FIC- Lies for Love Part Five
Title: Lies for love
Pairing: Thirteen/Cameron, Thirteen/Cuddy
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Pretty much zilch. This is set at the beginning of Season 5 when House has his new team but contains nothing about them specific to episodes.
Disclaimer: I own... nada.
Summary: Thirteen can't remain faithful and risks losing everything that matters to her.
( Part One.) ( Part Two) ( Part Three) (Part Four)
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5.
For the next couple of hours Thirteen feigned sleep. She didn’t feel like talking and so she threw on the dressing gown she kept at Cuddy’s, and scrunched shut her eyes; trying for the millionth time that day to not think. As on every other occasion before she didn’t exactly succeed, and coupled with trying to ignore Cuddy who had chosen to lie next to her; it was almost impossible to fall into a decent slumber. Luckily she managed to fool Cuddy, who wrapped an arm around her front and pressed herself against Thirteen’s back, seemingly under the impression that she didn’t mind. Ordinarily Thirteen wouldn’t have given a damn and she would have been glad, but she was feeling so awful about what she’d done that she could barely cope with it.
That was the entire reason why she’d wanted the sex with Cuddy to hurt; she felt that she should be punished for her weaknesses. More than once she considered what would happen if she told Cuddy about Cameron, but she was sure that if she did there would be no consequence but Cuddy leaving her. If she’d thought that Cuddy would slap her across the face, ignore her for six months, a year, then she could handle that. However, she was almost a hundred percent sure Cuddy would never forgive her. How was she supposed to handle that? The thought of losing the one good thing in her life utterly terrified her.
Maybe if she were to confess in a couple of year’s time? She was sure that were Cuddy to not find out about Cameron they would still be together. She could spend the next two years or so feeling guilty; punishing herself, and then tell Cuddy what had transpired and why she had decided to end it. Was that cruel though? To let Cuddy think that she had been faithful only to rip that away from her in the future, just to resolve her of the blame she deserved? Honestly, part of her thought that she ought to deal with Cuddy finding out, and therefore having to endure the consequences. Cuddy should be with someone who treated her like the beautiful woman that she was and committed every part of themselves to her without lying.
“Rems?” Cuddy whispered her pet name for Thirteen in her ear. “If you don’t wake up then you’re not going to sleep tonight.”
Thirteen rubbed her eyes and faked a yawn, pretending to be going through the process of waking up. She blinked at her watch, seeing that it was already ten to eight. “Hi,” she said softly.
“Hey,” Cuddy replied, smiling down at Thirteen.
Thirteen sat up, bringing her knees to her chest and resting her chin on them, staring down. The silence between them was making her feel uncomfortable. “So...” she threw in, trying to break through it.
“Is there something you want to tell me?” Cuddy blurted out.
Thirteen swallowed, wanting to scream “Yes yes yes” but not having the guts to. Instead she told Cuddy, “No.” Just a simple one word answer.
“Why are you lying to me?” Cuddy persisted. “I’m not an idiot so don’t treat me like one.”
“You’re being paranoid,” Thirteen stated. “What exactly am I lying about?”
“Earlier on... you weren’t you. I don’t mean to be crude... but since when have you liked it rough? In fact no; scrap rough and replace it with violent,” Cuddy said incredulously, her eyes on Thirteen. She too was sat up, the sheet pulled around her naked body.
“I just felt like a change,” Thirteen mumbled. “I don’t see what the big deal is.”
“The big deal is this,” Cuddy pulled back Thirteen’s hair, revealing the marks on her neck, including the one left by Cameron. Well, at least Thirteen had an excuse for that now. “Are you telling me you think it’s normal to want someone to bite you with as much force as you made me?”
“I didn’t make you do anything; I just asked you to,” Thirteen snapped, losing her cool. “If you had a problem with it then you shouldn’t have gone ahead and done it.”
“This isn’t about me having a problem with it. I just want to know why the sudden change?” Cuddy said calmly, keeping her voice level.
Thirteen sighed. “There’s no reason. I just wanted it to be different for once.”
“So you’re bored with our sex life?” It was an accusation mingled with a tinge of hurt, and Thirteen didn’t think she could stand it any longer.
“No,” she denied.
“In that case... you like pain?” Cuddy pressed on, pushing Thirteen past her limit.
