FIC- Lies for Love Part Six
Title: Lies for love
Pairing: Thirteen/Cameron, Thirteen/Cuddy
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Pretty much zilch. This is set at the beginning of Season 5 when House has his new team but contains nothing about them specific to episodes.
Disclaimer: I own... nada.
Summary: Thirteen can't remain faithful and risks losing everything that matters to her.
( Part One.) ( Part Two) ( Part Three) (Part Four) (Part Five)
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6.
She felt terrible. Physically, emotionally, in every way possible. Moreover, she didn’t even know why she had turned to Cameron; especially when she didn’t even like the woman all that much. She drove her insane at the best of times, and just about the only thing she had going for her in Thirteen’s view was the fact that she was good in bed. It had always been about the sex; nothing more, nothing less. The only small consolation she had was that she hadn’t actually gone through with it, she had folded at the last moment. I didn’t make her actions any better, but at least she couldn’t beat herself up for actually fucking Cameron.
As she walked through the doors of the hospital someone bumped into her, making her wince. She hurt from head to toe anyway, and she knew that the first thing she was going to do would be to track down some painkillers; maybe she could even steal some of House’s Vicodin if she chose the right moment. Of course the easiest thing to do would be to get one of the hundreds of doctors working at the hospital to prescribe her something, but that would mean she had to reveal why she needed them; and that in turn would lead to awkward questions and the hospital gossips (House included) would have a field day.
Slowly, she walked through the clinic, not looking in the direction of Cuddy’s office. She didn’t want to see her, not before she had a clear head and was able to think properly; which she couldn’t do in her current state. After Cameron had left last night, she had downed the entire bottle of vodka and passed out on the couch sometime around eleven, after staring blankly at the television for the best part of two hours. She had slept straight through waking up around six in the morning only to vomit clear liquid into the toilet bowl, having had nothing to eat since yesterday lunch time. Waiting for the lift she felt someone grab her arm, causing her to flinch. She hadn’t been expecting anyone to touch her.
“I need to talk to you,” Cuddy said in a low voice, as Thirteen turned around.
Knowing there was no way she could refuse, Thirteen nodded, careful not to move her head too much. “In your office?”
Cuddy returned the nod, turning on her heel and leading the way. Meekly, Thirteen followed, not even having the energy to work out what she should say to Cuddy. An apology was due, but that was about all she could figure out. She felt the tension rise within her as Cuddy shut the office door, sitting down on the couch. Thirteen echoed her actions sitting on the edge, leaving space between them. Cuddy probably didn’t want to be anywhere near her at this moment in time; so she wasn’t going to force close proximity between them when it wasn’t wanted.
“Where did you go last night?” Cuddy broke the silence, getting straight to the heart of the matter.
“To my apartment,” Thirteen mumbled, making sure she left out the fact that she had invited Cameron to join her. Unable to hold off, her head splitting in two, she added, “Have you got any painkillers?” She hadn’t wanted to ask Cuddy but she was desperate.
“What? Why?” Cuddy frowned.
“I need them,” Thirteen whispered, holding her head in her hands.
“Nice to know I’m not the only one who decided intoxication was a good idea last night,” Cuddy quipped, an attempt at lightening the mood as she realised Thirteen had a hangover. “What was your drink of choice?”
“Vodka,” Thirteen admitted, telling the truth. For once.
“Ah,” Cuddy stated, walking over to her desk and rummaging through the top drawer. “I decided not to let the bottle of champagne go to waste. Needless to say that it’s now empty.”
Thirteen glanced up as Cuddy sat back on the couch closer to Thirteen than before, so that the distance between them was removed. Thirteen chose to take this as a positive sign. “For someone who drank that much you look pretty good,” she told her.
Cuddy shrugged. “I handle my drink well. It takes much more alcohol for me to look hung-over, and the makeup I’m wearing helps. I’m not feeling too great but I’ve already taken two of these.” She handed Thirteen a couple of Tylenol.
“Thanks,” Thirteen muttered, her hand brushing Cuddy’s as she took them. Dry swallowing them she took a few seconds to herself, psyching herself up. She faced Cuddy and asked outright, “Are we over?”
Cuddy frowned in what seemed to be disbelief at what she was hearing. “No. Unless you want us to be?” It was a half statement, half question.
