FIC- Lies for Love Part Ten
Title: Lies for love
Pairing: Thirteen/Cameron, Thirteen/Cuddy
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Pretty much zilch. This is set at the beginning of Season 5 when House has his new team but contains nothing about them specific to episodes.
Disclaimer: I own... nada.
Summary: Thirteen can't remain faithful and risks losing everything that matters to her.
( Part One.) ( Part Two) ( Part Three) (Part Four) (Part Five) (Part Six) (Part Seven) (Part Eight) (Part Nine)
*********************************
10.
Thirteen lay in bed next to Cuddy. The older woman had tried to throw her out but she’d refused to leave; protesting her love over and over again. She’d sworn that Cuddy was her everything, that she wasn’t going to leave her when things were such a mess, never never never. In true Thirteen style she hadn’t admitted that things were like this because of her and her inability to keep her legs shut; she couldn’t. Eventually Cuddy had thrown her hands in the air and told Thirteen that she didn’t give a fuck what she did, she didn’t care anymore. Thirteen knew this wasn’t true but kept her mouth shut in case Cuddy changed her mind and tried to make her leave again.
There was no way she’d get any sleep tonight, Thirteen was very much aware of that. She doubted that Cuddy would either, but there was no way she was going to voice her thoughts aloud. At the same time she couldn’t remain entirely silent, and so she tried one last time to make Cuddy listen.
“Lise?” She said quietly. The lights were off and though there was no way Cuddy was sleeping, there was something about the darkness that made her lower the volume of her voice.
“Don’t.” The one word answer made Thirteen cringe inwardly.
Still not giving up, Thirteen said, “I really do love you.”
Silence. And then;
“If you loved me, you’d do the right thing and tell me the truth.”
“I am,” Thirteen maintained the lie. “Baby, you’re being paranoid.” She shuffled closer to Cuddy. “Tell me why you think I’m seeing Cameron? If you do then maybe something I say can help you to believe me.” This was the best opportunity she had to get herself out of this situation. Cuddy couldn’t see her facial expressions and therefore it would be easier to fool her.
“They’re just words, Remy,” Cuddy said, pained. “Words and lies.”
“No,” Thirteen said firmly, encouraged by the use of her first name. “What I’m telling you is the truth. So tell me?”
“I can’t do this right now,” Cuddy whispered, and at once Thirteen realised that she was crying. Her heart ached for her girlfriend. This was exactly why she couldn’t tell her the truth; Cuddy would never be able to trust her, anyone ever again.
“Please don’t cry,” Thirteen begged, reaching out. She wrapped an arm around Cuddy’s waist, holding onto her. Cuddy didn’t push her away. In fact, she placed a hand on top of Thirteen’s. Feeling a little hope, Thirteen added. “I need you so much. You’re everything to me.”
Cuddy sniffed and Thirteen suspected that she was beginning to get through. “If I didn’t have you then nothing would matter. I know that sounds like a stupid cliché but it’s the truth.” She raised her head, and poured all the love she felt for her girlfriend into one kiss upon Cuddy’s lips. For a moment she didn’t think Cuddy would respond, but after a few seconds she heard Cuddy moan. She took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, sliding her tongue inside Cuddy’s mouth, never wanting the kiss, the night, the relationship to end.
**
Thirteen woke the next morning to see an empty space next to her. At first she assumed that Cuddy was in the bathroom, but after a couple of minutes with no sound or sign or Cuddy emerging, Thirteen realised she must have already left. She got ready for work in record time, throwing on clothes that she already kept at Cuddy’s for whenever she stayed over. She hurriedly applied the make up to her now rapidly fading bites and sped out of the house barely remembering to lock the door and to her car down the road. Travelling to work she was sure that she broke every speed limit going but fortunately she wasn’t caught. Thank God.
She was in a rush because she wanted to talk to Cuddy and see where she stood. After the kiss last night nothing had happened except that Cuddy had eventually fallen asleep in her arms. Thirteen had barely slept herself preferring to lie still, inhaling Cuddy’s perfect scent and savouring the feel of her skin on Thirteen’s. Just the privilege of being allowed to touch Cuddy made her feel much better, even though in the back of her mind there was a horrible fear that it would be the last time she ever slept in the same bed as her. She told herself that she was being stupid, that everything would be ok. Cuddy had to believe her if Thirteen kept drumming it into her head that she was innocent of cheating.