“For fuck’s sake, Lisa!” Thirteen shouted, making Cuddy jump. Never before had she sworn at Cuddy; they’d barely even argued. The closest they’d ever come was a disagreement over a patient, something that was a work related argument rather than a personal one. “Will you just stop? Jesus!” She turned to look at the other woman, heart wrenching as she saw that there were tears in her eyes.
She stood up, locating her clothes on the floor. “I’m gonna go,” she said quietly, subdued. She dressed quickly, back to Cuddy, who remained silent the whole time. Without looking back she left the room, not bothering to shut the bedroom door behind her. The decent thing to do would be to stay and apologise for her behaviour; but she couldn’t. The hate for herself was too great, the overwhelming urge to get the hell out of there had taken over.
It was only as she opened the front door that she heard a sob and a door slam shut.
She left anyway.
**
Thought she debated with herself about what she was going to do; she decided it was pointless trying to fight it. Picking up the phone as she drove home (she’d done worse things than that, after all) she dialled Cameron’s number.
“Remy?” she heard Cameron’s surprised voice as she answered the phone.
“Are you busy?” She jumped straight in, seeing no need in holding off. It was going to be pretty clear to Cameron why she was ringing anyway; there was no reason for contact considering what had happened over the last twenty four hours.
“Not really,” Cameron informed her. “Why?”
“Be at my place in fifteen minutes,” she instructed the blonde, hanging up the phone. She knew her instructions would be adhered to and so she sped up the car, wanting to get to her apartment before Cameron did. She didn’t care about her promise never to bring Cameron back to her apartment again.
She didn’t care about anything.
**
It was only a few minutes after she’d reached her apartment that she heard her buzzer go. She pressed the button to allow Cameron into the building, and within two minutes there was a knock at her door. Downing the remaining vodka in her glass she opened the door; staring at the blonde before her. Wasting no time she pulled her inside, slammed her against the door. She smashed their lips together and furiously tugged at her clothing, frantically trying to pull it off.
“I thought you didn’t want this anymore,” Cameron gasped, though she did nothing to discourage Thirteen. Instead she chose to help her along by undoing her trousers.
“Shut up,” Thirteen told her, succeeding in pulling off Cameron’s t-shirt and throwing it behind her.
“Mmm,” Cameron groaned, accepting Thirteen’s answer. She separated Thirteen from her top, stopping her from carrying on when she surveyed the angry red marks adorning Thirteen’s skin. “My God, what... what...”
“I said shut up,” Thirteen hissed, grabbing the back of Cameron’s head and manoeuvring her for another kiss.
“Never had Cuddy down as getting off on the kinky stuff,” Cameron murmured into Thirteen’s skin as she took the time to unclasp her own bra, pull down her panties.
“She doesn’t,” Thirteen whispered, having felt a stab of pain in her heart as Cameron spoke Cuddy’s name. She paused, thinking about what she was doing. She’d sworn she would never do this again, not now that she realised the love she felt for Cuddy.
“What’s wrong?” Cameron asked, sensing Thirteen’s reluctance to continue.
Thirteen moved away, sat down on the couch. She folded her arms across her chest, not knowing what to do.
“Are you ok?” Cameron persisted, taking a seat next to her.
Thirteen shook her head. “I shouldn’t be doing this,” she murmured.
Cameron raised an eyebrow. “Then why are you?”
“I don’t know,” she said, a genuine answer. Why was it that she could be honest with Cameron when all she did was lie to Cuddy? She didn’t love Cameron; she loved Cuddy. God, this was such a mess!
“Because you want me,” Cameron hooked a leg over Thirteen, sitting on her lap.
“No,” Thirteen said weakly. Then stronger. “No.”
“Then what the hell is this?!” Cameron exclaimed.
“A mistake,” Thirteen said, regretting making the phone call to Cameron. “A giant fucking mistake.”
Cameron immediately removed herself from Thirteen’s lap and looked her up and down, disgusted. “You’re pathetic,” she said, venom in her voice.
“I know,” Thirteen didn’t even bother denying it.
Cameron shook her head, putting her clothes back on and walking to the door. “Don’t ever try and use me again. This time...” she stopped talking, seemingly searching for the right words. “This time I’m ending it.” She left the apartment, slamming the front door behind her. Thirteen didn’t even flinch.
Picking up her bottle of vodka, Thirteen took a few gulps. It was going to be a long night.