“Of course I don’t,” Thirteen said quietly. “But yesterday...”
“You hurt me,” Cuddy interrupted. “I don’t know what you’re thinking and... I can’t stand it.”
“What do you mean?” Thirteen didn’t comprehend what Cuddy was getting at.
“Sometimes... you have this look in your eyes. Like you’re thinking something you don’t want me to know.” Cuddy paused, fidgeting with her hands. “I’ve tried to ignore it but it’s driving me crazy. The fact that I’m discussing this with you now should tell you how strongly I feel; you know I want work kept separate from us.”
“I’m sorry,” Thirteen said in earnest. “I don’t mean to be like that. I love you, Lisa.”
Cuddy looked insecure. “Yeah? ‘Cuz... it doesn’t feel like you do.”
Thirteen didn’t know what she could say to that.
“If you don’t feel the same it’s ok, but I don’t want you to lie to me. It won’t change my feelings for you,” she promised, taking Thirteen’s hands in her own.
“I’m not lying,” Thirteen assured her. Not about this anyway. “I’ve never felt like this before about anyone. I know that yesterday was horrible, that I hurt you and I am so so sorry. I’ll never treat you like that again.”
“It’s ok,” Cuddy said, smiling gently. “I’m not mad, just concerned. I know you didn’t mean it.”
Thirteen breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank God. I thought you were bringing me here to break up with me.”
“No. But I did bring you here to ask you a couple of things,” she replied.
Thirteen didn’t speak, waiting for her to carry on.
“You don’t have to tell me what it is, but answer me this. Is there something wrong?” she said, almost nervously.
“I...I...” Thirteen stammered. “Everything is fine.”
“Remy,” Cuddy said softly. “Be honest.”
Thirteen took a deep breath. She couldn’t tell the complete truth, but...
“I’m sorting it,” She declared. “It’s not you, it’s not our relationship; don’t worry. Can we leave it at that?”
Cuddy nodded reluctantly. “Ok. I hate that you’re keeping secrets from me, but if you don’t feel you can tell me... I don’t want it to come between us.” She gave Thirteen a small smile, then moved towards her, gently kissing her on the cheek. “Just one more question. When we had sex yesterday. All that... asking me to go harder. Why?”
“I felt like I deserved the pain,” Thirteen said without really thinking. Her openness had surprised herself, but she supposed it was one less lie she had to deal with. “Like... I don’t deserve you.”
Cuddy’s mouth dropped open at her words. “You can’t honestly think that.”
Thirteen looked away, not able to maintain eye contact.
“Sweetheart, don’t ever say that again. You’re amazing, beautiful, kind, intelligent.” She took Thirteen’s face in her hands, forcing eye contact. “Ok?”
“Yeah,” Thirteen choked out, biting the inside of her cheek to stop herself from crying. She was such a horrible person. In that moment she wished she wasn’t so spineless. Cuddy deserved to know everything that had transpired between herself and Cameron, and then she had the right to tell Thirteen exactly what a disgusting person she was.
“You’re late. If he is in work which I’ll admit is a long shot, House is going to have you doing his clinic duty for the next year,” Cuddy teased.
“Yay,” Thirteen said sarcastically. “I’ll ask if I can be sent to the big bosses’ office for a telling off instead.”
Cuddy rolled her eyes. “Sure, if you want House to know about us; go ahead.”
Thirteen grinned, feeling better now that the painkillers were kicking in and she’d made up with Cuddy. “I’d love to see the look on his face.”
“Don’t you dare,” Cuddy warned. “We’ll tell him when the time is right, and that time isn’t now. Let him carry on thinking you’re sleeping with Cameron for the moment.”
The smile faded from Thirteen’s face at her words.
“Hey, I was only joking,” Cuddy stated, seeing the look of anguish on Thirteen’s face. “I know you wouldn’t do that to me.” She kissed Thirteen chastely on the mouth. “Now scram. I’ll see you at mine later, yes?”
Thirteen nodded mutely, glad that Cuddy had walked back over to her desk and sat in her chair; getting down to business. Turning, Thirteen left, knowing that she couldn’t leave things as they were. One way or another, she had to come up with a solution for how she felt.
