yeah,” Thirteen slid out of the booth, swayed on her feet for a few moments. Grinning in Cameron’s direction, she held out a skinny arm, pulling her companion into her arms by mistake. She’d only meant to help her stand up. Really; she had.
“Ooops!” Cameron giggled, grabbing onto Thirteen’s waist in an attempt to steady herself. Not thinking at all clearly, Thirteen didn’t stop her, kind of enjoying the feeling of warmth on her bare skin where her top had ridden up.
“Let’s go,” Thirteen commanded, drunkenly leading Cameron out of the bar. Both women wore huge smiles upon their faces, their drunken state preventing them from having a care in the world.
Thirteen didn’t even notice the vibrating of her phone in her pocket, her girlfriend calling to see if she needed a lift home. In fact, she didn’t even spare Cuddy a second thought.
**
That was what she hated herself for the most. She behaved in the way that a single college girl would, not a responsible grown up adult in what was fast becoming a serious relationship. The memory made her feel sick with herself, with the guilt that she had lived with for what felt like forever. The guilt from lying to Cuddy had now been replaced with the guilt of destroying their relationship, which made it worse if anything. That night she had been focused on Cameron, and Cameron only. She adamantly told herself that if she’d remembered Cuddy then she would have stopped immediately, but then she’d repeatedly cheated, so she couldn’t even be sure of that. She couldn’t be sure of anything anymore.
Things had been bad enough when she stumbled out of the bar with Cameron, but allowing her to come back to her own apartment and holding her hand as they tumbled into the lift together was even more despicable. Reciprocating when Cameron had slammed her into wall of the cool metal box and smashed their lips together... thrusting her hips against Cameron’s... tugging her through the front door the moment she managed to open it... stripping Cameron of her clothes still desperately clawing at her... throwing Cameron onto the bed... digging her nails into Cameron’s bare back...
Screaming screaming screaming...
Vomiting. Her head thrust over the toilet, she threw up what little food was inside her stomach, and when she was done, she cried for what she’d had; what she’d lost.
What she wanted back.
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Next part will continue with the story. :)