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Pairing: Thirteen/Cameron, Thirteen/Cuddy
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Pretty much zilch. This is set at the beginning of Season 5 when House has his new team but contains nothing about them specific to episodes.
Disclaimer: I own... nada.
Summary: Thirteen can't remain faithful and risks losing everything that matters to her.
( Part One.) ( Part Two) ( Part Three) (Part Four)
******************************************
5.
For the next couple of hours Thirteen feigned sleep. She didn’t feel like talking and so she threw on the dressing gown she kept at Cuddy’s, and scrunched shut her eyes; trying for the millionth time that day to not think. As on every other occasion before she didn’t exactly succeed, and coupled with trying to ignore Cuddy who had chosen to lie next to her; it was almost impossible to fall into a decent slumber. Luckily she managed to fool Cuddy, who wrapped an arm around her front and pressed herself against Thirteen’s back, seemingly under the impression that she didn’t mind. Ordinarily Thirteen wouldn’t have given a damn and she would have been glad, but she was feeling so awful about what she’d done that she could barely cope with it.
That was the entire reason why she’d wanted the sex with Cuddy to hurt; she felt that she should be punished for her weaknesses. More than once she considered what would happen if she told Cuddy about Cameron, but she was sure that if she did there would be no consequence but Cuddy leaving her. If she’d thought that Cuddy would slap her across the face, ignore her for six months, a year, then she could handle that. However, she was almost a hundred percent sure Cuddy would never forgive her. How was she supposed to handle that? The thought of losing the one good thing in her life utterly terrified her.
Maybe if she were to confess in a couple of year’s time? She was sure that were Cuddy to not find out about Cameron they would still be together. She could spend the next two years or so feeling guilty; punishing herself, and then tell Cuddy what had transpired and why she had decided to end it. Was that cruel though? To let Cuddy think that she had been faithful only to rip that away from her in the future, just to resolve her of the blame she deserved? Honestly, part of her thought that she ought to deal with Cuddy finding out, and therefore having to endure the consequences. Cuddy should be with someone who treated her like the beautiful woman that she was and committed every part of themselves to her without lying.
“Rems?” Cuddy whispered her pet name for Thirteen in her ear. “If you don’t wake up then you’re not going to sleep tonight.”
Thirteen rubbed her eyes and faked a yawn, pretending to be going through the process of waking up. She blinked at her watch, seeing that it was already ten to eight. “Hi,” she said softly.
“Hey,” Cuddy replied, smiling down at Thirteen.
Thirteen sat up, bringing her knees to her chest and resting her chin on them, staring down. The silence between them was making her feel uncomfortable. “So...” she threw in, trying to break through it.
“Is there something you want to tell me?” Cuddy blurted out.
Thirteen swallowed, wanting to scream “Yes yes yes” but not having the guts to. Instead she told Cuddy, “No.” Just a simple one word answer.
“Why are you lying to me?” Cuddy persisted. “I’m not an idiot so don’t treat me like one.”
“You’re being paranoid,” Thirteen stated. “What exactly am I lying about?”
“Earlier on... you weren’t you. I don’t mean to be crude... but since when have you liked it rough? In fact no; scrap rough and replace it with violent,” Cuddy said incredulously, her eyes on Thirteen. She too was sat up, the sheet pulled around her naked body.
“I just felt like a change,” Thirteen mumbled. “I don’t see what the big deal is.”
“The big deal is this,” Cuddy pulled back Thirteen’s hair, revealing the marks on her neck, including the one left by Cameron. Well, at least Thirteen had an excuse for that now. “Are you telling me you think it’s normal to want someone to bite you with as much force as you made me?”
“I didn’t make you do anything; I just asked you to,” Thirteen snapped, losing her cool. “If you had a problem with it then you shouldn’t have gone ahead and done it.”
“This isn’t about me having a problem with it. I just want to know why the sudden change?” Cuddy said calmly, keeping her voice level.
Thirteen sighed. “There’s no reason. I just wanted it to be different for once.”
“So you’re bored with our sex life?” It was an accusation mingled with a tinge of hurt, and Thirteen didn’t think she could stand it any longer.
“No,” she denied.
“In that case... you like pain?” Cuddy pressed on, pushing Thirteen past her limit.