At the moment, it seemed impossible.
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Pairing: Thirteen/Cameron, Thirteen/Cuddy
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Pretty much zilch. This is set at the beginning of Season 5 when House has his new team but contains nothing about them specific to episodes.
Disclaimer: I own... nada.
Summary: Thirteen can't remain faithful and risks losing everything that matters to her.
( Part One.) ( Part Two) ( Part Three) (Part Four) (Part Five)
***************************
6.
She felt terrible. Physically, emotionally, in every way possible. Moreover, she didn’t even know why she had turned to Cameron; especially when she didn’t even like the woman all that much. She drove her insane at the best of times, and just about the only thing she had going for her in Thirteen’s view was the fact that she was good in bed. It had always been about the sex; nothing more, nothing less. The only small consolation she had was that she hadn’t actually gone through with it, she had folded at the last moment. I didn’t make her actions any better, but at least she couldn’t beat herself up for actually fucking Cameron.
As she walked through the doors of the hospital someone bumped into her, making her wince. She hurt from head to toe anyway, and she knew that the first thing she was going to do would be to track down some painkillers; maybe she could even steal some of House’s Vicodin if she chose the right moment. Of course the easiest thing to do would be to get one of the hundreds of doctors working at the hospital to prescribe her something, but that would mean she had to reveal why she needed them; and that in turn would lead to awkward questions and the hospital gossips (House included) would have a field day.
Slowly, she walked through the clinic, not looking in the direction of Cuddy’s office. She didn’t want to see her, not before she had a clear head and was able to think properly; which she couldn’t do in her current state. After Cameron had left last night, she had downed the entire bottle of vodka and passed out on the couch sometime around eleven, after staring blankly at the television for the best part of two hours. She had slept straight through waking up around six in the morning only to vomit clear liquid into the toilet bowl, having had nothing to eat since yesterday lunch time. Waiting for the lift she felt someone grab her arm, causing her to flinch. She hadn’t been expecting anyone to touch her.
“I need to talk to you,” Cuddy said in a low voice, as Thirteen turned around.
Knowing there was no way she could refuse, Thirteen nodded, careful not to move her head too much. “In your office?”
Cuddy returned the nod, turning on her heel and leading the way. Meekly, Thirteen followed, not even having the energy to work out what she should say to Cuddy. An apology was due, but that was about all she could figure out. She felt the tension rise within her as Cuddy shut the office door, sitting down on the couch. Thirteen echoed her actions sitting on the edge, leaving space between them. Cuddy probably didn’t want to be anywhere near her at this moment in time; so she wasn’t going to force close proximity between them when it wasn’t wanted.
“Where did you go last night?” Cuddy broke the silence, getting straight to the heart of the matter.
“To my apartment,” Thirteen mumbled, making sure she left out the fact that she had invited Cameron to join her. Unable to hold off, her head splitting in two, she added, “Have you got any painkillers?” She hadn’t wanted to ask Cuddy but she was desperate.
“What? Why?” Cuddy frowned.
“I need them,” Thirteen whispered, holding her head in her hands.
“Nice to know I’m not the only one who decided intoxication was a good idea last night,” Cuddy quipped, an attempt at lightening the mood as she realised Thirteen had a hangover. “What was your drink of choice?”
“Vodka,” Thirteen admitted, telling the truth. For once.
“Ah,” Cuddy stated, walking over to her desk and rummaging through the top drawer. “I decided not to let the bottle of champagne go to waste. Needless to say that it’s now empty.”
Thirteen glanced up as Cuddy sat back on the couch closer to Thirteen than before, so that the distance between them was removed. Thirteen chose to take this as a positive sign. “For someone who drank that much you look pretty good,” she told her.
Cuddy shrugged. “I handle my drink well. It takes much more alcohol for me to look hung-over, and the makeup I’m wearing helps. I’m not feeling too great but I’ve already taken two of these.” She handed Thirteen a couple of Tylenol.
“Thanks,” Thirteen muttered, her hand brushing Cuddy’s as she took them. Dry swallowing them she took a few seconds to herself, psyching herself up. She faced Cuddy and asked outright, “Are we over?”
Cuddy frowned in what seemed to be disbelief at what she was hearing. “No. Unless you want us to be?” It was a half statement, half question.
