FIC- Lies for Love Part Seventeen
Title: Lies for love
Pairing: Thirteen/Cameron, Thirteen/Cuddy
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Pretty much zilch. This is set at the beginning of Season 5 when House has his new team but contains nothing about them specific to episodes.
Disclaimer: I own... nada.
Summary: Thirteen can't remain faithful and risks losing everything that matters to her.
( Part One.) ( Part Two) ( Part Three) (Part Four) (Part Five) (Part Six) (Part Seven) (Part Eight) (Part Nine) (Part Ten) (Part Eleven) (Part Twelve) (Part Thirteen) (Part Fourteen) (Part Fifteen) (Part Sixteen)
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17.
By the time it was Monday again Thirteen looked even worse than before. Sure, the bruise that had formed on her face from where Cuddy had slapped her was no longer visible, but she had purple bags under her eyes despite the fact that she’d spent the last few days in bed, and she’d easily lost a few pounds that she couldn’t afford to lose in the first place. Though a shower had improved her general appearance helped by the very same foundation and concealer she’d used to cover her love bite what seemed like a lifetime ago, there was a sadness in her eyes that no amount of cover-up could hide.
Though she didn’t particularly like looking like crap, she didn’t much care either. Her only concern was fixing this horrendous mess that she’d created, and even if she wasn’t sure how to go about doing that yet, it was obvious that avoiding Cuddy was the last thing she should be doing. It was plain to see that she had to talk to her, but what she was going to say; she had no idea. When she was face to face with Cuddy she hoped it would become clear, and so there was no point debating in her mind how she was going to deal with this.
However, one person that she’d hoped to avoid for the moment was House; who sadly, followed her into the lift the moment she walked through the doors of the hospital. Great, she was stuck alone in a small space with him of all people.
“Dear God,” he looked at her in horror. “The entire reason I gave you the week off was so you could sort yourself out. You look like some sort of glorified crack addict.”
Thirteen chose to ignore him.
“At least Cuddy hides it better than you,” he continued.
Her head whipped towards House at the mention of Cuddy’s name. “How is she doing?” Thirteen asked tentatively.
“What do you care?” He snapped, his protective side showing through.
“Of course I care,” Thirteen said quietly. “I never meant to hurt her.”
“Well you should have thought about that before you started banging Cameron. You could have at least chosen someone Cuddy liked,” he sniped.
Thirteen opened her mouth to retort when the lift stopped. The moment the doors opened she saw her chance to escape. Unfortunately, though he was slower, House still attempted to follow. “Hey, we’re not done! I’ll give you some of my amazing advice that you love if you just... slow down!”
“Back off!” Thirteen shrieked, turning to face him. Then realising where she was, she lowered her voice. “I don’t need your advice. Now, I’m going to drop my things off and then go and speak to Cuddy. Don’t even think about following me.”
“You do realise I could fire you? R-E-S-P-E-C-T for the boss; young lady,” he said sarcastically.
“If you fire me then you’ll destroy Cuddy,” Thirteen informed him. “You said it yourself House; she’s been happy these past few months. I need to make her happy again. She’s happy, I’m happy, you’re happy. Right?”
House jerked his head in something of a nod. Taking this as his blessing, Thirteen hurriedly dumped her things and ran off to speak to Cuddy.
**
In her complete and utter rush to reach Cuddy’s office, Thirteen collided with Wilson, knocking the files he was holding out of his hand. Apologetically she said, “God, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine,” Wilson replied, scooping up his papers.
Bending down to help him, Thirteen couldn’t help but remember what Cameron had told her about Cuddy crying on his shoulder. She couldn’t be sure how much he knew; Cuddy may even have told a complete lie and told him she was just having a bad day. But then there was the fact that... what had Cameron said? She was crying hysterically. You don’t react in that manner just because you’ve had a bad day. A drama queen might, but Cuddy was far more likely to play something down that make a big deal out of it. So she must have revealed something to him...