Hurrying through the clinic she glanced into Cuddy’s office to see if she was there, but there was no sign of her. Her eyes scanned the clinic area to see if she’d missed her as she was rushing, but she wasn’t there either. Thirteen hoped that she wasn’t in a meeting; she didn’t think she could stand waiting any longer to speak to her. Moreover, as Dean of Medicine she could be anywhere in the entire hospital; a fact that didn’t exactly cheer Thirteen up. Of course it was entirely possible that Cuddy was deliberating hiding from her, and if she was then there wasn’t much Thirteen could do about that.
Disheartened, she made her way to Diagnostics. She may as well dump her things before beginning her search, there was no point in dragging them along with her. Until she found Cuddy then she wouldn’t be able to do her job, and so with any luck House wouldn’t be there. It wasn’t yet nine o’clock which meant unless he was having one of his weird look-at-me-I-can-be-on-time days Thirteen would be able to get away before he caught sight of her. If he was there then she would have to come up with an excuse for why she needed to leave; if worst came to worst then she could pretend she was ill and needed to throw up.
It turned out she needn’t have planned anything. When she reached Diagnostics her eyes immediately landed on Cuddy, who was looking put together as always. It seemed that it didn’t matter what was going on in her personal life; she was able to remain ever the professional. This thought cheered Thirteen up; at least she wasn’t going to have an effect when Cuddy was in work mode. Not that she’d expected to but all the same; it was nice to have confirmation. Cuddy hadn’t spotted her for the moment and so Thirteen crept into the room quietly, careful not to make a sound. There was no one else in the room but herself and Cuddy, who was bent over House’s desk reading something.
“Morning,” Thirteen greeted when she was a couple of meters away from Cuddy.
Cuddy jumped at the sound of Thirteen, not having expected anyone else to be there so early. “What are you doing here?” she asked, not looking up.
“It’s a funny story actually,” Thirteen began, trying to inject some humour into the situation. “See, there’s this doctor called Greg House who’s completely insane, and he decided that when he hired his new team, he was going to eliminate them one by...”
“Stop,” Cuddy interrupted, not finding it at all amusing. “You know what I mean.”
“I wanted to speak to you actually,” Thirteen told her, going back to her serious self as soon as she saw Cuddy wasn’t finding her funny. “To check we were ok? I mean last night... we sorted this right?”
Cuddy finally raised her head, giving Thirteen a piercing look. “I’m going to say this once and once only. We are not doing this here.”
Thirteen’s heart sank. Apparently she wasn’t out of the woods yet as far as Cameron was concerned. She was running out of ideas for how to persuade Cuddy that she hadn’t cheated. Feebly she replied, “I can’t work with this on my mind. It’s driving me crazy.”
Cuddy laughed, though it was anything but friends. “It’s driving you crazy? What about me?” She walked towards Thirteen and lowered her voice. “You don’t even have the guts to be honest with me.”
“I am being honest!” Thirteen exclaimed. “How many times do I have to say that I love you?”
“You can say it until you’re blue in the face as far as I’m concerned,” Cuddy hissed. “I know that you’ve had sex with her.”
“No, I haven’t. I barely know Cameron,” Thirteen shook her head defiantly, denying it for what felt like the hundredth time. “You have to listen to me, Lisa.”
Cuddy ignored her and attempted to walk out of the room. Thirteen held her back.
“Remy,” She said through gritted teeth. “Get off me.”
“No,” Thirteen refused. “We’re going to sort this out.”
“Do you want me to lose my job?” Cuddy wrenched her arm away. “If someone comes in then...”
“I don’t care!” Thirteen yelled, interrupting. She’d finally lost her cool. “Goddamn it why won’t you just listen?!”
“I care, now stop shouting,” Cuddy said calmly. “It’s not going to make me listen. What will make me listen is you telling the truth. If you love me like you say you do then you’ll at least admit it.”
“Lisa,” Thirteen tried again.
“No,” Cuddy held up a hand. “Think about it.” She left the room, leaving Thirteen alone.
Sick to the stomach, Thirteen could no longer stand. Her worst fear was being realised. She was losing Cuddy and it hurt more than she’d ever thought possible. Gasping, she sank into House’s chair, lowering her head onto the desk. She’d tried in vain to keep it a secret but she’d underestimated Cuddy. Oh yes, she had always known how smart she was, but foolishly she’d kidded herself that because she had so much determination to hide the affair; it would be achieved. Even now that Cuddy repeatedly informed her that there was no point lying, she still continued. It was gutless, and she utterly despised herself.
