FIC- Lies for Love Part Twenty-One
Title: Lies for love
Pairing: Thirteen/Cameron, Thirteen/Cuddy
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Pretty much zilch. This is set at the beginning of Season 5 when House has his new team but contains nothing about them specific to episodes.
Disclaimer: I own... nada.
Summary: Thirteen can't remain faithful and risks losing everything that matters to her.
( Part One.) ( Part Two) ( Part Three) (Part Four) (Part Five) (Part Six) (Part Seven) (Part Eight) (Part Nine) (Part Ten) (Part Eleven) (Part Twelve) (Part Thirteen) (Part Fourteen) (Part Fifteen) (Part Sixteen) (Part Seventeen) (Part Eighteen) (Part Nineteen) (Part Twenty)
**********************************************
21.
There was no way she could go back to Diagnostics, and so she did the only thing she could think to do. After a brief trip to the locker room to get her keys, Thirteen took a detour through the ER to go home. She didn’t want to be intercepted by going the quickest usual way, and the last place that anyone would try to find her would be the ER. She would not allow herself to cry until she was alone in her own apartment, and so she bit down on the inside of her cheek, trying to keep her emotions in check. The taste of blood calmed her, the pain releasing endorphins that she didn’t even know she had. Keeping her head down she walked hastily, trying not to attract attention to herself.
“Remy?”
Cameron was behind her, and it sounded like she knew there was something wrong.
“Remy, wait!” Cameron called again.
“I’m not supposed to talk to you,” Thirteen replied hurrying on, not giving a damn who heard her. “Chase said.”
“Chase is in surgery. Just wait!” Cameron exclaimed, catching Thirteen up and grabbing hold of her arm.
“I have to go,” Thirteen shook Cameron off. “Please leave me alone.”
“What’s wrong?” Cameron ignored her. “You can talk to me.”
“I can’t; not right now. Please don’t push it,” Thirteen said, voice breaking. As she left the ER entrance she broke into a run in order to make it across the car park in the shortest possible time. Only when she was inside her car, door locked, did she allow herself to breathe. Shakily, she put the key in the ignition and backed out of her space, putting her foot down the minute she was free of it. The moment that she was out of the hospital grounds and in the queue of traffic to go home she felt the knots in her stomach loosen, knowing House was well away from her direct vicinity. She broke every speed limit to get back to her apartment; and it seemed that for once luck was on her side as she didn’t get caught. After parking, she ignored the stairs and took the lift up to her floor, focused only on locking herself away. What was only minutes but felt more like hours later, she threw herself onto her bed, and finally let the tears fall.
**
How could she have let this happen? Ultimately, it all led back to her. She was the one who had made a move on Cuddy, she was the one who had cheated on her with Cameron, she was the one who had gotten caught and she was the one who had ended things with Cuddy. Fair enough, Cuddy had slept with House with no input from Thirteen, but considering the fact Thirteen had treated her like shit she was more than justified in sleeping with whoever she damn well wanted to. It wasn’t Cuddy that Thirteen was mad at; it was House for giving her friendly advice when he was blatantly only out to get Cuddy for himself all along. It made her blood boil.
There was only one thing that was certain in Thirteen’s mind at the moment, and that was that she could never go back to work. She knew she was under contract, that it meant a bad reference, but she didn’t care. It wasn’t like she would get a decent reference anyway considering the fact she’d cheated on her bosses’ boss; someone who her actual boss apparently wanted to have sex with. Which was another thing that really griped her. House wasn’t going to whisk Cuddy off her feet like a fairytale; he was a miserable drug addict who fed from those around him. He would treat Cuddy like crap and one day probably end up cheating on her the way that Thirteen had. Except when he did he wouldn’t think about the consequences, he would just move on without a care in the word. Thirteen felt like the world’s biggest idiot for believing that somewhere deep inside he actually thought about other people. His looking out for Cuddy was purely for self-gratification.
When her cell phone started to ring, Thirteen looked at the caller ID through bleary eyes. Cameron. Deciding that there was no harm in answering; she did so. “Hey,” she said in a croaky voice.
“Are you ok?” Cameron asked immediately.
“Peachy,” Thirteen replied sarcastically.
“Remy, what’s wrong? You looked like you were about to pass out earlier,” Cameron sounded worried, something Thirteen felt guilt about.
“You don’t wanna know,” she stated.
“I do,” Cameron said firmly. Then, more softly, “I’m alone; ok? I’ve got all the time in the world to listen now, or I could come over if you like?”
“No; don’t come over. I promised Chase I’d stay away from you, remember?” Thirteen told her. “Look I’ll tell you, hell, I need to tell someone. But no one must know; not even Chase.”