Deciding to try and find out what Wilson knew, Thirteen asked him quietly, “Have you seen Cuddy?”
Wilson looked up at her sharply. “Why?”
“I just...” Thirteen paused. She had to word this carefully. “Wondered how she was,” she finished pathetically.
“Leave her alone,” Wilson warned.
Wow. She wasn’t expecting that. Not giving up, she exclaimed, “Excuse me?”
“You heard,” Wilson stood, having collected his notes from the floor. “I don’t know how you know that I know about you two, but I’m telling you to stay away from her. Cuddy’s my friend, and I don’t want to see her hurt.”
Thirteen raised her eyebrows. “Go to hell.” She tried to push past him, but Wilson grabbed her arm.
“I mean it,” Wilson said firmly. “You’ve broken her, Thirteen. Just stay away and let me put her back together again.”
“Oh don’t be an idiot,” Thirteen snapped. “You can’t fix what I’ve done; only I can do that. I need to talk to her. I’m not going to ask for her hand in marriage, I just want to make sure she’s ok for myself.”
Without waiting, Thirteen strode away. She was going to speak to Cuddy whether Wilson liked it or not.
**
Thirteen’s luck was in. Cuddy was in her office alone, facing away from the door and looking through the filing cabinet, evidently searching for something. Preparing herself for what she was about to do, Thirteen took a deep breath. She held the doorknob in her hands for a few seconds before turning it, though she didn’t knock. If she knocked then Cuddy would immediately turn and see it was her standing there through the crack in the open blinds, and she wanted to get into the office and shut the door before Cuddy saw her, in case she started yelling at her without really thinking straight.
“Lisa,” She stated as she closed the door. Cuddy jumped at the sound of her voice, but she didn’t turn around. “Don’t say anything; just let me speak.”
Cuddy remained silent, either through shock or because she was obeying Thirteen’s command. Whatever the reason, Thirteen took her chance.
“I just... I don’t want this to be a fight, ok? I wanted to talk to you but the truth is I have no idea why. I guess I just need to know how you are? If you’re... if you’re going to be ok?” Thirteen asked pathetically. This wasn’t as easy as she’d thought it would be. She was under the impression that the moment she lay eyes on Cuddy she would magically know what to say. Apparently not.
“I’m fine,” Cuddy said, no emotion in her voice. “I don’t want to fight either, so can you go please, Dr. Hadley?”
“Don’t,” Thirteen stated. “Don’t start with the Dr. Hadley again.” She walked towards Cuddy, stopping a meter or so away from her.
“Ok. Can you go please?” Cuddy repeated, still trying to keep the emotion out of her voice, but it now slightly showing through her facade.
“Let’s talk,” Thirteen said softly. “I know this is work and you don’t want to do it here but can we meet later? We can go for a coffee at lunchtime.”
“No,” Cuddy refused, still with her back to Thirteen.
“Lisa, please,” Thirteen begged. She stepped towards Cuddy. “I know you’re angry with me; I’m angry with myself. I don’t know how to fix this. Tell me what I have to do.”
“You can’t fix it,” Cuddy said, voice broken. “Some things are too damaged to fix.”
“That’s bullshit,” Thirteen refused her words. “I fucked up, I know that. And I know I deserve to be punished. That’s why I ended it when you wanted to try again. But babe; listen. I want to do whatever you want me to do, and I know that you don’t really want this to be the end.”
“It’s for the best,” Cuddy whispered, Thirteen barely hearing her.
“We were good together, weren’t we?” Thirteen tried to draw something out of Cuddy.
“That’s debateable,” Cuddy responded.
“Wh... what do you mean?” Thirteen frowned. She’d been sure that Cuddy had been happy in their relationship, it was only the revelation that she’d cheated that turned things sour.
“I was happy,” Cuddy’s use of the past tense didn’t go unnoticed by Thirteen. “You weren’t. Obviously.”