Above all, she was a coward.
**********************************
Pairing: Thirteen/Cameron, Thirteen/Cuddy
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Pretty much zilch. This is set at the beginning of Season 5 when House has his new team but contains nothing about them specific to episodes.
Disclaimer: I own... nada.
Summary: Thirteen can't remain faithful and risks losing everything that matters to her.
( Part One.) ( Part Two) ( Part Three) (Part Four) (Part Five) (Part Six) (Part Seven) (Part Eight) (Part Nine)
*********************************
10.
Thirteen lay in bed next to Cuddy. The older woman had tried to throw her out but she’d refused to leave; protesting her love over and over again. She’d sworn that Cuddy was her everything, that she wasn’t going to leave her when things were such a mess, never never never. In true Thirteen style she hadn’t admitted that things were like this because of her and her inability to keep her legs shut; she couldn’t. Eventually Cuddy had thrown her hands in the air and told Thirteen that she didn’t give a fuck what she did, she didn’t care anymore. Thirteen knew this wasn’t true but kept her mouth shut in case Cuddy changed her mind and tried to make her leave again.
There was no way she’d get any sleep tonight, Thirteen was very much aware of that. She doubted that Cuddy would either, but there was no way she was going to voice her thoughts aloud. At the same time she couldn’t remain entirely silent, and so she tried one last time to make Cuddy listen.
“Lise?” She said quietly. The lights were off and though there was no way Cuddy was sleeping, there was something about the darkness that made her lower the volume of her voice.
“Don’t.” The one word answer made Thirteen cringe inwardly.
Still not giving up, Thirteen said, “I really do love you.”
Silence. And then;
“If you loved me, you’d do the right thing and tell me the truth.”
“I am,” Thirteen maintained the lie. “Baby, you’re being paranoid.” She shuffled closer to Cuddy. “Tell me why you think I’m seeing Cameron? If you do then maybe something I say can help you to believe me.” This was the best opportunity she had to get herself out of this situation. Cuddy couldn’t see her facial expressions and therefore it would be easier to fool her.
“They’re just words, Remy,” Cuddy said, pained. “Words and lies.”
“No,” Thirteen said firmly, encouraged by the use of her first name. “What I’m telling you is the truth. So tell me?”
“I can’t do this right now,” Cuddy whispered, and at once Thirteen realised that she was crying. Her heart ached for her girlfriend. This was exactly why she couldn’t tell her the truth; Cuddy would never be able to trust her, anyone ever again.
“Please don’t cry,” Thirteen begged, reaching out. She wrapped an arm around Cuddy’s waist, holding onto her. Cuddy didn’t push her away. In fact, she placed a hand on top of Thirteen’s. Feeling a little hope, Thirteen added. “I need you so much. You’re everything to me.”
Cuddy sniffed and Thirteen suspected that she was beginning to get through. “If I didn’t have you then nothing would matter. I know that sounds like a stupid cliché but it’s the truth.” She raised her head, and poured all the love she felt for her girlfriend into one kiss upon Cuddy’s lips. For a moment she didn’t think Cuddy would respond, but after a few seconds she heard Cuddy moan. She took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, sliding her tongue inside Cuddy’s mouth, never wanting the kiss, the night, the relationship to end.
**
Thirteen woke the next morning to see an empty space next to her. At first she assumed that Cuddy was in the bathroom, but after a couple of minutes with no sound or sign or Cuddy emerging, Thirteen realised she must have already left. She got ready for work in record time, throwing on clothes that she already kept at Cuddy’s for whenever she stayed over. She hurriedly applied the make up to her now rapidly fading bites and sped out of the house barely remembering to lock the door and to her car down the road. Travelling to work she was sure that she broke every speed limit going but fortunately she wasn’t caught. Thank God.
She was in a rush because she wanted to talk to Cuddy and see where she stood. After the kiss last night nothing had happened except that Cuddy had eventually fallen asleep in her arms. Thirteen had barely slept herself preferring to lie still, inhaling Cuddy’s perfect scent and savouring the feel of her skin on Thirteen’s. Just the privilege of being allowed to touch Cuddy made her feel much better, even though in the back of her mind there was a horrible fear that it would be the last time she ever slept in the same bed as her. She told herself that she was being stupid, that everything would be ok. Cuddy had to believe her if Thirteen kept drumming it into her head that she was innocent of cheating.