“I’m not supposed to be talking to you so I’ll hardly tell him will I?” Cameron reiterated Thirteen’s earlier point. “You have my word.”
Thirteen paused, barely able to speak the words. “Cuddy... Lisa... she slept with House.”
“What? How do you know?!” Cameron exclaimed.
Thirteen proceeded to relay what she’d heard. She detailed everything from her ordering the flowers to exactly what House and Cuddy said to each other and the way they said it. In a strange way it was therapeutic, she almost liked not bottling it up inside. She was so used to it that she’d thought it the best thing to do no matter what the situation, but actually talking to Cameron made her feel so much better. It was yet another sign that Cameron would have been an amazing best friend; it was in her nature to think of others.
“So neither specifically said they had sex?” Cameron replied when Thirteen finished talking. “I admit it sounds like something happened, but it might have just been a kiss.”
“You didn’t see the look on her face,” Thirteen refuted Cameron’s point. “I can read Lisa like a book and there’s no doubt in my mind that they had sex,” she sighed.
“Your mind might be playing tricks on you,” Cameron suggested.
“Maybe. But I don’t think so,” Thirteen was stubborn, and she was sure she was right.
“You should ask her,” Cameron stated. “You’re going to drive yourself insane otherwise.”
“No way,” Thirteen vehemently disagreed with Cameron. “I have no right to; we’re over. If she wants to move on then it’s up to her.”
“You don’t really believe that do you?” Cameron asked softly. “You still love her, and she still loves you.”
“How do you know that?” Thirteen seriously doubted Cameron’s words.
“You told me she loved you, and I know that a lot has happened since then but you can’t just switch off your feelings for someone. It’s probably why Chase hasn’t ended our relationship,” Cameron informed her.
“So you are still together then?” Thirteen was briefly drawn away from the subject of Cuddy and House.
“Yeah, just about. I mean it’s awkward, really awkward. But we decided to give it another go. He’s actually reacted better than I thought he would; it’s almost as if he blames himself. He bought me flowers too, yesterday,” Cameron paused. “Whether it’s going to work or not...” Cameron’s voice trailed off.
“How’s it going to work if you don’t love him?” Thirteen didn’t want to argue with Cameron; but she couldn’t stop herself from asking the question. By Cameron’s own admission she didn’t love him, and so it wasn’t as if Thirteen was assuming anything.
“I guess... I’ll have to try. I care about him. He’s good looking. He treats me well. And most importantly; he loves me,” Cameron said, almost as though she were trying to convince herself.
“Fair enough,” Thirteen tried to sound upbeat. It wasn’t her place to judge Cameron; she was a grown woman who was perfectly capable of making her own decisions. “So you and I... you’re ok about everything?”
“I have to be,” Cameron said quietly. “And in some ways... Chase banning me from seeing you is probably a good thing. It’ll make it easier.”
“So why are you calling?” Thirteen didn’t understand.
“I still care, Remy,” Cameron spoke in almost a whisper, Thirteen struggling to hear her. “If I see you hurt or upset I can’t just stand back and watch without doing something.”
Thirteen nodded, eyes shut. She knew Cameron couldn’t see her, but more than ever she wished they were face to face so she could show her gratitude in person. As that wasn’t possible, she would have to make do with words. “You’re so amazing; you know that? And right now... I know it probably doesn’t mean anything to you but I wish to God that I loved you the way I love Lisa.”
“No you don’t,” Cameron contradicted Thirteen. “If you loved me then this situation would be even more of a mess.”
“I meant loved you instead of Lisa,” Thirteen clarified. “Maybe I shouldn’t say that but if I was in love with you then Chase would be hurt, sure... but Lisa and I would never have been together and things wouldn’t be as crazy as they are now.”
“Life doesn’t always go the way you want it to,” Cameron said her voice stronger now.
“Yeah. House is a prime example of that,” Thirteen agreed. “Doubt he ever wanted to be a limping bastard.”
“No. Just a bastard without the limp,” Cameron said dryly. “Though he did apologise in his own weird way for what he said to Chase.”
“That’s good,” Thirteen said, happy that House had listened to something she’d said right before jumping into bed with her girlfriend.
“Look umm... I’m glad you’re ok, and I don’t mean to be abrupt, but I need to go now,” Cameron said awkwardly.
“It’s ok, I understand. Bye Allison,” Thirteen said warmly. She could tell that the conversation was hurting Cameron, and so she didn’t push it.
“That’s the first time you’ve called me by my name,” Cameron’s voice was laced with sadness. “Thank you. And... I’ll see you.”
“No problem,” Thirteen told her, “See you.”
Feeling better to have spoken to Cameron, Thirteen ended the call. Trying not to think too much about House and Cuddy, she wrapped herself up in the duvet, and lay still until she fell asleep.