It dawned on Thirteen what Cuddy was getting at. “No,” she denied. “Please don’t think that I wasn’t happy. When I was with you it was the only time that I was happy. When Cameron...”
“Don’t even say her name,” Cuddy interrupted, her voice shaking slightly as she did so . “I don’t care, Remy. I don’t care, I don’t want to know, I don’t give a...”
“Shhh,” It was Thirteen’s turn to interrupt, though she did so gently. She moved behind Cuddy, arms circling around her waist. Fuck the chance of someone seeing them, she couldn’t care less right now. “I love you, and I always will,” She pressed a gentle kiss to Cuddy’s neck. “I’m going to go now, like you asked. But I promise you that whenever you change your mind, whenever you feel ready to handle this; I’ll be there. I’m not going to date anyone else; you got that? Not Cameron, not anybody except you. Right?”
Cuddy let out what sounded like a quiet sob. Thirteen couldn’t see her face but she was sure that there were tears pouring down it. “Don’t cry. Please don’t cry, Lise,” Thirteen pressed her face to Cuddy’s, feeling wetness against her cheek.
“Just go,” Cuddy pleaded, rubbing her eyes with a shaking hand. She moved away from Thirteen, pressing her head against the filing cabinet.
“I’m going,” Thirteen stepped away. “I love you, Lisa.” She watched as Cuddy scrunched her eyes shut, wrapped her arms around her own shaking body.
Thirteen wished that she could stay until Cuddy composed herself, but she knew that she was the entire reason Cuddy couldn’t become calm. Reluctantly, knowing that there was nothing more she could say at the moment, Thirteen finally obeyed Cuddy’s wishes. She would give Cuddy time, and hope that eventually, she would come back to her.
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I'm also going to do some shameless pimping of the housefemslash ficathon. Prompts can be posted until Friday, as many as you like of any femslash pairing (even minor or OFC characters), with no obligation to take part in claiming. Though it would obviously be rather sexy if you did claim. ;) Click here.
Pairing: Thirteen/Cameron, Thirteen/Cuddy
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Pretty much zilch. This is set at the beginning of Season 5 when House has his new team but contains nothing about them specific to episodes.
Disclaimer: I own... nada.
Summary: Thirteen can't remain faithful and risks losing everything that matters to her.
( Part One.) ( Part Two) ( Part Three) (Part Four) (Part Five) (Part Six) (Part Seven) (Part Eight) (Part Nine) (Part Ten) (Part Eleven) (Part Twelve) (Part Thirteen) (Part Fourteen) (Part Fifteen) (Part Sixteen)
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17.
By the time it was Monday again Thirteen looked even worse than before. Sure, the bruise that had formed on her face from where Cuddy had slapped her was no longer visible, but she had purple bags under her eyes despite the fact that she’d spent the last few days in bed, and she’d easily lost a few pounds that she couldn’t afford to lose in the first place. Though a shower had improved her general appearance helped by the very same foundation and concealer she’d used to cover her love bite what seemed like a lifetime ago, there was a sadness in her eyes that no amount of cover-up could hide.
Though she didn’t particularly like looking like crap, she didn’t much care either. Her only concern was fixing this horrendous mess that she’d created, and even if she wasn’t sure how to go about doing that yet, it was obvious that avoiding Cuddy was the last thing she should be doing. It was plain to see that she had to talk to her, but what she was going to say; she had no idea. When she was face to face with Cuddy she hoped it would become clear, and so there was no point debating in her mind how she was going to deal with this.
However, one person that she’d hoped to avoid for the moment was House; who sadly, followed her into the lift the moment she walked through the doors of the hospital. Great, she was stuck alone in a small space with him of all people.
“Dear God,” he looked at her in horror. “The entire reason I gave you the week off was so you could sort yourself out. You look like some sort of glorified crack addict.”
Thirteen chose to ignore him.
“At least Cuddy hides it better than you,” he continued.