Hurrying through the clinic she glanced into Cuddy’s office to see if she was there, but there was no sign of her. Her eyes scanned the clinic area to see if she’d missed her as she was rushing, but she wasn’t there either. Thirteen hoped that she wasn’t in a meeting; she didn’t think she could stand waiting any longer to speak to her. Moreover, as Dean of Medicine she could be anywhere in the entire hospital; a fact that didn’t exactly cheer Thirteen up. Of course it was entirely possible that Cuddy was deliberating hiding from her, and if she was then there wasn’t much Thirteen could do about that.
Disheartened, she made her way to Diagnostics. She may as well dump her things before beginning her search, there was no point in dragging them along with her. Until she found Cuddy then she wouldn’t be able to do her job, and so with any luck House wouldn’t be there. It wasn’t yet nine o’clock which meant unless he was having one of his weird look-at-me-I-can-be-on-time days Thirteen would be able to get away before he caught sight of her. If he was there then she would have to come up with an excuse for why she needed to leave; if worst came to worst then she could pretend she was ill and needed to throw up.
It turned out she needn’t have planned anything. When she reached Diagnostics her eyes immediately landed on Cuddy, who was looking put together as always. It seemed that it didn’t matter what was going on in her personal life; she was able to remain ever the professional. This thought cheered Thirteen up; at least she wasn’t going to have an effect when Cuddy was in work mode. Not that she’d expected to but all the same; it was nice to have confirmation. Cuddy hadn’t spotted her for the moment and so Thirteen crept into the room quietly, careful not to make a sound. There was no one else in the room but herself and Cuddy, who was bent over House’s desk reading something.
“Morning,” Thirteen greeted when she was a couple of meters away from Cuddy.
Cuddy jumped at the sound of Thirteen, not having expected anyone else to be there so early. “What are you doing here?” she asked, not looking up.
“It’s a funny story actually,” Thirteen began, trying to inject some humour into the situation. “See, there’s this doctor called Greg House who’s completely insane, and he decided that when he hired his new team, he was going to eliminate them one by...”
“Stop,” Cuddy interrupted, not finding it at all amusing. “You know what I mean.”
“I wanted to speak to you actually,” Thirteen told her, going back to her serious self as soon as she saw Cuddy wasn’t finding her funny. “To check we were ok? I mean last night... we sorted this right?”
Cuddy finally raised her head, giving Thirteen a piercing look. “I’m going to say this once and once only. We are not doing this here.”
Thirteen’s heart sank. Apparently she wasn’t out of the woods yet as far as Cameron was concerned. She was running out of ideas for how to persuade Cuddy that she hadn’t cheated. Feebly she replied, “I can’t work with this on my mind. It’s driving me crazy.”
Cuddy laughed, though it was anything but friends. “It’s driving you crazy? What about me?” She walked towards Thirteen and lowered her voice. “You don’t even have the guts to be honest with me.”
“I am being honest!” Thirteen exclaimed. “How many times do I have to say that I love you?”
“You can say it until you’re blue in the face as far as I’m concerned,” Cuddy hissed. “I know that you’ve had sex with her.”
“No, I haven’t. I barely know Cameron,” Thirteen shook her head defiantly, denying it for what felt like the hundredth time. “You have to listen to me, Lisa.”
Cuddy ignored her and attempted to walk out of the room. Thirteen held her back.
“Remy,” She said through gritted teeth. “Get off me.”
“No,” Thirteen refused. “We’re going to sort this out.”
“Do you want me to lose my job?” Cuddy wrenched her arm away. “If someone comes in then...”
“I don’t care!” Thirteen yelled, interrupting. She’d finally lost her cool. “Goddamn it why won’t you just listen?!”
“I care, now stop shouting,” Cuddy said calmly. “It’s not going to make me listen. What will make me listen is you telling the truth. If you love me like you say you do then you’ll at least admit it.”
“Lisa,” Thirteen tried again.
“No,” Cuddy held up a hand. “Think about it.” She left the room, leaving Thirteen alone.
Sick to the stomach, Thirteen could no longer stand. Her worst fear was being realised. She was losing Cuddy and it hurt more than she’d ever thought possible. Gasping, she sank into House’s chair, lowering her head onto the desk. She’d tried in vain to keep it a secret but she’d underestimated Cuddy. Oh yes, she had always known how smart she was, but foolishly she’d kidded herself that because she had so much determination to hide the affair; it would be achieved. Even now that Cuddy repeatedly informed her that there was no point lying, she still continued. It was gutless, and she utterly despised herself.
Above all, she was a coward.
**********************************