“For fuck’s sake, Lisa!” Thirteen shouted, making Cuddy jump. Never before had she sworn at Cuddy; they’d barely even argued. The closest they’d ever come was a disagreement over a patient, something that was a work related argument rather than a personal one. “Will you just stop? Jesus!” She turned to look at the other woman, heart wrenching as she saw that there were tears in her eyes.
She stood up, locating her clothes on the floor. “I’m gonna go,” she said quietly, subdued. She dressed quickly, back to Cuddy, who remained silent the whole time. Without looking back she left the room, not bothering to shut the bedroom door behind her. The decent thing to do would be to stay and apologise for her behaviour; but she couldn’t. The hate for herself was too great, the overwhelming urge to get the hell out of there had taken over.
It was only as she opened the front door that she heard a sob and a door slam shut.
She left anyway.
**
Thought she debated with herself about what she was going to do; she decided it was pointless trying to fight it. Picking up the phone as she drove home (she’d done worse things than that, after all) she dialled Cameron’s number.
“Remy?” she heard Cameron’s surprised voice as she answered the phone.
“Are you busy?” She jumped straight in, seeing no need in holding off. It was going to be pretty clear to Cameron why she was ringing anyway; there was no reason for contact considering what had happened over the last twenty four hours.
“Not really,” Cameron informed her. “Why?”
“Be at my place in fifteen minutes,” she instructed the blonde, hanging up the phone. She knew her instructions would be adhered to and so she sped up the car, wanting to get to her apartment before Cameron did. She didn’t care about her promise never to bring Cameron back to her apartment again.
She didn’t care about anything.
**
It was only a few minutes after she’d reached her apartment that she heard her buzzer go. She pressed the button to allow Cameron into the building, and within two minutes there was a knock at her door. Downing the remaining vodka in her glass she opened the door; staring at the blonde before her. Wasting no time she pulled her inside, slammed her against the door. She smashed their lips together and furiously tugged at her clothing, frantically trying to pull it off.
“I thought you didn’t want this anymore,” Cameron gasped, though she did nothing to discourage Thirteen. Instead she chose to help her along by undoing her trousers.
“Shut up,” Thirteen told her, succeeding in pulling off Cameron’s t-shirt and throwing it behind her.
“Mmm,” Cameron groaned, accepting Thirteen’s answer. She separated Thirteen from her top, stopping her from carrying on when she surveyed the angry red marks adorning Thirteen’s skin. “My God, what... what...”
“I said shut up,” Thirteen hissed, grabbing the back of Cameron’s head and manoeuvring her for another kiss.
“Never had Cuddy down as getting off on the kinky stuff,” Cameron murmured into Thirteen’s skin as she took the time to unclasp her own bra, pull down her panties.
“She doesn’t,” Thirteen whispered, having felt a stab of pain in her heart as Cameron spoke Cuddy’s name. She paused, thinking about what she was doing. She’d sworn she would never do this again, not now that she realised the love she felt for Cuddy.
“What’s wrong?” Cameron asked, sensing Thirteen’s reluctance to continue.
Thirteen moved away, sat down on the couch. She folded her arms across her chest, not knowing what to do.
“Are you ok?” Cameron persisted, taking a seat next to her.
Thirteen shook her head. “I shouldn’t be doing this,” she murmured.
Cameron raised an eyebrow. “Then why are you?”
“I don’t know,” she said, a genuine answer. Why was it that she could be honest with Cameron when all she did was lie to Cuddy? She didn’t love Cameron; she loved Cuddy. God, this was such a mess!
“Because you want me,” Cameron hooked a leg over Thirteen, sitting on her lap.
“No,” Thirteen said weakly. Then stronger. “No.”
“Then what the hell is this?!” Cameron exclaimed.
“A mistake,” Thirteen said, regretting making the phone call to Cameron. “A giant fucking mistake.”
Cameron immediately removed herself from Thirteen’s lap and looked her up and down, disgusted. “You’re pathetic,” she said, venom in her voice.
“I know,” Thirteen didn’t even bother denying it.
Cameron shook her head, putting her clothes back on and walking to the door. “Don’t ever try and use me again. This time...” she stopped talking, seemingly searching for the right words. “This time I’m ending it.” She left the apartment, slamming the front door behind her. Thirteen didn’t even flinch.
Picking up her bottle of vodka, Thirteen took a few gulps. It was going to be a long night.
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