Her head whipped towards House at the mention of Cuddy’s name. “How is she doing?” Thirteen asked tentatively.
“What do you care?” He snapped, his protective side showing through.
“Of course I care,” Thirteen said quietly. “I never meant to hurt her.”
“Well you should have thought about that before you started banging Cameron. You could have at least chosen someone Cuddy liked,” he sniped.
Thirteen opened her mouth to retort when the lift stopped. The moment the doors opened she saw her chance to escape. Unfortunately, though he was slower, House still attempted to follow. “Hey, we’re not done! I’ll give you some of my amazing advice that you love if you just... slow down!”
“Back off!” Thirteen shrieked, turning to face him. Then realising where she was, she lowered her voice. “I don’t need your advice. Now, I’m going to drop my things off and then go and speak to Cuddy. Don’t even think about following me.”
“You do realise I could fire you? R-E-S-P-E-C-T for the boss; young lady,” he said sarcastically.
“If you fire me then you’ll destroy Cuddy,” Thirteen informed him. “You said it yourself House; she’s been happy these past few months. I need to make her happy again. She’s happy, I’m happy, you’re happy. Right?”
House jerked his head in something of a nod. Taking this as his blessing, Thirteen hurriedly dumped her things and ran off to speak to Cuddy.
**
In her complete and utter rush to reach Cuddy’s office, Thirteen collided with Wilson, knocking the files he was holding out of his hand. Apologetically she said, “God, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine,” Wilson replied, scooping up his papers.
Bending down to help him, Thirteen couldn’t help but remember what Cameron had told her about Cuddy crying on his shoulder. She couldn’t be sure how much he knew; Cuddy may even have told a complete lie and told him she was just having a bad day. But then there was the fact that... what had Cameron said? She was crying hysterically. You don’t react in that manner just because you’ve had a bad day. A drama queen might, but Cuddy was far more likely to play something down that make a big deal out of it. So she must have revealed something to him...
Deciding to try and find out what Wilson knew, Thirteen asked him quietly, “Have you seen Cuddy?”
Wilson looked up at her sharply. “Why?”
“I just...” Thirteen paused. She had to word this carefully. “Wondered how she was,” she finished pathetically.
“Leave her alone,” Wilson warned.
Wow. She wasn’t expecting that. Not giving up, she exclaimed, “Excuse me?”
“You heard,” Wilson stood, having collected his notes from the floor. “I don’t know how you know that I know about you two, but I’m telling you to stay away from her. Cuddy’s my friend, and I don’t want to see her hurt.”
Thirteen raised her eyebrows. “Go to hell.” She tried to push past him, but Wilson grabbed her arm.
“I mean it,” Wilson said firmly. “You’ve broken her, Thirteen. Just stay away and let me put her back together again.”
“Oh don’t be an idiot,” Thirteen snapped. “You can’t fix what I’ve done; only I can do that. I need to talk to her. I’m not going to ask for her hand in marriage, I just want to make sure she’s ok for myself.”
Without waiting, Thirteen strode away. She was going to speak to Cuddy whether Wilson liked it or not.
**
Thirteen’s luck was in. Cuddy was in her office alone, facing away from the door and looking through the filing cabinet, evidently searching for something. Preparing herself for what she was about to do, Thirteen took a deep breath. She held the doorknob in her hands for a few seconds before turning it, though she didn’t knock. If she knocked then Cuddy would immediately turn and see it was her standing there through the crack in the open blinds, and she wanted to get into the office and shut the door before Cuddy saw her, in case she started yelling at her without really thinking straight.
“Lisa,” She stated as she closed the door. Cuddy jumped at the sound of her voice, but she didn’t turn around. “Don’t say anything; just let me speak.”
Cuddy remained silent, either through shock or because she was obeying Thirteen’s command. Whatever the reason, Thirteen took her chance.