****************************************
Pairing: Thirteen/Cameron, Thirteen/Cuddy
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Pretty much zilch. This is set at the beginning of Season 5 when House has his new team but contains nothing about them specific to episodes.
Disclaimer: I own... nada.
Summary: Thirteen can't remain faithful and risks losing everything that matters to her.
( Part One.) ( Part Two) ( Part Three) (Part Four) (Part Five) (Part Six) (Part Seven) (Part Eight) (Part Nine) (Part Ten) (Part Eleven) (Part Twelve) (Part Thirteen) (Part Fourteen) (Part Fifteen) (Part Sixteen) (Part Seventeen) (Part Eighteen) (Part Nineteen) (Part Twenty)
**********************************************
21.
There was no way she could go back to Diagnostics, and so she did the only thing she could think to do. After a brief trip to the locker room to get her keys, Thirteen took a detour through the ER to go home. She didn’t want to be intercepted by going the quickest usual way, and the last place that anyone would try to find her would be the ER. She would not allow herself to cry until she was alone in her own apartment, and so she bit down on the inside of her cheek, trying to keep her emotions in check. The taste of blood calmed her, the pain releasing endorphins that she didn’t even know she had. Keeping her head down she walked hastily, trying not to attract attention to herself.
“Remy?”
Cameron was behind her, and it sounded like she knew there was something wrong.
“Remy, wait!” Cameron called again.
“I’m not supposed to talk to you,” Thirteen replied hurrying on, not giving a damn who heard her. “Chase said.”
“Chase is in surgery. Just wait!” Cameron exclaimed, catching Thirteen up and grabbing hold of her arm.
“I have to go,” Thirteen shook Cameron off. “Please leave me alone.”
“What’s wrong?” Cameron ignored her. “You can talk to me.”
“I can’t; not right now. Please don’t push it,” Thirteen said, voice breaking. As she left the ER entrance she broke into a run in order to make it across the car park in the shortest possible time. Only when she was inside her car, door locked, did she allow herself to breathe. Shakily, she put the key in the ignition and backed out of her space, putting her foot down the minute she was free of it. The moment that she was out of the hospital grounds and in the queue of traffic to go home she felt the knots in her stomach loosen, knowing House was well away from her direct vicinity. She broke every speed limit to get back to her apartment; and it seemed that for once luck was on her side as she didn’t get caught. After parking, she ignored the stairs and took the lift up to her floor, focused only on locking herself away. What was only minutes but felt more like hours later, she threw herself onto her bed, and finally let the tears fall.
**
How could she have let this happen? Ultimately, it all led back to her. She was the one who had made a move on Cuddy, she was the one who had cheated on her with Cameron, she was the one who had gotten caught and she was the one who had ended things with Cuddy. Fair enough, Cuddy had slept with House with no input from Thirteen, but considering the fact Thirteen had treated her like shit she was more than justified in sleeping with whoever she damn well wanted to. It wasn’t Cuddy that Thirteen was mad at; it was House for giving her friendly advice when he was blatantly only out to get Cuddy for himself all along. It made her blood boil.
There was only one thing that was certain in Thirteen’s mind at the moment, and that was that she could never go back to work. She knew she was under contract, that it meant a bad reference, but she didn’t care. It wasn’t like she would get a decent reference anyway considering the fact she’d cheated on her bosses’ boss; someone who her actual boss apparently wanted to have sex with. Which was another thing that really griped her. House wasn’t going to whisk Cuddy off her feet like a fairytale; he was a miserable drug addict who fed from those around him. He would treat Cuddy like crap and one day probably end up cheating on her the way that Thirteen had. Except when he did he wouldn’t think about the consequences, he would just move on without a care in the word. Thirteen felt like the world’s biggest idiot for believing that somewhere deep inside he actually thought about other people. His looking out for Cuddy was purely for self-gratification.
When her cell phone started to ring, Thirteen looked at the caller ID through bleary eyes. Cameron. Deciding that there was no harm in answering; she did so. “Hey,” she said in a croaky voice.
“Are you ok?” Cameron asked immediately.
“Peachy,” Thirteen replied sarcastically.
“Remy, what’s wrong? You looked like you were about to pass out earlier,” Cameron sounded worried, something Thirteen felt guilt about.
“You don’t wanna know,” she stated.
“I do,” Cameron said firmly. Then, more softly, “I’m alone; ok? I’ve got all the time in the world to listen now, or I could come over if you like?”
“No; don’t come over. I promised Chase I’d stay away from you, remember?” Thirteen told her. “Look I’ll tell you, hell, I need to tell someone. But no one must know; not even Chase.”
“I’m not supposed to be talking to you so I’ll hardly tell him will I?” Cameron reiterated Thirteen’s earlier point. “You have my word.”