“Of course I don’t,” Thirteen said quietly. “But yesterday...”
“You hurt me,” Cuddy interrupted. “I don’t know what you’re thinking and... I can’t stand it.”
“What do you mean?” Thirteen didn’t comprehend what Cuddy was getting at.
“Sometimes... you have this look in your eyes. Like you’re thinking something you don’t want me to know.” Cuddy paused, fidgeting with her hands. “I’ve tried to ignore it but it’s driving me crazy. The fact that I’m discussing this with you now should tell you how strongly I feel; you know I want work kept separate from us.”
“I’m sorry,” Thirteen said in earnest. “I don’t mean to be like that. I love you, Lisa.”
Cuddy looked insecure. “Yeah? ‘Cuz... it doesn’t feel like you do.”
Thirteen didn’t know what she could say to that.
“If you don’t feel the same it’s ok, but I don’t want you to lie to me. It won’t change my feelings for you,” she promised, taking Thirteen’s hands in her own.
“I’m not lying,” Thirteen assured her. Not about this anyway. “I’ve never felt like this before about anyone. I know that yesterday was horrible, that I hurt you and I am so so sorry. I’ll never treat you like that again.”
“It’s ok,” Cuddy said, smiling gently. “I’m not mad, just concerned. I know you didn’t mean it.”
Thirteen breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank God. I thought you were bringing me here to break up with me.”
“No. But I did bring you here to ask you a couple of things,” she replied.
Thirteen didn’t speak, waiting for her to carry on.
“You don’t have to tell me what it is, but answer me this. Is there something wrong?” she said, almost nervously.
“I...I...” Thirteen stammered. “Everything is fine.”
“Remy,” Cuddy said softly. “Be honest.”
Thirteen took a deep breath. She couldn’t tell the complete truth, but...
“I’m sorting it,” She declared. “It’s not you, it’s not our relationship; don’t worry. Can we leave it at that?”
Cuddy nodded reluctantly. “Ok. I hate that you’re keeping secrets from me, but if you don’t feel you can tell me... I don’t want it to come between us.” She gave Thirteen a small smile, then moved towards her, gently kissing her on the cheek. “Just one more question. When we had sex yesterday. All that... asking me to go harder. Why?”
“I felt like I deserved the pain,” Thirteen said without really thinking. Her openness had surprised herself, but she supposed it was one less lie she had to deal with. “Like... I don’t deserve you.”
Cuddy’s mouth dropped open at her words. “You can’t honestly think that.”
Thirteen looked away, not able to maintain eye contact.
“Sweetheart, don’t ever say that again. You’re amazing, beautiful, kind, intelligent.” She took Thirteen’s face in her hands, forcing eye contact. “Ok?”
“Yeah,” Thirteen choked out, biting the inside of her cheek to stop herself from crying. She was such a horrible person. In that moment she wished she wasn’t so spineless. Cuddy deserved to know everything that had transpired between herself and Cameron, and then she had the right to tell Thirteen exactly what a disgusting person she was.
“You’re late. If he is in work which I’ll admit is a long shot, House is going to have you doing his clinic duty for the next year,” Cuddy teased.
“Yay,” Thirteen said sarcastically. “I’ll ask if I can be sent to the big bosses’ office for a telling off instead.”
Cuddy rolled her eyes. “Sure, if you want House to know about us; go ahead.”
Thirteen grinned, feeling better now that the painkillers were kicking in and she’d made up with Cuddy. “I’d love to see the look on his face.”
“Don’t you dare,” Cuddy warned. “We’ll tell him when the time is right, and that time isn’t now. Let him carry on thinking you’re sleeping with Cameron for the moment.”
The smile faded from Thirteen’s face at her words.
“Hey, I was only joking,” Cuddy stated, seeing the look of anguish on Thirteen’s face. “I know you wouldn’t do that to me.” She kissed Thirteen chastely on the mouth. “Now scram. I’ll see you at mine later, yes?”
Thirteen nodded mutely, glad that Cuddy had walked back over to her desk and sat in her chair; getting down to business. Turning, Thirteen left, knowing that she couldn’t leave things as they were. One way or another, she had to come up with a solution for how she felt.
At the moment, it seemed impossible.
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