“I just... I don’t want this to be a fight, ok? I wanted to talk to you but the truth is I have no idea why. I guess I just need to know how you are? If you’re... if you’re going to be ok?” Thirteen asked pathetically. This wasn’t as easy as she’d thought it would be. She was under the impression that the moment she lay eyes on Cuddy she would magically know what to say. Apparently not.
“I’m fine,” Cuddy said, no emotion in her voice. “I don’t want to fight either, so can you go please, Dr. Hadley?”
“Don’t,” Thirteen stated. “Don’t start with the Dr. Hadley again.” She walked towards Cuddy, stopping a meter or so away from her.
“Ok. Can you go please?” Cuddy repeated, still trying to keep the emotion out of her voice, but it now slightly showing through her facade.
“Let’s talk,” Thirteen said softly. “I know this is work and you don’t want to do it here but can we meet later? We can go for a coffee at lunchtime.”
“No,” Cuddy refused, still with her back to Thirteen.
“Lisa, please,” Thirteen begged. She stepped towards Cuddy. “I know you’re angry with me; I’m angry with myself. I don’t know how to fix this. Tell me what I have to do.”
“You can’t fix it,” Cuddy said, voice broken. “Some things are too damaged to fix.”
“That’s bullshit,” Thirteen refused her words. “I fucked up, I know that. And I know I deserve to be punished. That’s why I ended it when you wanted to try again. But babe; listen. I want to do whatever you want me to do, and I know that you don’t really want this to be the end.”
“It’s for the best,” Cuddy whispered, Thirteen barely hearing her.
“We were good together, weren’t we?” Thirteen tried to draw something out of Cuddy.
“That’s debateable,” Cuddy responded.
“Wh... what do you mean?” Thirteen frowned. She’d been sure that Cuddy had been happy in their relationship, it was only the revelation that she’d cheated that turned things sour.
“I was happy,” Cuddy’s use of the past tense didn’t go unnoticed by Thirteen. “You weren’t. Obviously.”
It dawned on Thirteen what Cuddy was getting at. “No,” she denied. “Please don’t think that I wasn’t happy. When I was with you it was the only time that I was happy. When Cameron...”
“Don’t even say her name,” Cuddy interrupted, her voice shaking slightly as she did so . “I don’t care, Remy. I don’t care, I don’t want to know, I don’t give a...”
“Shhh,” It was Thirteen’s turn to interrupt, though she did so gently. She moved behind Cuddy, arms circling around her waist. Fuck the chance of someone seeing them, she couldn’t care less right now. “I love you, and I always will,” She pressed a gentle kiss to Cuddy’s neck. “I’m going to go now, like you asked. But I promise you that whenever you change your mind, whenever you feel ready to handle this; I’ll be there. I’m not going to date anyone else; you got that? Not Cameron, not anybody except you. Right?”
Cuddy let out what sounded like a quiet sob. Thirteen couldn’t see her face but she was sure that there were tears pouring down it. “Don’t cry. Please don’t cry, Lise,” Thirteen pressed her face to Cuddy’s, feeling wetness against her cheek.
“Just go,” Cuddy pleaded, rubbing her eyes with a shaking hand. She moved away from Thirteen, pressing her head against the filing cabinet.
“I’m going,” Thirteen stepped away. “I love you, Lisa.” She watched as Cuddy scrunched her eyes shut, wrapped her arms around her own shaking body.
Thirteen wished that she could stay until Cuddy composed herself, but she knew that she was the entire reason Cuddy couldn’t become calm. Reluctantly, knowing that there was nothing more she could say at the moment, Thirteen finally obeyed Cuddy’s wishes. She would give Cuddy time, and hope that eventually, she would come back to her.
***************************************
I'm also going to do some shameless pimping of the housefemslash ficathon. Prompts can be posted until Friday, as many as you like of any femslash pairing (even minor or OFC characters), with no obligation to take part in claiming. Though it would obviously be rather sexy if you did claim. ;) Click here.