Thirteen paused, barely able to speak the words. “Cuddy... Lisa... she slept with House.”
“What? How do you know?!” Cameron exclaimed.
Thirteen proceeded to relay what she’d heard. She detailed everything from her ordering the flowers to exactly what House and Cuddy said to each other and the way they said it. In a strange way it was therapeutic, she almost liked not bottling it up inside. She was so used to it that she’d thought it the best thing to do no matter what the situation, but actually talking to Cameron made her feel so much better. It was yet another sign that Cameron would have been an amazing best friend; it was in her nature to think of others.
“So neither specifically said they had sex?” Cameron replied when Thirteen finished talking. “I admit it sounds like something happened, but it might have just been a kiss.”
“You didn’t see the look on her face,” Thirteen refuted Cameron’s point. “I can read Lisa like a book and there’s no doubt in my mind that they had sex,” she sighed.
“Your mind might be playing tricks on you,” Cameron suggested.
“Maybe. But I don’t think so,” Thirteen was stubborn, and she was sure she was right.
“You should ask her,” Cameron stated. “You’re going to drive yourself insane otherwise.”
“No way,” Thirteen vehemently disagreed with Cameron. “I have no right to; we’re over. If she wants to move on then it’s up to her.”
“You don’t really believe that do you?” Cameron asked softly. “You still love her, and she still loves you.”
“How do you know that?” Thirteen seriously doubted Cameron’s words.
“You told me she loved you, and I know that a lot has happened since then but you can’t just switch off your feelings for someone. It’s probably why Chase hasn’t ended our relationship,” Cameron informed her.
“So you are still together then?” Thirteen was briefly drawn away from the subject of Cuddy and House.
“Yeah, just about. I mean it’s awkward, really awkward. But we decided to give it another go. He’s actually reacted better than I thought he would; it’s almost as if he blames himself. He bought me flowers too, yesterday,” Cameron paused. “Whether it’s going to work or not...” Cameron’s voice trailed off.
“How’s it going to work if you don’t love him?” Thirteen didn’t want to argue with Cameron; but she couldn’t stop herself from asking the question. By Cameron’s own admission she didn’t love him, and so it wasn’t as if Thirteen was assuming anything.
“I guess... I’ll have to try. I care about him. He’s good looking. He treats me well. And most importantly; he loves me,” Cameron said, almost as though she were trying to convince herself.
“Fair enough,” Thirteen tried to sound upbeat. It wasn’t her place to judge Cameron; she was a grown woman who was perfectly capable of making her own decisions. “So you and I... you’re ok about everything?”
“I have to be,” Cameron said quietly. “And in some ways... Chase banning me from seeing you is probably a good thing. It’ll make it easier.”
“So why are you calling?” Thirteen didn’t understand.
“I still care, Remy,” Cameron spoke in almost a whisper, Thirteen struggling to hear her. “If I see you hurt or upset I can’t just stand back and watch without doing something.”
Thirteen nodded, eyes shut. She knew Cameron couldn’t see her, but more than ever she wished they were face to face so she could show her gratitude in person. As that wasn’t possible, she would have to make do with words. “You’re so amazing; you know that? And right now... I know it probably doesn’t mean anything to you but I wish to God that I loved you the way I love Lisa.”
“No you don’t,” Cameron contradicted Thirteen. “If you loved me then this situation would be even more of a mess.”
“I meant loved you instead of Lisa,” Thirteen clarified. “Maybe I shouldn’t say that but if I was in love with you then Chase would be hurt, sure... but Lisa and I would never have been together and things wouldn’t be as crazy as they are now.”
“Life doesn’t always go the way you want it to,” Cameron said her voice stronger now.
“Yeah. House is a prime example of that,” Thirteen agreed. “Doubt he ever wanted to be a limping bastard.”
“No. Just a bastard without the limp,” Cameron said dryly. “Though he did apologise in his own weird way for what he said to Chase.”
“That’s good,” Thirteen said, happy that House had listened to something she’d said right before jumping into bed with her girlfriend.
“Look umm... I’m glad you’re ok, and I don’t mean to be abrupt, but I need to go now,” Cameron said awkwardly.
“It’s ok, I understand. Bye Allison,” Thirteen said warmly. She could tell that the conversation was hurting Cameron, and so she didn’t push it.
“That’s the first time you’ve called me by my name,” Cameron’s voice was laced with sadness. “Thank you. And... I’ll see you.”
“No problem,” Thirteen told her, “See you.”
Feeling better to have spoken to Cameron, Thirteen ended the call. Trying not to think too much about House and Cuddy, she wrapped herself up in the duvet, and lay still until she fell asleep.
****************************************